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RE: Regarding Asexuality - 8/29/2006 1:35:39 PM

FelinePersuasion

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Viagra is forto my knowledge, men who have a difficult time or can't get it up. Viagra won't help for emotional issues with sex or not relaxing or not being turned on by the thought of penis to vagina intercourse.

quote:

ORIGINAL: debutante

He has also confessed that he has a very hard time relaxing enough to come, as in he can't let go. He gets nervous and anxious about it, so he holds back.

He has told me if we become serious he will try to go on something like viagra, or a similar pill. I want sex, and he wants to give it to me, but can't. Would viagra (or other erection medication) work in this situation?

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Post #: 41

RE: Regarding Asexuality - 8/29/2006 4:45:20 PM

CreativeDominant

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Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Homestead, do you think once or twice a day is "Hypersexual?"
I don't think so, to me that's normal.
I may take a day off once in a while to "prime the pump" so to speak.
I guess "normal" is 2.3 times per week according to some govt. figures some where.

I'm just making the comment that there is no "norm" in sex drives, and to compare others to yours is meaningless.

Just out of curiosity...if there are no "normals" in sex drives (and there are plenty within the sexology field and within the medical and psycological fields who would disagree with that statement, myself included) and therefore comparison is meaningless...then isn't your comparison of your sex drive to some others on here and finding them to be "hypersexual" also meaningless?

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Post #: 42

RE: Regarding Asexuality - 8/29/2006 5:22:21 PM

Homestead

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Homestead, do you think once or twice a day is "Hypersexual?"
I don't think so, to me that's normal.
I may take a day off once in a while to "prime the pump" so to speak.
I guess "normal" is 2.3 times per week according to some govt. figures some where.

I'm just making the comment that there is no "norm" in sex drives, and to compare others to yours is meaningless.

Just out of curiosity...if there are no "normals" in sex drives (and there are plenty within the sexology field and within the medical and psycological fields who would disagree with that statement, myself included) and therefore comparison is meaningless...then isn't your comparison of your sex drive to some others on here and finding them to be "hypersexual" also meaningless?

Not really. Everyone varies, so there is no absolute. It seems the average is a few times a week. If you want it three times a DAY, that seems to shade towards the high end of the bell curve. Make sense?

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Post #: 43

RE: Regarding Asexuality - 8/29/2006 5:44:12 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Homestead, do you think once or twice a day is "Hypersexual?"
I don't think so, to me that's normal.
I may take a day off once in a while to "prime the pump" so to speak.
I guess "normal" is 2.3 times per week according to some govt. figures some where.

I'm just making the comment that there is no "norm" in sex drives, and to compare others to yours is meaningless.

Just out of curiosity...if there are no "normals" in sex drives (and there are plenty within the sexology field and within the medical and psycological fields who would disagree with that statement, myself included) and therefore comparison is meaningless...then isn't your comparison of your sex drive to some others on here and finding them to be "hypersexual" also meaningless?

Not really. Everyone varies, so there is no absolute. It seems the average is a few times a week. If you want it three times a DAY, that seems to shade towards the high end of the bell curve. Make sense?

Yes, your statement above does make sense. It was my impression from your post that you were comparing others' sex drive to yours rather than to the bell curve you note. If my impression was wrong, then I apologize.

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Post #: 44

RE: Regarding Asexuality - 8/29/2006 6:06:27 PM

Homestead

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Homestead, do you think once or twice a day is "Hypersexual?"
I don't think so, to me that's normal.
I may take a day off once in a while to "prime the pump" so to speak.
I guess "normal" is 2.3 times per week according to some govt. figures some where.

I'm just making the comment that there is no "norm" in sex drives, and to compare others to yours is meaningless.

Just out of curiosity...if there are no "normals" in sex drives (and there are plenty within the sexology field and within the medical and psycological fields who would disagree with that statement, myself included) and therefore comparison is meaningless...then isn't your comparison of your sex drive to some others on here and finding them to be "hypersexual" also meaningless?

Not really. Everyone varies, so there is no absolute. It seems the average is a few times a week. If you want it three times a DAY, that seems to shade towards the high end of the bell curve. Make sense?

Yes, your statement above does make sense. It was my impression from your post that you were comparing others' sex drive to yours rather than to the bell curve you note. If my impression was wrong, then I apologize.

No need for apology. I was simply pointing out to popeye that he seems to have a one track mind, in regards to sex. And that one really cannot compare oneself to others who are NOT you, in any meaningful or productive way.

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RE: Regarding Asexuality - 8/29/2006 6:33:58 PM

popeye1250

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Homestead, ok twice a month?
That wouldn't be Asexual.

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Post #: 46

RE: Regarding Asexuality - 9/1/2006 4:06:58 PM

debutante

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Joined: 8/28/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: debutante

He has told me if we become serious he will try to go on something like viagra, or a similar pill. I want sex, and he wants to give it to me, but can't. Would viagra (or other erection medication) work in this situation?

No offense but wow, I wouldn't ask someone to take pills for me.

I mean, he and you could try therapy if he thinks this is something he wants to change.

And there are strapons, fingers, tongues, dildoes, even entire hands if you really want to be penetrated vaginally. Sex isn't just vaginal intercourse though.

Personally I don't think it is good to try and make someone who is asexual into a sexual person -- folks have all different reasons and biologies and I think these differences are best respected if you can. Heck, he can have other types of sex so I think you're doing great together.

I'd make the pills the last thing you try because any chemical we put in our bodies does affect our bodies and sometimes not in good ways.

Ultimately you have to decide just how necessary vaginal intercourse is to you. If it is really important you can open up the relationship and get another partner or simply move onto another relationship all together.

I'm just jump speaking out my butt here. My spouse has a very low sex drive himself, intercourse is of 0 interest to him unless we decide to start a family. We have a great poly family and we are very much in love but I know intercourse is not that important to me -- I'd rather receive oral or manual personally.

Yes, you are speaking out of your butt. If you reread, you will see HE offered, I didn't ask. HE said he was willing to try, he brought it up, not me ;)

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Post #: 47

RE: Regarding Asexuality - 9/1/2006 4:16:22 PM

debutante

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Thanks for the *mostly* helpful replies haha.

In regards to some comments, we actually watched some porn together last night, and it was all hetero (ok... some lesbian haha). He was hard as a rock the whole time. Plus, like I said, he is totally willing to please me by fingering, going down on me and so on. I asked him about masturbation, and he says he does it, but very rarely. I asked about what he thinks about when he is doing it, and his responce was 'women in bondage'. Generally, I don't worry about the gay factor. Yes, of course I thought of it, but breaking it all down I just don't think that's the reason.

I do think the biggest thing is nerves. We discussed it a few nights ago, and he explained that he does see sex as a VERY big deal (I generally don't feel the same), and 1) I do think he has built sex up as the end all be all 2) that kind of pressure makes him extreemly nervous, and therefor he can't perform.

But he is completely willing to try to work it out with me. He told me the other night when we were talking about it that he does want to have sex, but he does feel a lot of nerves. He told me that if our relationship does become serious he will do his best to give me what I want, as long as I was willing to wait, which I am. I understand it might not happen, but if it does get serious, I hope it does.

Right now I'm not in a panic, but he did tell me that asexuality is something that many people in the bdsm community identify themselves as, and I was hoping to get some opinions, and I did. Thanks :)

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Post #: 48

RE: Regarding Asexuality - 9/1/2006 4:20:47 PM

Homestead

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Cool, glad it's working out for you two.

(but I think popeye still thinks I don't like sex.)<LOL>

< Message edited by Homestead -- 9/1/2006 4:21:02 PM >

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RE: Regarding Asexuality - 9/1/2006 9:16:50 PM

Celeste43

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I doubt Viagra would do anything. This doesn't sound like a physical problem, but an emotional. I think he'd need serious therapy to change. And I don't think he's gay, but possibly has a history of being abused.

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RE: Regarding Asexuality - 9/2/2006 3:28:35 AM

mons

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greetings

this man was abuse by a woman his is showing clasice signs, the no wanting intercourse on hand job, i know this i was abuse and i will not have intercourse at all

he needs a therapist he may not remember what happen to him it is common not to remember the abuse at all only not likeing certain sexual acts and wondering why

i wish you luck
mons

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RE: Regarding Asexuality - 4/14/2010 12:32:03 AM

srvc4ever

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It very well may be that only slavery turns him on sexually. Intercourse is the least sexual desire and most enjoy it with me. Try talking to him during foreplay in a controlling manner. Tell him that it gives you great pleasure and he better get used to doing it and anything else that he can do that brings you pleasure. Explain very bluntly that it is one of many purposes that you expect and demand from him.

If he is slave oriented it will be rock hard. If it is, tell him he better not cum unless you tell him he can, if you decide to even let him cum. Remind him as you are enjoying the pleasure that his training has just started. Tell him you now understand his desire to be your slave. That you understand the fear that kept him from revealing such a bizarre desire.

The words and concepts may be too extreme for him, but the need to be controlled and/or dominated to some degree may be what is causing the erection problems. As for myself, the more extreme the more arrousing.

Hope this helps.

srvc4ever

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RE: Regarding Asexuality - 4/14/2010 12:47:37 AM

LadyPact

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It might have helped her three and a half years ago. That's the last time the OP even posted on the site.

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RE: Regarding Asexuality - 4/14/2010 2:55:18 AM

ModeratorSixteen

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We do like to encourage people to start new threads on older topics when a post is more than 6 months old.Thanks!

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