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prettichinadoll -> RE: Looking at Chinese family structure and culture from a BDSM point of view (8/29/2006 12:35:31 PM)
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Holly,
Thank you for your reply.
Many who knows me in person find it quite interesting everytime I smile or laugh, I'll over my mouth with my hand. It's a reflex to me, as to most Chinese girls (I know Japanese girls tent to do the same). I'm a lot less shy compare to the time when first get into the scene, yet the reflex of cover my mouth when laughing probably will never change. Many Chinese manners are a second nature to me.
Submission is a inner desire to please other people. The way to please people is a learn behavior and varies from person to person. However, it's true that most people would be pleased by a lot of the same thing -- being respected, being obeyed, being cared for, and being the center of the attention...When I look at the Chinese culture and female's position in a family structure, I would have to say the function of female, the entire sex, is extremely submissive in my culture. If we would take a close look into our old fashion manners, most of them exist to please man or other dominate figures in the soceity. Even if a lady is dominate in nature, by obey those traditions, she'll be a perfect submissive to her husband. This would, of course, create a conflects inside herself. But without any education, she probably won't even know why she's unhappy.
Submission is a inborn desire, yet behavior is learned. Having the desire doesn't necessariely leads to the behavior, and that's where all those "training" are from. Many believes "training" is about positions, rigid rituals...but I see training as quite personal, it's for me to learn what my Master would like the most, and adjust myself to please him in every way I can.
I see "different degrees of dominance/submission depending on the environment and circumstances" not in terms of "good" or "bad", but rather "choice". I consider myself a very strong person. I can handle stressful situation with ease. I have strong personality, and I'll laugh at those so called "doms" who would ask me to kneel in front of them. I'm a graduate student as well as a teacher, I show strong dominate tendency with my students. Submission to me is not a habit, is not because of my culture, but my choice. I choose to submit to a certain person.
Try to think of this from a dom's point of view, what kind of submission and obedience would be more valuable, the obedience due to habit, due to "I had to", due to "the social norm", due to weakness, due to fear...or the obedience due to "I love you, and I choice to obey you". My problem with a doormat slave is that they doesn't allowed any other choice, or they're not aware of other options. They serve because of fear or ignorence. That's why I always say "if you want doormat, please go to wal-mart, where they comes with difference sizes and colors".
As to the concept of "choice", I believe in the concept that there's no "right" or "wrong", there's only Choice. Sometimes people make choices they don't understand, but that doesn't mean they don't have a choice. I heard many people say "but I don't have other choice, I have to do this". There's nothing in the world which "you have to do". The point is not whether if we can make a free choice without the pressure of culture of society. But rather, we make a choice and try to understand it the reason behind it. Do I make the choice because of "me" or due to the habit of my childhood, or unseen motivation from my culture? that's the most important thing to think about.
and once again, thank you for a very well thought response.
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