Equality in D/s

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kimmysue -> Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 8:07:53 AM)
Can A/anyone refer me to some previous threads that touches the topic of equality in D/s? A group that i am in is having a discussion about it & i thought i would bring other opinions w/ me to the meeting, just to show that there isn't "one way" of doing things. The topic of the meeting is something like this: Why is it some Dom's require oral service from their submissives, but will not reciprocate the same? Is it above a Dom to go that extra mile and give the "kitty a lickin'"? Is it fair? Shouldn't there be equal give and take, unless agreed upon beforehand? Do you incorporate oral sex in your play, and how so? Thanks in advance!!!!

juliaoceania -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 8:13:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kimmysue Why is it some Dom's require oral service from their submissives, but will not reciprocate the same? Because they do not want to? quote: Is it above a Dom to go that extra mile and give the "kitty a lickin'"? For some it is. quote: Is it fair? If the sub agreed to it, yes it is. quote: Shouldn't there be equal give and take, unless agreed upon beforehand? That would not work for me, I am partial to giving sexually, and I definitely get off on giving oral more than receiving it quote: Do you incorporate oral sex in your play, and how so? I give it every chance he gives me to. He likes giving too, but that is his choice as dominant. When it comes to sex I love doing as told and there is only one thing I will consistantly request.. that he beats me. If he wanted to stop doing that I may feel slightly cheated, but I would suck it up and continue to submit because that is who I am and he is my Dom. We do not always get what we want... that is part of the deal when it comes to D/s. if oral is that important to a sub she should voice that before she becomes collared, and if the dom doesn't wanna do that she should look elsewhere.

raiken -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 8:14:45 AM)
My opinion has always been that this or any other lifestyle or personal preference is about MUTUAL FULFILLMENT. Else why bother? While there may be inequality agreed upon for the relationship dynamic, fulfillment has to be equal. Just me. *smile

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 8:16:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kimmysue Can A/anyone refer me to some previous threads that touches the topic of equality in D/s? No prob. quote: Why is it some Dom's require oral service from their submissives, but will not reciprocate the same? Is it above a Dom to go that extra mile and give the "kitty a lickin'"? Some of them think it's not a "dominant action" to do so. Some are bad at it and don't want to be embarassed. And some just don't like it or want it. quote: Is it fair? Who cares? The concept of "fair" can't even really be applied here. Did she consent? quote: Shouldn't there be equal give and take, unless agreed upon beforehand? In theory, it WAS agreed upon beforehand. If it wasn't then the problem is lack of consent and communication, not equality. If I want equal give and take, I get into a relationship where I have equal authority, not one where I am the slave. quote: Do you incorporate oral sex in your play, and how so? You name it, we enjoy it. Except food play. I don't do that. Reposted: "Equal" can be applied in many different ways when you are discussing relationships and often this controversy arises because one person is focusing on one level while the other is focusing on another level. Yes, everyone in every type of relationship must give, contribute and commit "equally" towards the others in the relationship in order for it to grow and be healthy. A relationship is a living dynamic, and everyone involved must contribute. However, WITHIN the dynamic, you are not "equal" when it comes to authority status. They have the authority, you do not. You are unequal in those terms and always will be. http://www.collarchat.com/m_341688/mpage_2/key_equality/tm.htm#341946 equals http://www.collarchat.com/m_567946/mpage_1/key_equality/tm.htm#568029 equality and love http://www.collarchat.com/m_497194/mpage_1/key_equal/tm.htm#497265 double standards http://www.collarchat.com/m_536782/mpage_1/key_equal/tm.htm#536950 equal rights and submission

mstrjx -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 8:21:42 AM)
I'll let another look for links, but in a nutshell I see the dominant/submissive paradigm as being two parts of a whole. One really isn't much of anything without a match. How 'equal' that is is certainly up to the partnership. As for myself, I MUCH prefer the intimacy of oral, rather than anything else. Naturally I enjoy receiving, but I also love to give. In abundance and with skill. How I got to that point is an interesting story, but that's a far different topic for a completely different day. It is my nature to use that activity for both pleasure and control, and as Julia said slightly differently, it is up to the submissive to have to 'suffer through it'. But if you use orgasms as a scoreboard, it would appear that I'm coming out on the short end of the stick. By a lot. Not to me, though. It is definitely win/win for me. Jeff

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 8:23:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kimmysue Why is it some Dom's require oral service from their submissives, but will not reciprocate the same? 'cuase they don't want to. That's their perogative. However, it only seems fair that they are upfront about this. quote: Is it above a Dom to go that extra mile and give the "kitty a lickin'"? No...if they want to. quote: Is it fair? Only if the sub/slave has made an informed choice. quote: Shouldn't there be equal give and take, unless agreed upon beforehand? I think so. "unless agreed upon beforehand" being the operative phrase. quote: Do you incorporate oral sex in your play, and how so? If the play includes sex at all, I do, at times, incorporate this. Master Fire

amayos -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 8:24:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kimmysue Can A/anyone refer me to some previous threads that touches the topic of equality in D/s? A group that i am in is having a discussion about it & i thought i would bring other opinions w/ me to the meeting, just to show that there isn't "one way" of doing things. The topic of the meeting is something like this: Why is it some Dom's require oral service from their submissives, but will not reciprocate the same? Is it above a Dom to go that extra mile and give the "kitty a lickin'"? Is it fair? Shouldn't there be equal give and take, unless agreed upon beforehand? Do you incorporate oral sex in your play, and how so? Equality in domination and submission sounds somewhat incongruent, in my mind. As for oral reciprocation, I will only lick her if I find that I like her taste, and I will only do so when it suits me. Perhaps that is unjust in the eyes of some who read this, but it doesn't much matter to me.

juliaoceania -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 8:30:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx It But if you use orgasms as a scoreboard, it would appear that I'm coming out on the short end of the stick. By a lot. Not to me, though. It is definitely win/win for me. Jeff One of my favorite aspects of WIITWD is there is no "scoreboard'. Orgasms are not a measure of satisfaction for me, and they never were when I was vanilla, but there was that implied sexual "equality card" that I believe vanilla sex is tainted by (for me at least). There are times I service Daddy with no thought of my own orgasm, and there are times he makes me think of nothing but my own orgasm.. but a scorecard? Nope, he decides what shall be...

KatyLied -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 8:37:33 AM)
It is usually obvious if a guy doesn't want to go there. As far as fair, no it's not fair, but this isn't really about being fair, is it?

kimmysue -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 8:37:49 AM)
Thanks! i'm looking at the threads now...

Wildfleurs -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 8:44:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kimmysue Can A/anyone refer me to some previous threads that touches the topic of equality in D/s? I'm positive that by now someone has found you links to previous discussions on that topic. quote: Why is it some Dom's require oral service from their submissives, but will not reciprocate the same? Because they can... because they are the dominant. quote: Is it above a Dom to go that extra mile and give the "kitty a lickin'"? I think if they want to do it they should. If they don't want to do it, they shouldn't feel obliged to at all. quote: Is it fair? Nope, but who said D/s relationships are supposed to be fair? quote: Shouldn't there be equal give and take, unless agreed upon beforehand? In a D/s relationship? Not really. quote: Do you incorporate oral sex in your play, and how so? I spend a lot of time on my knees [:)] C~

Pimpernell -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 8:44:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kimmysue Why is it some Dom's require oral service from their submissives, but will not reciprocate the same? Is it above a Dom to go that extra mile and give the "kitty a lickin'"? Is it fair? Shouldn't there be equal give and take, unless agreed upon beforehand? Do you incorporate oral sex in your play, and how so? Thanks in advance!!!! I found the opposite in the vanilla world, women expecting me to go down on them every time and not reciprocating. Not every single female likes to be growled out just like not every man likes BJs. I've only met a few girls who could do oral sex well. Most of the time I will let her go down on me as it gets her in the mood rather than for my gratification. I may go down on her, but it will be on my terms. There are plenty of other ways to get her off from vibrating gloves to intercourse, providing she hasn't densensitised herself by using her vibrator too much.

Sab -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 9:54:49 AM)
quote: providing she hasn't densensitised herself by using her vibrator too much [sm=hair.gif]

marieToo -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 10:04:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kimmysue Can A/anyone refer me to some previous threads that touches the topic of equality in D/s? A group that i am in is having a discussion about it & i thought i would bring other opinions w/ me to the meeting, just to show that there isn't "one way" of doing things. The topic of the meeting is something like this: Why is it some Dom's require oral service from their submissives, but will not reciprocate the same? Is it above a Dom to go that extra mile and give the "kitty a lickin'"? Is it fair? Shouldn't there be equal give and take, unless agreed upon beforehand? Do you incorporate oral sex in your play, and how so? Thanks in advance!!!! Equality in Ds???? Or do you mean mutually caring for, and placing value on each others place in the relationship? Reciprocation ? The sheer fact that Im being allowed to suck his cock, has always been enough for me.

amayos -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 11:56:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo Reciprocation? The sheer fact that Im being allowed to suck his cock, has always been enough for me. Well said.

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 12:06:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: amayos quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo Reciprocation? The sheer fact that Im being allowed to suck his cock, has always been enough for me. Well said. Dang, Amayos finding wisdom in such succinct words :).

petcerina -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 6:15:33 PM)
i second that :)

TotalitarianFL -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 6:22:51 PM)
Great responses juliaoceania... "Why is it some Dom's require oral service from their submissives, but will not reciprocate the same?" They said so is why... subs should know what they are getting into beforehand pretty clearly as far as that goes.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 8:32:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo Reciprocation ? The sheer fact that Im being allowed to suck his cock, has always been enough for me. Bravo [sm=applause.gif]

MistressMelissa -> RE: Equality in D/s (9/13/2006 9:41:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kimmysue Can A/anyone refer me to some previous threads that touches the topic of equality in D/s? A group that i am in is having a discussion about it & i thought i would bring other opinions w/ me to the meeting, just to show that there isn't "one way" of doing things. The topic of the meeting is something like this: Why is it some Dom's require oral service from their submissives, but will not reciprocate the same? Is it above a Dom to go that extra mile and give the "kitty a lickin'"? Is it fair? Shouldn't there be equal give and take, unless agreed upon beforehand? Do you incorporate oral sex in your play, and how so? Thanks in advance!!!! My first response was what does this have to do with Ds aka dominance and submission. If you are looking at a couple that throws in some BDSM to spice up their sex life...nothing...If you are looking at the power dynamic of a PE or power exchange relationship then its up to the dominant what they wish to do or not to do. Maybe the dominant is choosing to practice orgasm control. As a slave the slave should be happy that they where able to please their owner and leave it at that. Some owners believe that slaves should never be aloud release. The answer to you question depends upon the nature of the relationship.

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