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Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 3:24:14 PM

mistoferin

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I have noticed that people at times will post a question and they will add that they are seeking responses from only specific orientations...eg. Male Doms and Masters, Female Dommes, submissives or slaves only. I know that the boards here are broken down into sections...but I can't understand why anyone would want to limit the feedback to only one perspective. I think that everyone has something to offer and I am wondering why anyone would do this.

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RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 3:43:53 PM

SusanofO

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Well, I've never cared who answered threads I've posted (and hopefully I've always made that clear) but - I have posted threads that were orientation specific as far as the question.

I mean, if I want to know, for example, what male submissives appreciate most about a scene with a Domme, why would I ask a Male Dom or a female submissive, for example? Yes, others might have something they could add to the discussion, but if I were seeking answers based on personal experience, I don't think it's weird to conclude they'd likely be coming more from male submissives than from others. I don't think that makes asking the question of them, specifically, wrong - I think it makes sense.

I would not jump to a conclusion that people who do ask orientation specific questions are being intentionally rude - maybe they just didn't think about the fact others might have "two cents" to throw into a thread, when they posted the thread - regardless of whether it was aimed at their specific orientation, or not. Or, maybe they are strictly seeking relies from just one group of folks.

It's not like there aren't enough threads to reply to at CM, for them to not be able to go find another one to answer. Or, they can always start one themselves that isn't "orientation specific" but asks the same question, if it really, really bothers them.

In any case, I have never read replies from an OP that indicated they were "riled up" about it, when others outside of a group they were seeking answers from, actually did reply to their post.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/26/2006 3:51:22 PM >

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RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 3:50:29 PM

mistoferin

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Oh gosh Susan, I didn't mean to imply they were rude. (is that how I sounded???) What I meant is that I just think that by doing so you may cheat yourself out of some really fresh opinions.

I have seen people get upset or call people to task for responding on a thread not intended for them, and I have also seen when someone of the "s" orientation responded someone of the "D' orientation told them there opinion was not welcome or valid. Now that in my opinion IS rude. Usually, if that happens though it is generally pointed out to the poster rather quickly that these are indeed open forums.

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RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 3:57:32 PM

SusanofO

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No, I didn't take your thread topic personally at all. But, I do post a lot of topics, so just was throwing in my "two cents". I think it's a fair question for a topic, and I have never understood why anyone would get upset if others answered, either. If people start yelling about it when people do it, I think it could maybe really freak out some "newbie".

Come to think of it, I've seen some very polite "newbies" ask questions like: "Well, I am a submissive, can I post a reply in the "Ask a Master" section?" And I have, on occasion, then seen some idiot tell them "No" (which isn't true) - meanwhile, that same thread has about 20 replies already posted from submissives...I just think people who are that focussed on non-existent "protocol" need to find more productive ways to spend their time, than to spend it yelling at someone on a bdsm website about where someone else can post a reply.

*It's possible some folks really don't know they can post in any forum, regardless of their "orientation". So - hopefully, if any of them read this thread, they'll find out that they can do that, and nobody should really care if they do this.

Bottom -line (my opinion) : That's what the Moderators are here for. If something really is "wrong" about what or where someone else is posting - they'll handle it, so I say M.Y.O.B. to anyone else with "police-person" tendencies...especially to a "newbie", maybe, who is polite enough to actually ask where they can post a reply. I just think it's kind of nervy (not to mention crude) to jump on anyone who is trying to be that polite.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/26/2006 4:19:48 PM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
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And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Post #: 4

RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 4:18:45 PM

mstrjx

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It's odd that this question has come up, and probably better that I ask this question - although it could risk hijacking the thread.

When a poster (take, I don't know, RavenMuse) responds to a thread, do you see that person as whateverorientationtheyare, or do you see it as just another person who might have more experience in one area or another, someone you can learn from?

Moreso, if that person were to 'change' orientation, would you see their posts in a different light, or just from the same poster that posted yesterday?

Jeff

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Post #: 5

RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 4:25:47 PM

SusanofO

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mstrjx: It would depend on how much I knew (or thought I could surmise, from reading their posts) about their "personal bdsm experience level", their common sense, and their knowledge of bdsm topics in general. I have been on this site for months (some have been here for years, I'd bet) - and I think I have a feel for how experienced some might be, based only on reading their posts, of course. As for me, I think I've stated a few times I have what I consider to be little personal experience (having had only one Dominant in my life, for a little over a year). People can profess to know anything on-line, but I'd like to think most who post really are being honest about what they know, and bdsm experiences they've had, etc.

To answer your post, mstrjx: I personally view people as the person first, their bdsm "orientation" second, (although if I don't know them well, via not having read many of their posts, these can get muddled) but - I still would ask a male submissive about what he expects from a Domme, being a submissive male, if that were my question - probably just because it makes logical sense to me to go to them first, for an answer.

Others might well have something pertinent to add, and I certainly would listen - I've seen people outside an "orientation" post some very thought-provoking replies to an "orientation specific" thread topic or question. So, I see your point - and it's one well-taken.

Personally, I feel I've learned a lot I didn't previously know about aspect of the 'world of bdsm', simply from reading posts from others here at CM with "orientations" different from my own. Also, some people read a lot of bdsm-related books, and they might well have pertinent things to add based on doing this, that pertain to an OP's topic, regardless of their "orientation".

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/26/2006 4:43:58 PM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Post #: 6

RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 4:55:51 PM

popeye1250

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Mistoferin, I've started to make a few threads lately myself and If I'm asking a question I don't care who answers or what their experience level is as I think (anyone) can contribute!
I did phrase one thread "A question for the ladies" regarding high heels because naturally women just know a hell of a lot more than men about high heels! (Most men anyway

)
But, if I make a thread I like to get as many different opinions as possible because I learn a lot from different opinions.
But, like Susan said if you're asking male subs the best thing to do to please their Domme, that's a much more specific question and for myself I wouldn't expect to see Doms like me trying to answer a question like that.
If a Dom (did) answer on a thread like that from some type of experience, go for it.
I don't usually post in all the threads in here due to a lack of interest in that particular subject or a lack of time.
For someone like myself who's been involved in this life for 18 years, I've learned a hell of a lot in this site in a few months.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 7

RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 5:23:12 PM

SirKenin

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Well, it really boils down to this: Perhaps it is a Master's question to other Masters, asking how to deal with a sub for example. A sub may not qualified to answer that question because their experience does not offer them the same perspective of a Master. Just for example.

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RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 7:26:24 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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http://www.collarchat.com/m_549731/tm.htm
Forum Divisions

Couldn't agree with you more Erin. I think it's a sign of being relatively new to wiitwd to ask those sorts of questions.

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RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 9:06:44 PM

mistoferin

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mstrjx,
You know, I really thought about the question now that you asked it and I have to say that the answer lies in the way I was reading this and some other threads on here tonight until I came to your question. When I read a thread I don't really look at who posted until after I have read what they have said.....and then sometimes I even have to click on their profile if I want to find out how they orient. I usually read it and then if I find something that is really interesting or that I want to comment on, I usually have to scroll back up to see who wrote it. I don't think that I have had the experience of finding the majority of the pearls being dropped by any one orientation.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 10

RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 9:09:23 PM

mistoferin

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LA....I guess I missed that post. For two people who used to disagree so much we are certainly in agreement on an awful lot these days....lol. It seems that lately I get into a post and find you've already said what I was going to say anyway.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 9:26:40 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
LA....I guess I missed that post. For two people who used to disagree so much we are certainly in agreement on an awful lot these days....lol. It seems that lately I get into a post and find you've already said what I was going to say anyway.

Part of it is that we've ironed out all the problems that were just miscommunications, and part of it is that the topics that have been posted aren't the ones we're divise on. Plus we've probably softened our views of eachother as respect has developed over time- I'm not quite the pigheaded arrogant know it all uppity youngster who won't listen to anyone and you're no longer the unstable over romantic can't see past the fluffy side bitch.

Once you see someone over years, you have to reshape your interactions with the person as their depth and nuances become more "real."

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RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 9:32:52 PM

mistoferin

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LMAO.....well bitch I will take as a compliment thank you.....but romantic and fluffy???....bite your tongue!!! I can be romantic if I really dig deep....but I draw the damn line at fluffy!!!

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 13

RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/26/2006 9:43:18 PM

Arpig

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Because they are closet control freaks!

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RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/27/2006 11:14:32 AM

darkinshadows

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I rarely want a single orientation persepctive - however I was interested on hetro male dominants perspective regarding the anal thread because it was due to a specific conversation I had and wanted to see if it was a general consenus or not.

There are certain questions certain orientations can't answer. A male cannot answer a question particularly on period pain - only recommend. A hetro can only give thoughts and ideas on a homosexual question from a hetro POV.

But I don't particularly care who does answer, and still read all POV.

Peace and Rapture

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RE: Orientation specific questions - 8/27/2006 6:54:20 PM

Kree

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I dont post many things because I dont spend a lot of time reading threads. When I find one that is interesting, I usually read the original post and the answers from the standpoint of "what is missing in the answers?". I dont read things from Ask a Mistress because I am not a Mistress and I feel that the original poster was looking for replies from female dominants. I have only answered one (I think) post from the Ask a Submissive area because when someone places a post, I feel they ARE looking for answers of a specific orientation. The one I did answer from the Ask a Submissive area was one I happened to see scrolling and answered before I realized where it originated. Just a personal opinion, but I think that threads get cluttered by the way some people rush to answer every thread that posts, regardless of where it originated and what orientation it was addressed to.
I feel like some people answer anything that comes along as a way of helping. By the same token, I often see people posting that are truly clueless about the subject and feel that they are trying to troll by commenting. I also often feel that the answers arent really answers and I would guess that might be confusing to the person who was directing a specific question to a specific audience. Doesnt bother me when it happens, just makes little sense to me to have orientation divisions of the forums when some people post to everything that is asked.

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