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Switch to Dom - 10/24/2006 11:24:33 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Ok as usual this is from another post. The person claimed that a Switch would turn into a permanet Dom for the person that they love. I totally dissagree. If that would be a condition of the marriage then it is doomed from the start. What is your thought on the matter.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/24/2006 11:30:51 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If the person is changing because that is the way their life's journey is headed, it will work. If the person is changing in order to please their partner, it most likely will not. Expecting others to change for you is unfair: change is unlikely in such an instance. Expecting yourself to change to meet another's wishes is also unfair; you will most likely become bitter about it.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/24/2006 11:33:44 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		As usual I agree with Fire.

But I will add that it's perfectly possible for a switch to click into and remain into "dom" status within the primary relationship and be perfectly fulfilled as such. 

But doing it as a condition of the relationship or in order to appease the other person doesn't work- whether it's not playing tennis or not having children or not switching.  If it's not just what works for you, then sacrificing for another won't make it work for anyone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/24/2006 1:14:06 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

If the person is changing because that is the way their life's journey is headed, it will work. If the person is changing in order to please their partner, it most likely will not. Expecting others to change for you is unfair: change is unlikely in such an instance. Expecting yourself to change to meet another's wishes is also unfair; you will most likely become bitter about it.

Master Fire


What Master Fire says is so very true. You can't force yourself to be something that you are not just for the sake of another. You have to desire it.

I've spoken to many men who force themselves to be Dom's because they feel it is expected of them merely due to their gender. They are unhappy and it shows. You have to be true to your own self, gender has nothing to do with it.

Life changes and so do people so perhaps this person found his path but hopefully he would do it for himself and not just to please someone else.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/24/2006 2:05:49 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I agree with what is being said. The question is not so much if a person can do that, but if they have it in themselves naturally and want to do it for themselves. Many relationships and lives are ruined by people saying/trying to change for another but that does not mean that people do not change either.

The trick of course is knowing if the persons word is going to be backed up with effort and conviction and not getting that suprise I just cannot do this anymore I must be true to myself conversation.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/24/2006 2:22:59 PM   
LadyAyla7053


Posts: 52
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Speaking from experience I feel that each person is different.  The reason I say this is because first off I am a switch and have been for nearly five of the ten years I have been in the lifestyle.  Previously I tried to be completely slave and while my slave side was perfectly happy I found that I would rebel and my dominant side would rear it's head at the most inoportune of times.  Now though I am perfectly happy with who and what I am.  It's kinda like having my cake and eating it too.  And as for people being something that they aren't.  It's not fair to them nor is it fair for the other person or people involved.  One piece of advice that I give to all newbies is this.  "Be true to yourself first and don't let anyone try to make you do what isn't inside of you."  In other words don't do something that you really don't want to do.  It will make you miserable as well as those around you miserable.

Lady Ayla

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/24/2006 2:59:07 PM   
MistressTheaZ


Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

As usual I agree with Fire.

But I will add that it's perfectly possible for a switch to click into and remain into "dom" status within the primary relationship and be perfectly fulfilled as such. 

But doing it as a condition of the relationship or in order to appease the other person doesn't work- whether it's not playing tennis or not having children or not switching.  If it's not just what works for you, then sacrificing for another won't make it work for anyone.


I couldn't have said this better.

Best,

Thea

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/24/2006 6:25:07 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
But I will add that it's perfectly possible for a switch to click into and remain into "dom" status within the primary relationship and be perfectly fulfilled as such. 


This is true, well said. It must come from the person and not be forced or required.

My owner is a switch, but is Dom, all the time, with me.  It just seems to work for Him, He is naturally Dominant with me but can enjoy His other sides with other folks. His switching has never made Him seem less dominant to, or with, me.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/24/2006 10:46:00 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		I agree with everyone else! I would also add that I find I am "dom" with certain people and "sub" with others (much fewer). So although technically I am a switch, if I were to have an LTR with someone I was "dom" with, I would probably HAVE to stay in that role with them permanently. I've yet to find a person I can be both "dom" and "sub" with.

Any other switches find this true or am I just weird like that?

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to goodpet)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/24/2006 11:10:07 PM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		i believe one deciding factor would be the personality of the person involved with the switch. There are subs/slaves who handle being in charge of others quite well, and others who will always be the one to follow in every situation. If the switch is involved with one who is always a "follower" then yes, the switch will be always Dominant in that relationship. Whether or not this dynamic will be enough to sustain them remains to be seen. i know one couple going on 12 years of harmony together (she was a switch before meeting her Master and becoming His slave).
 
Master's dorei

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/25/2006 3:40:07 AM   
ChaOz


Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		He gets to be a Dom, which means that he gets to set the rules of engagement. He would be able to control the situation to get his needs meet, even his submissive ones if he plays his cards right. Its do-able.

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/25/2006 4:52:27 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Ok as usual this is from another post. The person claimed that a Switch would turn into a permanet Dom for the person that they love. I totally dissagree. If that would be a condition of the marriage then it is doomed from the start. What is your thought on the matter.

The key word here is love.  When you love someone - anything is possible.  It doesnt make it a condition of the marriage (or relationship) - its a natural occurance (as I am reading your post).  No one seems to be stating that they are changing their orientation because the one wants it the the other doesn't - its more a natural evolution - and everyone evolves.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/25/2006 5:01:52 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar
Ok as usual this is from another post. The person claimed that a Switch would turn into a permanet Dom for the person
that they love. I totally dissagree. If that would be a condition of the marriage then it is doomed from the start.
What is your thought on the matter.

 
I think every person is different.  I think a lot of switches can funciton just in the Dom mode or just in Sub mode
for the right person.  I think as people age, they generally become more dominant.  I think some humans have
a high degree of flexibility and adaptability.  I believe we are better off thinking positive, and not jumping to
negative conclusions.  

_____________________________



(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/25/2006 7:25:24 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows
The key word here is love.  When you love someone - anything is possible.  It doesnt make it a condition of the marriage (or relationship) - its a natural occurance (as I am reading your post).  No one seems to be stating that they are changing their orientation because the one wants it the the other doesn't - its more a natural evolution - and everyone evolves.
 
Peace and Rapture


I don't think love makes everything possible.  I think love frees everyone to be who they are- even if that means being with someone else.  I can love someone and not be possible to live with them or be in a relationship with someone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/25/2006 7:53:27 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I don't think love makes everything possible.  I think love frees everyone to be who they are- even if that means being with someone else.  I can love someone and not be possible to live with them or be in a relationship with someone.


This quote rings true for me as well.  It greatly depends on the type of love being offered.  If that love has conditions, and is performance based, it is not the type of love i believe necessary for unconditional freedom to be accepted for just who i am, without a great compromise or change required for that acceptance.  i love some folks from a distance, because if i am with them too long, we get on each others nerves, but yet, we share a love, and when the chips are down, we are there for each other.
 
As for the OP's question, i agree with much of what everyone shared.  i believe that there are elements within each of us, and sometimes it takes just the right chemistry between people to bring them out of one another.  But, those desires have to be already a part of that person.  In that respect change is possible, i have seen this occur with friends of mine.  He was a dominant, but when he met my girl friend, he immediately felt to submit to her.  He is now collared to her and they are doing well.  It happens. *smile

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/25/2006 9:39:03 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows
The key word here is love.  When you love someone - anything is possible.  It doesnt make it a condition of the marriage (or relationship) - its a natural occurance (as I am reading your post).  No one seems to be stating that they are changing their orientation because the one wants it the the other doesn't - its more a natural evolution - and everyone evolves.
 
Peace and Rapture


I don't think love makes everything possible.  I think love frees everyone to be who they are- even if that means being with someone else.  I can love someone and not be possible to live with them or be in a relationship with someone.

I agree - I dont think love makes everything possible at all.  Some mountains are just too high to climb - but anything is possible with love (or without it) - but Dnomyar was clear - he stated that love was involved - which is what I responded to.  Otherwise changing just because someone wants you to change is counter productive, unless it's your wish/desire to do it.  And love makes a great fool of the wisest man.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/25/2006 1:30:16 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		You are wrong.

A person can do amazing things for love....ever heard of the drunk or druggie who goes sober/straight?

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/26/2006 7:38:19 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

If the person is changing because that is the way their life's journey is headed, it will work. If the person is changing in order to please their partner, it most likely will not. Expecting others to change for you is unfair: change is unlikely in such an instance. Expecting yourself to change to meet another's wishes is also unfair; you will most likely become bitter about it.

Master Fire



I would agree with this. I'm Domme because I choose to be, not because someone else thought it was a good idea.

Just because your foot's getting wet doesn't mean it's raining, you also need to look for someone peeing on your foot trying to convince you it's water.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Switch to Dom - 10/26/2006 7:47:23 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Ok as usual this is from another post. The person claimed that a Switch would turn into a permanet Dom for the person that they love. I totally dissagree. If that would be a condition of the marriage then it is doomed from the start. What is your thought on the matter.


Its possible, a switch can be Dom all the time, or a sub all the time,  depending on who they choose to be involved with.  Love or not, when you are with someone who DOESNT switch, I would think the natural reaction would be to fall into the other role. Maybe I am wrong, but if the situation doesnt have the oppertunity to switch roles, then wouldnt someone just find contentment with therole they are in?

I equate that to my own situation. I am bisexual, however in a monogamous realtionship... I choose one gender over the other. It is not that I dont stil have desires for the one I am not with, but I have made the coice not to act on those desires in favor of what I do have.

Hope that makes sense.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 19
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