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Don't understand - 9/8/2006 6:45:35 PM   
LeMaster


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I am truly confused. I have been in the lifestyle a long time and finally met a submissive I really liked. She broke up with me because I was Dom enough .I am a gentleman Dom and I do belive it's a partnership. But that the Dominate is the boss. What I don't understand is if you come on strong a submissive will run and if you come on slower and mix romance then your not Dominate. It truly hurts me to loss her.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Don't understand - 9/8/2006 7:05:39 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		      That sucks.  Some people are so stuck on a fantasy of 'how it is supposed to be,' they lose the ability to recognize them as they are. 

     Good luck with the next one and don't give up.

(in reply to LeMaster)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Don't understand - 9/8/2006 7:10:20 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		It isnt always that if you dont come on strong enough, your sub wil run.  My boy and I are doing well, and I am a very soft and sensual Domme. I have heard often that I am not "domme" enough, to which my answer is you do it your way, I'l do it mine.  And when I find the right boy, he will apreciate me fo how I do run my relationships.
I found mine, it took time.  You'll find yours as well. 

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to WyrdRich)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Don't understand - 9/8/2006 7:17:46 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		It sounds like she left because you allowed her to. Why didn't you  stop her and slap on the cuffs? I think that's what she was going for.

Anyhow, I don't think you've lost your sub. Pack your bags and go with her. After all, are you really that easy to get rid of?  

As for coming on to strong and the sub runs, well, some subs like to play chase.

< Message edited by FangsNfeet -- 9/8/2006 7:21:04 PM >

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to LeMaster)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Don't understand - 9/9/2006 11:11:44 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		That you weren't "Dom enough" is "her stuff", not "your stuff". In other words, if she had a problem with your style, that's her problem. Be yourself. That way, when you do find those who appreciate you for YOU, it's a true match.

If you have to force her to serve (slap on the cuffs), is she really serving? Or is she merely submitting THIS time. That scenario can quickly lead to a constant power stuggle. Of course, if that's what you like, by all means, do it.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LeMaster)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Don't understand - 9/9/2006 11:28:57 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		The problem I find with many subs I have met is that they want the fantasy but not the reality. If you give them what they think they want, they don't like it, if you take a more realistic approach and treat them with some respect, they don't like that either because they have this fantasy of being taken against their will. You really can't win with a lot of them which is why I don't even get into what a sub wants any more. I'm me and if she likes it fine, if not, fine. It seems to me that many subs are sexually frustrated and fantasize about a world that they really wouldn't want to exist other than in their fantasies.

I remember one who had ambitions to be a slut when it was painfully obvious she couldn't let go even in any of her monogamous relationships if what she told me was true. It was all in her head. Maybe she eventually managed it but she scared me. I had visions of doing all mean and nasty things to her that she fantasized about and then being arrested for sexual assault. No thanks. I'm not going to dice with my freedom over a woman who lived in a fantasy world, I'm more than glad she decided to try it with someone else.

You are probably bettter off without her.

(in reply to LeMaster)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Don't understand - 9/9/2006 11:39:33 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Obviously the two of you had different expectations of what you wanted in a D/s dynamic. She wanted someone who was more "dom" and you wanted someone that was more of a partner. The right woman will come along.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LeMaster)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Don't understand - 9/9/2006 11:51:18 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LeMaster

I am truly confused. I have been in the lifestyle a long time and finally met a submissive I really liked. She broke up with me because I was Dom enough .I am a gentleman Dom and I do belive it's a partnership. But that the Dominate is the boss. What I don't understand is if you come on strong a submissive will run and if you come on slower and mix romance then your not Dominate. It truly hurts me to loss her.


Sometimes the fit just isnt there.  Were you together for a long time ?

(in reply to LeMaster)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Don't understand - 9/9/2006 12:10:47 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LeMaster

I am truly confused. I have been in the lifestyle a long time and finally met a submissive I really liked. She broke up with me because I was Dom enough .I am a gentleman Dom and I do believe it's a partnership. But that the Dominate is the boss. What I don't understand is if you come on strong a submissive will run and if you come on slower and mix romance then your not Dominate. It truly hurts me to loss her.


See if you can do sort of an "exit interview" with her.  Invite her for coffee and just have a discussion.  Put aside hurt and pride and  ask "what happened"?

The damned if you do and damned if you didn't just doesn't seem to fit.  I could be she had more than one  love interest going and made this flimsy excuse.

If someone doesn't like "my" representation of dominance.. I find I pretty well don't care for their kind of "submission" either.  

(LeMaster.. did you used to be on the BDSM Prodigy chat years ago?  Your name  looks familiar :)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 9/9/2006 12:13:59 PM >

(in reply to LeMaster)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Don't understand - 9/18/2006 10:52:56 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Well, well, well.  This is kinda interesting, because I was just chatting with a Dominant who’d contacted me a month or so ago. 
 
Seemed like a fairly nice guy…but was quite a ways away, geographically.  Also, he was sometimes somewhat ‘incoherent’ in his approach to me (notes were a jumble of thoughts); to the point that I finally said we probably didn’t have enough in common to continue trying to make a relationship.  We had never met; we had not done any of the online cyber-crap…but had tried to have a few conversations by e-mail. 
 
Part of what squicked me was that he kept saying he ‘adored’ me…yet sent such oddly disjointed notes.  When I ‘broke up’ with the guy…he came back astonished and with the comment that he had tried not to come on too strong; that he knows subs ‘bolt’ if one does that…and so here he had been a gentleman and I was 'bolting' anyway!
 
So…you see…that he may have not been ‘Domly’ enough for me, was not how I saw things at all; but something he imagined all on his own.  I really don’t go for the Neanderthal types…this was totally a more personal thing.
 
Though I don’t know if this man is talking about me particularly, it’s always a good idea to get the whole story, huh?  <smiles>
 
Some good ideas, though...
beverly

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Don't understand - 9/18/2006 5:33:34 PM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		A lot of dominance some women look for comes not from what you say, but
from you demeanor, your actions and your appearnance.  Some guys look
and sound tough.  A lot of women llike this.  The steel hand in the velvet
glove.  Did I say this right

_____________________________



(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 11
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