Seducing the committee

Seducing the committee (Full Version)

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mstrjx -> Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 3:40:39 AM)
This thread is born out of a couple of other threads this past weekend, one on pictures and the other on introductions. It also comes from a chat I was having with a CM member a couple of weeks ago. I had sent an email with a picture who she had shared with a friend. Now, the nature of the email and our chat was NOT 'please allow me to beat you and you can bear my little whiplets', no relationship intent. But it got me wondering...... do we sometimes face a committee we don't know we're dealing with? If a woman were 'conversing' with a man, would she want her worth being discussed at the weekly poker game? Charley says, "You know, Jeff, she seems all right, but she marked 'Hates Watersports' on her profile here. Do you really want to be involved who has distaste for such an innocuous activity?" Now, fortunately for the ladies (or is that women or females, I didn't really read that thread), I don't do things this way. I don't have a friend Charley, and if I did I doubt he would understand, much less say 'innocuous'. And even if I did, that would probably make me see things in an opposite light. "Hellooooo, Miss Jump to the Top of the List." That's just the way I am. In fairness, it is possible that other men do something like this. But I think it's also possible that the fairer sex might have a different approach, and that they do solicit advice. If I were in discussions with someone, maybe I need to know the names and addresses of the committee members. I think I need to have FTD or Teleflorist as well as CandyGram on speed dial the next time I want to hit the 'send' button. I know I'll have to take responsibility for messing up which one would have preferred the flowers and which the chocolates. But surely I would hate for Ethel, who just happens to be going through a bitter divorce, to be advising you without a little buttering up on my part. I mean, what's next? I can just see the first telephone call. "Um, why does it sound like I'm on a speaker phone?" "Speaker phone?" While I'm hearing shushing in the background. So, the question. I know this is all a little tongue-in-cheek, and I really mean no disrespect. I need to know before I jump into the deep end again. But seriously, on some level, do you resemble these remarks? Jeff

pqwinny -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 4:27:08 AM)
i'm not really clear about what your actual question is. i think you're concerned that what you discuss with others gets discussed with others without your consent and you don't like it. If so, then be on notice regarding this which you have posted 'cuz you have just solicited a gigantic committee to respond and i bet you won't get notified of every or even any conversation that tumbles forward as a result. p.s. i humbly request that you not discuss my response with anyone.

Jasmyn -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 4:48:56 AM)
Why the confrontational reaction?

marieToo -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 4:59:09 AM)
Hmmm....Yeah......... I think in some cases, other people discuss those that are of interest to them with a friend or two. That, I wouldnt mind. I think thats normal. But I certainly would not want my emails, photos and IM conversations to be shared. That would be a deal breaker. It comes down to the same thing as always, trust your intuition and let trust build up before you give something away to someone that you cant trust...be it a photo, a highly personal note, or more.

TNstepsout -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 5:51:06 AM)
I for one have never discussed the details of any potential partner with anyone. Who knows, maybe I'd have fared better if I did. I will tell others "hey I met this great guy, he's easy to talk to, funny, smart etc..." but that's about it. You know, it's all so subjective, the things that "click" anyway, that talking to a friend or "committee" would just confuse things. I have recently met a guy through a local group (yeah for me! the first person I didn't meet online first) and we get along great. I looked at his profile on CM and had I gone by that I probably would not have gotten to know him. What's great about him didn't come through well on the profile and his vanilla and lifestyle interests are quite different than mine.

juliaoceania -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 7:27:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jasmyn Why the confrontational reaction? She was joking. At least I think she was, and her post made me chuckle

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 7:41:20 AM)
Well I know that women who have relationships that are primarily cyber based almot always have their cyber cadre of friends that they gossip with about EVERYTHING, share emails, share IMs, share pictures, everything in attempts to get approvals, and even hopefully envy. And honestly I do think it's as important to make a good impression on one's family and friends as it is to the person themselves. They were in their life before I was, and are an important part of who they are. While expectations of instant love and respect for all are a bit over the top- if I want to fit into someone's life, it means everything.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 7:59:34 AM)
I can understand your point. If I had listened to the "advice" of all my friends at the time, I would have turned and ran and would have never been owned by Master at all. Many people do feel they know better, when really they do not. The trouble is, after so many have been burned by doms who may not know what they're doing, they become so cautious that anyone who does not fit their ideal description gets ruled out. In my case, I listened to my gut instincts over my friends. Who knows, maybe I was crazy...but it turned out all right.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 8:27:08 AM)
I discuss those that I'm interested in with my friends and household. I don't discuss things that are meant to be secrets or private things. However, if I'm thinking about adding a new person to my life, I want those already in it to know...mostly because the new person needs to fit. This is especially true with my household where everyone gets a vote as to if they want the person in the household or not. Often, outside people can also see things that I don't. I can then choose to either look closer or ignore the advice. Still, it's my life and my household and so I make the final decision. However, I also discuss the idiots. While I recognize this might be petty, it's in my nature to talk about the stupidity I see. For example, I have a blog entry on my myspace profile revealing some of the emails I have gotten (I do not reveal names or places). I just think someone who emails, saying "Show me some tits and ass, bitch" is just enormously funny and should be shared with the masses. I don't mention who he is or provide any contact info at all...I simply share what he's said that was so funny or unbelievably stupid. Master Fire

zumala -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 8:34:51 AM)
In the past, I have discussed relationship problems with close female friends. Mostly because I was at my wit's end for how to deal with the guy in question. Of course, it turns out that he wasn't really rational anyway, so I had no chance in hell of ever calming things down. It's never just idle chatter. When I ask someone for their thoughts and advice, I give a specific situation that I'm having trouble with. That doesn't happen now very often, since I'm in a commited relationship. I always do my best to talk to him directly about issues. zuma

Amaros -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 8:40:14 AM)
I'd be suprised if it doesn't work that way a lot, if not most of the time - I practically assume it, when negotiating with any woman, vanilla or no - friends, family, rivals, you name it, if it comes up, everybody has an opinion - usually people who know nothing about the person they're expressing an opinion about, and have never taken so much as thirty seconds to get to know them. The gossip network never stops around here, I can tell you.

Amaros -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 8:43:49 AM)
On the other hand, most of the men I know hardly gossip at all - a brief synopsis is usually about all that will be offered (sniff my fingers) - one, men don't want to make their love interests sound too good, it might encourage the competition, nor too bad, since it might reflect on the kind of chicks they can pull - last but not least, there's always a chance that whatever you say will eventually make it back to the person you're talking about - if that's a wife or girlfriend, it could get ugly. Women, I think can be more objective about it, not always, but more often I believe.

juliaoceania -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 8:49:57 AM)
My best friend takes Daddy's side when I have had concerns or something has troubled me in the past. He did not have to seduce her, he only had to be good to me for her to like him.. she hasn't met him yet. My mother is the one all suitors really have to impress, and she can't be bought[;)] (she likes him too) In the final analysis, unless someone is very weak minded or wishy washy about you, there is nothing anyone can say that will change their minds.

freyjasdottir -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 8:58:43 AM)
Committee, no but I do have two friends that I discuss basics with, and that is only recently because it became glaringly clear recently that I am a complete dufus when it comes to my own love life. With the female friend nothing too personal gets shared, she does not want to know details of my interests, the male friend I can honestly say anything to and he accepts it as he is much more out there than I am.

sapphirepleasure -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 9:05:06 AM)
I find it most helpful to 'run things by' a dominant who I trust. Perhaps that's because I don't know any other submissives/slaves. But I also think that sometimes a man is more able to get a feel for another man (or should I say, a dominant can recognize another dominant) and a male's perspective is very helpful to me. sp

Kahri -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 11:31:31 AM)
Does my husband count as a "committee?"

amayos -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 12:16:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx But it got me wondering...... do we sometimes face a committee we don't know we're dealing with? "Um, why does it sound like I'm on a speaker phone?" "Speaker phone?" While I'm hearing shushing in the background. So, the question. I know this is all a little tongue-in-cheek, and I really mean no disrespect. I need to know before I jump into the deep end again. But seriously, on some level, do you resemble these remarks? Hi Jeff, Your post touches upon that "thing" about human nature I tend to purposefully avoid or subvert when I may: the paranoia of cliques and hidden social circles and the members therein which so gravely rely upon peer validation and support. This is one of the key reasons why I usually avoid BDSM clubs and organizations; all too often they become structures of social "laws," sage wisdom and approval. One certainly sees this behavior at play even on internet message boards.

Mavis -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 12:26:33 PM)
Online, the committee usually consists of "hey, i'm talking to this guy, and i like the way it is going, and since we usually like the same types.. any chance you're talking to Him as well?" Within a chat room, there is a damn good chance 3 or 4 people are talking to the same person, and it's not evil.. it's just a fact, and it's only polite to check to see if you're a stumbling block to a friend. But as far as impressing a committee, yes, i think that is a factor. For some reason, subs, male or female, tend to have friends that "want to watch out for them" and ask questions about what proof you have the prospective is seasoned, informed, historically a user, etc. i think about 70% of that snooping is just making sure they didn't miss a good one out there! And especially newer subs seek the validation that yes, you're making a wise choice, now that i've read His IMs, i'm sure this is the guy for you! Most grow out of that eventually.

Wolfie648 -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 12:41:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx This thread is born out of a couple of other threads this past weekend, one on pictures and the other on introductions. It also comes from a chat I was having with a CM member a couple of weeks ago. I had sent an email with a picture who she had shared with a friend. Now, the nature of the email and our chat was NOT 'please allow me to beat you and you can bear my little whiplets', no relationship intent. But it got me wondering...... do we sometimes face a committee we don't know we're dealing with? If a woman were 'conversing' with a man, would she want her worth being discussed at the weekly poker game? Charley says, "You know, Jeff, she seems all right, but she marked 'Hates Watersports' on her profile here. Do you really want to be involved who has distaste for such an innocuous activity?" Now, fortunately for the ladies (or is that women or females, I didn't really read that thread), I don't do things this way. I don't have a friend Charley, and if I did I doubt he would understand, much less say 'innocuous'. And even if I did, that would probably make me see things in an opposite light. "Hellooooo, Miss Jump to the Top of the List." That's just the way I am. In fairness, it is possible that other men do something like this. But I think it's also possible that the fairer sex might have a different approach, and that they do solicit advice. If I were in discussions with someone, maybe I need to know the names and addresses of the committee members. I think I need to have FTD or Teleflorist as well as CandyGram on speed dial the next time I want to hit the 'send' button. I know I'll have to take responsibility for messing up which one would have preferred the flowers and which the chocolates. But surely I would hate for Ethel, who just happens to be going through a bitter divorce, to be advising you without a little buttering up on my part. I mean, what's next? I can just see the first telephone call. "Um, why does it sound like I'm on a speaker phone?" "Speaker phone?" While I'm hearing shushing in the background. So, the question. I know this is all a little tongue-in-cheek, and I really mean no disrespect. I need to know before I jump into the deep end again. But seriously, on some level, do you resemble these remarks? Jeff If a potential slave is concerned about whether on not I talk to other people about her then I'd say she isn't going to last long with me. That's the least of her worries ;-) <innocent grin> D (owner of j).

LaTigresse -> RE: Seducing the committee (9/12/2006 1:00:37 PM)
Considering I always keep my own council and rarely consult anyone else about my relationships I have never given this much thought. I don't feel the need to ask other's opinions about my personal life. I am an adult, my children are grown and on their own, I don't have to answer to anyone. If someone is important enough to become a part of my daily life they will be introduced to my family and friends and all will be expected to behave cordially. If they like one another, grand! If they do not care for one another they will still be expected to respect MY feelings and act like mature adults.

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