RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (Full Version)

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CrappyDom -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 11:54:55 AM)

In immature BDSM relationships I think there are some where the submissive runs the show and has the easy role, in others the dominant finds a pliable partner and his role is easier.

In more advanced and healthy relationships I think the work load is more equal but the the burden ultimately falls on the Dominant.



Wildfleurs -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 12:05:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

What do I have to do? Trust. All I have to do is trust that he will guide me to that place that I yearn to be, and do so in a safe, and conscientious manner.



I'd say for a good quality submissive or submission there is much more that has to be done, and many more other skills that are needed than trusting.  I think for submitting (not dealing with issues of quality) the only thing that would need to be done is letting the person do whatever they want to do.

C~



marieToo -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 12:48:19 PM)

General reply to OP:


Yes. I think the dominant party has it much harder, I mean, as far as a relationship would be concerned.   Plus they have no idea what they're missing. heh.



subjected2006 -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 12:56:57 PM)

Sometimes.
We all know this.
I don't understand the big to do about it.

I have been  on both sides.
Simply managing to breathe  with a big rubber ball
wedged behind my  pearly whites is not easy.
Especially if I happen to be crying and bubbling snot out  my nose.
Look..
What's easy for you could be impossible for someone else to manage.
Feel  pride in whatever you do.

"That's something to be proud of,
that's a life you can hang your hat on....."
                             ~ Montgomery Gentry~





MsKatHouston -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 12:59:38 PM)

I have no clue.  For me, dominance is easier because it is who I am.  I am naturally the leader, organizer, planner, keep my cool type of person in almost any situation.  I am almost always the person in control whether it is personal, professional or kink situations.  Even if the decisions I need to make are difficult, I just see it as part of my every day responsibilities and I do it.  Plus, I like the foot rubs. 

When things are, for whatever reason, out of my control, I find that much harder to deal with.  I don't get the "relax and let someone else take control" for awhile stance.  It drives me batty.  So, for me submission would be so much harder.  I guess in my mind the answer is "if you're dominant, dominance is easier and if you are submissive, submission is easier".  But, I could be wrong.



MsKatHouston -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 1:00:49 PM)

oops...hit wrong button



Rover -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 1:13:37 PM)

Personally, I would hope that anyone (Dominant or submissive/slave) would find it relatively easy to be themselves. 
 
John



LotusSong -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 1:44:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Personally, I would hope that anyone (Dominant or submissive/slave) would find it relatively easy to be themselves. 
 
John


I agree.  If it's too much "work" for one, it's simply not who they are.  I know when I even think of submitting.. it catches in my craw..not as a negative act.. it's simply not me.  I cannot let go of my power.  While I can share it, I never totally surrender. 



corsetgirl -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 1:50:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenrageTheKeeper

In terms of female submissive/male Dom relationships. Yes and no.

First of all, ther are far more Doms than there are submissives. This has its strong points and its weak points. While the submissives pretty much have the pick of the litter when making their choices, they also have to deal with a lot more fakes and they have a greater chance of finding someone abusive.

Then there is the possibility of not finding someone and deciding to go vanilla. A submissive woman, in the arms of a vanilla man, can still give of herself to that man and get some aspects of her desires fulfilled. A Dominant man can not do this with a vanilla woman.



That is a very good observation on these relationships.  I have known some submissive women who gave up the BDSM and have settled for vanilla relationships.  You are also correct on dominant men in either vanilla relationships or marriages who have to explore the other aspects of BDSM.

It is also hard in selecting and choosing the right dom when I find there are some more flaky doms, which I don't waste my time with them.



subsa -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 3:12:00 PM)

i think both partners need to work at the relationship for it to succeed.  there is a Rush song that goes:
"philosopher and plowman; each must do his part to mold a new reality, closer to the heart."


i'm not a 'spoiled' submissive.  i work outside the home at a stressful job.  i do most of the cleaning.  i do all the cooking and meal planning.  i 'serve' Master in everyway that i can.  but still, i think i have it easier.  Master sets the pace/tone of our relationship and makes the decisions that affect us in the long term.  He is the one that takes responsibility for our composite happiness.  so the way i see it is that what i do effects us in the short term.  but nothing serious will happen if i burn dinner or don't clean the toilet.  but what He does effects us for the long haul and could have serious reprecussion if He does a shoddy job.   

as someone else said...i don't understand what the payoff is for Him. it never seems enough to me that he has a clean house, a full belly and a willing sex partner.  if i had His responsibilities it would feel like the weight of the world were crushing me. 

but such is our dynamic and it makes us both happy to be who we are. 



catize -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 3:55:22 PM)

There are responsbilities and rewards on both sides.
A dominant I used to know always said, "The goal of a D/s relationship is that both people believe they are getting the better part of the bargain."



Kalira -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 4:19:46 PM)

quote:

it must take a lot of nerve to give power to someone;I mean what about issues of pride,self respect, at least early on in a relationship. And how about how uncomfortable it must be to be naked and bound tightly while being whipped or caned, or onvolved in some other form of sensation play

That is a very good point HW.  When I asked him if he thought we had it easier, his actual answer was no. He pretty much summed it up like you did; that it takes alot more for a person to 'subject' themselves to the whims of another and still maintain pride, and self-respect.
quote:

  "I don't know if I'm a bottom or just lazy" :)


LMAO Ma'am. I kind of like that quote.
quote:

  First, in my household we use terms a particular way so I'm not sure this will be as clear as I might wish. Let me tell you what Fox always says on this subject. The following is be paraphrasing what he has said to me and to others:

Being a submissive is easy -- I get to just do what I'm told but more often I get to just feel and react.

Being a slave is a lot of work -- I have to be self-motivated often, I have to always have you (me, TammyJo) at the front of my mind, I have to consider what I am doing because what I do and how I behave reflects back on you, and I have to be able to adjust at any moment to your desires and orders.

Those times when I just submit to you those are wonderful, relaxing times when I can just "be".

Being your slave though is well worth the work because of what I get back from myself and from you.
Those

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Ma'am, that is probably the best explanation I have ever heard. Your young man said it perfectly.



Kalira -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 4:36:26 PM)

quote:

You might find fault with this statement, but I believe that the one thing that CANNOT be taken from a slave is their own sense of self-preservation.  They need it if they are ever to need to walk away.


while on one hand, I agree with this statement, I also see the other side as shown by Ownedgirlie:
quote:

It is not that I find fault with this statement.  It is that it simply does not apply to some of us.  For some, the emotional bond we are in is far too strong to walk away from.  For others, the price of walking away is just too high.  Some may find fault in that, too, but it is the case, none-the-less.



quote:

As someone that surrenders my personal power in my intimate relationship, I have to say it feels like falling off a log to me, not too hard at all, I asked my Daddy for his input on this and he said I am basically comparing apples to bananas... they are different things and hard and easier does not even compute in his mind. He does not feel it is harder to be dominant than submissive.

I almost started this thread myself Kalira...lol 



LOL I thought about this for almost 2 days before actually going ahead and posting it [&:]

Now see, that's what it feels like for me. Like falling off a log. Extremely easy to do lol. And yet, to be honest, I have never been on the other end, so I have no concept of how hard it might actually be for the Dominant/Master in the relationship; with exception to heresay.
quote:

  Frankly, I do not know why there is this need to compare anyway

I am not really trying to compare; it was more of something that was just driving me crazy thinking about it. Like I said, I was all set to jump down Jeff's throat for his other comment, but then I actually stopped to think about it. I think I am just trying to understand it from both perspectives and I keep coming up short because I have never been on the Dominant side.

Mavis, it was actually your post in the other thread that stopped me from bashing Jeff lol; and caused me to actually stop and think about it for a bit [8D]



ZenrageTheKeeper -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:20:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

quote:

A Dominant man can not do this with a vanilla woman.

Ok, this I am now curious about lol. Why would you think that a Dominant man could not be dominant with a woman who is vanilla?

( I only use the word man/woman generally; I know that the roles could be reversed )

quote:

  Edited because i just had the thought that sometimes it is not always easy to know how to please your Sir as it is not always made clear straight away how they can be pleased. I do find this part hard at times.


Yes, even after thinking about it, I still am running it through my head. Every time I think I have a handle on it, another question or aspect comes up. [&:]


Because unless she is into the occaisional kinky adventure, the Dom can't just decide to tie up the vanilla woman, flog her or expect her to crawl to him on her knees.

This kind of behavior could get a guy arrested or at the very least, a guest spot on the Jerry Springer show.



Kalira -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:24:53 PM)

quote:

Because unless she is into the occaisional kinky adventure, the Dom can't just decide to tie up the vanilla woman, flog her or expect her to crawl to him on her knees.

This kind of behavior could get a guy arrested or at the very least, a guest spot on the Jerry Springer show.


Ahhh, but see, you are only thinking about dominance from the 'kink' side. I was referring to the personality side [:)]



kyraofMists -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:30:49 PM)

My own personal opinion is that if a person is in a relationship where they can demonstrate behaviors that reflect their inner-self, then it will be easy for them to be in that relationship.  If dominance or submission reflects who you are and you are with the best match for you, then it will be easy for the most part.  There will be times or moments of difficulty but I find being who you are to be easier in the long run.

Knight's kyra



ZenrageTheKeeper -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:45:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

quote:

Because unless she is into the occaisional kinky adventure, the Dom can't just decide to tie up the vanilla woman, flog her or expect her to crawl to him on her knees.

This kind of behavior could get a guy arrested or at the very least, a guest spot on the Jerry Springer show.


Ahhh, but see, you are only thinking about dominance from the 'kink' side. I was referring to the personality side [:)]


If Dom men got their rocks off every time they acted Dominant in a social circumstance, they'd never keep their pants clean.



michaelGA2 -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:47:53 PM)

if subs had it so easy, then we all would have a Dominant and we wouldn't be here looking.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:49:46 PM)

See all the bitching and whining doms have to put up with?



michaelGA2 -> RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? (10/27/2006 5:51:29 PM)

about the same as the complaints us subs have to put up with



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