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RE: Question for A/all - 9/15/2006 7:56:17 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rumtiger


How someone can actually own or dominate someone online only is just incomprehensible to me, he dosent even email you, and whatever, its still only online.


Excuse me while i get my flame retardant suit from the closet and put in on....... (Jumps behind firewall).
 
Now...I agree with Rumtiger here, i know there are many who firmly believe in online collars but i just do not get it. No flesh, no blood, no heat, no passion, to me anyway.
 
That being said and addressing the OP's problem (i am about to be blunt and harsh here so those who are easily offended please stop reading here); 
 
GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE SAND!
 
If all you want is an online Dom you can find 30 or more a day on any bdsm oriented web site. My best advice is to try looking for a real experience though, find somebody who wants a RT RL relationship, somebody you will get to meet. Join a local munch or support group, meet live people.
 
You are jealous of a face on a computer screen here, think about it for a minute. Jealousy is a useless emotion to begin with and one many (not all) real life Doms do not put up with. Take some time to examine what it is you are really seeking.
 
If you are only seeking some online fun then go find yourself another online romance but if you are seeking a lifestyle partner follow my other suggestions.
 
It appears to me this guy had his fun with you and has moved on to another for his entertainment, give back the Velcro collar and move on yourself.  
 
 


Pretty much sums up my opinion!


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 21
Online only? - 9/15/2006 7:58:26 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: illuminati1

'Ello E/everyone. i have a question to ask for A/anyone that wished to answer. i am currently owned by my Master though it is online which means i get no R/T training or playtime. So the porblem that i am faceing is not getting atttention from Him. He seems to give it all to His other slave. Now, i am not a jealous person at all. It's just bugging the living hell out of me that i am getting NO attention from Him. Now, i am a person that NEEDS attention... does A/anyone have any suggestions what i should do?


I agree with many of the comments expressed in this thread. Stepping away from the argument of the validity of online / long distance relationships, "ownership" only effectively applies when it is an emotive reality within you. By your words, it would seem to me the male in question does not possess this hold.




< Message edited by amayos -- 9/15/2006 8:09:50 AM >

(in reply to illuminati1)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question for A/all - 9/15/2006 1:47:19 PM   
delyte


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: illuminati1

         'Ello E/everyone. i have a question to ask for A/anyone that wished to answer. i am currently owned by my Master though it is online which means i get no R/T training or playtime. So the porblem that i am faceing is not getting atttention from Him. He seems to give it all to His other slave.   Now, i am not a jealous person at all. It's just bugging the living hell out of me that i am getting NO attention from Him. Now, i am a person that NEEDS attention... does A/anyone have any suggestions what i should do?


Attention seeking is probably not the avenue you want to take.  There is just so much you can learn on your own.  I am not going to belittle you like some here have done, I was young once too and in much the same hurry you seem to be.

If you have signed up for something that seems not to be working for you, tell him and move on.  It is important for you to know that you are the one in control of what and who you submit to.  That pertains to real life explorations also.

Join sites like this one, find a munch to attend, and yes try to fix issues with your boyfriend.  Those of us who take living in this manner seriously do not take well to cheating on significant others. 

Good luck to you and write to me if you just need an ear. I promise not to belittle you or make you feel STUPID just because of your age.

delyte



_____________________________

To understand life, one must be willing to live it.

(in reply to illuminati1)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question for A/all - 9/15/2006 1:58:04 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear illuminati1, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eye, any slave who says they aren't jealous in one breath and the next complain of lack of attention cancels out what lack of jealously they have.  It is ok to admit being jealous.  What to do about it is the situation.
 
That said, those slaves who don't get the attention or the spot light on them, are usually the sweet gems that don't create much of a drama, who work hard with little thanks, the pleasers and humble sort.  Those slaves who continue to work behind the scenes that walk gentle about and create the peace a Master/Mistress can appreciate and depend on cannot be done with a needy attention slave.
 
Perhaps you don't see yourself in a positive light as you ought.  The unassuming slave is the epitome of service, submission, surrender and suffering. 
 
Perhaps, you don't know how much relief to a dominant like me, such a slave would be--The humble and quiet slave has much more than attention -- they have my love.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to illuminati1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Question for A/all - 9/15/2006 2:04:37 PM   
PONYSEEKER


Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		First of all I would have to agree with most of the other people and say move on.... however I took a peek at your profile and was thinking you should find another sub or something with some experience to help you out on this a little.  Not with the online stuff but in a way that might help
you take your desires to the real world.  Online is fun and all and you learn a lot but its not real world so I cant imagine anyone being involved
in a D/S online relationship.  Its kind of like taking away all the risk and fear which is kind of part of the whole thing in a way. I mean what exacly would you do for punishment whip yourself?  What if you didnt want to get punished... just lie about it.  Fantasy is a wonderful thing and in I know
to a lot of people D/S will never be more than that because that is the choice they have made.  But doing what you are doing kind of blocks you
from being able to be satisfied in any way.  What if the perfect Master was sitting right on your door step... would you give it up because another guy
tells you really cool stories? 

(in reply to delyte)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question for A/all - 9/15/2006 2:17:09 PM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear illuminati1, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eye, any slave who says they aren't jealous in one breath and the next complain of lack of attention cancels out what lack of jealously they have.  It is ok to admit being jealous.  What to do about it is the situation.
 
That said, those slaves who don't get the attention or the spot light on them, are usually the sweet gems that don't create much of a drama, who work hard with little thanks, the pleasers and humble sort.  Those slaves who continue to work behind the scenes that walk gentle about and create the peace a Master/Mistress can appreciate and depend on cannot be done with a needy attention slave.
 
Perhaps you don't see yourself in a positive light as you ought.  The unassuming slave is the epitome of service, submission, surrender and suffering. 
 
Perhaps, you don't know how much relief to a dominant like me, such a slave would be--The humble and quiet slave has much more than attention -- they have my love.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs


Written with beautiful eloquence as always...

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question for A/all - 9/15/2006 2:22:59 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: illuminati1

          'Ello E/everyone. i have a question to ask for A/anyone that wished to answer. i am currently owned by my Master though it is online which means i get no R/T training or playtime. So the porblem that i am faceing is not getting atttention from Him. He seems to give it all to His other slave.   Now, i am not a jealous person at all. It's just bugging the living hell out of me that i am getting NO attention from Him. Now, i am a person that NEEDS attention... does A/anyone have any suggestions what i should do?


I believe a person can have many meaningful relationships in her life simultaneously. Not only is it possible, it is healthy. One single relationship can never completely fulfill/meet the needs of a person. That's why we have family, friends, sig others...in your case, you have on online Dom who fills certain needs. That's great. As far as your other needs are concerned, it would probably be a good idea to figure out a healthy way to have them met as well. Whether or not this includes intimate relationships with people in-person and whether or not these new relationships infringe on your online relationship is something that you will have to figure out with your Dom.

There are as many kinds of relationships out there as there are combinations of people in relationships. I know people who are married to vanilla partners but have online or real time kinky partners. I know people who have BDSM interactions with several different people, all of whom are dear to these individuals to varying degrees.

Online relationships are something that, as you have probably read by now, some people "don't get" and some people "get" and "get a lot out of". If you are getting something out of the relationship, don't worry about other peoples' opinions about its legitimacy...just accept the relationship for what it brings you and be grateful, but also be honest with yourself and your Dom about the limitations inherent by virtue of it being exclusively online.

Just be sure to keep the lines of communication with your online Dom open and honest, so that there are no misunderstandings as to where you stand with one another, and both of your needs are considered and valued.

Good luck.


_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to illuminati1)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question for A/all - 9/15/2006 3:17:58 PM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

you seem afraid of admitting you are jealous...there is nothing wrong with feeling angry and jealous, these are human emotions...as soon as you allow yourself to feel what you are really feeling, you can do something about it....
 
at this point blaming him is pointless, he is showing quite clearly he is not willing or able to be what you need, so then the next step is to look to yourself for some guidence....become quiet and ask yourself what do you want to do about it...and remember this quote:
 
                                          
                                              "man can fail many times but only becomes a failure when he blames some one else".




VERY well said croutching ..... man if I was ever to go sub . I would kneel at your feet ...

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question for A/all - 9/16/2006 1:43:21 AM   
freex


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/20/2005
Status: offline 		That depends on you, online gives those who live for chat the satisfaction because its all mental, you will continue at your own risk. Remember online is not real its more of a fabrication then living the lifestyle which could be defined as a living dream as many of us get what we only desire and need from this. If your intentions are to continue down this road im sure you will not always receive the answers to your questions that you seek when proposed with ‘online only’ style relationships. Now if you are hi-tech with live video cams and your dinners are decided and every portion of your daily lifestyle along with voice conversations online as well as chat then you get closer but what punishments can truly be given that you cant simply hide from. Attention online, well that’s unlikely when you include the online and what you see at this point is what you get.

_____________________________

-------
Domina ad porta liberatae mae

(in reply to illuminati1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question for A/all - 9/16/2006 2:48:38 AM   
illuminati1


Posts: 44
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline 		To clarify for A/all i am NOT owned by Him. he has been helping me get s a start in this lifestyle. i am nOT owned or collared by Anyone. It was merely a question with the most innocent of intentions. But i do thank E/everyone for Y/your comments.

(in reply to freex)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Question for A/all - 9/16/2006 3:06:50 AM   
sierraflowr


Posts: 59
Joined: 6/7/2005
From: Northern California
Status: offline 		Funny how this translates to RT experiance too though. It is just sometimes hard to seperate the mind from everything else. More so when you've MET the person, HAD a connection and then.... well real life invades. Everyone deals with things differently. Things come up. People shut down. Times get hard. BUT
when does patience end and reality set in, even in RT?
Sometimes it is just hard, regardless, to let someone go.
Heard the expression " that what the mind perceives as real, is real to that individual within the context of that person’s perception of the world."
how true that is.
Some times it is hard to transition from online to RT. ask questions, learn, go to munches, maybe meet someone first so you're not scared, and realize this is a real thing you're dealing with, not just an online experience.


_____________________________

~flowr
O};-
When I let go of who I am,
I become who I might be.
-Lao Tzu


(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question for A/all - 9/16/2006 4:48:42 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: illuminati1

To clarify for A/all i am NOT owned by Him. he has been helping me get s a start in this lifestyle. i am nOT owned or collared by Anyone. It was merely a question with the most innocent of intentions. But i do thank E/everyone for Y/your comments.



quote:

   'Ello E/everyone. i have a question to ask for A/anyone that wished to answer. i am currently owned by my Master though it is online which means i get no R/T training or playtime. So the porblem that i am faceing is not getting atttention from Him. He seems to give it all to His other slave.   Now, i am not a jealous person at all. It's just bugging the living hell out of me that i am getting NO attention from Him. Now, i am a person that NEEDS attention... does A/anyone have any suggestions what i should do?


You told us yourself that you were owned by him in the OP... and now you have started a new thread about playing with a dominant in a dungeon.  Now, why do I have a hard time believing anything that you have said here?

Knight's kyra

*emphasis in posts added by me

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to illuminati1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question for A/all - 9/16/2006 4:59:47 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I agree with what has been said. I think the OP is having other issues we are not aware of. The whole thing confuses me after I saw the other post from the OP.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question for A/all - 9/16/2006 7:39:54 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: illuminati1

'Ello E/everyone. i have a question to ask for A/anyone that wished to answer. i am currently owned by my Master though it is online which means i get no R/T training or playtime. So the porblem that i am faceing is not getting atttention from Him. He seems to give it all to His other slave. Now, i am not a jealous person at all. It's just bugging the living hell out of me that i am getting NO attention from Him. Now, i am a person that NEEDS attention... does A/anyone have any suggestions what i should do?


Keep the cyber as a fun, playful outlet. Regard yourself as a free agent. I guess he knows you want the real thing (by what you say in a later post) so if he's there as a confidant --- that's a great, no pressure asset.

At 19, you have all the advantages of time and opportunity on your side.

On the downside, most guys your age will not have evolved into DOMs or be very comfortable with D/S. That leaves you in the position of broaching the subject, which isn't easy.

All in all, 19 is the age of experimentation and growth. Good luck. Avoid the big mistakes and a bright future awaits.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 9/16/2006 7:45:02 AM >

(in reply to illuminati1)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question for A/all - 9/16/2006 8:02:28 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

I agree with what has been said. I think the OP is having other issues we are not aware of. The whole thing confuses me after I saw the other post from the OP.


It is called  a lack of Integrity!  It explains alot... however...  if your looking for truth.... expect to stay confused.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Question for A/all - 9/16/2006 8:38:40 AM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline 		"i am currently owned by my Master though it is online which means i get no R/T training or playtime."

Wow.  Way to back-track.

Ok, since I'm entering into this one rather late, I'll bite the bait of the most recent post by the OP.

If he's getting you started, that would be called a teacher, mentor or hell....even a friend.  Not a Master.  So, now that we have that clarified.  Suck it up and move on.  Find some other people to learn from.  Limiting yourself to -one- person to learn from is not a good idea ever.  Take some time and poke around.   There are some wonderful people here in the forums and out there in the main part of CM that are just virtual wells of information and opinions and views.  I've always found it good to have many "teachers" in life (and in the lifestyle) that way I get as broad a spectrum as I can. That way I can pick and choose and mull over those things that I want/need and those things that I decide I don't want anything to do with.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Question for A/all - 9/16/2006 8:44:14 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

 I've always found it good to have many "teachers" in life (and in the lifestyle) that way I get as broad a spectrum as I can. That way I can pick and choose and mull over those things that I want/need and those things that I decide I don't want anything to do with.



This is great advice in my opinion.  It is the primary advice I give to anyone new to the scene.

I add also that once one establishes a particular viewpointfor one self...  Review it from time to time.... Challange it and let it be challanged.  Do not become stagnant... but continue to embrace grow and change like one did when they first began the journey.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Aine)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Question for A/all - 9/16/2006 8:51:11 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		I almost had an online Dom once; just before I commited to him he turned on me and hurt me worse than I'd ever been hurt before.

My first r/l Dom ripped my heart out too, but only after some fantastic times together.

Go for r/l.  At least when it ends you'll have some great memories, and useful experience for the next relationship.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Question for A/all - 9/16/2006 8:57:00 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

 I've always found it good to have many "teachers" in life (and in the lifestyle) that way I get as broad a spectrum as I can. That way I can pick and choose and mull over those things that I want/need and those things that I decide I don't want anything to do with.



This is great advice in my opinion.  It is the primary advice I give to anyone new to the scene.

I add also that once one establishes a particular viewpointfor one self...  Review it from time to time.... Challange it and let it be challanged.  Do not become stagnant... but continue to embrace grow and change like one did when they first began the journey.


I like this point, the constant challenging of one's self. In fact something KoM wrote and this idea almost led me to starting a new thread the other day but I chose not to because I was concerned with the direction it may take. I think everyone should be open moreso to the points of view that push our buttons than those we agree with. Keeping an open mind, even if we will never agree 100%, leads to learning.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Question for A/all - 9/16/2006 9:01:16 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

this idea almost led me to starting a new thread the other day but I chose not to because I was concerned with the direction it may take.


since you shared that you have a cat in the bag... maybe you will let the cat out of the bag and start this new thread.  At least I hope you do.... regardless of your fears of what direction it may or may not take

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 40
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