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RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/23/2006 11:12:22 PM   
Bluebird


Posts: 384
Joined: 2/17/2006
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline 		Probably because, and I don't mean this as a flame, but men complain more than women do.  When a man has a cold, you would think he was on the verge of death; (most) women stuff kleenex in their sleeve and pop a couple of advil and keep going.  Also, realistically - even if the femsub cannot get what she needs D/s-wise, she can almost certainly get "companionship" from a man if that is what she wants short-term.  Men who just want a "friend with benefits" to tide them over until they find a perfect relationship have a harder time of it. 

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Love is patient, love is kind. I am neither. Get over it.

(in reply to shadevarr)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/23/2006 11:18:48 PM   
jdtallfem


Posts: 180
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		Plus you have to factor in the ProDommes versus the lifestyle Domme's into this equation, right? If you're really counting heads.  I just know I get a ton of emails from subs and slaves, but it's hard to get them to show up. I am getting a few shows though, so hope to find someone eventually who's a great match.

(in reply to shadevarr)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/23/2006 11:36:54 PM   
Paradoxy


Posts: 51
Joined: 10/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

shadevarrThe main part though is why are the male subs more vocal about the dominant "shortage" than their female counterparts?


There is a study that's been done where infant boys and girls are tested for emotional outbursts.

Men are 70% more likely to become vocally upset when the mother stops playing with the child and makes no facial reactions towards it (makes a "poker face").  The infant girls tend to stay much more calm than the males.

Conclusion?  Men get upset more often than women.  THAT is your answer...

Men bitch more.

< Message edited by Paradoxy -- 10/23/2006 11:40:33 PM >

(in reply to shadevarr)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/23/2006 11:53:23 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I think the men might be more vocal becasue (and yes, I am ready for the backlash for his) male subs tend to be a bit more demanding than their female counterparts.  They are quicker to voice their opinions and their unhappiness about situations, in and out of D/s relationships.  Femsubs tend to be more accepting, and a touch more patient in their search.  In al the experience I have had with both, the boys were always faster to throw a temper tantrum if they didnt get immediate gratification from a task where the girls were far more content to serve or act and then wait for the after-effects.

DV 

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Paradoxy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/24/2006 5:41:49 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		You are preaching to the choir in Diurnal fashion........this postulate will recieve no backlash from me......I think it is a fair assessment.

Men will rage against the machine when angry........that's why they invented restraining orders to protect women from 'harm'...............

Ron 

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/24/2006 6:00:33 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		It’s really pretty simple. Most women feel safer and desire a relationship with a man that they have gotten to know and believe they can trust. However, men feel safe enough in numerous casual meetings.

That also means a serious man who will take the time to gain a woman’s friendship, respect and trust is rarer because most are into the casual meetings. Likewise it makes it harder for a man to find casual meetings because most women seek the safer relationship.  

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 10/24/2006 6:14:49 AM >

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(in reply to shadevarr)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/24/2006 6:34:12 AM   
Paradoxy


Posts: 51
Joined: 10/23/2006
Status: offline 		Very true, DiurnalVampire.

However, I happen to be one of those only men that did enjoy the act of service for it's own sake.

It's part of the Bushido/Cherokee "warrior" ethics that's been instilled in me since I was very young.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/24/2006 9:15:19 AM   
shadevarr


Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline 		So, in essence men are more vocal about their unhappiness and they also seek instant gratification which can be provided by prodommes leaving a whole lot of men grabbing at the few lifestyle dommes. Women, I believe, have been raised with the knowledge that finding someone that makes you happy takes time and they are quite patient about it.

(in reply to Paradoxy)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/24/2006 2:48:10 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shadevarr

So, in essence men are more vocal about their unhappiness and they also seek instant gratification which can be provided by prodommes leaving a whole lot of men grabbing at the few lifestyle dommes. Women, I believe, have been raised with the knowledge that finding someone that makes you happy takes time and they are quite patient about it.


Yes, but it also leaves lots of sub women grabbing at the few Doms who will take the time to get to know them.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to shadevarr)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/25/2006 7:05:09 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I think that difficulty of the task would be dependent on the individuals involved. Sometimes it is harder to carry out a task, takes more thought, more ingenuity, more creative thinking than mindlessly ordering others around... not that my Daddy does this, he doesn't. It seems a logical fallacy to assume one thing follows another... One person orders another to complete a task and is responsible for it, the other person is responsible to the person that ordered the task and must complete it.. unless the person is micromanaged in this endeavor to the point of not being able to take any credit for its accomplishment it really seems hard to determine who has it "harder"


Ah, but if it were all so simply about tasking, fetching, saying yes and no.   Then all a Dominant would have to do is come up with "where are my slippers?"

The real difficuly is in knowing the s-type, with planning and forethought, managing their growth and development, thier sexuality in many cases, finances in some cases..   i SO hate to imply s-types are like raising children, because that isn't the case,  but

Consider what a parent must do to raise kids RIGHT, considering their personalities,  defining rules that allow for each childs inherant differences>  Would jr do better playing football or buying a clarinet, or both?  Will a seaon as the team runt draw him up to the challenge, or would it seal his self concept as a luzer?   Those choices parents make based on knowledge of their child.  

Good Dominants do the same, only they don't have the luxury of seeing us in our formative years, they have to make much faster assesments, often while being feed incorrect or misguided data by a conflicted sub.  they have the responsibility when thier choices cause long lasting impact, they sleep, wake, and manage their lives with the "Do no harm" injunction, while at the same time, they're told "It's all about Your needs, get what YOU need---  Oh!  but... don't forget the sub has needs, don't fail the sub, the community is watching you!"

And W/we'll nail ya to the cross if You fuk up. Ever.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/25/2006 7:19:09 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		W/we do have to factor in the advertising that brings in the males as well.   both ALt and CM offer hot pics of women in fishnets portraying a fantasy that the women surfers aren't jumping on as much.  This place and places like it are marketed to males as a sexual outlet.  While many of the females that come here come for that too, they aren't as easily drown form a nilla dating relationship site to this one, where a guy can be busy in a relationship site, no hope of meeting TONIGHT and sees a blinking "She wants YOU NOW, register free" add and bam.  He's outta there.  On to the joys of wicked women instantly available because hey, we're lust driven animals, cuz we beat each other.   lol.

When the deal offered isn't as simple as registering and getting beat tonight, they get pissy.  Poor things.  but they will stick with it just in case, and some spend time learning and actually develop a real interest in power exchange, i think those are the ones that end up finding "lifestyle Dommes" eventually.

i really think the real is .. there aren't enough female TOPs to service the needs of so many male BOTTOMs...  but there are probably equal available Dommes and Doms and male subs as female subs.  It's just so much more common to see Domme confused for Topping skilled, especially by the male bottoms that see the advertising that calls them Dommes.

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/25/2006 7:42:21 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

I might add that part of this is because it is 'easier' to be submissive, given a choice.

Hmm, I was all set to jump on him for this also, but then I actually stopped and thought about it. He is partly right in his assessment.

Ok, done hijacking...back to the thread

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/25/2006 7:49:40 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

quote:

I might add that part of this is because it is 'easier' to be submissive, given a choice.

Hmm, I was all set to jump on him for this also, but then I actually stopped and thought about it. He is partly right in his assessment.

Ok, done hijacking...back to the thread


I'm not sure. It's easier for me to be submissive but that's because I'm wired that way. It certainly wouldn't be easy for my dom to submit, because he's always in charge. He sure doesn't take orders well, even from the doctor.

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/25/2006 8:44:48 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with the concepts in the differences between men and women. Only to add that I think there are more women than men that I have met that are quite comfortable with the idea of not being in a relationship. Maybe not in the younger ages but as we mature emotionally and mentally. I know alot of women that get out of a LTR and are in no big hurry to even date. Most men are already shopping as they pack their bags, if not before.

As far as which is easier, dominance or submission, I think neither over all. There are some aspects that are specifically more difficult for one than the other I feel. As an example, I feel that submissives are way more sensitive and stressed about pleasing the dominant. Most I have known get very stressed at the very idea of "doing something wrong". I know a few that are friends of mine, they will email me and if they do not hear a reply within a certain amount of time they are concerned that I am upset with them for some reason. I have to remind them, if I am upset with them I will most definately let them know. There are many other possibilities why I may not have emailed, the most probable was that I either did not have anything I felt was intelligent to say at the moment OR I thought about what I was going to say, ended up THINKING I had replied but in truth only thought about it, got interupted and then.....poof......44 yo busy dingy brain totally spaced it off. Myself on the other hand, if I do not get a reply I just assume it is for a reason that I might have, busy, nothing to say, forgot I existed, any number of things. I just wait until I have something I want to say to them and write again without any worries. I never assume it is something I did or said. I think that a dominant is more concerned with the big picture and sometimes more tactile facets of the relationship.Feeling more responsible for the leading and structure of things.

I may be way off base and just putting my expectations of myself and what I have experienced on others but I just thought I would toss that out there.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/25/2006 12:56:44 PM   
subjected2006


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline 		I am going to stick my neck out here and suggest that Dommes probably (by the very nature of being female) take more time and better nurture their subs.
So therefore are more "discriminating."
Just saying..
And surrendering your will might not seem like such a huge endeavor..but  just try to relax if you know there's a gut punch coming.(before the safety police arm,I dont think anyone should hit another human in the gut..I am useing that metaphorically.)
I do understand the responsibility a Dom must take on..but I sure dont hear a whole lot of them doing it.
And I am surprised more subs dont complain about the number of so called Doms who are simply in it for  the oral sex,and are really very vanila.








_____________________________

a rose is a rose..

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/25/2006 5:24:59 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		Men don't charge (for the most part) & are always open minded to get some action.

Women are less likely to complain about things they don't pay for.

On the other hand... Many men have been willing to come out of pocket for female attention for many generations & women have learned how to profit on this willingness... thus women creating many business endeavors based solely on this willingness of men.

Yet some men don't want to pay or can't afford to pay so they pitch a fit about not getting any... especially when they know some other dude out there are getting his.

I believe this is why it is more widely heard & talked about. Women aren't stressing it, they know they will find someone eventually & it won't cost them a tribute.

There are plenty of women in the scene but most men are chasing a fantasy & the real women are simply not measuring up to these fantasies. These are also the men ranting about not finding a free date.... or one that is not a bbw or one who is not older or one that isn't "fill in the blank".

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MstrssPassion


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/25/2006 7:12:05 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre

Maybe we could increase the numbers by using multi-level marketing techniques ala Amway. Each person get 6 vanilla people indoctrinated into the scene, and they each get 6, and so on and so forth.


There is a mathematical limit to any pyramid marketing scheme.

I want to say seven levels if you have 3 people beneath you.  So with 6 people beneath you, that would allow for only 4 or 5 levels and then the market dries up of fresh meat.

Basically, you take the number of people under you, and multiply it to the power of the levels you have.  When you run out of people on the planet, the pyramid dies.

And these limits assume that everybody in the world wants to sell Amway.

Technically, they also assume that everybody else selling Amway wants to buy Amway products from you.

Not sure what that has to do with the availability of partners in the D/s world, but there you go.

On a related note, I am uncertain whether there is a preponderance of Gender X to Gender Y.  I am of the opinion that one of the genders tends to be saturated by HNGs sending profiles to 1000 women a day, which tends to remove women from the dating pool the way a Denial of Service attack shuts down Yahoo.com

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Aubre)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/25/2006 7:16:26 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bluebird

Probably because, and I don't mean this as a flame, but men complain more than women do.  When a man has a cold, you would think he was on the verge of death; (most) women stuff kleenex in their sleeve and pop a couple of advil and keep going.  Also, realistically - even if the femsub cannot get what she needs D/s-wise, she can almost certainly get "companionship" from a man if that is what she wants short-term.  Men who just want a "friend with benefits" to tide them over until they find a perfect relationship have a harder time of it. 


I was with a woman for a while who popped Vitamin T for pain like candy.  She complained a lot about things that hurt.

I had pain medications in my medicine cabinet that I never took, preferring to lie in bed and watch movies and just live longer than the pain.

I once complained about my face hurting the day after a wisdom tooth extraction, her comment to me was "Take some pain medication, if you are complaining it must really hurt."

I didnt take the medication.  I grumbled, sipped a martini (alcohol does something to blood vessels and the tooth socket was still bleeding.  It was technical, duh) and fell asleep.

I object to the sexist comment that men complain more than women.  I am a man, I seldom complain.  I have been with women who complained a lot.

Just me, could be wrong, there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Bluebird)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Dom/me availability? - 10/30/2006 8:59:37 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shadevarr
LAM, that is why I wanted it discussed. The main part though is why are the male subs more vocal about the dominant "shortage" than their female counterparts?


It's simple.  With a female/male ratio of roughly 5/1 on collarme the ratio of female submissives to male dominants is much more favorable, to the submissive, than the ratio of female dominants to male submissives.  The fact is that a female submissive who really wants to find a dominant of the opposite sex is much more likely to find one than a male submissive is.

In the r/t community, while the female/male ratio is much closer, from what I see, although still weighted on the side of the men.

(in reply to shadevarr)
Profile   Post #: 39
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