Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it?

Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (Full Version)

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iliv2servher -> Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 12:00:19 PM)
I think that I have done that all of my life. I've had many chances to find happiness...only to let it slip through my fingers like sands through the proverbial hour glass. Giving up power is not easy, even though it's something that many submissives/slaves have fantasized about and yearned for all of our lives. But when faced with the reality of spending our lives with someone who we believe has the power to control us, we often balk and run, even though this is something that we have always yearned for. How many times have we done that? How many times have we regretted our decision? I have spent my entire life wrestling with the notion that I would love to be in a relationship with a totally controlling person; but when it came down to the reality, I have always backed away. Why? I do not know why. Maybe it is because I don't trust myself enough to make that decision and go with it. Missed opportunities will never be recovered. They are only sweet memories of what could have been. So, to those of you who yearn for that very special partner who could possibly complete your life and could help to make it meaningful, just go with your instincts and take a chance. If you don't try, you may very well end up like me, alone and dreaming of what might have been a reality, but it is now only just a dream.

juliaoceania -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 12:20:35 PM)
quote: Giving up power is not easy, even though it's something that many submissives/slaves have fantasized about and yearned for all of our lives. But when faced with the reality of spending our lives with someone who we believe has the power to control us, we often balk and run, even though this is something that we have always yearned for. How many times have we done that? How many times have we regretted our decision? I haven't done that in my power exchange relationships... I have had it happen in my vanilla undertakings, and not just in relation to relationships... but with career goals. They call it self sabatoge, not believing that we deserve something, so we sabatoge ourselves. At least that has been my experience... What I more commonly did was when things have been good in the past for me I did not believe I deserved it on some level so I would become to fearful of the other shoe dropping I would live in this state on anxiety. I am slowly outgrowing that.. it is a process perhaps?

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 12:57:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: iliv2servher I think that I have done that all of my life. I've had many chances to find happiness...only to let it slip through my fingers like sands through the proverbial hour glass I've only done this once. I knew a submissive (though he didn't know about submission or call himself sub) man who treated me like a Goddess at one time, even before my discovering this lifestyle. But I was in a new place, getting way too much attention, and unable to concentrate on the fact that I had a beautiful man who adored me and wanted to settle down... I suppose my only excuse is that I wasn't entirely ready, but I regret the way I treated him every day, and on occasion wonder if my difficulty now is karma biting me in the ass. quote: Giving up power is not easy, even though it's something that many submissives/slaves have fantasized about and yearned for all of our lives. But when faced with the reality of spending our lives with someone who we believe has the power to control us, we often balk and run, even though this is something that we have always yearned for I have nothing to say to this except that I have encountered this very thing on a few occasions in the last 4years, and it has always puzzled me. So I thank you for starting this thread and hope for a lot of input, especially from submissives who do this, so I can hopefully undersand the "why." M

juliaoceania -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 1:10:15 PM)
quote: I've only done this once. I knew a submissive (though he didn't know about submission or call himself sub) man who treated me like a Goddess at one time, even before my discovering this lifestyle. But I was in a new place, getting way too much attention, and unable to concentrate on the fact that I had a beautiful man who adored me and wanted to settle down... I suppose my only excuse is that I wasn't entirely ready, but I regret the way I treated him every day, and on occasion wonder if my difficulty now is karma biting me in the ass. I had this experience when I was first separated... the rebound relationship. I am not a domme so it was not what I needed to have a man tell me "how high" when I said "jump" I did not treat him well, I did not respect him, and I hurt him badly because he loved me. I did not mean to, and I used to wonder for years if I had bad karma for hurting him... I do not think so today... I think he was a submissive and so was I...lol. In either case I was young and hurting and very inexperienced in life... I never meant to hurt him, and intent is everything.

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 1:17:32 PM)
I think sometimes, I still do it.... Going through my divorce hurt my self esteem, and I make relationship end before they have a chance to begin, thinking I will save myself some heartache...but doing so only hurts me....

Emperor1956 -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 1:18:01 PM)
quote: julia: What I more commonly did was when things have been good in the past for me I did not believe I deserved it on some level so I would become to fearful of the other shoe dropping I would live in this state on anxiety. Julia, I have seen this over and over, and as person who has been close friends with (or lovers with) someone in this spiral, it is very frustrating. You see someone good, someone you care for deeply grow as a person, accept the friendships and love life gives them. You think they are "getting it" and becoming a fully realized, healthy person. It is like they are slowly climbing up a spiral, getting stronger and stronger. And then, its like they get to a precipice, and teeter and fall off saying "I'm not good. I'm not worthy." And in falling they often destroy the relationships that they had...and they sink down, and for Me as the friend/lover, there is little I can do. I've seen this pattern in others (fortunately not in those I'm attracted to, usually, but not always) for most of My adult life. I wish I knew something that "snaps" that pattern early. But I don't. E.

DesertRat -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 1:37:01 PM)
Well, yeah, I've done that. But, for me, the operative part of the OP's question is the phrase "think you had it all", with emphasis on the word "think". On several recent occasions I thought I had it all. I was wrong. Sure, I...or we went on to ruin it, but it wasn't gonna work in the long run anyway. I am learning to improve my critical judgement and keep my expectations to a reasonable and time-appropriate level. Bob

jamesthehumanrug -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 1:47:20 PM)
"LOVE" OR TO LOVE SOMEONE ,THAT'S GIVING SOMEONE A LOT OF POWER;INFATUATION ,ONLY LAST SIX MONTHS;REAL LOVE HAS ONE ELEMENT ,OTHER THINGS DONT: 'sacrifice';....(wonder what brite slave did that number one song and got plagiarized and truly ripped!) quote: ORIGINAL: iliv2servher I think that I have done that all of my life. I've had many chances to find happiness...only to let it slip through my fingers like sands through the proverbial hour glass. Giving up power is not easy, even though it's something that many submissives/slaves have fantasized about and yearned for all of our lives. But when faced with the reality of spending our lives with someone who we believe has the power to control us, we often balk and run, even though this is something that we have always yearned for. How many times have we done that? How many times have we regretted our decision? I have spent my entire life wrestling with the notion that I would love to be in a relationship with a totally controlling person; but when it came down to the reality, I have always backed away. Why? I do not know why. Maybe it is because I don't trust myself enough to make that decision and go with it. Missed opportunities will never be recovered. They are only sweet memories of what could have been. So, to those of you who yearn for that very special partner who could possibly complete your life and could help to make it meaningful, just go with your instincts and take a chance. If you don't try, you may very well end up like me, alone and dreaming of what might have been a reality, but it is now only just a dream.

juliaoceania -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 1:51:18 PM)
quote: wish I knew something that "snaps" that pattern early. But I don't. For me it was the ability to see that if I started something I a lot of control over, applied myself, and kept working at it I could succeed at things that no one could take from me... For me it was my secondary education that gave me this experience. If I applied myself, worked hard, I would excel... no one could take that away from me. I have two degrees, and they are mine. On one there is an honor that I earned.. this is irrevocable. No one can negate these achievements. There is no way to spiral down, I can only go up. Now I have stagnated with the next step on my journey for family reasons.. but the past has written these achievements in stone. I can always look on that to show myself I can accomplish much in this life.... The only one that can give us self worth is ourselves.

freakgoddess -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 2:03:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: iliv2servher I think that I have done that all of my life. I've had many chances to find happiness...only to let it slip through my fingers like sands through the proverbial hour glass. Giving up power is not easy, even though it's something that many submissives/slaves have fantasized about and yearned for all of our lives. But when faced with the reality of spending our lives with someone who we believe has the power to control us, we often balk and run, even though this is something that we have always yearned for. How many times have we done that? How many times have we regretted our decision? I have spent my entire life wrestling with the notion that I would love to be in a relationship with a totally controlling person; but when it came down to the reality, I have always backed away. Why? I do not know why. Maybe it is because I don't trust myself enough to make that decision and go with it. Missed opportunities will never be recovered. They are only sweet memories of what could have been. So, to those of you who yearn for that very special partner who could possibly complete your life and could help to make it meaningful, just go with your instincts and take a chance. If you don't try, you may very well end up like me, alone and dreaming of what might have been a reality, but it is now only just a dream. all of the sub men i have personally known have done this. i've come to view the desire of sub men to submit to a dominant woman as merely a fantasy. i've noticed that the quickest way to get rid of a sub man is to give him exactly what he says he wants.

DOM33416 -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 2:25:57 PM)
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. ~ Alexander Graham Bell

Frank01 -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 2:32:21 PM)
The good thing about mistakes is that we can choose to learn from them. The same opportunities never avail themselves twice..........But you past will only be your future if you choose to live there. In other words, learn to change your patterns of behavior. Easier said than done.[;)]

amayos -> RE: Missed opportunities (9/30/2006 2:38:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: iliv2servher I think that I have done that all of my life. I've had many chances to find happiness...only to let it slip through my fingers like sands through the proverbial hour glass. Frankly, I think many of us do this, and far more frequently than we may consider upon a glance. I have seen more than my share of those who aspire toward an ideal and then cower, or worse yet, walk by completely oblivious when life puts the very object of their desire before them. Indecision cripples. It behooves us to sharpen our skills of observation and act when an opportunity presents itself. In the lifespan of this reality we call The Universe, we are all going to be spending much more time dead than living in it. Carpe Noctem.

LadyEllen -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 2:44:47 PM)
I know I had it all. I had climbed the heights of Maslow's triangle and had it all. But in making that last push for the summit, the rest of the mountain crumbled beneath me. Now here I am at the peak, and desperately trying to fill the breach beneath it, before I crash down into the crevasse. Sometimes its best to know how far you've climbed already, and be happy with that. Unless you know how far you've climbed, and know that all of that is for nothing unless you can reach the summit. But you have to be prepared to lose in any gamble, and though I lost the bet, I won the pot. E

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 2:57:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Frank01 The good thing about mistakes is that we can choose to learn from them. The same opportunities never avail themselves twice..........But you past will only be your future if you choose to live there Now you tell me. [&o] quote: In other words, learn to change your patterns of behavior. I have, now what? lol M

DivaDuchess -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 3:00:40 PM)
Everyone lives with regrets, it's getting past them, learning from them and not repeating the same mistakes. There many women I have counselled over the years that keep going back to the same 'type' of person that hurt them before. I have worked with several of them to break this 'cycle of pain' ... sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. It's in how badly they want something better. Then realizing that they are worthy of better. My slaves know, though I don't have one in Our home right now, that they are special and desired. Valued. Find yourself valuable without someone else having to tell you and you've found gold inside yourself.

MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 3:00:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig quote: ORIGINAL: iliv2servher I think that I have done that all of my life. I've had many chances to find happiness...only to let it slip through my fingers like sands through the proverbial hour glass I've only done this once. I knew a submissive (though he didn't know about submission or call himself sub) man who treated me like a Goddess at one time, even before my discovering this lifestyle. But I was in a new place, getting way too much attention, and unable to concentrate on the fact that I had a beautiful man who adored me and wanted to settle down... I suppose my only excuse is that I wasn't entirely ready, but I regret the way I treated him every day, and on occasion wonder if my difficulty now is karma biting me in the ass. quote: Giving up power is not easy, even though it's something that many submissives/slaves have fantasized about and yearned for all of our lives. But when faced with the reality of spending our lives with someone who we believe has the power to control us, we often balk and run, even though this is something that we have always yearned for I have nothing to say to this except that I have encountered this very thing on a few occasions in the last 4years, and it has always puzzled me. So I thank you for starting this thread and hope for a lot of input, especially from submissives who do this, so I can hopefully undersand the "why." M Yes, I too would like to hear from the submissives who do this, to better understand the reasons why. I was on the receiving end of a sudden and unexpected balk and run after a 2 1/2 year relationship, and to this day do not completely understand why. We talked on the phone on a Wednesday, everything was fine (or so I thought). Then that Friday, he came over here, yelling at Me at the top of his lungs, saying all kinds of hurtful things. Needless to say, this behavior got him the quick release he evidently was seeking. Yes, he presented reasons to Me, but frankly, none of them rang true and My intuition tells Me that fear was at the root of it. One of the things he told Me was that he "wasn't very submissive." If that is true, why on earth would he have remained in a relationship with a Dominant Woman for 2 1/2 years? I noticed that he promptly took an ad out on another site as a dominant. He then took out an ad as a submissive on this site. A few months later, he had a submissive ad on the other site, followed by another dominant ad on this site. I would like to hear input from other submissives as to why they balk and run. Frankly, I do not wish to confront him again, because I do not desire to again be on the receiving end of his yelling. I also suspect that he cannot admit the true reasons even to himself, let alone Me. Lady Topaz

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 3:06:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MysticFireTopaz Yes, he presented reasons to Me, but frankly, none of them rang true and My intuition tells Me that fear was at the root of it. I also suspect that he cannot admit the true reasons even to himself, let alone Me. Lady Topaz I think I met this same guy after he ran from you, lol.... Don't mean to make light of a hurtful situation, but puzzling it is. M

BuxomGoddess714 -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 3:52:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freakgoddess all of the sub men i have personally known have done this. i've come to view the desire of sub men to submit to a dominant woman as merely a fantasy. i've noticed that the quickest way to get rid of a sub man is to give him exactly what he says he wants. This is very true if they are not really a submissive person. People living in fantasy don't know who they are or what they want. They do not succeed. This is sometimes confused with a "fantasy" of being submissive, but its just someone who is lost, looking to be rescued, or just sexual bottoms. To the OP: "So, to those of you who yearn for that very special partner who could possibly complete your life and could help to make it meaningful, just go with your instincts and take a chance. " When looking for a long term relationship W/we need to view how someone is handling their entire life. Dominant or submissive, it should be complete and working for them already. A submissive person who lives serving their co-workers, boss, friends, family, etc. honestly, happily and well, will be sure of their place and not balk and run from a relationship that is just second nature to them. There is no reason to regret any past relationship that didn't continue. Everyone who crosses our path teaches us something. It just wasn't the right time and place. Usually we weren't ready and made bad choices. We all sabatoge O/our own happiness if we do not love ourselves and find ourselves worthy of Love and happiness. We need to know who and what we are, how we feel, our needs and wants. Even as a submissive, feel worthy of obtaining these things or stay out of relationships until you learn who you are, to love and know yourself. Otherwise, you will go in set up for failure. When you do find it, you won't run or sabatoge the situation. If you do have to leave, you will know exactly why and have no regrets. Be blessed, Goddess

BuxomGoddess714 -> RE: Did you ever think that you had it all, but went on to ruin it? (9/30/2006 4:14:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MysticFireTopaz I noticed that he promptly took an ad out on another site as a dominant. He then took out an ad as a submissive on this site. A few months later, he had a submissive ad on the other site, followed by another dominant ad on this site. I would like to hear input from other submissives as to why they balk and run. Frankly, I do not wish to confront him again, because I do not desire to again be on the receiving end of his yelling. I also suspect that he cannot admit the true reasons even to himself, let alone Me. Lady Topaz it does not know the truth Miss, be well rid of the bs and drama...... Not a real submissive.... Not a real Dom..... Not Real about anything..... Not Loyal.... Deceptive and Dishonest.... Confused..... Desperate...... Triflin whore...... I liked your journal about conflicting profiles. I hold the exact same standard. Be blessed, Goddess

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