Judgmental

Judgmental (Full Version)

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rcblkmaster -> Judgmental (9/11/2006 10:26:28 AM)
I was so excited when i first came upon this site. I expected to find a community of people with open minds and arms, given that vanilla society has such a closed mind to these types of lifestyles. What I have found in my short time here is an abundance of angry, harsh and closed-minded people who think that there is only one way to be dominant or submissive. I have definitely met a large number of folks who are kind, generous, understanding and open. Yet, I am dismayed at the disproportionate amount of closed-minded folks who think they own the site and that all on it must live down to their expectations. I'm amazed at the number of venomous profiles on here with personal attacks against those with a different slant than theirs. It's really disheartening. Why can't we all be open-minded enough to accept that everyone has their own way of living the lifestyle? Just because someone approaches it from a different road doesn't mean that theirs is any less or more valid than yours. Bring on the open-minded, whether or not we match. At the very least, please be civil.

KatyLied -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 10:33:00 AM)
Wow this thread plus the rebirth of a "submission is a gift" thread - I feel like I've entered heaven. NOT

TNstepsout -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 10:40:04 AM)
quote: I have definitely met a large number of folks who are kind, generous, understanding and open. If that's the case then why focus on the other type?

marieToo -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 10:41:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rcblkmaster What I have found in my short time here is an abundance of angry, harsh and closed-minded people who think that there is only one way to be dominant or submissive. Theyre just angry in general. At what, Im not sure. I dont think its rooting from the dom sub stuff. Just my two cents

OsideGirl -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 10:44:06 AM)
Why do you think that the D/s BDSM realm would be any different than the rest of society?

happypervert -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 10:47:31 AM)
I think it is hilarious when someone wants complains so loudly about everyone else being so judgmental as if he isn't being judgmental himself. And then there is this little gem: quote: I expected to find a community of people with open minds and arms, given that vanilla society has such a closed mind to these types of lifestyles. In other words, you expected to enter la la land where everyone is just soooooo special and . . . evolved that they have none of trappings of everyday society. Anyway, the next time you want to introduce yourself you might want to consider trying another approach besides calling everyone out like this because this only results in others judging you to be a fool. But that is probably what you're complaining about in the first place, eh?

juliaoceania -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 10:48:44 AM)
I find that the negative encounters we have often overshadow the good. It is better to look at the glass as half full than half empty. I have encountered One True Wayism also, but there are more people that respect each other as long as they are shown respect in kind... look for the good and dismiss the bad

marieToo -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 10:49:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl Why do you think that the D/s BDSM realm would be any different than the rest of society? The OP was specifically mentioned the anger that he/she associated with people disagreeing about the dom sub dynamic in particular. I simply stated that I dont think theyre angry about that at all. I think theyre angry in general. Im not sure I follow you. Do I think bdsmers are more angry as a group than anyone else? Probably not.

marieToo -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 10:51:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: happypervert I think it is hilarious when someone wants complains so loudly about everyone else being so judgmental as if he isn't being judgmental himself. And then there is this little gem: Maybe the OP felt badly and just wanted to talk about it, or needed help to come to terms with it. I didnt find it offensive.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 10:53:58 AM)
FR: Being judgemental is a good, necessary skill for all mature healthy adult humans to have (I'm excluding mentally disabled). The problem is HOW people make their judgements and how they apply them. But the act of BEING judgemental is a good thing. I'm not really sure how "being judgemental" has turned into a dirty word these past few years. Oh- and ditto to what the others said, people in bdsm are just like everyone else. Sorry you had unrealistic expectations, but now you know.

zumala -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 10:57:01 AM)
As with all things, it is best to take what you find good and leave what you find to be bad. It is the best advise that I can offer. You will always have the angry and the arrogant with you, no matter what group of humankind you enter. zuma

LadyEllen -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 11:00:41 AM)
With the best will in the world, even open minds are not necessarily like minds.

FirmhandKY -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 11:44:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen With the best will in the world, even open minds are not necessarily like minds. Darn. This is good. Is it yours? Can I steal it? FHky

NastyDaddy -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 11:59:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rcblkmaster I was so excited when i first came upon this site. I expected to find... This is not a new problem, nor is it prevalent only in BDSM... or on this particular website.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 12:00:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen With the best will in the world, even open minds are not necessarily like minds. I agree with FirmHand...this IS a great statement. That being said, I have to state that it is my opinion that all people are judgmental...no matter how open-minded someone says they are. And now is where the above statement really applies: I enjoy BDSM...love wax and electroplay and flogging and caning (even came up with my own caning toy...the Serpent's Bite) and humiliation and orgasm denial and orgasm marathons and a whole bunch of other stuff. But...Do I get scat play? No. Do I find it offensive? If done within my range or if someone attempted it in my home without asking first (and by the way, they'd be told "no"), yes. Would I find it offensive in a public place of play where I am going to be? Yes...BUT I know that in a public playce of play, the people running the club set the rules. Does that mean I would attend said place if I knew this was going on? No. Would I leave if it began happening? I might, depending on the situation and the boundaries and the accomodations made re: scent, sight, sound, etc.. Sound pretty judgmental? Sure. But how about if I say to you...do what you want in your own home and whatever is within the agreed-upon parameters of you and your partner...then is it judgmental? Hell yes...but note that I am not calling you sick or mentally off or abusive (as long as you meet those parameters of agreed-upon). The fact that I have an open mind does not mean that I have to accept everything I come across or not make judgments upon anything...all it means is that, in certain instances, I won't say anything about what you wish to do as long as it does not come into my own personal space.

Rule -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 12:06:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rcblkmaster Just because someone approaches it from a different road doesn't mean that theirs is any less or more valid than yours. Not necessarily so, no, provided that their arguments, conclusions or opinions are not plain stupid - like claiming that the Moon is made of Swiss cheese. Nor does it mean that what they say - like claiming that the Moon is made of Swiss cheese - is by definition valid. Every statement - like claiming that the Moon is made of Swiss cheese when discussing the nature of the Moon - is not by definition equally valid.

LadyEllen -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 12:07:19 PM)
awww! thanks people! I made it up there and then, but I would expect someone famous said it long before me! E

MrrPete -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 12:08:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rcblkmaster Why can't we all be open-minded enough to accept that everyone has their own way of living the lifestyle? Just because someone approaches it from a different road doesn't mean that theirs is any less or more valid than yours. Bring on the open-minded, whether or not we match. At the very least, please be civil. Because we're human and not as perfect as we think we are. Intolerence is alive and well in the lifestyle.

jesskitty -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 12:33:25 PM)
because people are human and being social creatures were going to adhere to certain things no matter what group your in. whatever group you join there are going to be nasties, ive found going to these messageboards/threads/etc. that there are lots of crazies/rude people/assholes but as you stated there are nice ones too. the key is trying to not sourrund yourself with the people that are negative and if you come across them to just treat them to the lovely delete or ban button on the various boards you join. have fun!

angelic -> RE: Judgmental (9/11/2006 12:42:08 PM)
This post sort of reminds me of something i heard years ago (or maybe i dreamt it)... i may not have my facts completely straight, so if others out there know of the place i speak and i have details wrong, please forgive me.... The following was/is? posted at some type of museum in CA (i do not recall the locale): There are 2 doors in which to enter the museum... one door is marked "Those Without Prejudice Enter Here"; the other door marked "Those With Prejudice Enter Here"... the door marked "Those Without Prejudice Enter Here" did not open.

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