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MasterFireMaam -> RE: On Oprah This Morning (9/9/2006 12:47:47 PM)
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Having made some realizations about myself over the last year, I have comments on this one. If you read anything that I've written over the last, oh, 9 months or so, you know I reference Archetypes a LOT. Archetypes are simply identified behavioral patterns. According to Carolyn Myss, each one of use has the same four, then another 8 that are individual to use and are around on a constant basis. Others can play occasional influences. The four we each have are the Victim, the Prostitute, the Child (there's several to choose from here) and the Saboteur.
These are all my own interpretations and understanding of things. I realize I seem to speak in absolutes…but really, they’re only true for me. However, perhaps sharing my personal understandings about myself, I can help you, or someone else, understand themselves better. Also know that I, in no way, feel that I am an expert nor is my journey complete. I’ve just covered some ground that you are looking to cover at the moment.
Here are the pages of Archetypes from Myss.com. In order to really understand what I say, you’ll need to refer to it and read about the ones I use. Four Survival Archetypes
70 Archetype descriptions
quote:
ORIGINAL: onestandingstill
1- "Women who move fast are usually needy, weak and vulnerable".
Our higher Self is neither needy nor weak nor vulnerable. Inside, we are truly none of these things and we are perfect. However, due to our ego, we may ACT this way. Learning how to not ACT this way and remove our egos in order to show more of our Self are the challenges of a lifetime. That you ACT this way is neither good nor bad…don’t hold yourself in contempt. Have compassion for yourself *hugs*
People who act this way are often working from the shadow sides of their Victim, Prostitute and Saboteur (these are the survival ones). Because we subconsciously believe we don’t deserve happiness (because we are not worthy of love), we sell ourselves in unwise ways, thereby sabotaging ourselves in order to once again be the victim (a place that we find very comfortable).
As positives, these archetypes can teach us to become aware, as you are working to do, about situations where we commonly choose unwisely. I often was willing to sell a great deal of my personal power in order to get financial security. The bad thing about that was that I constantly was distressed that someone else was in control (i.e. controlled me through money). Now, I see that it is better for me to be less financially rich in order to maintain my personal power. Having made that realization and having acted on it, I have become so much more at peace with not having the money…and I have found ways to make my own. Perhaps you are willing to sell too much of yourself (and too quickly) in order to meet your basic fears of being alone and not being complete? Work through fear (go here to read about how).
quote:
2-"Most women fear being alone without a mate, any mate good or bad as we were hardwired since we were young we are insufficient if we do not have one".
I agree with this one. We are also taught that we are not complete without children. Having finally admitted that I felt guilt because I already felt complete and thus didn’t want children, realizing that I am also complete without a mate was easier. Now, I enjoy that I can have whomever I choose. It’s quite liberating.
Social programming can be a hard thing to overcome. We are taught, as women, to be pleasers. This isn’t a bad thing, but we often take it overboard and use our talents to please in order to manipulate and get what we want. Our basic fears drive us to do this. Fear is the opposite of love. We have fear because we do not love ourselves enough in whatever area to realize that we can overcome our own fears and not have to rely on another to do it for us. We are truly perfect.
quote:
Lastly the 3rd thing that hit home is "Most women that fall for the con man are the ones who want a Prince Charming to come in and swoop them off their feet."
Prince Charming, to me, is most like the Knight archetype: “The Knight archetype is primarily associated with chivalry, courtly romance, protection of the Princess, and going to battle only for honorable causes.”
It is easily pared to the Damsel (Princess). They can go well together, but the Damsel has to be careful to not work from the shadow side: “The Damsel in Distress may be the oldest female archetype in all of popular literature and the movies. She is always beautiful, vulnerable, and in need of rescue, specifically by a Knight and, once rescued, she is taken care of in lavish style. When disappointed, a Damsel must go through a process of empowerment and learn to take care of herself in the world. The shadow side of this archetype mistakenly teaches old patricarchal views that women are weak and teaches them to be helpless and in need of protection. It leads a woman to expect to have someone else who will fight her battles for her while she remains devoted and physically attractive and concealed in the castle. Many women still expect to marry a man who will give them a castle and take of them. And some men are raised to expect to do this (see Prince and Knight)...The Damsel's fear of going it alone is holds the Damsel/Knight relationship together.”
Continuing…
“In reviewing your relationship to this archetype, return to your fantasies as a young girl and note what your expectations were in looking for a mate. Most significantly, were you (or are you) consciously or unconsciously awaiting the arrival of your Knight in Shining "Amour"? Did you think or behave like a Damsel? Were you hoping to be rescued? And if you are now coping with the consequences of a broken relationship, can you trace the reasons for the failed partnership back to being disappointed that your expectations as Damsel were not met?”
Is this sounding familiar?
The Knight can quickly fall into the shadow aspect of the Rescuer: “The shadow Rescuer often surfaces through a romantic connection in which one party seeks to establish an intimate bond by lending emotional support, with a hidden agenda that assumes the rescued party will return the Rescuer's romantic feelings. Such romances are destined to fail, because the shadow agenda has to keep the "rescuee" in need of being rescued, lest the Rescuer lose [their] significance.”
Or, the Rescuer can simply be moving on…when we, in fact, still want to be rescued. That can be devastating. What actually did it for me with this past marriage was that I became aware of how my ex was always putting bandaids on things…which actually didn’t solve the problem. These problems crept up time and time again, until I was near a breakdown because I couldn’t solve them. When I finally realized it was my responsibility to solve them, I was able to move on.
I’ll stop for now. I could go on (and on and on). My best advice is to read “Sacred Contracts” which is where all this info is from.
You’re doing a GREAT job. That you are looking at yourself and the fact you’ve even recognized that there’s a problem and a responsibility on your part is a HUGE step.
Master Fire
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