Suspend disbelief, not common sense

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maudite -> Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 3:53:05 PM)
During the time I've spent hanging around here, I've seen a fair number of questions from other subs that made me clutch my head like a stunned monkey. I'm starting to wonder if I'm the only one who's disturbed by the number of subs who appear unable (or unwilling) to apply basic common sense to a D/s relationship. Now, I'm a sub. Always have been. It's my natural inclination; I just like to let other people take the lead, both in and out of the bedroom. That doesn't mean I'm a doormat with no thoughts or opinions of my own, or that I don't assert myself when it's called for; it's never occurred to me that I should be any other way. So it's a little strange for me when I see posts from subs asking questions like the following: My master says I have to walk a step behind him in public. Is that true? My dom forgot to lock my apartment last time he left. Is it okay for me to say anything about it? I didn't get a job I wanted. Is it okay for me to be upset? My online dom won't let me leave him. What can I do? Now, don't take this the wrong way, but these seem to me like awfully silly questions. And maybe I'm just completely off base and asking questions like this is all part of people's submissive fantasies and I'm being a big meanie by poking holes in the magical kinkosphere. But is there some reason we can't be submissive without completely abandoning the good sense we were (hopefully) born with? I'm wondering how many other subs are reading these threads and thinking, "the fuck?" I also wonder if there really are Dom/mes out there who actually want a sub to completely surrender the ability to reason on a full-time, permanent basis. (Outside of your personal fantasy world, I mean; we all have plenty of fantasies that aren't workable in real life.) Thoughts? And really, snarkiness aside, if you ever feel so intimidated by your Dom/me that you can't ask questions like these, it's time to take a vacation from that relationship and think seriously about what you're doing. Even in a TPE relationship, there needs to be something like a safeword, something you can do to stop the action and say "okay, no kidding, I think I'm having a heart attack," or, for that matter, "Please remember to lock my door when you leave, okay?" If I thought my Dom would flip out over being asked to remember to lock the door, I'd drop him like a hot rock; that would demonstrate a disregard for my personal safety that I'd find completely unacceptable from a man I'd allow to use handcuffs on me. People make mistakes, but people who can't acknowledge them and apologize for them are... well... in this country we elect them President, but that's beside the point.)

Najakcharmer -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 4:06:16 PM)
P.T. Barnum pretty much summed it up in his well known quote about there being one born every minute. Not much seems to have changed in that respect in the last century.

kyraofMists -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 4:06:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maudite So it's a little strange for me when I see posts from subs asking questions like the following: My master says I have to walk a step behind him in public. Is that true? What is wrong with this one? Is the problem that they are asking a question that only master can answer or is it the protocol that they are being required to follow that you find strange? Knight's kyra

maudite -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 4:12:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists quote: ORIGINAL: maudite So it's a little strange for me when I see posts from subs asking questions like the following: My master says I have to walk a step behind him in public. Is that true? What is wrong with this one? Is the problem that they are asking a question that only master can answer or is it the protocol that they are being required to follow that you find strange? What bugged me about that one was the apparent credulousness of the sub; evidently her dom had told her that all subs must walk a step behind their dom in public, and while she at least had the sense to question it, the idea that anyone would even have to ask that question boggles the mind. I realize there are a lot of people out there who don't really understand WIITWD, but I have a hard time believing they understand it so little that they actually believe there's a single set of protocols that applies to everyone.

MisPandora -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 4:15:34 PM)
Yeah, I've lost alot of faith in the human race as a result of message boards.....LOL

bandit25 -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 4:16:04 PM)
My Dom and I had a discussion about this very subject the other day. In fact, I used many of the same examples you did. I agree. What the Hell happened to common sense? Yeah, that whole locking the door thing absolutely floored me. I agree, if I had to agonize over HOW to mention he forgot (and I am sure the man simply forgot) to lock the door, I'd be gone so fast...........

slavegirl1969 -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 4:16:23 PM)
I agree that there have been some threads on here that have made me go "hey?" but I wonder how many of them have been put on by young subs. Whilst I'm not saying that all young people lack a certain amount of common sense I remember when I was younger and way before I entered this life that I was the same in vanilla relationships - insecure enough in myself and them to not want to question what they said or did just in case they left me or we had a huge row etc. I believe that concept is more than likely the same in this lifestyle. Because there is no hisotry to the person posting the question we don't know what the dynamics of their relationship with their Dom/mmes is. Maybe they have been told not to question anything. I know with the first Dom I had contact, both verbal and physical, he told me that. He told me his word was law, end of subject. If I did not behave as he wished then word would get around via the cyber grapevine that I was no good as a sub and would be blackmarked for any future Dom. And that was only at the beginning of this year. I was so new to this that I believed him. It was only on talking to other people (from a different site) that I found that his behaviour was, well bizarre.. Who knows why people ask what they do. That is why sites like this are a lifeline to some in the lifestyle. Whilst their questions may be child-like/doormat like to some to them they may be genuine worries, concerns or understandings of the way they should be. "One man's junk is another man's treasure"

juliaoceania -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 4:18:04 PM)
A lot of websites that one can access for free can give the impression that there is a giant rule book for submissives that those "in the know" go to for "established" protocol questions. I had the idea there was something such as protocol that most people follow when first investigating BDSM and Ds over the internet. It is not hard to get that impression with the judgment and the close mindedness of many who think there needs to be one set way. I would think that the one that worried over her door being locked (I remember that thread) seemed genuinely fearful of undermining the dynamic. I believe this is probably common with people new to this, and they really do not know any better, they seek to be the best submissive they can be. It can be overwhelming to someone just starting out.

maudite -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 4:37:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I would think that the one that worried over her door being locked (I remember that thread) seemed genuinely fearful of undermining the dynamic. I believe this is probably common with people new to this, and they really do not know any better, they seek to be the best submissive they can be. It can be overwhelming to someone just starting out. Well, I'm trying to understand where people are coming from -- that's one reason I asked for people's thoughts on the subject. On the other hand, I really do think that if you don't feel able to step out of your role for even a moment to bring up a real-world concern like a door left unlocked, that's a problem that needs to be discussed between dom and sub. (And it's good that there are places like this where people can ask questions like that, even if they seem really obvious to some of us.) And slavegirl1969, I'm glad you found out that dom was full of it before he did you any lasting harm. As subs, we need to be extra careful to watch out for our own safety (both physical and emotional) because we make ourselves so vulnerable.

ATwstdMind -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 4:40:07 PM)
If the world were only so simple to have one rule book. On second thought, how boring. There are many variations to how relationships function, and what one seeks. Personally, someone walking behind me makes me paranoid!!

bandit25 -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 4:48:33 PM)
You're right julia. It is hard not to get that impression. But, in my mind, this is where common sense should kick in. For pity's sake, if ANYONE left my door unlocked (and, again, I am assuming it was simply an oversight), I just can't understand stressing over bringing it up. Yes, she was worried about undermining the dynamic; however, if you recall, she wanted to limit her submissiveness to the bedroom. Thus, it was even harder for me to understand the stress.

gypsygrl -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 4:53:02 PM)
Heh. Yeah, there's a lot stuff on these boards that cause me to pause. And, not just the ridiculous questions, but the epic dramas, train wrecks and pop psycholigizing. But, there's at least one or two threads a day that cause me to really stop and think for a bit. Then, theres folks who post regularly that seem really insightful and always have a positive contribution to make. Those things alone makes the rest of it all worth it. Ya gotta take the good with the bad, I guess.

kyraofMists -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 5:23:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maudite quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists quote: ORIGINAL: maudite So it's a little strange for me when I see posts from subs asking questions like the following: My master says I have to walk a step behind him in public. Is that true? What is wrong with this one? Is the problem that they are asking a question that only master can answer or is it the protocol that they are being required to follow that you find strange? What bugged me about that one was the apparent credulousness of the sub; evidently her dom had told her that all subs must walk a step behind their dom in public, and while she at least had the sense to question it, the idea that anyone would even have to ask that question boggles the mind. I realize there are a lot of people out there who don't really understand WIITWD, but I have a hard time believing they understand it so little that they actually believe there's a single set of protocols that applies to everyone. Well that is a different question than the first one you listed. I find the first one, "master says I have to walk a step behind him in public. Is that true?" to be ridiculous because if he said it, then it is true. The other question of "do all slaves have to walk a step behind in public" I find ridiculous because as you said, there is no one set of protocols that applies to everyone. The actual protocol of walking one step behind works really well in some relationships, including my own. I agree that there are just some things I see written on this board that I just wonder what were they thinking. I also wonder though how many people out there are filling their heads with complete crap so they have no idea what the lifestyle is or is not about. I can't tell you how many times I heard that "slaves are not allowed to think and you are too smart to be a slave". I was not in a formal relationship with my Lord at that time but I was considering to be his slave. He was rather annoyed when he heard some of the things people were saying to me. Knight's kyra

missturbation -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 5:30:36 PM)
Whilst i agree that sometimes the questions seem pretty daft (i'm probably guilty of it too) i think that also it needs to be remembered that not everyone has common sense or a lot of it. Everyone is different and what is common sense to one may not be to another.

pixelslave -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 5:33:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maudite Well, I'm trying to understand where people are coming from -- that's one reason I asked for people's thoughts on the subject. On the other hand, I really do think that if you don't feel able to step out of your role for even a moment to bring up a real-world concern like a door left unlocked, that's a problem that needs to be discussed between dom and sub. (And it's good that there are places like this where people can ask questions like that, even if they seem really obvious to some of us.) I totally agree that Dom/me & sub need to be able to step out of roles and relate to each other as human beings. I can't imagine it being any other way! It greatly disturbs me when I see profiles that are so out in left field in this regard that I can't relate to the Domme behind them as being a Woman that I'd possibly want to consider approaching. And for those who are new to the lifestyle or young and impressionable, I can understand how difficult it must be for them to step back and say "no" to a Dominant who claims that everything must be his/her way! Having recently started and then quickly ended things with a Domme who turned out to be exactly that way, I have a very good idea of what that takes. There's no doubt in my mind that the more submissive I am with a Woman, the more difficult such a thing would become. It isn't easy to walk away when you're sub to a Woman that you're starting to have strong feelings for, and the longer I sub, the deeper I begin to love, so I can totally understand why the simplest of issues could seem quite large to some. - pixel

raiken -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 5:48:44 PM)
It kind of reminds me about my pet peeve of how certain (not all) TV programs seem to make the women appear stupid, weak and lacking in common sense at times. i was watching a show where a stalker was hiding in this woman's house. Can't she see that the front door was already a bit ajar? Do they have to make her walk in all dumb like that, and not think that hey, i better not enter, something is wrong here? i can't remember the show i was watching, but i got irritated...LOL! My young cohorts were like, mom, chill, its just a movie! grin But i get so annoyed at the script writers at times for they make women seem adle brained in these type of shows...then as the OP observed, i see those threads.... In the same thought though, i do understand about the dynamic and fantasy aspect. Also folks being new and unsure of things. i myself have at times, not thought about certain things properly or worded things properly (although at the time i may have believed it to be a legit and common sense question) gasp* But ah...variety, tis the spice of life, eh? smile Is it okay if i use big purple font next post? grin i need to be dominated real quick like, just a tiny buzz...nuttin major. smile Part of my own fantasy stuff donchano...cheeky grin*

crouchingtigress -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 6:07:15 PM)
NO, you may not.[;)]

Quivver -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 6:16:16 PM)
I think this train of thought effects more then just this web site. Look around at the world today, it seems many have forgotten how to think for themselves! Sigh................................

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 6:31:09 PM)
To the OP whilst I agree that sometimes you just wonder where some peoples heads are, myself I am sure included, I also feel that maybe they truly do know the answer but just seek reassurance. Its like baby steps, your pretty confident your doing it right but you think you spot a few obstacles,so then you look about to make sure you have something to grab so that you do not fall and hurt yourself...Tempting

mstrjx -> RE: Suspend disbelief, not common sense (10/26/2006 6:47:22 PM)
Not that it probably matters, but I, too, have noticed some things that have caused me to not post as much recently. Of course, the fact that I'm curled up in a fetal position sucking my thumb because I'm so incredulous as to what I have read here and another forum I'm quasi-participating in makes it difficult to even reach the keyboard to even type in snark. I miss snark. Jeff

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