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RiotGirl -> RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? (10/28/2006 11:52:59 PM)
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Well its confusing for me. Sometimes i find it very difficult to be submissive. I want it my way, i want it done to my standards, in my time frame and i get this notion that its the BEST way. Its like i have certian things set up in my head - how things should go, where they should go, what should happen, what shouldnt happen, ect ect ect. Alittle deviation isnt a problem, but if we stay on track - generally speaking in my brain, we're doing well.
When things go waaaaay off to one side or another, giving up the control to sit back and just see where we go, where he takes us. Yeaaaaaaaaaah - not my strong point! I also tend to just have this about me when things pop up i just aggressively take the dominant role and start hollaring out orders (not literally) of what needs to be done. I'm very good at taking control. (heh and good at taking it from ppl)
BUT - sometimes i notice it where i just naturally follow his flow. Just holding his hand i know where he wants me to walk, when to stop when to basically do anything. Just by small little changes in how he holds my hand. And it floooooows. i know there are a million other times where it flows..... but ever since i found out i was pregnant i sorta just jumped into take control. So i've been in control mode for a week. Which is like another side of my brain - so to tap into the side of my brain that is submissive isnt the easiest at the moment. Luckily, he is gently reminding me to calm down and relax = )
i've always wondered if i was dom/sub/switch - because of how easy it is for me to take control. I've spotted ppl at my school who are "aware" and after talking to them they always tell me "i thought you were a Domme" They cant picture me as a sub. I've realized that being dominant isnt a born trait in me, but a learned one. I had to learn to control my enviroment to keep myself safe. Now its just a reflex. Something pops up and i jump into handle it.
So while being submissive is a more fullfilling role that i feel like i'm floating away in a cloud on, i dont think its the easiest for me. I think being dominant is easier for me. I spent 24 years in that role. What also helped me figure things out was realizing what left me with what feeling at the end of the night. Being in control, controlling others - always leaves me feeling cold and calculating. Remote. Not how i want to spend the rest of my life = )
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