Needing outside input (Full Version)

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nikaa -> Needing outside input (10/27/2006 3:36:18 PM)

I work at a pre-school and have worked with children most of my adult life, either within public schools or private pre-schools. I love my job. I love the handful of kids I work with each day,however; I have a co-worker that has began verbally harassing me at work and being verbally inapproriate with various children. At first it was little comments, but that has escalated to  her screaming at me, insulting me personally as well as professionally. I have gone to the supervisor /the owner of the school. At first I spoke with her about it verbally, however; when it escalated to a point I notified her in a formal letter. Sighting specifics and had her sign it and made a copy for myself.
 
This afternoon she called a staff meeting during nap time and it turned into a free for all. She told me the other staff member had not seen the letter I wrote her, however; the other staff member named in it brought it up and began a verbal assault on me personally as well as professionally.
 
After the staff meeting ended, I left early (something I have NEVER done). I am sitting here asking myself when enough is enough. Is the money I make worth this mental, emotional, and physical stress? I love my job but the reality is this co-worker is making me hate it. I dread going to work. I dread dealing with her and have had issues sleeping since this began. When I told the owner I was going to leave she asked " I understand but are you coming back Monday?"
 
I have NEVER been in this situation before and in truth due to the field that I am in never thought I would be but I could really use some outside advice.



Arpig -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 3:41:16 PM)

if you truely cannot stand this person's actions, then inform your employer that it is you or the coworker, but not both. In the meantime inform the coworker that you will no longer aknowledge his/her existence. Do not speak to or responmd to him/her. Ignore the coworker completely.
As for the coworker having seen the letter you wrote to the supervisor, that was, in my mind inappropriate, and I would recommend you take it to the supervisor's superior. In fact I would take the entire thing to the next higher level.

Office politics can only affect you if you join in.



fortwaynewoman -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 3:51:53 PM)

Honestly, I don't even know where to begin with this.  I know that sometimes things work themselves out, but it sounds like she has had this problem for a while.  There is no reason that she should be allowed to talk to you (or the kids) like she does.  One thing I read is that shaken baby syndrome has never occurred in a formal care setting, due to there being more than one care giver available, but she sound slike she might throw that fact out the window.  If the owner of the school does not seem to care about how she is treating the kids in the school, that is the major problem right there.  I would not wnt to be associated with a school that allows such behavior towards its students to continue.  As soon as the owner saw  how she acted towards you (especially in front of others and not in private), that should have confirmed what you wrote in the letter, and increased her concerns about the kids' safety.  If I were her, she'd've been fired.  There is no reason for anyone in that position to act so irresponsibly. 
Good luck with this, I hope it turns out well.



fortwaynewoman -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 3:53:59 PM)

Arpig, can't go much higher than the owner of the school, though. Unless you go straight to the parents, then you almost have to play underhandedly.



popeye1250 -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 3:54:01 PM)

Take her out back and beat the crap out of her.



JerseyKrissi72 -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 3:54:21 PM)

I agree, you must go to the highest level and cut off ALL unnecessary contact with the coworker. It's a shame that some people have to make your job so stressful..I'm sorry and hope that you get things worked out...working with children is such a blessing.



nikaa -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 3:58:43 PM)

Aprig, I went the owner. She promised to deal with it via this staff meeting that went horribly wrong. Other than going to licensing and the state due to the harassment and inappropriate actions/comments regarding the children there is no one else to go to.

Popeye DO NOT tempt me!
I was / am trying to remain professional in how I deal with the woman directly as well as the situation.

JerseyKrissi, How do you cut off contact when we both work in the same building,interact with many of the same parents and children?



juliaoceania -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 4:05:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

Aprig, I went the owner. She promised to deal with it via this staff meeting that went horribly wrong. Other than going to licensing and the state due to the harassment and inappropriate actions/comments regarding the children there is no one else to go to.

Popeye DO NOT tempt me!
I was / am trying to remain professional in how I deal with the woman directly as well as the situation.

JerseyKrissi, How do you cut off contact when we both work in the same building,interact with many of the same parents and children?


If her actions with the children are indeed inappropriate, find another job, quit that one, and report this matter to the overseeing state agency. I would not compromise my ethics for a little better pay if kids are involved. If the owner of this school is so incompetent as to keep one such as this around I would say that this is not a job I would want if I were you.

Good luck



MistressCamille -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 4:13:18 PM)

Oh, this one is real simple. Get yourself a small audio recorder. Have it set so it records when noise is heard. However, don't hide it. Don't know where you are but in many places you can't record in secret.

You'd be surprised what people will say even knowing you are recording it. And, the best part is, that if she shuts up because of the recorder you've gotten the silence you were after to begin with.

Should you get her on tape the next step is easy. You tell the owner to have the behavior stopped or you will let the kid's parents or the local news hear the tape. I tell you, actually hearing that crap is much more effective than just talking about it.

My recorder has come in handy several times with nasty landlords. They really don't know when to shut up, even knowing I have the recorder on.



fortwaynewoman -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 4:21:05 PM)

That is the underhanded I meant (from MistressCamille), and it does work, either way things turn out (the coworker shuts up or you have proof - or both).  The point is that you should not (and neither should those kids) have to deal with people like her while you are making a living (or away from  home while mom and dad make theirs).  This coworker of yours is just so far out of line, and so is the owner, if that is how she is going to deal with the situation.



windchymes -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 4:21:06 PM)

Most parents are extremely concerned about the kind of care their tykes are receiving in preschool.  I seriously doubt they want little Billy or Suzie exposed to verbal tirades from their caregivers.  Either recording the disturbances, or making an anonymous tip to a news agency might cause enough of a stir to force the owner to do something about it.  Of course, if she is chummy with your adversary, she might just fire YOU....but it doesn't sound as though it would be a great loss.  There a plenty of preschools out there looking for qualified teachers.  Or really go out on a limb.....start your own[:)]



CreoleCook -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 4:26:35 PM)

camille is correct, insofar as a recording device will deter most who think they can mentally abuse others, through physical means.

On a side note, however... if you are speaking of a privately owned daycare/preschool center, then you can file a complaint with the better business bureau, as well as the state department of education.

Now if this is a state run agency,... there is always a chain of command.  local "manager," regional director, etc...

As for retaining employment with this company, I highly suggest you rise above your peers, and simply state, for the record, "I am not a child, nor am I the sort of person who will continue to receive this domestic violence, in the forms of abuse.  If you choose to continue, I will report you to the police, and we'll see each other in court.  Now I have a job to do, and want to keep on doing my job, whether at this workplace, or somewhere else.  Thank you, and good day."


CC




Rule -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 4:31:49 PM)

I doubt that she would do this if you were a male, so it seems like sexual harassment to me. Is this woman a lesbian?
 
In any case you have witnesses. Will they support you if you lodge a complaint against her for verbal assault and / or sexual harassment with the police?
 
A bloody nose will cure a lot of problems. You may be fined for it, but you will not be fired for it. When she feels the pain, she wil shut up and behave in future - and probably leave.
 
Your employer does not want any difficulty. When you quit, she has no administrative problem. When she has to fire your enemy, she has to deal with a lot of legal shit. So I suspect that your employer would like you to deal with the situation - she asked you to come back on Monday, indicating that she is on your side. So go to a boxing gym in your area this weekend and start punching that bag.
 
Next Monday all you have to do is to walk up to your enemy and punch her nose hard once. Never say anything to her. Just ignore her. It may cost you, but your employer will not fire you, nor her, and she will leave of her own accord so you cannot be held responsible for that choice.
 
This is actually educational: it teaches the little ones that they have to defend themselves when harassed.
 
Courage.
 
Edited to add: the recorder suggestion is also a very good idea.



Level -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 4:59:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Take her out back and beat the crap out of her.


This is the initial reaction here too; but maybe Arpig's ideas would work better.



LotusSong -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 5:07:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

Aprig, I went the owner. She promised to deal with it via this staff meeting that went horribly wrong. Other than going to licensing and the state due to the harassment and inappropriate actions/comments regarding the children there is no one else to go to.



I'd go to the supervisor and ask WTF!? It's her JOB to settle things.  If I got no satisfaction, then do the formal complaint route.



Rule -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 5:24:08 PM)

Other suggestions:
 
ask to be promoted to vice-supervisor,
 
discuss this educationally in the class: "dear ch*ldren, what shall I do?" - they will discuss this with their parents,
 
carry a crumpled page of paper visibly in your hand and throw it at her whenever she comes near. If she hits you, you can sue her,
 
when you drink a cup of tea, throw the last half of it in her face. Repeat this until she stops harassing you.
 
or stumble when you have a cup of tea or milk in your hand and 'accidentally' drench her. Say: "Oh dear! I am so clumsy! Are you all right?"
 
Your supervisor will have discussed your letter with your enemy. That does not imply that your enemy has seen the letter.

Having this out in the staff meeting enabled all present to witness the behaviour of your enemy. Your employer may not want problems, but it is my impression that she tacitly does support you.



subjected2006 -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 5:33:50 PM)

I vote you pop her in the nose and say it was an accident.
You're not going to work there much longer anyways, it sounds like you are of a higher
caliber than even your so called surperiors.



fortwaynewoman -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 5:37:25 PM)

I really like Rule's second suggestion, to discuss it with the students.  It's not like you are bringing this to their attention for the first time - they already have seen it themselves.  And yes, they will talk to their moms and dads about it.



Sinergy -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 5:42:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

if you truely cannot stand this person's actions, then inform your employer that it is you or the coworker, but not both. In the meantime inform the coworker that you will no longer aknowledge his/her existence. Do not speak to or responmd to him/her. Ignore the coworker completely.
As for the coworker having seen the letter you wrote to the supervisor, that was, in my mind inappropriate, and I would recommend you take it to the supervisor's superior. In fact I would take the entire thing to the next higher level.

Office politics can only affect you if you join in.


I would disagree that you make a "other person or you" ultimatum.

Simply notify up the chain of command that this person is making a hostile workplace for you to work in, and politely request that they take care of it.

If they dont take care of it, have your attorney notify them on your behalf.

Sinergy



Kalira -> RE: Needing outside input (10/27/2006 5:46:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fortwaynewoman

I really like Rule's second suggestion, to discuss it with the students.  It's not like you are bringing this to their attention for the first time - they already have seen it themselves.  And yes, they will talk to their moms and dads about it.


I disagree with this. If the children have already witnessed this behavior, you can bet that they have told their parents about it. Forcing the children to become an active part of it, by discussing it openly, is wrong.




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