RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please!

RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (Full Version)

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mystiquenz -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/15/2006 11:38:43 PM)
i read this thread and felt sadness. It must have been difficult to have spent so much time, with one person, trying to establish something solid, some that in time, would be tangible and yet you find that through distance it remains intangible. I read the other comments as well, with others, having had some pretty displeasing experiences, however, you have to take the reigns from hereon in, and bring about your reality. I do not believe that dishonesty only occurs online, it happens real time as well. So you move your feet, a little bit faster, through the mindfields, and hopefully, it will not to be too long for your family to be complete. It occurs to me, that you spent a lot of time with this lady, before you went on vacation, I wonder, if, maybe, she found the quietness of not hearing from you whilst you were away, difficult to cope with. Real time, does get busy, and get in the way, but if the relationship is worthwhile preserving and to build upon, people usually find a way. I would say there needs to be commitment by all parties for the growth of something that could be. Well in my book anyway. There are always two sides to every story, and sometimes, you need to take off the rose colored glasses to see the reality of the situation before you. Sometimes, there are mistakes on both sides, and only a blind man would insist that fault was one way. Maybe this lady still seeks, and maybe this lady is having her own insecurities, and maybe this lady, found the silence too difficult to bear. Just maybe. Just my $0.02 worth.

freex -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/16/2006 1:20:38 AM)
I believe at this point you simply continue on. If she starts conversation again then ok she had some personal things at that time she did not feel capable of dealing with. Remember 1. she will be leaving a place she has lived for some time if it is so. 2. all things true she will continue when she is ready be neither needy or too close remember the air we breath sometimes is not enough. All that said, I have been in this situation. Remember some people just like to think they are involved but they are not. Leave it be, if she is serious then it will continue at this point let her go and consider it a lesson learned and that your second message was more then enough without answer. Neither of you need test the other and if someone wishes to play games then your solutions are obvious. Remember this is not necessarily something you did. I happen to think you sent too many messages but you did have quite a gap between them. You will ultimately receive varied messages here but how you choose to deal with this in the end can rest solely on your shoulders. All experiences should offer lessons learned and help us evolve and continue to enjoy life.

slave4Darby3d -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/16/2006 1:27:07 AM)
You know - there is a sweet flush that can sometimes come with an initial meeting, and continued building contact. Sometimes that can make things seem more progressed than they actually are. It seems like you were genuine in your desire to start a relationship with her. She may very well have been genuine in that desire as well. For whatever reason, and you will never know what that is, the calm reflection that can come from even a little time apart can allow a look at what one REALLY desires, or can REALLY live up to. It is better to find this out now, than later. It sounds like there were a lot of "ifs" to start with - the logistics of her moving, the dynamic of her father being here (does he know who she is inside?) and a host of other things not yet spoken to you. Move on and send her a warm thought of peacefulness and gratitude for the month you three shared considering the "what if..."

freex -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/16/2006 1:33:36 AM)
I do not agree, I think at this point all that need be said is done; there is no reason to send any further correspondence after 4 messages all 3 e-mail I assume, and a response about yahoo massager not working. Her intentions at this point are clear no matter how they may change in the time ahead. There should be no reason for them to ‘waste’ energy in a direction that will simply deflect it elsewhere. Letting go and doing just that is often hard for people to do. I feel in this situation they simply consider that those warm words have been sent and its over.

ohdomduo4u -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/16/2006 5:49:31 AM)
Again thank you all for your advice and thoughts. I now know what we need to do. This morning I logged on to an email from another Master/slave couple who read the thread. It was describing a slave they are currently talking to that fit the information of the slave we are talking about here. It even included the exact city her dad lives in here in the states. That's enough of an answer for us to move on. Thank you all again for the help. It really helped me to feel better talking about this, and reading your feedback on it.

DivaDuchess -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/16/2006 6:03:52 AM)
Oh good lord ... forget psycho analysizing the subbie, save that energy for someone real and worth it ... she ignores emails and contact, she has YOU in 'beg' mode ... get past it and begin a new search for someone who isn't a player. It kind of sounds like she was looking for games, not life. It's a wonderful thing to see you moving past her.

KnightofMists -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/16/2006 7:44:24 AM)
It would seem that her attention span has been exceeded and now she is giving you lip service to keep you on the hook. Cut the lost and run. as a note... I started chatting with kyra about two years ago.... I told her on the out set that she would talk and chat intensely for a while and I expected her to loose interest or just disappear. That in essense that she would go her own way. Now obviously that didn't happen... but the point is .. my expectation in the beginning with chatting and long-distance.. there was no expectations for a relationship. I minimized any emotional investing anything into the relationship until she actually came to see me... but more importantly I keep my expectations to an absolute minimum.

Mavis -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/16/2006 1:13:03 PM)
i think when W/we see this pattern in a post from a sub about a Dominant she was talking to, then displays a marked lack of communication zeal..... someone suggests the book "He's just not that into you".. it's a great book. Suggestions for filling the lost hours with new pursuits and such is also good advice. C'mon. if a sub has been missing some potential couple that's been on vacation, You would have come home to a full box of "thinking of You, hoping trip is going well" mail. She's obviously moved on and isn't sure how to be gentle about it. Begging for her attention is only adding guilt to something she shoudn't feel guilty about.. a fizzle isn't a breach of contract.

DivaDuchess -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/16/2006 2:21:31 PM)
Knight of Mists ... We began a communication with someone and like you I NEVER involve myself emotionally at first. she was, alledgedly (sp?) a subbie, though I don't think so. More like she was looking for play time. Anyways, I'm trampling off here lol ... you do very well keeping yourself to yourself. I gave this subbie the 'test' ... she failed. I picked a fight with her. She considered only her own feelings not mine and I'm the Domme. When I called her on it she bolted. See? Investing from the beginning is not a good idea. Like you We prefer to invest when the bird is in the hand not the bush.

juliaoceania -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/16/2006 2:40:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DivaDuchess Knight of Mists ... We began a communication with someone and like you I NEVER involve myself emotionally at first. she was, alledgedly (sp?) a subbie, though I don't think so. More like she was looking for play time. Anyways, I'm trampling off here lol ... you do very well keeping yourself to yourself. I gave this subbie the 'test' ... she failed. I picked a fight with her. She considered only her own feelings not mine and I'm the Domme. When I called her on it she bolted. See? Investing from the beginning is not a good idea. Like you We prefer to invest when the bird is in the hand not the bush. If someone tests me in such a fashion I certainly hope to fail. Life is full of enough testing without someone making up more for me. I tend to think if one is looking for a fault in another they tend to find one. That is why those who read another's emails, listen in on phone calls, or follow someone to see if they are up to no good usually prove themselves right... self fulfilling prophecy thing

DivaDuchess -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/16/2006 6:43:30 PM)
Actually it was very basic ... nothing much really, just thought to test the waters. I won't apologize for my actions as I have a right to know if the sub/slave even know HOW to communicate. Wouldn't you agree? Some of what she said was abrasive and hurtful and potentially harmful (okay deadly if caught because she couldn't keep her legs closed), I took exception ... very cruely and when I refused to accomodate her, she got snitty and said that if I wouldn't give her her way, then she guessed we shouldn't proceed ... I agreed evil grin ... but apologize? I don't think so. I had a right to ask and she had the responsibility to answer, not find a snit and get all huffy. We've been nothing but polite as We both tried to assess where her head was. We've done this a number of times using various very innocent questions ... then judge the reaction of the sub/slave. With the demanding and abrasive nature of some people on this site ... I don't accept anything at face value ... ever. jumps off soap box

juliaoceania -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/16/2006 7:07:49 PM)
I am sure everyone should do what works for them, and if it your methods are working for you that is all that matters... In my life I have noticed conflict arises when we do nothing sooner or later, and real life tests seem to separate the wheat from the chaff

marieToo -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/17/2006 5:06:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists as a note... I started chatting with kyra about two years ago.... I told her on the out set that she would talk and chat intensely for a while and I expected her to loose interest or just disappear. That in essense that she would go her own way. If someone had ever said this to me, I would have taken it as terribly discouraging. A positive attitude along with keeping emotions in check is the best recipe in my opinion. Sulking and whining about what might never happen, is very unattractive, from dom or sub.

KnightofMists -> RE: Potential Sub Question - Advice please! (9/17/2006 9:17:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists as a note... I started chatting with kyra about two years ago.... I told her on the out set that she would talk and chat intensely for a while and I expected her to loose interest or just disappear. That in essense that she would go her own way. If someone had ever said this to me, I would have taken it as terribly discouraging. A positive attitude along with keeping emotions in check is the best recipe in my opinion. Sulking and whining about what might never happen, is very unattractive, from dom or sub. you read emotions to my statement that are your own and not mine.. nor was those the emotions of kyra.

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