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Voltare -> RE: Curiosity here! (8/25/2006 10:53:56 AM)
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No question seems to get the brawl going quite like the sub verses slave question! In the end, it's just a term to describe the types of submission that is expected (for the most part.) Generally, I use the term submissive to describe the inherent personality trait (everyone has a level of submission, it's a necessary aspect of living in a society.) We obey street signs, price tags, and where to sit on the plane. We do what our bosses or customers tell us, and pull over if a policeman stops us. 'A' submissive is usually a person who prefers a role of obeying in a relationship or exchange.
A slave, by contrast, is what some submissives become (many say they always felt they were.) In BDSM and Ds terms, we are NOT referring to the standard 'held prisoner or in bondage against one's will, as property, to be sold or used' that you might find in southeast asia, africa, parts of the middle east, and central and south america. Human traffiking and the BDSM community are wholly unrelated (though you run the same sort of risks in the BDSM community that you do in the vanilla community of being abducted and sold illegally.)
A slave in the BDSM context is someone who voluntarily agrees to obey their owner (mostly) without the expectation of a veto. Their obedience is generally considered to be of a higher degree, though in practice this doesn't usually apply to vanilla aspects, employment, family obligations, and raising of children (i.e. she may be my slave, but she's also the mother of my children, and that makes her Mom no matter what.) People who enjoy or prefer ritualism in their relationships often prefer the term slave to submissive, but in the end these terms only carry the weight that the two within the relationship give it. A good distinction is that all slaves are submissive, but not all submissives are slaves.
The collar question is a little more straightforward. Submissives (often called subs) and slaves can both be given a collar. Dominants rarely wear a collar, and when they do it is almost always for show. Some people fall between the term Dominant and submissives. A 'switch' usually refers to someone who enjoys both domination and submission, though commonly switches have a general preference or tendancy for one or the other, especially in a serious relationship context (not uncommon here, for example, are bisexual women who prefer a submissive role to male partners, but feel dominant towards female partners.) Such a person, in the submissive capacity might wear the collar of their dominant partner, but will still dominate their submissive partner. This is one of the rare situations where a dominant would wear a collar. Of course, a dominant could wear a collar if they wished - that's part and parcel of being the dominant (doing what you want in the relationship!)
I hope this helps.
Stephan
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