|
mstrjx -> The performance of our lives (10/2/2006 4:14:34 PM)
|
Most threads here don’t start with a list of disclaimers. This one is going to be a little different.
The post is going to be lengthy. Please bear with me, and take the time to read it through to the end.
There have been a number of threads lately that have become very divisive on their issues. Respect; love; control over others as well as self-control; the dilution of what we do in the Lifestyle today vs. how our forebears started; terms, phrases and definitions; what we wear and/or wish we didn’t. While the dialogue can often be a good thing when there is some sort of progress made, when agreements cannot be made one way or another without resorting to attacks on others, then there might be a problem.
This thread is not directed towards any individual. This thread is for the lovers and the unloved, those who respect and the disrespected, and all of the various types of people who call ‘kink’ their home using whatever label you do.
The purpose of this thread is to take us back to the basics, to our individual roots. I think it is important to remember who we are, so we can deal better with others. I want to do that in a simple, basic manner, and then work forward.
What better way to start in a simple fashion than with a childhood pastime? Of course, I’m speaking of ……….. shadow puppets. I’ve put it in my tagline before, and I believe the following to be true:
Shadow puppets are the perfect metaphor for life.
There was a thread not long ago about what is ‘real’ and not. Is an image of an apple more beautiful than the apple itself? This thread is an extension of that, as well.
For those of you who don’t know, or possibly forgot, shadow puppets are those ‘things’ you create on the wall when you put your hands in front of a light bulb, to create shapes such as birds and such. They are not static; they show movement.
So how is it I find any importance in this?
Unlike going to a movie (cinema), making shadow puppets are a performance. When you go to a movie, nobody ever stares at the projection booth, because there isn’t really anything there to see. But the mechanism of creating a shadow puppet can be as interesting as the shadow itself.
If we think that the two things happening here (the ‘action’ and the shadow) are divided by FACT and FANTASY, then, which is which?
The answer is it depends on where your focus lies. Shadow puppets, like life itself, can be thought of as elegant, graceful, beautiful; but they are also complicated, ugly, difficult. The only difference is how you view it.
So it is fair to say also that shadow puppets are an example of one or more dualities. We will see a great deal of this here as well.
Let us apply all of this to US. Who are we, really? We think of ourselves as how we identify here (dominant, submissive, top, bottom, slave, etc.), but is that who we really are?
In truth, none of us are that 100% of the time. Truthfully, if we had to identify as ‘something’ scene-related to describe our entire essence, we would have to call ourselves switches. We do not go through life dominating everyone we meet. The closest approximation of that would be a bully, and that person has no place here. On the other side, nobody submits in every detail of their life. When you go through the drive-through picking up the fast food, you placed the order and somebody else cooked the food and gave it to you. If they got it right, then even the most thorough of slaves just got served. As interesting as it might sound, we do not get to use that nice riding crop on everyone that crosses our path (although there are some that no doubt deserve it); nor is it appropriate to suggest to your boss, without topping from the bottom of course, to gag you because you spoke out of turn at the board meeting.
No, we take that aspect of our life that we speak of ‘here’ (call it a ‘role’ if you like), and we apply that to our primary relationship. But is it a ‘fact’ that we are really vanilla people who only allow our ‘fantasy’ personage to come out when we are with our mate(s)? Not necessarily. The ‘fantasy’ of who we are could be the person going to work every day, and can only be ‘real’ when we finally get home. Now, I spoke of ‘role’ but that is not to imply role-playing (although it could). Another appropriate word is ‘persona’. But if we hearken back to the shadow puppets, that really IS a performance, and the use of the term ‘role’ can be appropriately used.
(Side note: we make fun of ‘real’ this and ‘real’ that. We should alter our thinking to believe that those of us we find (or not) ‘real’ are actually ‘authentic’ (or not). This would lend more credence to our arguments.)
So we ourselves have that duality. Who we are, and who we are when we can’t be what we want to be. But we aren’t 100% anything.
But when we are ‘this’ (dom, sub, etc.), and how we got here, it is because of a choice that we made at some point in our lives. It is quite impossible we were ‘born’ to be, for example, a slave. Yes, there are those that are raised in Lifestyle homes, but being humans of free will, even as they grow older they must exhibit some responsibility for selecting their own destiny.
And like any choice, we have the ability to choose something else tomorrow. One of the Dommes amongst us said in a thread not too long ago her only regret is that in her past she never had the opportunity to serve, if only for a year (if I recall). She went on to say that at this point in her life making that choice now would not be possible. I’m not going to argue that, but the fact remains that that choice is certainly still available. Any one of us could bear the appropriate mindset to be something ‘else’ tomorrow. All we need are our individual motivations.
You made a choice; do not forget that. But you can choose again any time you like. You can also choose not to be in the Lifestyle tomorrow, or to end your current relationship, regardless of your persona in that relationship. So really, we are all just the same; we just chose our way to be on different sides of the duality.
When we interact with vanilla people, we do not often (if at all) show them ‘this’ side of us. In other words, we are enacting our own version of shadow puppets, but we are manipulating the situation to ensure that their attention is on the part we want them to see, not the entire picture. Whether we are showing them the ‘fact’ of us, or a ‘fantasy’ version, is how we view ourselves. To take it further, whom are we actually ‘performing’ for? For our partner(s), or everyone else? The fact remains; unless we make ourselves known, we are not who we seem to be. We use that to our advantage.
If we are, in fact, the same except for our personal choice, then why are we making such a fuss of basic relationship principles such as respect and love? I suppose individually we think we either need these, or don’t; and we think that we should give these, or not. But it cannot possibly have anything to do with the ‘choice’ we made as to who we think we are (today).
There are many necessary dualities in what we do. Pleasure and pain. Dom and sub. The things we say, and the things we choose not to say while doing the first. Master (or Mistress) and servant/slave. Right and wrong. Top and bottom. Obedience and discipline. In every single one of these cases you cannot have one without understanding (or having) the perspective of the other. Fulfillment cannot happen without both. It requires both to make a whole.
As I close here (I know, I know, you were waiting for the good stuff), please understand that there is no question to resolve here, although please feel free to discuss the merits of what I’ve said here (or expound on some things I might have missed – I fairly well threw this together in an evening). I do, however, think that the issues I’ve brought here (even using a simplistic tool) are worth our consideration. We do need to better understand ourselves, and by that same token we do need to understand that when we deal with others, we are trying to grasp what we can ‘see’, not necessarily the reality. At times we are all performing, at times not. We pick and choose those times, and our audience might not be able to tell the difference.
Thanks for your time.
Jeff
|
|
|
|
