CreativeDominant
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Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Okay, I have been mulling this subject over since the end of last week in addition to another I have yet to post.
I have read alot on here about respect, for people, relationships, objects, etc. And I have read one particular thread about self discipline/control and how it applies to dominants. I also read about employment problems (lackthereof) while expecting their sub/slave to provide. Then I read other threads about things like smoking and weight issues. And THEN I see many dominants squabbling and behaving in a manner that, in my opinion, is rather immature and childish...usually arguing a point way past it's death. Quite often I see this in one of two threads, either political or lifestyle debates. Very rarely do I see two parties from opposing sides agree to respect the others opinion and just quit before it gets totally out of control and a Mod usually steps in. Granted I have come to avoid those threads just because I end up disgusted at the behaviour so I probably miss alot of good stuff also.
Alot of that is, to me, contradictory. I have come to realize that while there are alot of people that voice their opinions in the forums that I don't always agree with, there are some that I really have come to respect. I have begun look for their posts and try to learn something from them wether I will agree 100% or not. There are a few dominants, both male and female, that I have really come to respect and I was just thinking about why, even though they sometimes annoy the very hell out of me, I like and respect them. It comes down to their behaviour over time as demonstrated by their words here and those that know them personally.
So, my whole spin on this for me is this. If I want a submissive/slave to respect me then I should behave in a manner that garners that respect. A huge, I mean BIG, part of that is self discipline on my part. I mean, if I am to expect someone to accept me in a dominant/leadership/teaching...etc etc position in their life, expecting them to accept discipline and guidance from me, shouldn't I be my own best example?
I think of things that might be important that range thru the above mentioned issues. Things that would effect personal health like diet and exercise. The ability to support themselves. The ability to control their emotions, like anger. To not end up in prison. To manage their personal finances responsibly. Honesty. And one that is of utmost importance in how I look at a person, how they treat others. I am not just talking about their kids, family, friends but more importantly those they do NOT care for or agree with.
I am not bringing any of these things up with any one person in mind, in fact some of these topics are things I have worked very hard on myself over the last few years. Recreational shopping, being more health conscious ( a bag of M&M's is not a good lunch), being less narrow minded, and a big one....being less judgmental of others.
So I guess I am curious how others view these things.
For a submissive/slave are these really important issues when you are considering a dominant? What about in yourself? Are some of them gender specific?
For a dominant do you feel these are important issues for you yourself or do you feel that they must accept you as you are? And when you are watching others, does all of this affect your respect for other dominants regardless of wether you agree with them on everything? Also, in your search for a submissive/slave, is a prior example of responsibility in their life important or do you want to be their saviour?
Personally, I want to see most of those qualities in a submissive/slave as well as a dominant. None of it is gender or position specific. With all of that being said, I do still hold the dominants to a higher stander simply because they have by the very nature of their position put themselves there.
I agree and disagree with you Tigresse. I look at many of the issues you mentioned in a similar manner to what you describe, though I am not sure I feel that I should be held to a higher standard unless that higher standard is not only going to be recognized by the submissive that chooses to submit to me but appreciated.
This is how I look at some of these things...
Financially responsible: It would have been easier after my divorce to declare myself bankrupt, give up my practice, take a job working for someone else and have what money I made be all mine. I chose to endure knowing that some of the patients I lost, I lost because of being outed, I chose to not make those who'd given me equipment to run my practice regret their decision and kept trying to pay them, I've paid my child support, I (admittedly grudgingly) took on the major portion of the credit card debt, etc.. Now, things are slowly turning around, I have whittled the debt down and within a couple of years, I will be debt-free. Because of this, I feel that I have been financially responsible and parentally responsible (part of the reason I stayed and went through the "gossip mill" was because my kids were teens and they were here...so this is where I had/wanted to be) and will be able to care for myself. Does anyone owe me a big pat on the back or a round of drinks for this? No...for me, it is what I had to do. I was brought up not to give up unless it reached a point where I just could not do anymore and going on would have been fruitless. I do expect someone to be able to look at it and understand why I feel the way I do about financial obligations.
Which leads to the question of supporting another. No. This is an area where I am firm. Have enough money to help a submissive who chose to leave where she was and come to live with me? For an agreed-upon time, yes. For the rest of her/my life? No. I work. And unless you are independently wealthy or mentally/physically disabled, there is no reason why you cannot. I'd feel the same if I won the lottery because I know I would keep working. It would be a hell of a lot easier but I would keep working.
Honesty. You bet. I've stated on here before that one of the biggest factors in my divorce was my dishonesty/denial about what I was feeling, about the changes occurring in me, etc.. I am not that way anymore. I will be honest. That does not mean that I will not be tactful but if you just want to hear your every thought parroted back to you, you're going to be disappointed.
Kindness and compassion and respect: Of course. If you are going to expect someone to be submissive to you...yield their control and will to yours...then you, IMHO, have an obligation to recognize what that takes and nurture it, respect it, appreciate it. On the other hand, if someone is willing to control and guide you, lift you up when you are down whether the "down" comes from something within the D/s relationship or outside it, be supportive of where you want to be...then respect and acknowledge it and do not look for continual ways to "test" it or "challenge" it. If you've decided to submit, then why are you challenging his dominance anyway? If you've decided to dominate, then don't forget that it isn't all about the "Now that you're mine...on your knees, bitch" or "slap and tickle" either.
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Self discipline and respect. - 
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