is that the only way?

is that the only way? (Full Version)

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jesskitty -> is that the only way? (9/21/2006 2:35:32 PM)
being a curious person, i have a thought/question to ask. it seems that whenever people are talking about meeting others for a first time they always talk about having safety calls. well i was thinking about this: what if you are in a situation where you have no safety calls? say you for whatever reason don't have any friends in the lifestyle and you are not out to anyone about it? or say you don't own a cell phone? or for whatever reason a safety call is not doable. what would you suggest in this scenario a person should do? as stated above, i always see alot of people mentioning this but not another option when it comes to meeting up with people.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 2:43:12 PM)
Pretend

MasterKalif -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 2:43:39 PM)
very interesting point jesskitty....although I am a Dom, I am in a similar situation where I have no friends "in" the lifestyle who I can confide in what I am doing....some will laugh, but risks run all around not just for the subs, believe it or not. In any case, in that situation one has to trust their better judgement, get to know them online for a while first, and then meet in a crowded place such as a coffee shop, restaurant, etc, that way nothing too crazy can happen.

Avrilkiller -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 2:44:27 PM)
i would suggest simply telling a friend that you were going on a blind date (which is pretty much the truth, you don't have to include what you'll be doing, lol), and making a safety call for that. i actually met Master on a totally vanilla blind date, but i had a safety call with the guy who set us up..just in case. i think that's actually a fairly standard thing.

MasterC46910 -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 2:46:43 PM)
Meeting in a public place, even if you don't have a safe call, make him think you do. If no cell phone let him know you have to make a call in every 30 minutes. Then go to a pay phone and make a fake call.

WhyteRavenne -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 2:47:50 PM)
There is ALWAYS a way. You don't have to tell a friend about your lifestyle, just make a mention in passing that you want to call them at a specific time... Call your voice mail/home number. Just because someone can't call you, doesn't mean you can not call them. If you are meeting for the first couple of times, choose a library cafe, or bookstore cafe... quiet, safe and you can stop and look at books if more privacy is needed. The first couple of playdates can be held in a hotel... I know, it's hard when hormones are racing and you want to scream... but, safety in numbers is a good idea.. and an upscale hotel will become curious if you are screaming bloody murder, and will check on you. Not to worry, most hotels are USED to a bit of minor bdsm... and are generally polite in their inquiries.. but, try and keep it in check.

Avrilkiller -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 2:48:17 PM)
MasterC, Very good idea. lol, but what if he watched you? Maybe get to know your local AT&T operator better for a few minutes.

jesskitty -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 2:49:27 PM)
though i don't have friends in person i have friends in the lifestyle from other states that i talk to on the phone all the time. just waiting for the money for a plane ticket so we can eventually meet each other. and being a typical teenager in a sense, i do own a cell phone. it is purely a theoertical question. i am just looking for outside suggestions since i like variety in life and it seems this subject hardly has variety to it...the subject being safe calls.

WhyteRavenne -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 2:52:28 PM)
In the worst possible scenarios, having someone, even your home message service KNOW where you are, is always a good idea. Don't need your face on the back of a milk carton!

Avrilkiller -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 2:57:02 PM)
Yeah, calling your own house and leaving detailed messages about His car, where you are, what He looks like could be a good back up, although i still suggest a friend as a primary, since they'll know to call the police within an hour or so of something going wrong, not possib;y days later.

Steelriven -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 3:03:12 PM)
Meet at a munch... I've met ninety percent of the people that I know online offline at munches. If you still can't meet at a munch, meet in a public place. Keep your cell on you, when it comes time to leave let them leave, and if you can watch them get into their car and drive off. Still don't feel safe enough? Key chain peper spray, ten bucks. In two days I'm going to TX to meet my boyfriend, I say boyfriend because you never know how things will go until they happen. Anyhow, my twin sis knows I'm going. She has all his information, and I am expected to call her everyday. She has NO idea that we are kinksters, and what our intentions are. I've done this once before with fellow kinky friends. Stayed at their place for a week, called my sister every day. If I didn't call she would call three times, if I didn't respond with in a certain amount of time (I think we decided on an hour) she'd call the police and give them all the information.

MasterC46910 -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 3:16:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Avrilkiller MasterC, Very good idea. lol, but what if he watched you? Maybe get to know your local AT&T operator better for a few minutes. Yes, and hope you get a friendly one or be good at talking to yourself...LOL

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 3:17:03 PM)
Do what works for you. I've never had a safe call and do not advocate them. I have played on first meetings and not played on them. As long as you use good judgement, act like a mature adult, and do what you choose based on understanding and NOT fear...you'll be doing as best as you can. Safecalls only let people know where to start looking for the body sooner.

marieToo -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 3:28:38 PM)
jesskitty: Meet in a public place, if you're not sure. I've met people from online; some as friends, some as potential for something more...I've never used a safe call. I just dont really see the need for it. If someone means to hurt you, they'll just do it after you make the call. I would say, dont step out until you talk on the phone and feel safe with the person.

Kahri -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 3:41:43 PM)
There's a coffee shop near me that I like to meet people at. It's very public, it's got more than one parking lot so if he turned out to be a real creep and tried to follow me back to the car, I could go a different direction (not that this has ever happened), and it's got shops and a bookstore so if something doesn't feel right I can browse through the stores for an hour or so after we say good bye and feel certain that he's gone. I'd recommend that you scout your area for something similar. Even a food court at a mall would do.

jamesthehumanrug -> RE: is that the only way? (9/21/2006 4:45:21 PM)
dear just kitty LET ME SEE IF I UNDERSTAND YOU RIGHT....A "SAFE WORD?" its not a token or badge you are in the culture ;it's a consent thing, and, it's a matter of 'degreee' , when used ;IE: you can be 2 girlfriends ;vanilla; in or out of the lifestyle ;and you make a signal, to rescue each other; IF A BOZO BOB IS BORING ;whatever.... ;make a signal call immediately ,if , that's the person you are gonna' be intimate with ,or feel close to ;otherwise ;why bother.....sharing a 'Q'....

sub4hire -> RE: is that the only way? (9/22/2006 2:35:19 AM)
I never used a safe call when I first met someone. I also never planned on playing with someone when I met them the first time either. However, I always met in a very public place on top of it all. Preferrably at a munch and if that was not do-able I'd find the next best populated place. A crowded shopping mall? A grocery store? Anywhere that many people were around to where if something went wrong many would be witnesses. Those I did not have the fortune of meeting in very public places I used to get a copy of their drivers license long before meeting and leave a letter on my computer telling who I went with and where. So people could find the body easier if something were to happen.

eyesopened -> RE: is that the only way? (9/22/2006 2:51:40 AM)
i rarely have a safe call but i let the person i'm meeting know i will not be playing on the initial meet. i've been stood up a lot of times but that tells me just how serious He was. i have a cell phone with a "quick note" text message already programmed. The message will alert my son to call me so i can have an excuse to leave a really bad "date". As other's mentioned, telling a vanilla friend it's a blind date, not "lifestyle" will work as well. Meet in the daytime if you can, always at a public place, restaurant, mall, munch, etc. It's doable and it's kinda fun.

LordODiscipline -> RE: is that the only way? (9/22/2006 3:00:32 AM)
*Who says that the people on your safe call list are (or, are required to be) into BDSM or to know of your involvement.* *Tell them you are meeting someone off the internet and explain the safecall system...* *Don't make this harder than it is.* ~J

maledave777 -> RE: is that the only way? (9/22/2006 3:17:09 AM)
I think meeting with him in a public place is a good idea. You talk about a plane ticket. I do think you should let someone know where you will be and write down the information for them. You can tell them this is a blind date. A date can be a lot of fun, but you need to be safe too.

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