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Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 2:58:50 PM   
MissTlTTYMilk


Posts: 142
Joined: 6/17/2006
Status: offline 		Based on the following and recent posts ie the stay at home slave, definitions of parasites, and others.....

i am curious if this is really about class or personal or financial struggle.  Does the depth of someone's struggle (health, financial, personal) really makes a difference or limits you in finding your mate.  It seems to be forefront of topics lately.......so....... 


Here is recent quote
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
I am surprised (again) that someone would be shocked and disappointed that a person is setting a bar for what he finds acceptable or not acceptable.   Don't we all do that when "shopping" for a partner?

Saying "I will not be with someone unless they are financially secure and have excellent financial plans and savings already in place" is not the same thing as saying "A person is not a responsible person if they do not have significant savings."


This has been a recurring expression on posts in regards to women.

The following are basic situations faced by women though beit limited........feel free to add....but basically i am curious to if the following would automatically eliminate a possible suitor.

1)Someone who has an excessive student loan or credit card debt with entry level job or higher.
2) Someone single and with a child or two and is financially struggling
3) Someone who married well and any current benefits are due from ex-husband's pockets.
4) Someone struggling with a disability.(mental or physical)
5) Someone making a modest living but works hard--only managing to be well insured.
6) Someone who has wealthy parents and is not a hard worker per say.


I am purposely excluding someone has worked hard all their life to make a elavated, successful living and does very well on her own as i am trying to cite examples that include some type of struggle.


based on the above...i wonder how many Dominants (men or women) would eliminate a woman as a candidate for a mate (lack of a better phrase) simply with description from the above.  It seems financial topics have been more inline with these boards than not late.  Is one of the above a deal breaker to you before even getting to know someone?  I apologize as it is just something that has been a topic as of late.

< Message edited by MissTlTTYMilk -- 8/25/2006 3:03:51 PM >

_____________________________

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"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. "
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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 3:04:31 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		It's all going to depend on how well a girl can be competent with me.

There's always a balance in how much anyone is going to be willing to take on.

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 3:07:16 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		There is no one deal breaker in this regard. It just all depends on the whole situation.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 8/25/2006 3:13:16 PM >

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 3:08:51 PM   
MissTlTTYMilk


Posts: 142
Joined: 6/17/2006
Status: offline 		Wow very good answer Homestead......i wonder how others feel

_____________________________

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. "
--Bertrand Russell

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 3:13:37 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		Miss,

I couldn't give a flying one about money, really couldn't care less and in my opinion anyone who passes judgement based on personal wealth will miss it out on so much life has to offer. However, although I don't make distinctions based on finanical standing there are certain characteristics in people that I find a huge turn off and I would never want to be in their company.

Judgement should be based on people's values i.e. what is in their heart not what is in their pocket.

Regards

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 3:20:11 PM   
MissTlTTYMilk


Posts: 142
Joined: 6/17/2006
Status: offline 		The reason why i bring it up is that there have been a lot of comments lately stating otherwise........i was amazed at the candor..........i just think that after age 30, if you dont have some type of baggage, you can have one of mine--will eddie bauer or American Tourister,do?

_____________________________

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. "
--Bertrand Russell

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 3:20:48 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		Everything you listed is baggage, and I want nothing to do with someone else's baggage.  I am not that desperate.

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Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 3:27:42 PM   
purelea2003


Posts: 78
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		Where I'm concerned in any relationship, D/s or vanilla, it's about personalities. If it's a person I can admire, respect and care for, I'll accept a lot of baggage. Any healthy relationship should based on a partnership. I'm there for him - he's there for Me. That's IMHO.

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 3:31:41 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		Miss,

Seriously, why do you consider the things you called baggage to be baggage? If someone is short of a bob or two that is not baggage. Baggage is someone with no heart who can't show any charity and supports bombing campaigns that slaughter people and can't see past their own personal wealth to pay that little bit extra tax to those who are on the bottom - this is real baggage because when push comes to shove it will be about them and not you. It is more than possible to build a meaningful relationship with someone who's struggling financially but how can you build anything meaningful with those driven by self-interest?

Regards

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 3:35:02 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		Materialism is the worst baggage of all.

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 3:35:37 PM   
MissTlTTYMilk


Posts: 142
Joined: 6/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Miss,

I couldn't give a flying one about money, really couldn't care less and in my opinion anyone who passes judgement based on personal wealth will miss it out on so much life has to offer. However, although I don't make distinctions based on finanical standing there are certain characteristics in people that I find a huge turn off and I would never want to be in their company.

Judgement should be based on people's values i.e. what is in their heart not what is in their pocket.

Regards

i couldnt agree more......i suppose i have been reading boards a little too often on here as of late ( a new trend for me) and have seen some remarks on here that i wanted to verify as just a fluke.  I was just curious to how the majority felt but it definitely would not sway my thoughts are actions.  i was curious if this was something indigenous to these boards.  i did not bother finding all  nor posting the remarks in question here but just wanted to know if it was general consensus.  Thanks to all who posts......the world is right again.

< Message edited by MissTlTTYMilk -- 8/25/2006 3:36:55 PM >

_____________________________

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. "
--Bertrand Russell

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 3:43:55 PM   
MissTlTTYMilk


Posts: 142
Joined: 6/17/2006
Status: offline 		i dont consider it baggage.....i call it reality......the thread was in response to many negative posts.  The baggage comment was not intended to be negative comment--i evidently failed to poke fun at myself.  We all have struggles, but recently, i have found many posts that suggested that people judged people for these things.......since i am fairly new to the boards.....well i explained it above.

_____________________________

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. "
--Bertrand Russell

(in reply to MissTlTTYMilk)
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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 4:19:57 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

Everything you listed is baggage, and I want nothing to do with someone else's baggage.  I am not that desperate.

Children are not baggage.  They are a blessing.  Financial struggle or not.
Peace and Love


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 6:32:52 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		Miss,

Wasn't passing judgement on you. Just trying to point out in a roundabout way that the things you posted aren't baggage for genuine people.

Regards

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 7:10:53 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
Everything you listed is baggage, and I want nothing to do with someone else's baggage.  I am not that desperate.


You actually know people who have NO baggage?

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 9:05:45 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
Everything you listed is baggage, and I want nothing to do with someone else's baggage.  I am not that desperate.


You actually know people who have NO baggage?


Yup.   And of course I know plenty of people that do.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 9:41:36 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		If you are going to merge households, assets and debts then I think it is prudent to consider both of the partner's finances.  To not make that a consideration would be foolhardy.  Especially if there is an uneven balance of these things, for whatever reason.  Your first responsibility should be to yourself.  I'm not saying I would refuse to be with someone because of his financial status, just that I would carefully consider the financial ramifications of merging a household.






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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 10:25:55 PM   
MaamSeeksSubLuvr


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		The only one that would be a deal breaker for me in your outline of examples would be #2, not for the financial struggle she may be having but the children she is raising. I wouldn't take on someone with young children as I am past that point in my life. Not to say that if I knew a woman in that position that I wouldn't try to help her if I could. I have helped many a friend in that postion as I was there once myself.

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"Excuses don't explain...Explanations never excuse!!!"

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/25/2006 10:35:38 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		I would pay heed to the finances, but with good, honest communication, those details could be worked out, I'm sure. Your item #4 could be a deal breaker if the problem was a mental or emotional problem that was undiagnosed, denied, or otherwise untreated with no hope of improvement.

Bob

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

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RE: Struggles--Which one is a deal breaker? - 8/26/2006 8:37:25 AM   
xGoddessx


Posts: 81
Status: offline 		Almost all of us have some baggage and debt.  That is pretty much the way things work in the world today.  I won't turn away anyone based on that, as long as they are working and trying to make things better.  I also know though how hard it is to find jobs in the market today, so really I don't know if I can generalize to that degree or not.
 
As far as mental or health issues.  I think I would ask: Do they want to get better?  Do they even see a problem?  Would being with me help, or hinder that process? 
 
As far as unmentionables, I am fine with that also, with some conditions upon it.  That I will not allow destructive behavior in my home, so if they aren't disciplined and well behaved, chances are they will only disrupt the household.  That they aren't exposed to any parts of the "lifestyle", other than the fact that there are a few people in the home and we all love each other.
 
I guess for me, I don't see any as the "deal breaker".  We all have "stuff" if we have been around this world for any amount of time at all.  I prefer to base the relationship on the person, if that is compatible, the rest can be worked on after.
 
*G*

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Still SlaveAkasha...but needing to just be me...if that makes sense.

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