RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM

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newly42 -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 12:14:43 PM)
you did it ok, being a dominant woman sometimes, doesn't mean you can't be nice also. But again, you all are talking about dominants, but if it is true that all Masters are dominant, not all dominants are Masters. And i'm asking about real Masters, not about dominants who pretend to be Masters.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 12:16:10 PM)
There is no suich thing as the one true way. So there is no such thing as "true dominants" I personally applaud the women who're secure enough to let their men have what they want, when they themself don't fufill the need.

Aine -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 12:22:38 PM)
We're not talking about those that pretend tobe Masters either. We're trying to get across the point that some people can be open about who they are and the others can be accepting of that without changing who -they- are. No person should try to change another person, which is what I was getting at when you said "convince". Either a person is something or they are not. You can't convince or change anyone to be something they are not. And there is a difference between a dominant personality and a Dominant person as it pertains to D/s.

angelthighhighs -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 12:52:10 PM)
i have spoken with a few Dominants that have told me they can not love nor be friends with their subs. that they need that distance in order for them to truly be dominant over that person, to keep that "awe" in place. not that this is the type of relationship i wish, but it could be a reason why some are married to those not in the lifestyle and have a sub also.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 1:02:22 PM)
It is not bdsm to control someone who has no desire to be under someone's control it's ABUSE. Plain and simple. A person with a clue would know that and would not seek to control someone who has no interest in their dominancy or control.. It has nothing to do with I am master rawer beat chest rawer you listen I say so. Any one dominant who was a mentally compitant person would understand that just because they apply the title dom or master to themself, does not mean that she his wife should be controlled just cause he says so. Life is not black and white, one true way. you can not make your beliefs and feelings match every one elses. You might have a problem with a woman not recogniszing her husband as be all end all obey me control her authority, But you can't make it apply to every woman, or every Dominant out there. I had no desire to control my bf, and it was not frusterating to me that as a dominant personality i could not control him. I am mentally healthier than to think I should control him because I am a dominant person, but he's not interested in being controlled. quote: ORIGINAL: newly42 if it is not frustrating for a Master to live with someone who can't be controlled and who doesn't accept him as her Master.

newly42 -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 1:03:31 PM)
you're right. I'm wrong. This is not about real dominants. From females responses, it's clear now that partners of dominant persons who don't share their life style, are free to accept it or not, and some of you can think that it is real love. Points of view. What i want to know is what a real Master or Mistress feel about not having control over their wifes. But until now, the only answer from a Master i've got is Jeffs' Let me ask you this, Feline, do you think a real Master would accept this statement from you? "I would like to make friends in the lifestyle that could have the potential for a little bit more, perhaps a mentor. Maybe, even a dominant should our interests go there, but they'd have to be accepting of everything for the most part I am into, And they have to accept that my mate is going to be a part of decisions, a small part but he'll be considered in most everything." This is exactly the way i think those married men act with their "permissive" spouses. It is not bad, it is not good, but does a real Master would do something like this?

Aneirin -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 1:12:29 PM)
Similarly,I had interests since childhood,and got married to a non bdsm wife,who on discovering my interest labelled me sick.For ten years I kept an uneasy lid on my interests until it broke last year,NEVER AGAIN,it does not work.Either a bdsm future partner,or not at all.Though I admire those that still maintain a loving relationship in an open marriage,for me,I am not sure if it is a way I would choose. quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx Well, then let me answer your question from the perspective of one who somewhat resembles your question. My 'interests', which were all they were for the longest time, I have had since a child. But, they were just things that I did with people who seemed to enjoy that sort of thing. It was not a need for me at the time. I married at 29. The woman who I married found a couple of boxes of 'evidence' (rope, videos, handcuffs) and deemed me 'sick'. She essentially gave me an ultimatum - either I follow my interests or stick with her. I made the wrong choice and we got married. 13 months later we were divorced, and it was only then that I made a conscious decision to turn to my interests as something I needed to pursue full-time. During our relationship I did not seek anyone else to help me utilize my interests. I waited until afterwards. My personal opinion of 'Masters' who lead BDSM lives outside their marriage is not a good one. But that's just me. Jeff

newly42 -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 1:17:05 PM)
i understand your thoughts, coming from a switch person. Still no more opinions from Masters or Mistresses. I don't think they don't have anything to say.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 1:25:15 PM)
Yup newley they would. if they want to be involved with me. I then again don't believe in the terms real or true. You are what you are. I have conditions that come with being with me. They can accept it work with me and maybe things would change once every one was secure or not. For every person who won't accept that I come with stipulations, there's 100 more who will. I have to look harder for them, but they are out there. quote: ORIGINAL: newly42 Let me ask you this, Feline, do you think a real Master would accept this statement from you? "I would like to make friends in the lifestyle that could have the potential for a little bit more, perhaps a mentor. Maybe, even a dominant should our interests go there, but they'd have to be accepting of everything for the most part I am into, And they have to accept that my mate is going to be a part of decisions, a small part but he'll be considered in most everything." This is exactly the way i think those married men act with their "permissive" spouses. It is not bad, it is not good, but does a real Master would do something like this?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 1:25:40 PM)
I know that one ex-relationship involved two married dominants, male and female. They were very fulfilled together. They have owned their slave together for nearly 4 years now and are quite happy. He is a master, but does not master his wife, they work very well together. In my previous relationship, we were all open poly, and my master was included. He had 4 long term partners, and each of us had our own long term and play partners. We were quite happy and there was never question over who was the master.

gentlethistle -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 1:34:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: newly42 Isn't it frustrating to share your bed, your table, your house, your life, with someone who doesn't understand who really you are? Someone who doesn't respect you as you are? Yes. It is. Which is why people 'cheat'...while also somehow trying to be 'true' to something they thought they once had, without throwing everything away, whilst....actually doing just that....or burning it at both ends anyway..... But folks here don't seem, in general (to me, IMHO etc etc and all point of view disclaimers), to be awfully understanding of these sorts of dilemma. Everything comes in black and white, no shades of grey allowed. Laura

Lashra -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 1:36:26 PM)
A truly Dominant female will not be dominated by a Dominant male unless SHE wants it to happen. I am a Dominant female and no male Dominates me period. This is probably why most truly Dominant males seek submissive partners who they can dominate. If a male tries to force his dominance onto his partner that is abuse, BDSM is about consent. As far as what a couples does that is between them, as long as they are happy what is it hurting? Alot of wives turn a blindeye to their husbands affairs, its gone on for ages. Personally I'm not sharing my slutboy with anyone, he belongs to me and we like it that way. ~Lashra

xkittenishx -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 2:08:15 PM)
newly - You might want to ask this question in the "Ask A Master..." forum since you don't seem to be getting the male responses here that you'd hoped for. [:)]

sugarcoatedscamp -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 2:27:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: raiken The situation you speak of, in a healthy setting, would be that the wife loves and respects her husband's unique needs and desires and loves him large enough to give him that freedom. She does not try to smother him and deny him. She is also aware that perhaps she cannot give him everything he needs to feel fulfilled and loves him enough to want his happiness in conjunction with her own. If he is happy, she may feel happy that in some way she, by allowing him to find fulfillment, is still a main contributor in his happiness. raiken, Thank you. If the roles in the above description above were reversed, this would be very much how it is between my husband and I. He is heterosexual, monogamous, and vanilla. I'm lesbionic [;)], polyamorous, and a sadistic domme. We communicate openly, and he loves me enough to afford me the freedom to be happy. Our marriage is vanilla; he doesn't own me, and doesn't try to. newly42, I have a problem with the insistence that the answers come from the viewpoint of a "true" dominant, and the implication that one is not truly dominant unless they are a type-a personality. I'm a lady (most of the time). I don't try to control every situation, or demand that the whole world bow down and kiss the blessed ground beneath my delicate feet. That doesn't change the fact that in a D/s relationship, it had better be understood that I'm the one in charge. There is no one "true" way to have a D/s relationship. There are no "true" Dominants, submissives, Masters, Mistresses or slaves. There are only a whole bunch of human beings who incorporate BDSM into their lives in whatever way and to whatever extreme is right for them.

raiken -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 2:37:58 PM)
[quote]ORIGINAL: newly42 Why it seems my question is an attack to those who enjoy to have more than one partner ? I don't care how many men or women they need for having a satisfactory relationship. I'm not asking if it's good or not. Even if they want to cheat it is not my bussiness This is not about what i need or not. If i need a man who commit only with me, that's what i would look for. But this thread is not the way i have to look for him. I'm new in this life style and i'm trying to learn a little bit, to understand more about the thoughts of real dominants. But all i've got is women deffending their ways of living, as if i was criticizing them. [/quote] Why do you see other's perspectives and opinions regarding the thoughts you shared as a defense? It seems that you are doing the defending with this very post, why is that? i for one offered my thoughts, and did not feel in the slightest that i had to be in defensive mode, nor was i critical of you personally. Please don't add your bias and blanket generalities to what others are sharing, for then you miss valuable information that may help you in your quest. What within you causes you to view it in this light? i didn't read any posts that seemed to offer criticisms, or personal attacks. They were simply thoughts being shared. You said you wanted to learn something did you not? May i kindly suggest that you become more open to other's perspectives, which will only aid you in your learning process. *smile Perhaps you were not clear and concise in your post, for you did share your personal view point and added your own critical flavor to the topic.

raiken -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 2:46:12 PM)
[quote]ORIGINAL: sugarcoatedscamp raiken, Thank you. If the roles in the above description above were reversed, this would be very much how it is between my husband and I. He is heterosexual, monogamous, and vanilla. I'm lesbionic [;)], polyamorous, and a sadistic domme. We communicate openly, and he loves me enough to afford me the freedom to be happy. Our marriage is vanilla; he doesn't own me, and doesn't try to. Now this is a term that i have just learned...lesbionic, does that mean you have the power of the bionic woman also? YIKES>>>>run from da whip! LOL i had to grin at that, for it conjured all these erotic thoughts to flood my mind. smile But seriously, that is just how i view things, and the way i have experienced my relationships thus far. If i love someone, i mean truly love or care for someone, i want them to be happy. The last thing i would want is for them to connect being with me, with being trapped and not allowed to have the freedom to breathe and grow. Like i said, this way works for me, in that there is no need to lie or cheat. However, if one or the other begins to find that they can no longer handle this way of living, then i expect that to be communicated upfront as well. Thanks for sharing. smile

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 2:48:05 PM)
And why do you seem to think that a "true" MAster would not Accept a persons limits such as stated in a profile like mine. I certaintly wouldn't be interested in someone who felt he was to good to accept that someone he looked at had limitations and I certaintly wouldn't settle for any one ever who didn't understand that when a personhas a bf, as I did, that the bf's thoughts and desires be respected. There's also no "true master" about expecting any one who wants to enter a relationship to share if not all my kinks half of them. Why would I want them then if they didn't like my kinks. There's nothing "true" or not about it. Then again like I said there is no true or right way for every one. I think it's silly to insist true this or true that.

NastyDaddy -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 3:11:35 PM)
newly, you seem to be confusing lifestyle consent with marriage. It takes boths sides in agreement to constitute consent. Actually, I feel that's one of the biggest flaws of marriage... "for better or worse, in sickness and in health... until death do us part" often literally includes one spouse "doing things" that "just kill" the other spouse. Daily doses of differing levels of rejection/acceptance would surely complicate any dominant person's life. Much like so many submissives who have demanding command type in-charge positions at work, so they seek an environment free of their control... to submit and find a level of freedom. It stands to reason the inverse holds true for dominant persons whose daily life involves a shared control concept and a spouse/opponent... seeking a consenting environment where they can be their dominant self and also be free. BDSM is about what happens via consent between two people (or however many they agree should be involved), and it does not come in a box, it is unique to the participants. There is no standard base model to dictate how a true dominant or a fake dominant will conduct themselves... this usually becomes apparent by not being one's self and pursuit of a base model key/answer/howto. Regarding a married dominant engaging in BDSM activities at the consent of a vanilla spouse, it happens all the time... especially with married submissives and vanilla spouses. Why do we not refer to them as true submissives or not true submissives? The non-spousal activity which is in consent with the spouse is no different than bowling, shopping, fishing... or any other activity one spouse enjoys while the other does not... provided it is an activity of spousal consent. A side-trip to the strip bar is a part of many vanilla fishing trips... deceit and dishonesty do not earn favor by spousal ignorance. The latter comment would apply to married dominants or submissives who operate in hidden/covert dishonest agendas. If you as a dominant or a submissive have "needs" a marriage does not provide or allow for... perhaps you do not "need' to be married? Granted, online domination/submission is alot different, knowing the wife/hubby is safe at home... despite it being 4am and they are online feeding their needs. It would tend to worry a spouse if the other spouse is missing at 4am, off somewhere involved in realtime play. Either way... if the spouse is not ok with it or it's progression, then the democratic process usually ensues.

raiken -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 3:12:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: newly42 you did it ok, being a dominant woman sometimes, doesn't mean you can't be nice also. But again, you all are talking about dominants, but if it is true that all Masters are dominant, not all dominants are Masters. To take it a level deeper, i don't give much weight to titles when first meeting in real life. i go by the energy, the nature of the connection, the personal actions, reactions and responses of the one claiming said title. i can sense who is dominant in nature and who is a part timer, or who is a playa, etc., at least for the most part, and get a general feeling of who would be a nice match for who i am. So for me this argument of true this or that with regard to titles, carries little merit and hasn't much bearing on whom i choose to interact with. i look for a line of integrity and like mindedness that complements that of my own. That is basically what i need to foster a relationship in the beginning. And i'm asking about real Masters, not about dominants who pretend to be Masters. i am not sure how to define a real Master, or even a real slave, or any other title, that would be real enough for your individual preferences, and personal desires. For that is what it is all about, finding the one that is right for you personally, and not anyone elses definitions. i personally look for certain traits and qualities that fit who i am, in a Master, or in anyone i intend to build a relationship with, for i need to have a common ground to build upon. i can only say that there are many different individual views out there on this. It largely depends on what floats your boat and who resonates with what you desire. How would you define a real Master? How would you define a dominant? What are the differences between the two from your point of view?

NastyDaddy -> RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM (8/29/2006 3:31:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: newly42 ... it all depends of the levels of mastery. And i'm talking about Dominants, male or female, masters or mistresses. Why is domination determined by levels or numbers? This sounds like the "Good Cop - Bad Cop" interrogation ploy... or my baseball card collection is bigger than your's... therefore I am a true baseball card collector! Whoever dies with the most toys wins! You attempt to apply logic to human emotion... to expect a predictable common pattern to emerge, or to match some other criterion or scale of "trueness". Where is your oft hinted at measure or scale of a true dom/true sub, let's have a look at it shall we? If you and the man you are dating now share this reverence of trueness, these levels of mastery as your guides, you are at total liberty to apply this mindset to YOUR relationship. The success or failure of YOUR relationship and the terms or clarity of big picture scope of BDSM which works for you does not constitute universal application to other BDSM lifestylers. It seems you are seeing everything through your eyes and perspective only, and the saddest thing is that there may not be real or true answers.

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