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sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/22/2006 8:52:32 AM

maryelena

Posts: 25
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline

I tend to be agressive , controlling, and bossy, and have been recently drawn to try this lifestyle for several reasons, one of which is the hope it could carry over into my work life, and help me be more respectful of my bosses, and men. I often challenge bosses, but lack finess when I do this.When I question their instrutions, I often have a valid points,but I often irk them with the way I question.
Does becoming a sub help you improve in showing appropriate repect for authority (besides your Dom) , without becoming overly, and foolishly obedient to men who have no real authority over you?
Foolish example would be, a cop pulls you over for speeding, then starts to flirt with you, and asks for your phone number, or wants to frisk you for potential weapons and you agree to frisking and give him you number. This board will likely get many witty comment abot cop fantasies, but ....I am only sub to one man, and want to be very careful with the rest.
Have any subs had a problem w/ too much "life" submission due to being in this lifestyle?

Post #: 1

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/22/2006 8:57:51 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Does becoming a sub help you improve in showing appropriate repect for authority (besides your Dom) , without becoming overly, and foolishly obedient to men who have no real authority over you?

I jealously guard who controls me, because that is his sphere, especially at the emotional and psychological arena of my existence.

I did notice my approach to authority changed when I discovered my submissiveness, just some slight softening of the edges, but I am pretty adament about who controls me. If I let someone else into my head he is liable to call me on that (and I mean let other people upset me in some way). You can accept authority without being submissive to it, you can follow direction without being a submissive.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to maryelena)

Post #: 2

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/22/2006 10:50:44 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

It depends on whether you--and especially your dom--feel that you need to improve in that area. Being submissive to a dom is not the same thing as being submissive to the world, so there is no reason to assume that you'll be more submissive to your bosses just because you're in a d/s relationship with a dominant lover. But if you both feel that this is a shortcoming of yours--and I get the sense that you do--then he can certainly help you improve your behavior in public if he is so inclined.

quote:

ORIGINAL: maryelena

Does becoming a sub help you improve in showing appropriate repect for authority (besides your Dom) , without becoming overly, and foolishly obedient to men who have no real authority over you?

(in reply to maryelena)

Post #: 3

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/22/2006 11:07:13 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

Hello A/all,

quote:

ORIGINAL: maryelena

I tend to be agressive , controlling, and bossy, and have been recently drawn to try this lifestyle for several reasons, one of which is the hope it could carry over into my work life, and help me be more respectful of my bosses, and men. I often challenge bosses, but lack finess when I do this.When I question their instrutions, I often have a valid points,but I often irk them with the way I question.

My initial thoughts on reading this are that you seem to be saying that being polite and deferential is synonymous with submission.

I do not personally agree. Being polite and deferential is something I would imagine people either are or might need to learn.

It may not be what you are saying that irks them, it may be the way you say things since 93% of all communication is non-verbal.

How do you ask questions or make statements? Is there something you are aware of doing which upsets the other person? I am not necessarily saying ask the person who is outraged at you. I am saying to examine your own behavior and try to pick out the queues.

The other thing to keep in mind is that every situation has a different emotional context above and beyond what is actually happening.

I was working on a project one time years ago, and we had a critical deadline the following day and I was point person with a lot to finish. The woman I was working with would field all the people who came into our office ranting about whether or not it was done, while I sat and calmly typed away.

Eventually, she turned to me and said "Do you ever get upset about anything?"

I responded "Would it help?"

quote:

Does becoming a sub help you improve in showing appropriate repect for authority (besides your Dom) , without becoming overly, and foolishly obedient to men who have no real authority over you?
Foolish example would be, a cop pulls you over for speeding, then starts to flirt with you, and asks for your phone number, or wants to frisk you for potential weapons and you agree to frisking and give him you number. This board will likely get many witty comment abot cop fantasies, but ....I am only sub to one man, and want to be very careful with the rest.

I am not sure that shows submission on your part. It shows abuse of authority by the cop. In California, all interactions between police and individuals are now videotaped by the camera built into the car.

Cuts down on a lot of that sort of behavior by cops.

In regards to your other question, as to whether being a submissive in a relationship to a Dominant would cause changes in your behavior, I would imagine that would depend on the relationship you have with Him/Her/It.

There is a difference between being assertive and being impolite. I dont mind my submissive saying "No" to people or expressing her opinion, I simply have an issue with it if she is impolite to them.

There is a difference between being impolite (as perceived by me) and impolite (as perceived by somebody else) and I will "take it off-line" to discuss it with my submissive if I think she is being rude to somebody else. I do this because it is my dynamic with her, and I dont feel it is the other person's business to be involved.

To summarize, I think that submission or Domination are intrinsic to the person. I know any number of extremely impolite and rude people on both sides of the flogger. I also know any number of polite and deferential people on both sides of the flogger.

This is just me and I could be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to maryelena)

Post #: 4

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/22/2006 11:35:03 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

To be honest, I don't think you should be that bothered about changing how you act at work-if you have a point then you have a point and every right to raise it. I would suggest you just be submissive to your Domme/Dom. You have no need to submit to any other person (beyond doing as you boss asks you).

As I read your psot you seemed to be saying you think you should be more submissive to more people more of the time, I would like to say I think this is a very unhealthy thing to do. Good luck.

HalloweenWhite.

(in reply to maryelena)

Post #: 5

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/22/2006 1:00:14 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

If you think you have a problem in the way you're coming across or relating at work, then working on that itself might be a good idea.....but I don't see where being a *submissive* has a lot to do with that really.

agirl

(in reply to maryelena)

Post #: 6

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/22/2006 2:24:05 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I have found that since being involved in WIITWD that I have better been able to see power dynamics in the real world, specifically in the workplace. From there, I handle different people different ways, depending on the circumstances.

In general, I'm better able to see respect, as well as disrepsect from or directed towards others. Then I have a choice as to what I do or say.

In some cases, I might choose to be deferential, in others I might meet someone head-on. Sometimes I'll play some headgames, other times I might 'dom' a situation over superiors because it's the right thing to do.

I'm still surprised, however, that we 'internally' cannot give each other the appropriate feedback. We save the 'good stuff' for our partners, and forget about the rest. Such a shame.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to maryelena)

Post #: 7

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/22/2006 8:24:33 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I think their is a big difference between being submissive and being respectful. I was always taught to be respectful to authority figures very strongly. This is quite different to being submissive to them.

Sometimes we are not the best judge of our own actions, but I beleive my submissive nature does not affect my real world life. I personally from what the OP described think you could have better tact at work from what you described, but I am very old school in this area and sometimes do not fit in compared to others in this area.

Lin

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 8

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/22/2006 10:45:36 PM

maryelena

Posts: 25
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline

Toservez, I think you are correct, and I guess I do want more "old school" manners. There are methods of communicating that can still help you achieve some goals (at work for example, or with the clerk or whomever) without hurting feelings and offending. Sometimes I can do this, but when I am feeling pressure, I often fail. I guess I need to be especially aware of when I am stressed and pressured, and really work on lowering the voice, and watching my attitude. I reallly want to be a more gentle and kind woman , without losing my friendliness, humor, witt, and desire to do a good job at work.I do think this is achievable, and I think you may understand what I am reaching for. Thank you toservez for your reply.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 9

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/22/2006 10:55:40 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

In my experience, being submissive doesnt impact how you come across in your outside life situations at all. I know my boy isnt any more or less responsive to authority other than mine since I got him. I have had female friends who were subs, and who were nastier than I was at work with it came to respecting the management and dealing with just about anyone who told them what to do. Dominance and submission dont impact how you handle yourself professionaly. It sounds more like you need to learn how to handle people in a professional setting. Thats something a Dom could help you learn, potentially, but simply being submissive will not teach you more tact than you already have.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to maryelena)

Post #: 10

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/23/2006 2:32:16 AM

slavegirl1969

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

I too was taught to be respectful to others, no matter what their position or mine was in life. I am a submissive but I am also a police officer and very much dominant in my working day. My superior officers are all addressed as Sir but I am not submissive to them, just respectful. I am submissive (in a D/x sense) only to my Master and respectful to everyone else who deserves it.

(ps what is it about the cop fantasy! I know I meet a lot of men (usually drunk on a weekend) who go all silly with us female coppers, I don't know what it's like in the US but has anyone seen the uniform us women have to wear - its not sexy in the slightest)

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 11

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/23/2006 7:07:32 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: maryelena

I tend to be agressive , controlling, and bossy, and have been recently drawn to try this lifestyle for several reasons, one of which is the hope it could carry over into my work life, and help me be more respectful of my bosses, and men. I often challenge bosses, but lack finess when I do this.When I question their instrutions, I often have a valid points,but I often irk them with the way I question.
Does becoming a sub help you improve in showing appropriate repect for authority (besides your Dom) , without becoming overly, and foolishly obedient to men who have no real authority over you?
Foolish example would be, a cop pulls you over for speeding, then starts to flirt with you, and asks for your phone number, or wants to frisk you for potential weapons and you agree to frisking and give him you number. This board will likely get many witty comment abot cop fantasies, but ....I am only sub to one man, and want to be very careful with the rest.
Have any subs had a problem w/ too much "life" submission due to being in this lifestyle?

I think it's more a matter of basic manners, the ability to make sound arguments, and having the confidence to stand up for yourself. It might also help to be willing to reflect on one's past to see why certain behaviors and attitudes are there and then the determination and time to make any adjustments you think are beneficial.

You could learn that through submission to another person or not. I've been pleased that the vast majority of people I've trained or owned have become stronger and more independant in public or vanilla matters probably because once they had a sense of consenting to authority and that authority respecting their opinions and valuing their skills/abilities they were not willing to settle for less in the mundane world.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to maryelena)

Post #: 12

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/23/2006 7:22:17 AM

maryelena

Posts: 25
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

I'm still surprised, however, that we 'internally' cannot give each other the appropriate feedback. We save the 'good stuff' for our partners, and forget about the rest. Such a shame.

Jeff

Jeff, Can you please explain what you mean by this?

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 13

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/23/2006 7:32:55 AM

maryelena

Posts: 25
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirl1969

(ps what is it about the cop fantasy! I know I meet a lot of men (usually drunk on a weekend) who go all silly with us female coppers, I don't know what it's like in the US but has anyone seen the uniform us women have to wear - its not sexy in the slightest)

The cop fantasy is not one I personally have, I just used the scenario to demonstrate my point. Drunk men tend to find many people sexy, regardless of what they wear, still, I am sure there are gads of folks who have various authority fantasies.US uniforms for females are also unattractive. Maryelena

(in reply to slavegirl1969)

Post #: 14

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/23/2006 8:34:48 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: maryelena
Does becoming a submissive help you improve in showing appropriate repect for authority (besides your Dom) , without becoming overly, and foolishly obedient to men who have no real authority over you?

It should help you immensely, so long as you are under the direction and guidance of a noble ruler. Wise Masters or Mistresses know their servants go out into the world as examples of their teaching. One cannot help but wonder about a girl's Master when she is arrogant and cynical, sharp-tongued and errs always on the side of disregard or belligerence. To what has been placed within oneself, one's body, voice and demeanor should thus attune. This is not to say the owned or indentured must walk throughout life as slaves to the world, rather that they are envoys of sorts to what mentors them.

(in reply to maryelena)

Post #: 15

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/23/2006 9:28:32 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

What I meant is that when I entered the Lifestyle I learned to recognize respect for more than what we are initially taught. Or perhaps to actually apply it rather than play with it.

So you go to an event and you see servants respecting their betters, Dom(me)s respecting each other, etc. It seems that they all matured to understanding 'respect' towards one another.

Also, being in a 'kinky' lifestyle, you understand to embrace your own kinks. It only seems natural that we embrace other people's kinks, even if they don't match their own.

Here (on CM), you see quite a bit of the opposite. If people don't understand how a certain activity fits in, then it is derided. It snowballs amongst responders. Then, someone enterprising will chime in with the comment 'that this place is no different than the rest of the world - why should we respect each other more than anyone else'.

I thought that was because we had learned ourselves and others better. I suppose not. That is what I find sad.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to maryelena)

Post #: 16

RE: sumbmission carried over into "life" - 10/23/2006 10:04:09 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Actually I find the opposite. In some ways I am stronger with others now, less able to be a pushover. I'm submissive to one only, I don't have unused submissiveness available to anyone who happens to push the right button.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 17

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