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Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/30/2006 10:15:51 PM

notaregularboy

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/30/2005
Status: offline

Hello, A/all.

I'm very new to the BDSM scene, and well, since this thread isn't really an "introduction", I thought it'd be better suited for this forum. I'll try my best to keep this from sounding like a depressed teenage rant.

I'm an eighteen year old submissive male seeking feminization. However, I've been taught for years (yes, I was a minor and had "cybersex"

) that being a submissive meant having low self esteem, and being a m2f submissive meant that my life should center around "getting big tits" and "sucking cock". I don't think this is really what I want to get into if that's all being a submissive is. Am I really missing something? I don't really know what to do. I'm trying to learn about D/s, but it seems that everybody who seems interested in me is just wanting sex. I want more than that. Is that so wrong? Is there anyone out there who is actually "real"?

Post #: 1

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/30/2006 10:30:56 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

One thing that you will find in much greater abundance online than in real life is people who have no idea what they are talking about. The fact is that anyone can jump online and claim supreme knowledge and personal experience in the lifestyle. The best advice I can give you is to research, research, research from reliable sources (books, trusted websites) and to get involved in your local scene. Learn from real people in your area (always be wary, of course, because not all real life people are "real" either), and once you have your feet a little more firmly planted, then begin to experience what online has to offer.

Also, I will tell you this, there is no "one true" thing that being submissive is. It means different things to different people, and I'll be damned if any of them are wrong. One most certainly doesn't need low self-esteem to be submissive. In fact, I would say that one actually needs high self-esteem in order to not be swallowed up in inferiority. To me being submissive is not about being inferior, it is about giving yourself freely to another. If you are submissive and have a strong sense of self-worth, I congratulate you.

Edited to add: As for the "just sex" part, I don't know anyone in a regular working relationship who thinks it is just about sex. Once you meet a few long-term couples in the lifestyle face-to-face, ask them how much work they have to put into it. It will disprove that myth immediately. Hell, my husband and I can tell you right now that it's not about the sex (OK... it's about the sex, but that's definitely not the majority of it).

< Message edited by NakedOnMyChain -- 10/30/2006 10:33:22 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to notaregularboy)

Post #: 2

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/30/2006 10:57:14 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Read as much as you can here and on other sites. Get in volved in your local community. Low self esteem is not what submission is about. It means a lot of things besides just sex. To serve One may be anything from washing His car, to going to the pharmacy to cooking a meal and washing His clothes. Unfortunately sexuality tends to be sought first by some and while it is important it is not everything. But then a nice flogging is also a good way to serve His needs. Just take your time and get to know others in your area through munches. It is important that you understand atleast part of what is going on before considering playing or being in a relationship. You are very young and the good part is you don't have to decide this the world you wish to be a part of. Good luck and take care.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

Post #: 3

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 4:51:12 AM

petcerina

Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

No it's not wrong at all. There are many of us who want more than just sex, you just seem to be getting the ones who only want that. It goes so much deeper. The levels of trust go farther than you can imagine. The endorphin rush you've experienced so far will pale in comparision to when you experience the real thing. You'll be shocked at how much there is to learn. The sex part is what most people understand. It takes time to understand the intricacies of power exchange, the mental blocks it puts up, the emotional walls you will run into and break down together with that special One. Keep searching. What you seek is out there.

(in reply to notaregularboy)

Post #: 4

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 4:52:14 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

What do you really want?

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Post #: 5

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 6:54:22 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

First off, 99% of what you read online is bullshit, 110% if you are in a chatroom. This site is one of the best I have found.

Read these two books as fast as you can and then read them again.

The Bottoming Book
The Topping Book

They were written by people who have a vast amount of very real experience playing in San Francisco. What you seek IS hard to find but it is also VERY much out there, but probably not in any but the larger cities.

Best of luck

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 6

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 6:54:26 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: notaregularboy

Hello, A/all.

I'm very new to the BDSM scene, and well, since this thread isn't really an "introduction", I thought it'd be better suited for this forum. I'll try my best to keep this from sounding like a depressed teenage rant.

I'm an eighteen year old submissive male seeking feminization. However, I've been taught for years (yes, I was a minor and had "cybersex") that being a submissive meant having low self esteem, and being a m2f submissive meant that my life should center around "getting big tits" and "sucking cock". I don't think this is really what I want to get into if that's all being a submissive is. Am I really missing something?

No, you're not. In fact, you show a great deal more intelligence than those who have "taught" you. Ds and Ms relationships don't have to be about sex at all; they can solely be based on non-sexual service. And, not only that, but you get to keep your back bone, your self-esteem and your sense of self worth.

Now, about your profile: Expecting someone else to transform you into what YOU want to be is unhealthy. If YOU want to be female, YOU work on transforming yourself. It has nothing to do with a Ds relationship...or any relationship. It has everything to do with you being true to yourself and taking responsibility for who you are and what you want. If you're looking for someone to "force" you into doing it, simply own up to what it is that you want and do it yourself. "Forcing" is fun for the occassional scene, but 24/7 forcing is abusive if only for the fact that it enables someone to continue to deny their real selves by relying on someone else for emotional and psychological approval. Relying on someone for direction and guidance for the decisions you make for yourself is a different animal.

A note about "force" and personal power: No one can force you to do anything you don't want to do, unless you give them that power. When you give away your personal power, you are giving away yourself. Personal power and authority are two different things. You have the right to always maintain your personal power even when you give someone else authority over your life. Should you choose to transfer authority of your life to someone, i.e. a Dominant, you don't HAVE to transfer that personal power. That doesn't mean that you can't, only that you don't have to. I'm sure that there are people who will disagree with me, but I feel that it's psychologically harmful for anyone to give up their personal power. Again, giving up authority is another matter all together.

quote:

I don't really know what to do. I'm trying to learn about D/s, but it seems that everybody who seems interested in me is just wanting sex. I want more than that. Is that so wrong? Is there anyone out there who is actually "real"?

YOU need to educate yourself rather than relying on someone else to hand you the information. This is a process of becoming self-aware and developing responsibility for your own life and actions. In this way, you have a life that a Dominant will find worth having authority over at some point. You've alread got a sense of the kind of Dominant that wants to own something worthless. If you make yourself a jewel, in amongst your choices you will find a Master Jeweler. I recommend these books as a start:
SM 101 by Jay Wiseman
Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns by Molly Devon
Loving Dominant by John Warren
Ties that Bind by Guy Baldwin
Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin
The Path of Service by Christina Parker

As you go through these things, answer Dnomyar's question: what do you REALLY want? Write it down. No answer is wrong. Then, write down what you have to offer. No answer is wrong there, either.

Keep visiting us, asking and answering questions. Most of us are pretty decent people. Some of us, know what we're talking about. However, nothing we say is written in stone; take what works for you and toss the rest. Even what I have to say. LOL

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 10/31/2006 6:59:43 AM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to notaregularboy)

Post #: 7

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 7:11:17 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Self esteem has nothing to do with this life. There are people who may wander into this life because of low self esteem but who are not submissive or dominant and will not last and there people who are submissive and dominant that do have low self esteem. It is called life and we are not special or bullet proof from life's problems.

You can find anything you want to on the Internet about this life and anything else. There just are no such things as absolutes. If a person tells you it can only be this way they are guarenteed to be full of it. You have to trust your own instincts. I also agree with MasterFireMaam that you first need to be/find yourself and not look for someone else to "change" you. A healthy relationship, which sounds like what you really want, requires to people who know and accept themselves. Looking to others for the answers in yourself can quite often be a potential big problem.

As far a my own personal preference/reccomendation. Avoid chat rooms, read up, join your local community and be very patient. Life is not a race.

Take care,

Lin

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 8

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 8:25:09 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

At 18 you can now legally go to some BDSM events and munches -- each one has rules about age or the location of the event might have age rules. Start attending these as often as you can.

If you are in college or live near to a college, check out their student groups and see if there is a group for BDSM or alternative sexuality. They are rare but they are out there.

Don't do all your reading online. Anyone can put anything up on online. To some degree published books are vetted by others to their quality and the authority of the author. I recommend Daedalus Press, Greenery Press, and Cleis Press as places to start looking -- many of their editors and readers are into alternative sexualities so they do take the authority and experience of their authors into consideration before they publish.

Finally, and perhaps most difficult, slow down. At 18 you have decades ahead of you and while it may feel like you need to rush, you really don't. Finding out who you are and what you can offer and what you need as well as getting experience is a journey.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to notaregularboy)

Post #: 9

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 8:38:44 AM

notaregularboy

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/30/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for all your kind words.

I'm actually worried becuase I feel like I have to do this soon. I don't want to end up like the old men I see on the trans websites who think that a pair of panties and lipstick makes them a girl.
I go to a very small college, and I don't think there's a BDSM group at all. I live in rural Kentucky.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 10

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 8:47:24 AM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

There's a search function on the main page of this site. I completely agree with what pretty much has been said thus far so I won't go on repeating it.

Utilize that function and search out people in Kentucky. I'm sure there's more than a couple. Those people in your state might be able to help you come to better terms with what BDSM is to them, and therefore help you shape what it is or is not, to you.

But don't only reach out to those close to you, there a many here among the asshats that are virtual wells of information and insight.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to notaregularboy)

Post #: 11

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 9:16:49 AM

desoutter

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

There is nothing 'so wrong' about what you are saying and yes... you are missing something.... take a deep breath and relax.... hehe
In my opinion you sound a little confused about what is going on with you.... its ok...

In general... my own feeling is that sex and BDSM can go hand in hand but are actually two very different things.
First you must take your time... you cant figure out anything overnight...
Second... stay with the messege boards here and talk to the wonderful regulars... there is great collective wisdom on this site and the majority of the people you will meet here are just a message away...
Third - take a deep breath...

You must reflect on what you would like to know, experience and so on... as a sub.
Once you become comfortable with the lifestyle a little more and you have a good understanding of yourself and what your needs are....
THEN you can start... never compromise!
Tomorrow is another day...
desoutter

< Message edited by desoutter -- 10/31/2006 9:21:48 AM >

(in reply to notaregularboy)

Post #: 12

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 9:43:52 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: notaregularboy

Thanks for all your kind words.

I'm actually worried becuase I feel like I have to do this soon. I don't want to end up like the old men I see on the trans websites who think that a pair of panties and lipstick makes them a girl.
I go to a very small college, and I don't think there's a BDSM group at all. I live in rural Kentucky.

Being worried that you will turn out like thes "old men" (whatever you define as old) is not the same thing as having limited amount of time to explore.

I remember being 18 and kinky, I remember my slave being 18 and kinky, you have plenty of time ahead of you to figure it all out.

But remember getting harmed, getting really messed up by rushing into things only takes a short amount of time. That harm though can last for years if not for a lifetime. I think you are worth the time to get to know yourself and all the things you are interested in.

Try to separate your trans feelings from your interest in BDSM. They might go together, they might not. A therapist can help you sort out gender identity issues but you may need to shop around for a good therapist.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to notaregularboy)

Post #: 13

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 12:12:48 PM

MistressTheaZ

Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: notaregularboy

Hello, A/all.

I'm very new to the BDSM scene, and well, since this thread isn't really an "introduction", I thought it'd be better suited for this forum. I'll try my best to keep this from sounding like a depressed teenage rant.

I'm an eighteen year old submissive male seeking feminization. However, I've been taught for years (yes, I was a minor and had "cybersex") that being a submissive meant having low self esteem, and being a m2f submissive meant that my life should center around "getting big tits" and "sucking cock". I don't think this is really what I want to get into if that's all being a submissive is. Am I really missing something?

No, you're not. In fact, you show a great deal more intelligence than those who have "taught" you. Ds and Ms relationships don't have to be about sex at all; they can solely be based on non-sexual service. And, not only that, but you get to keep your back bone, your self-esteem and your sense of self worth.

Now, about your profile: Expecting someone else to transform you into what YOU want to be is unhealthy. If YOU want to be female, YOU work on transforming yourself. It has nothing to do with a Ds relationship...or any relationship. It has everything to do with you being true to yourself and taking responsibility for who you are and what you want. If you're looking for someone to "force" you into doing it, simply own up to what it is that you want and do it yourself. "Forcing" is fun for the occassional scene, but 24/7 forcing is abusive if only for the fact that it enables someone to continue to deny their real selves by relying on someone else for emotional and psychological approval. Relying on someone for direction and guidance for the decisions you make for yourself is a different animal.

A note about "force" and personal power: No one can force you to do anything you don't want to do, unless you give them that power. When you give away your personal power, you are giving away yourself. Personal power and authority are two different things. You have the right to always maintain your personal power even when you give someone else authority over your life. Should you choose to transfer authority of your life to someone, i.e. a Dominant, you don't HAVE to transfer that personal power. That doesn't mean that you can't, only that you don't have to. I'm sure that there are people who will disagree with me, but I feel that it's psychologically harmful for anyone to give up their personal power. Again, giving up authority is another matter all together.

quote:

I don't really know what to do. I'm trying to learn about D/s, but it seems that everybody who seems interested in me is just wanting sex. I want more than that. Is that so wrong? Is there anyone out there who is actually "real"?

YOU need to educate yourself rather than relying on someone else to hand you the information. This is a process of becoming self-aware and developing responsibility for your own life and actions. In this way, you have a life that a Dominant will find worth having authority over at some point. You've alread got a sense of the kind of Dominant that wants to own something worthless. If you make yourself a jewel, in amongst your choices you will find a Master Jeweler. I recommend these books as a start:
SM 101 by Jay Wiseman
Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns by Molly Devon
Loving Dominant by John Warren
Ties that Bind by Guy Baldwin
Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin
The Path of Service by Christina Parker

As you go through these things, answer Dnomyar's question: what do you REALLY want? Write it down. No answer is wrong. Then, write down what you have to offer. No answer is wrong there, either.

Keep visiting us, asking and answering questions. Most of us are pretty decent people. Some of us, know what we're talking about. However, nothing we say is written in stone; take what works for you and toss the rest. Even what I have to say. LOL

Master Fire

I agree completely, as usual, with what MasterFire has advised above.

There is one comment in particular I would like to address specifically, and that is your question of what a submissive 'really' is and what it 'means' to be submissive.

I want to emphasize that, IMO, there is no definition of what anything means, per se, as I tend to think that something only has value and meaning when we as individuals give something that meaning and value, personally. We each define our identities, our feelings on sexuality, our wants and needs and desires. The very nature of sexuality and identity is a fluid (not static) ever-evolving and developing part of ourselves, and you have every right to seek someone who validates, not invalidates, your feelings and desires. Do not allow others to define you or what it is you identify as or with; instead, seek positive friends and like-minded individuals who will encourage you to think, feel, and grow.

Best,

~Thea

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 14

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 2:23:23 PM

notaregularboy

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/30/2005
Status: offline

So, I take it that the person who wrote me these messages is not the type of Dom who would be best for me?

quote:

WELL YOU WANTED SOME HELP, NOW IM OFFERING TO YOU, ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER THE E-MAIL OR NOT?? YOU COULD N'T WANT HELP VERY BADLY!! IF YOU WANT TO BE A WOMAN, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE, AND LEARN TO OBEY A MAN AND DO AS YOU ARE TOLD TO DO! THAT'S WHAT IM WILLING TO DO FOR YOU, HELP YOU CHANGE! YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!! TALK TO ME AND LETS FIND OUT WHATS GOING ON WITH YOU. WHAT, DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE FIRST GUY WHO WANTS TO A WOMAN??
THERE ARE LOTS OF FEMME GUYS OUT THERE,SO SPEAK UP !
YES YOU LOOK FEMME, I CAN SEE THAT, AND I CAN HELP YOU. YOU NEED A MASTER WHO UNDERSTANDS AND WILL LISTEN AND IS PATIENT, WELL HERE I AM!

and

quote:

SEND ME SOME OTHER FOTOS OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU WRITE TO ME. HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THEM OF YOU. MAYBE A FOTO OF YOU ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES TAKEN FROM THE REAR, LET ME SEE WHAT TYPE OF ASS YOU HAVE AND BALLS AND COCK.
SPREAD'M ! DO YOU JERK OFF ALOT? HOW OFTEN? HOW LONG IS YOUR COCK,CUT OR UNCUT?? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HIV TESTED? DO YOU HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE NOW?
LET ME KNOW

I really hope all Doms are not like that

(in reply to MistressTheaZ)

Post #: 15

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 2:31:24 PM

SweetEscravo

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

My experiences have been a lot like the others posted here. It really just breaks down to the fact that you have to weed through a lot of crap in order to get anything good. There really are good people out there, but they can definitly be hard to find or wait around for.

The best advice I can give you is this: Rather than running around through every dating site or chat room you can find, just "looking" for that perfect someone, take more of your time to develop yourself. Find out what you really want to do- both in the bdsm sence and in your vanilla life. Decide what kind of person you're really looking for, and yes, do look, but don't devote all your time to it. Spend more time working on skills- whether it's cooking a great meal, painting, deepthroating or dancing- and make yourself a complete person. When you're so focused on bettering yourself, people take notice. And you never know- one of those people to notice could be a wonderful dom/me.

Best of luck

(in reply to notaregularboy)

Post #: 16

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 3:50:43 PM

MistressTheaZ

Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: notaregularboy

So, I take it that the person who wrote me these messages is not the type of Dom who would be best for me?

quote:

WELL YOU WANTED SOME HELP, NOW IM OFFERING TO YOU, ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER THE E-MAIL OR NOT?? YOU COULD N'T WANT HELP VERY BADLY!! IF YOU WANT TO BE A WOMAN, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE, AND LEARN TO OBEY A MAN AND DO AS YOU ARE TOLD TO DO! THAT'S WHAT IM WILLING TO DO FOR YOU, HELP YOU CHANGE! YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!! TALK TO ME AND LETS FIND OUT WHATS GOING ON WITH YOU. WHAT, DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE FIRST GUY WHO WANTS TO A WOMAN??
THERE ARE LOTS OF FEMME GUYS OUT THERE,SO SPEAK UP !
YES YOU LOOK FEMME, I CAN SEE THAT, AND I CAN HELP YOU. YOU NEED A MASTER WHO UNDERSTANDS AND WILL LISTEN AND IS PATIENT, WELL HERE I AM!

and

quote:

SEND ME SOME OTHER FOTOS OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU WRITE TO ME. HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THEM OF YOU. MAYBE A FOTO OF YOU ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES TAKEN FROM THE REAR, LET ME SEE WHAT TYPE OF ASS YOU HAVE AND BALLS AND COCK.
SPREAD'M ! DO YOU JERK OFF ALOT? HOW OFTEN? HOW LONG IS YOUR COCK,CUT OR UNCUT?? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HIV TESTED? DO YOU HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE NOW?
LET ME KNOW

I really hope all Doms are not like that

Okay, *shudder*. I see what you mean. This is exactly what I was referring to - always remember that YOU define your reality and direction. You know your wants, needs, and desires. While you may meet someone compatible with same with whom you will trust to share and grow with, you are entitled to take your time, explore your feelings, and feel supported as you do this!

Do not let anyone - Dominant or not - define you. Someone so willing to invalidate your feelings and dismiss them is hardly suitable as a friend, let alone a trusted guide to feel comfortable with exploring your innermost feelings.

Dammit...this type of thing makes Me angry. *frowns*

No, not all Dominants (of either gender) are so pushy and rude. Egads! I could not imagine writing in such a manipulative and ignorant manner to any submissive considering serving Me. I may be the Dominant, but just My personal identity does not give Me the right to treat potential friends, playmates or partners with any less respect, consideration or manners than they deserve as we talk and get to know one another.

ALL submissives are people first, with an identity and feelings deserving exploration and communication, before they are considered to be playmates or property (JMO). You are NOT a piece of meat to be used. The right person will value you for being entirely yourself, and trust Me that you need to know this, yourself, and maintain it, as there are many experiences and individuals we come across in this life content to chip away at our souls and selves.

Further, I would venture to say that I've come across many Female Dominants, Myself included, who tend to coddle bois as they find themselves and grow comfortable in their identities.

Brightest Blessings,

~Thea

< Message edited by MistressTheaZ -- 10/31/2006 3:52:25 PM >

(in reply to notaregularboy)

Post #: 17

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 3:58:21 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: notaregularboy

Hello, A/all.

I'm very new to the BDSM scene, and well, since this thread isn't really an "introduction", I thought it'd be better suited for this forum. I'll try my best to keep this from sounding like a depressed teenage rant.

I'm an eighteen year old submissive male seeking feminization. However, I've been taught for years (yes, I was a minor and had "cybersex") that being a submissive meant having low self esteem, and being a m2f submissive meant that my life should center around "getting big tits" and "sucking cock". I don't think this is really what I want to get into if that's all being a submissive is. Am I really missing something? I don't really know what to do. I'm trying to learn about D/s, but it seems that everybody who seems interested in me is just wanting sex. I want more than that. Is that so wrong? Is there anyone out there who is actually "real"?

Hello notaregularboy,

I have to agree with many of the other posters. The internet allows clueless people to prey upon the uninformed or uneducated.

Please take the advice of many of the people on here and unplug yourself from your computer and venture out into the real world.

Good luck in your journey.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to notaregularboy)

Post #: 18

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 4:48:33 PM

notaregularboy

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressTheaZ

quote:

ORIGINAL: notaregularboy

So, I take it that the person who wrote me these messages is not the type of Dom who would be best for me?

quote:

WELL YOU WANTED SOME HELP, NOW IM OFFERING TO YOU, ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER THE E-MAIL OR NOT?? YOU COULD N'T WANT HELP VERY BADLY!! IF YOU WANT TO BE A WOMAN, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE, AND LEARN TO OBEY A MAN AND DO AS YOU ARE TOLD TO DO! THAT'S WHAT IM WILLING TO DO FOR YOU, HELP YOU CHANGE! YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!! TALK TO ME AND LETS FIND OUT WHATS GOING ON WITH YOU. WHAT, DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE FIRST GUY WHO WANTS TO A WOMAN??
THERE ARE LOTS OF FEMME GUYS OUT THERE,SO SPEAK UP !
YES YOU LOOK FEMME, I CAN SEE THAT, AND I CAN HELP YOU. YOU NEED A MASTER WHO UNDERSTANDS AND WILL LISTEN AND IS PATIENT, WELL HERE I AM!

and

quote:

SEND ME SOME OTHER FOTOS OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU WRITE TO ME. HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THEM OF YOU. MAYBE A FOTO OF YOU ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES TAKEN FROM THE REAR, LET ME SEE WHAT TYPE OF ASS YOU HAVE AND BALLS AND COCK.
SPREAD'M ! DO YOU JERK OFF ALOT? HOW OFTEN? HOW LONG IS YOUR COCK,CUT OR UNCUT?? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HIV TESTED? DO YOU HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE NOW?
LET ME KNOW

I really hope all Doms are not like that

Okay, *shudder*. I see what you mean. This is exactly what I was referring to - always remember that YOU define your reality and direction. You know your wants, needs, and desires. While you may meet someone compatible with same with whom you will trust to share and grow with, you are entitled to take your time, explore your feelings, and feel supported as you do this!

Do not let anyone - Dominant or not - define you. Someone so willing to invalidate your feelings and dismiss them is hardly suitable as a friend, let alone a trusted guide to feel comfortable with exploring your innermost feelings.

Dammit...this type of thing makes Me angry. *frowns*

No, not all Dominants (of either gender) are so pushy and rude. Egads! I could not imagine writing in such a manipulative and ignorant manner to any submissive considering serving Me. I may be the Dominant, but just My personal identity does not give Me the right to treat potential friends, playmates or partners with any less respect, consideration or manners than they deserve as we talk and get to know one another.

ALL submissives are people first, with an identity and feelings deserving exploration and communication, before they are considered to be playmates or property (JMO). You are NOT a piece of meat to be used. The right person will value you for being entirely yourself, and trust Me that you need to know this, yourself, and maintain it, as there are many experiences and individuals we come across in this life content to chip away at our souls and selves.

Further, I would venture to say that I've come across many Female Dominants, Myself included, who tend to coddle bois as they find themselves and grow comfortable in their identities.

Brightest Blessings,

~Thea

Your post has hit the closest to home to me. Thank you very much :) Now if I can only meet one of those Dominants who coddle.

(in reply to MistressTheaZ)

Post #: 19

RE: Teaching/Learning: A new sub - 10/31/2006 4:49:44 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: notaregularboy

So, I take it that the person who wrote me these messages is not the type of Dom who would be best for me?

quote:

WELL YOU WANTED SOME HELP, NOW IM OFFERING TO YOU, ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER THE E-MAIL OR NOT?? YOU COULD N'T WANT HELP VERY BADLY!! IF YOU WANT TO BE A WOMAN, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE, AND LEARN TO OBEY A MAN AND DO AS YOU ARE TOLD TO DO! THAT'S WHAT IM WILLING TO DO FOR YOU, HELP YOU CHANGE! YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!! TALK TO ME AND LETS FIND OUT WHATS GOING ON WITH YOU. WHAT, DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE FIRST GUY WHO WANTS TO A WOMAN??
THERE ARE LOTS OF FEMME GUYS OUT THERE,SO SPEAK UP !
YES YOU LOOK FEMME, I CAN SEE THAT, AND I CAN HELP YOU. YOU NEED A MASTER WHO UNDERSTANDS AND WILL LISTEN AND IS PATIENT, WELL HERE I AM!

and

quote:

SEND ME SOME OTHER FOTOS OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU WRITE TO ME. HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THEM OF YOU. MAYBE A FOTO OF YOU ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES TAKEN FROM THE REAR, LET ME SEE WHAT TYPE OF ASS YOU HAVE AND BALLS AND COCK.
SPREAD'M ! DO YOU JERK OFF ALOT? HOW OFTEN? HOW LONG IS YOUR COCK,CUT OR UNCUT?? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HIV TESTED? DO YOU HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE NOW?
LET ME KNOW

I really hope all Doms are not like that

Be prepared to find many that are when you're online. Not all of us are, honestly, but you have to understand, the internet is basically free porn for a lot of people...and a place to pretend. These aren't necessarily bad things, but if that's not what you want, you'll have to learn to weed. Some of us weed through dozens a day, some of us (like me) weed through half a dozen a month.

This is where figuring out what you don't want is as important as what you do. Now, you know you don't want a Dominant who emails you as above. So, when another one crosses your path, you are a little quicker to delete them. If they persist, you are a little quicker at blocking them. Pretty soon, you have it down to a science and are really on your way to finding what you DO want.

Be picky, hon. You have the right to be so just as much as any Dominant or Master.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to notaregularboy)

Post #: 20

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