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I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/22/2006 11:33:13 PM   
masterhyyde


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Manhattan
Status: offline 		I have a friend who I consider vanilla although she claims to have been active in the lifestyle around 25 years ago.  And she seems to not be able to grasp the concept behind a master/slave or even a dom/sub relationship.

Any ideas on a fast simple answer for her?  I feel like I am just slamming my head into a wall everytime she says something about it.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 12:05:20 AM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Unless you enjoy slamming your head against a wall, don't discuss those subjects with her.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 12:13:19 AM   
masterhyyde


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Manhattan
Status: offline 		good advice!! I think I'll take it.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 1:15:25 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masterhyyde

Any ideas on a fast simple answer for her?


"Me Tarzan you Jane!"  




(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 2:31:36 AM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masterhyyde

I have a friend who I consider vanilla although she claims to have been active in the lifestyle around 25 years ago.  And she seems to not be able to grasp the concept behind a master/slave or even a dom/sub relationship.

Any ideas on a fast simple answer for her?  I feel like I am just slamming my head into a wall everytime she says something about it.



Spank her

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 2:54:46 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		Why is it so important to you that your vanilla friend understand the concept?  Why do you feel so compelled to beat a "dead horse?"  Is there something inside you that needs validation?  Or permission?  Or acceptance?  Actually, your post says more to me than your friend's inability or unwillingness to understand your lifestyle.  Think about it.

LeatherBentOne

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 4:09:32 AM   
AnAtlantaDom


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline 		There might be some help, on a serious level, in these previous posts:
 
My advice for Novice Female Submissives

Newbie!

At a loss

I'm a new domme seeking advice

Does a slave also have to be a fool?

sub: totally new concept

Questions for other newbies

The Journey

Starting Out

New to the Life, Help

How to deal?

Request for Advice

Advice please: Relationships, bdsm, love and boundaries

First time sub seeking you advice- how to find the right master?

First time sub seeking advice

a newbie seeking advice

How can I be a great sub?

Brand new life

Help needed

Emotional Rollercoaster

Welcoming newbies

New to this

Just a few questions

Do's and Dont's

Compliments of LuckyAlbatross

AD

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 4:19:51 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masterhyyde

I have a friend who I consider vanilla although she claims to have been active in the lifestyle around 25 years ago.  And she seems to not be able to grasp the concept behind a master/slave or even a dom/sub relationship.

Any ideas on a fast simple answer for her?  I feel like I am just slamming my head into a wall everytime she says something about it.

She considers herself active in BDSM.  Whether her 'grasp' on a ms or D/s relationship is the same as yours is in truth, none of your business unless you own her.  You are making assumptions for someone else who isnt your charge, and is disrespectful to your friend.  Agree to disagree.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 4:21:22 AM   
jennylynn


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline 		If she seems to want information, how about a book?

(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 4:24:04 AM   
AnAtlantaDom


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jennylynn

If she seems to want information, how about a book?


For some good books try this link:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_542733/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#542733

AD

(in reply to jennylynn)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 5:21:12 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Instead of telling her your definitions for a d/s or m/s exchange as her for her perspective.  What does she think it is?  and go from there

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


(in reply to AnAtlantaDom)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 6:04:50 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Every relationship is different so what you may view D/s or M/s as she may not. I would say just agree to disagree and let it go at that unless she is pressing for information, then I'd suggest she read some books.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 6:26:51 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		It's like making someone who hates strawberries like strawberry shortcake. It's not going to happen. Maybe she did investigate it 25yrs ago. If so I'd venture to say she decided it did not work for her.
She does not need to understand why you like it for you to be her friend.
I'd say quit beating a dead horse & agree to disagree.
Suzanne

(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 6:28:33 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		If she was involved 25 year's ago she has a better grasp on the lifestyle than you do.
So, I'd ask her to teach me.  Get her ideas.  Then do some research on your own to see if you have the right ideas and go from there.  Morph into a whole different individual in your way of thinking, one never knows.
Perhap's you have it right, though perhap's she does.  Then again there is the possibility she is lying.
Who knows?  Who cares?

(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 7:06:47 AM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Does she not understand why people do m/s or d/s relationships, or does she not understand how they work?

If she doesn't understand how inequal power works, explain that in most relationships, romantic and otherwise, power is distributed somewhat inequally. Usually, in a dyad (two-person relationship) one person emerges as more dominant than the other, even without arrangements of d/s. Tell her that a two-person d/s relationship is just an exaggerated and explicit version of this; the couple agrees that one partner gets to make more decisions than the other.

If she doesn't understand why people do them, that's a different matter. Getting her to empathize with the dominant part strikes me as easy--everyone has probably had a moment when they wished their partners would go along with their decisions, yes? Inducing empathy for the submissive part may be harder. Maybe you could note that most people have some occasion when they've been gratified exclusively by making another happy, and say that people who agree to submit tend to find that really, really gratifying.

Monica

Monica


(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 7:24:48 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Does she have a hobby that you just don't get? While what you do might be more than a hobby, the premise is the same. The point that you make is that she might not EVER get it, as you won't ever get her hobby. If she's your friend, she'll understand that there are things that each of you do that the other just simply will not get. It doesn't mean you all have to like each other less, just be accepting.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 9:37:24 AM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		i have a friend that thinks she knows all about D/s. She offers me advice that i can't help but laugh at because she thinks it's just about submitting in the bedroom. i've tried to explain that it's different for me that i'm not submissive just in the bedroom and i don't think i would want it that way.

She tells me how wrong i am and i just shake my head and we agree to disagree

(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/23/2006 9:39:10 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		To each their own, don't see how anybody is wrong here, find commonality.....discuss those things on which you agree, then it may be easier to find the center of that which you disagree.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/25/2006 3:51:29 AM   
wysiwygitsme


Posts: 69
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Does she want to grasp the concept?  If she doesn't, there is nothing you can say, or do to make her "get it".
If she does, the book --- "When Someone You Know Is Kinky" has helped many of my friends "get it".

(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I need help with a vanilla friend - 8/25/2006 4:21:05 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Send her collarme's web addy.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 20
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