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Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 9:34:11 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		First of all, can you do it objectively? What do you do when the reflection in the mirror contradicts yourself? When self inspecting, do you find areas that, while you may believe generally in a certain way, your personal application is different? I know that many of us can be aware of things about ourselves that we don't like and can take necessary steps to make changes...but what do you do when the things you find that are your general beliefs or the way you view them societally feel uncomfortable for you personally?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 9:38:55 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
First of all, can you do it objectively?

Not completely.  I've been smacked upside the head by a few revelations from other people and I'm unempathic enough to realize that while I'm much more self-aware and able to look at myself with a far deeper lens than most people- I still have my own screens and biases.

quote:

 What do you do when the reflection in the mirror contradicts yourself?

It depends on what it is.  Sometimes I just laugh and say "Well that's life."  Sometimes I embark on a serious long journey of experimentation and exploration.  Sometimes I get really depressed and harsh on myself.

quote:

When self inspecting, do you find areas that, while you may believe generally in a certain way, your personal application is different?

Oh yes, I have definitely contradicted my own logic on a few occasions.

quote:

I know that many of us can be aware of things about ourselves that we don't like and can take necessary steps to make changes...but what do you do when the things you find that are your general beliefs or the way you view them societally feel uncomfortable for you personally?

I puzzle them out until I reach a point of understanding.  This process could take years or more- especially since our views continue to change and be reshaped as we gain new experiences and perspectives.

But I'm the type of person who thrives on self-awareness and introspection (the kind that actually works things out, not just is self-obsessed).

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 9:41:08 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		When I have difficulty I try to find compassion with myself.  I also remind myself that diversity is a good thing and that contradiction can be good and sometimes provides a place from which growth can occur.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 9:46:59 AM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline 		The only one who can totally understand a person is GOD.

< Message edited by Frank01 -- 9/28/2006 9:47:18 AM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 10:03:26 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Yes........I contradict my beliefs with my behaviour sometimes. I also hold beliefs that when actually applied in certain circumstances make me squirm. I used to find that very difficult but don't so much any longer.

I know less now than I ever did and the older I get the less I'm sure of. In contrast , I'm more confident.

If any of that made sense I'd be amazed....lol

agirl

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 10:14:47 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I'm a bag of contradictions but I don't get upset about it. I've never been one for moral codes that rub against the grain. To be honest I've never managed to reconcile morals and perversion, one seems to counter the other. If you are moralistic and want perversion within the safety of a relationship, it hardly seems perversion to me but a game. I dumped the idea of a moral code in D/s when I realised the two seemed incompatible to me. I much prefer honest immorality and going with ones whims than trying to straitjacket myself.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 10:18:18 AM   
Kirei


Posts: 146
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		  I would say yes you can.  The world though will try to force its standard though back onto you more and more.  Because if when you look into yourself and your a slave for instance...that is taboo for the world.  So when we find that we are drawn to the taboo of the world we find it difficult to look into and examine our own selves.
  Personally I feel I've become a much stronger person because of it.  I'm much stronger than most people in my own family because I was willing to look into my own self and examine it. 

Koneko

(in reply to agirl)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 10:33:14 AM   
charismagirrl


Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

First of all, can you do it objectively? What do you do when the reflection in the mirror contradicts yourself? When self inspecting, do you find areas that, while you may believe generally in a certain way, your personal application is different? I know that many of us can be aware of things about ourselves that we don't like and can take necessary steps to make changes...but what do you do when the things you find that are your general beliefs or the way you view them societally feel uncomfortable for you personally?


This is something that my Daddy?Master has me working on at this time. Learning to love and accept myself, but also realizing who i really am and what motivates me. How can one love and accept themselves if they are looking at a scewed view of themselves? Sooo this is the journey that i'm on now, the "project" i'm working on. Realizing that some of the things that i think aren't good enough are waaay more than enough, realizing that my motivations can sometimes be selfish(GASP-that scared me) and that sometimes that's actually okay and sometimes it's defeating.  Being objective and truly honest is really difficult sometimes.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 11:51:49 AM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		I'm objective enough about myself to know that I am unable to be objective about myself. This is one of my weaknesses. I'm working on it, though.
 
Sometimes, I'm my toughest critic and sometimes I'm my biggest fan. I'm never on the fence.
 
This is something that I've struggled with in relationships. I have to make sure that I'm not trying to get other people to "fix" me. Honestly, this is one of the reasons I've started posting here. I've been able to look at myself and my views analytically when considering another's thoughts. It's been rather liberating.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 3:52:34 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		:: jumps up and down like a boxer after a victory :: I AM THE KING OF SELF-INTROSPECTION.  And why not, just read my tagline.

Ever since I was a teenager, I have been very in tune with myself.  The last real 'adjustment' that I had to make was when I decided to be part of the Lifestyle with no turning back.  I was 30, then.

I don't blink without knowing my motivation, or why it just occurred.  Sure, there is something I can say I'm not particularly pleased with, but it's cosmetic and therefore has the potential to change to make me feel more 'complete'.  But self-knowledge is what I live for.

And I feel it's evident with how I go through life.  People are comfortable with me, trust me, open up to me.  Sure, a lot of it is one-way, but that's my choice.  I don't get misjudged.

I'm relaxed; I rarely get annoyed.  I don't surprise myself to take me off center, and I'm rarely surprised by another to catch me off guard.

I'm a little overprotective of perceived abuses, but I'm working on it.

And yes, it IS objective on my behalf.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 6:21:21 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

First of all, can you do it objectively? What do you do when the reflection in the mirror contradicts yourself? When self inspecting, do you find areas that, while you may believe generally in a certain way, your personal application is different? I know that many of us can be aware of things about ourselves that we don't like and can take necessary steps to make changes...but what do you do when the things you find that are your general beliefs or the way you view them societally feel uncomfortable for you personally?


Interesting.  I think you can do parts of it objectively.  Its kind of why i dont really mind constructive critism, because while others critise, i can look through their eyes to see things i have yet to see.   No matter how hard we look in, somethings are just beyond our site.  For example (and yeah i lovveeeeeeeeeeee this example) My dad and his old anger issues.  I think he got so caught up in the actual moment, he wasnt able to see what he was projecting.  So when i was 15 i very shakely explained things to my father.  Course i dont let up, especially if i see it impacting those around me and i continued pointing out and correcting his thought processes.  Like HE thought that we were his kids so he could do whatever he liked, but i corrected him and said "its still wrong"  i think the time that it really hit him was once when he almost decked me and after he cooled down i pointed it out to him that he about decked me closed fist over something HE had wrong.  Sorta shook the poor guy up.  Plus from bout the time i could think i had been giving him a bad rap of being abit, abusive and with pointing it out - he started to change.  Today!  I'd say he is about 100% better.

So point is, sometimes we cant see the effect or even judge our actions - seeing things through other's eyes helps us see them better.

Personally, i have many areas that i do things that are against my beliefs.  Some of my beliefs are modified because i have seen the application of my beliefs are not wholly beneficial.  Then again, i went through many years despising myself because i went against so many of my beliefs.   I have a tendency to be very open minded with others, close minded with myself.  IE abortion.  i feel abortion is wrong, generally speaking. Yet at 17 i had one.  Led me to pretty much hate myself as i summed it up as murdering my own flesh in flood.  Which i pretty much did.  My own little person that i was supposed to protect and cherish, i basically killed while they were supposed to be in the safest place in the world.  i managed to live and learn.  Did my best to make ammends to the little soul and lit candles in every church i went near and well continued hating myself.  Then i happened upon this really intelligent person who taught me to put things in the past.  So while it was not unreasonable to despise myself THEN, today i am a different person so it is unreasonable now.  Of course there is "changing the behavior"  and the next time i got pregnant - come hell or high water i was sticking to my guns. 

Or say the sex industry.  Its against my beliefs, but i've gone out and done and shrugged my shoulders at my beliefs.  Live and learn. 

i think doing things against our own moral standard or beliefs is actually very healthy.  It helps us create boundaries, morals, and ethics for ourselves.  IE i found out that cheating was WRONG for me, by going out and doing it a couple of times. 

So, to sum up - if you go against your own beleifs - explore why and decide if its a belief you should modify or something that you really are not going to do again. 

Course there are more shallow things to consider and those i generally do not pay much attention too.  I dun really get your last question.  Are you saying that - some beliefs you feel towards society make you uncomfie?  I think i can find something like that in my brain... and generally what i do is shut up about it - )  i try and find the basis of the belief.. IE where it came from.. and then i decide whether its right or wrong... and if i'm wrong i sorta notify myself that its not true and i get a whole bunch of theories to back up why i am wrong.  So even though i FEEL a certian way, i know its NOT that way and i try to interact with life via the "right" way.  Telling how i feel to "shut up" basically and stuffing into the farthest reaches of my mind.

Have you ever heard that if you pretend something enough you can make it true?  i employ that randomly as well. 

hope this wasnt too long and involved.  (yeah and sometimes i try and practice staying on topic and getting to a point much quicker, as i hate talking so much) blame THAT one on genetics and do my best at times to shut myself up.  = )

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 9/28/2006 6:24:28 PM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 6:30:38 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have grown to accept the fact I am not objective about myself, and am ok with that. It has freed me to be more accepting of my flaws, which are a multitude. I am no longer a perfectionist because of my introspection. Basically, as long as my self delusions and denials do not get in the way of my happiness... well I am ok with that. It is when they get in the way of my personal happiness, or harm others that the trouble begins.


I tossed aside many of my beliefs and questioned everything a few years ago, and I have the same core values based on different beliefs... I do not know what that means, but that is what happened. I used to consider myself a Christian for example, and now I do not. I have went through a lot of challenging of my beliefs, which is a scary thing, but it is also freeing because I am not as emotionally tied to my belief system as I was before, and I can alter it easier when I get new information.

That was a huge learning experience for me

But I am still a work in progress and if you aren't learning about yourself then why are ya here?

Just my thoughts

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 9/28/2006 6:34:21 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 6:42:00 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

If you aren't learning about yourself then why are ya here?



(To help others learn about themselves?)

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 7:18:48 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		The teacher learns from the student too ...smiles



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mstrjx)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 7:56:19 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I am who I am...as with any a mutifaceted human being.The good the bad and the reallyyy!!! ugly..(grin)...Theres a lot I see that I am not wild about and a lot good that makes up for most of the bad..You can change what you percieve is a problem usually..but realisticially most changes occur from external forces, such as death, divorce,marriages,love,friendship,jobs,age, ad infinitum...be well...Tempting

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 8:14:31 PM   
yaqeta


Posts: 59
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

First of all, can you do it objectively?

No, in fact, I think if one tries too hard to be objective in self-reflection they are going to miss the mark in a very bad way.  Society tells us its a bad thing, but in many cases, we are better off thinking subjectively.  Subjective doesn't mean "inaccurate", it means using feelings, not facts.  Yes, we are all biased, but I would suggest the best way to deal with this is to try and be subjectively honest with ourselves.  We don't need it to make rational sense and be objective.  Our feelings tell us, if we are honest enough to listen to them, if there is something not quite right in our way of being - like the discomfort that mistoferin mentions in the last part of her post.  I think objectivity has its place (mechanics, justice, science, some decisions...) but so does subjectivity - best used for navigating the very subjective human mind.

quote:

 I know that many of us can be aware of things about ourselves that we don't like and can take necessary steps to make changes...but what do you do when the things you find that are your general beliefs or the way you view them societally feel uncomfortable for you personally?

It takes bravery to recognise this in ourselves and not push it back out of our awareness and pretend its not there.  Yes, we all have contradictions, but consistency and congruence are the marks of a person who has truly explored themselves and have the capacity to touch the lives of others.

One thing I've done in the past when I notice some inconsistency in myself, is educate myself.  I read and learn as much as I can about the relevant topics - from all perspectives, not just the ones that feel comfortable.  And, I find, the new, more congruent way of being emerges by itself, with no need for rationalisation.  My thoughts or my behaviour change gradually, over time, without the need for radical adjustments - and the new state feels more "right".

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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 8:17:45 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Frank01

The only one who can totally understand a person is GOD.


Whew, I am glad Odin and Vishnu totally understands me.

Or were you talking about some other belief system?

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 8:26:13 PM   
yaqeta


Posts: 59
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

If you aren't learning about yourself then why are ya here?



(To help others learn about themselves?)


"Wise men learn more from fools than fools from the wise."
(Cato)

and

"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."
(Socrates)

(in reply to mstrjx)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 8:43:39 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

First of all, can you do it objectively?


Yes, I can. I've had years of practice. 

quote:

What do you do when the reflection in the mirror contradicts yourself?


I don't remember the last time that happened. When I look in the mirror, I see myself, flaws and all so there is no contradiction.

quote:

When self inspecting, do you find areas that, while you may believe generally in a certain way, your personal application is different?


No, there isn't a separate rule for me just because I am me. ::chuckles:: If I fuck something up, (ah, if I had a dime for everytime that happened!) I'll own it and either fix it or fuck it up again by failing to take corrective action or taking the wrong action. I'm flawed, but I'm great at recognizing those flaws and have a priority list of the ones I work on first. Some of them just aren't important enough to worry about in this lifetime. If I get around to them, great.. if not, ho hum, 'tis OK as well.

quote:

I know that many of us can be aware of things about ourselves that we don't like and can take necessary steps to make changes...but what do you do when the things you find that are your general beliefs or the way you view them societally feel uncomfortable for you personally?


I'm not quite getting this question. I don't feel at all uncomfortable with my viewpoints. I would imagine if I viewed something as uncomfortable to me, personally, I'd examine why I felt that way, but, truly, I just can't think of anything remotely like that. Perhaps I'll read through the thread because I think I've missed the gist of this question.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Looking inside yourself - 9/28/2006 10:38:15 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

First of all, can you do it objectively?


Objectively?  or do you mean Honestly?    being objective has no value to me... but being Honest with myself is the only way I can improve that which I am today for tomorrow.

quote:


What do you do when the reflection in the mirror contradicts yourself?


You are assuming that one sees a contradiction in the first place.  Along with an objective look... contradictions don't give me any value.  When I look honestly upon my reflection and see the image that is there and compare to the image I desire to be..  I consider what I must do to make up the difference between the two.  And If I don't see a difference... I acknowledge it's time to expand my goals and take myself to the next level and thus create some differences once again.

quote:


When self inspecting, do you find areas that, while you may believe generally in a certain way, your personal application is different?


My standards and expectations of self are not always achieved or demonstrated to what I aspire to.... if I did.. I would raise my standards to further my grow.  So yeah... I often find the differences.

quote:


I know that many of us can be aware of things about ourselves that we don't like and can take necessary steps to make changes...but what do you do when the things you find that are your general beliefs or the way you view them societally feel uncomfortable for you personally?


mmmmmmmmmm don't know.. never had beliefs that was uncomfortable for myself.  I have changed my beliefs .. but not out of being uncomfortable with them... but do to growth and constant effort to expand who I am.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 9/28/2006 10:39:17 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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