Termyn8or
Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
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I think we have not described little white lies yet. First of all I shall not be asked to recount all the places I have been in a given day. If one of those places had an old flame of mine and I was asked I would tell the truth.
How about somemore truth hmmm ? "So just what were you doing there ?". Realy ? "Well I went to see a guy, my buddy just bought 41 pre-ban Chinese AK47s and he needs clips, so I went to see if I could make a deal".
Or would you rather " I just wanted to see her again _one_more_time".
Actually I would not go back to see the old flame, not intentionally. If I ran into her, I would simply be honest about it. If I caught some sort of drill about it I might say forget it, not telling you anything anymore. Of course that is a lie, but it is a little white lie because you can't go through life that tight lipped. Remember, in this scenario I have nothing I need to keep quiet from her.
Actually I would never let the little white lies become an avalanche, I would nip it in the bud. My response would be "I had to go there on business". As long as it is a public place and not a dangerous situation, I would take her. Meet my old flame,, meet my new flame.
I really don't have these 'situations' these days, but the spirit is clear. If I have an olady I want her in on just about everything. There are very very few parts of my life I would have to keep quiet, but those are by absolute necessity. By extension, she needs to know to keep quiet a bit anyway, first of all, my L:EGAL activities are none of anyone's business. Even as we discuss house purchases or cars whatever, I don't want it known.
It is not for her to jabbermouth it out in a gossip session or tell Maury. I could see Maury now "So he made $150,000 and only spent $20,000 on you". "That's right, I want the rest !".
I could see it happening now. Now if we are talking a Man/Woman relationship here I would not hide anything about my sex life. I don't have to, I have not had that many partners so I don't care. But what if that wasn't true ? Or what if she used to be the slut of the county ? I think I should know that, or should I ? Remember my secrets have nothing to do with my sex life, past or present. If I have to retain a facade, there is no relatioship. Period. Funny how so few people understand that, or are they bilking their other for gain of some type ?
Why else would one be dishonest with a true friend, life partner, chosen family ? I can think of no other reason except for personal gain at the expense of the other. One simply does not do that to chosen family. I don't mean "Don't Do It", I mean if you do it, they are obviously not true friends, life partners or chosen family, at least to you .
Lying is something that must be done very sparingly, and only for the good of all. Not for personal enrichment or gain of any kind, especially at the expense of another. Now lying also means saying "Nice" when you hate her new hair color. You could be nice and say "It's OK, but I kinda liked it how it was". DO NOT ELABORATE.
The latter is a more honest statement. 1. it is ok 2. liked it how it was and 3. used the word 'but' in the proper place.
In the name of research.
I can see it now, the backlash from something like this.
She is in the bathroom crying and kicking things around, I walk in.
"I did all this shit for you and you don't appreciate it one damn bit !"
"You only did this for me ? am I being innatentive, we screwed three times yesterday"
"I thought you'd like me a bit better this way"
"Your old hair color was fine, and this one is fine, it's what's underneath that matters to me"
After a certain beer, probably number 17 or higher I would continue " By the way, what ever made you think that I would be picky about your hair, you know I don't even shave".
Probably blow a good night in 8.2 seconds. Done it faster before.
Anyway, I have been called painfully honest, I can round up some witnesses if you like. I have a very strict criteria for those little white lies, that is they are mainly used to forestall pain or some kind of harm. There's a subject not to discuss right now. There are many criteria. If a lie is to qualify as little white in my book, it needs to be done strictly for the good of others and and the expense of none. NONE.
There is alot more to the original question than meets the eye. When someone is on their deathbed and they say it got dark when it didn't. Of course you point to the light switch and get someone to turn it off, day or night.
Then you say "__________, we turned off the light".
Now if that little white lie got the doomed person a few more minutes of coherence, of imparting whatever wisdom he/she can, rather than focusing on their own passing, is that bad ?
Now this assumes the person on the deathbed has taken care of things financial. Also assumed is that they knew of their illness before the deathbed. If this is not true, then we got a whole other can of worms. Let's just not go there.
So, if we are talking lies of a substantial nature with bearing on the relationship, in a word NO. I do not tolerate it at all. I will never do it and noone will ever do it to me twice. In My Honest Opinion, one substantial lie material to the relationship proves that it has already ended, at least on one end.
People do dumb shit, trying to keep in constant communication on the cell etc. This is ridiculous. A buddy and I are sitting out in a field smoking one, his olady calls. "No I am not, NO I am NOT , NO I AM NOT !!!!!!". Hangup.
She's always accusing me of smoking weed" as he relit the joint. I told him tell her "Yeah, we high as a kite and thinkin of goin down to the crackhouse".
Of course my question is why is she asking anyway ?
When truths can be non-invading of privacy that's one thing. When someone claims to need to know where you are and what you're doing every minute, well, nip that in the bud. Say something like "I wasn't aware I was on the clock". Chew on that.
If I refuse to answer, assume the worst. Get it, got it ? good.
T
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In the name of research !! - 
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