Dom/Domme Evolution?

Dom/Domme Evolution? (Full Version)

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genuineguy33 -> Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/10/2006 6:08:16 PM)
I am extremely curious with regards to the evolution of a Dom/Domme? As a submissive, the very essence of who I am has evolved! ... It started as urges and feelings, then blossomed into full on fantasies... I then projected all that crap onto girlfriends etc etc and eventually began to 'play'. Some girlfriends got into it. One more than the rest... we would plan sessions and carry them out dutifully! and they were good! ... then we tried to make it more of a lifestyle... and this is where the deeper evolution took place! A part of me was ashamed of who i was and i found aspects of my submission 'humiliating'. The more it became real... the greater my internal conflict... I was actually becoming her slave... mentally and emotionally and it scared the crap out of me! .... then, like a bubble it popped and i could finally accept who I was! Therefore, I guess Dommes/Doms have a journey too? If our journey is one of complete surrender... what is yours? I know what my view from the bottom is... but i would really love an insight from the top!

MistressSassy66 -> RE: Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/10/2006 6:35:39 PM)
My journey brought Me to be a Dominatrix.The journey continues with the gaining of knowledge and being able to 'act' it out. I think perhaps as time has gone by I have become a sterner Domme who embraces that side.To know and accept the pain and pleasure I give. To build on that foundation and keep building it with determination. It has made really take a look at Myself and see the true Me,the true beauty, the true Domme that I am.

Lashra -> RE: Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/10/2006 7:07:24 PM)
I've been like this since I was a child, but I didn't act on my urges until I was 18 years old when I tied up my boyfriend to the bed[:D]. I've just evolved from there getting into different aspects of BDSM, reading and understanding this thing that I always had the urge to do. I've tried switching and I have found that I don't really have much of a submissive side to me and its more of an act on my part, so it leaves me feeling hollow really. I don't like serving, I like being served. So yes its an adventure. ~Lashra

mstrjx -> RE: Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/10/2006 8:09:27 PM)
This post could go on for days, so I'll take some really fun stories and screw it up into a timeline. Age 5 (approx.) - Batman and/or other television shows introduced me to bondage. Age 5-24 - I'm aware of my liking for bondage games, and dabble over the years. Sometime during puberty attempted an upside-down suspension (alone). Got 90% of the way (where the ropes really started pulling) and I came. Hard. Decided I had had enough for one day. Age 25 - I still only understand bondage. Met my first truly submissive woman. We played with bondage on occasion. She wouldn't tell me but wanted to be slapped. I figured it out on my own. Eventually she stopped me, because it 'wasn't real' for me. She was right. I liked bondage, but didn't understand relationship dynamics (d/s, M/s) yet. I've never expressed this before tonight to anyone including myself, but I wish I had her in my life again. Age 26-29 - Still bondage, although looking back some of the videos I purchased that I ended up liking more showed all facets of BDSM. Still dabbling. Met my all-too-vanilla future-ex-wife, who said I was 'sick' for my interests. I knew better, but didn't quibble. She gives me ultimatum. Her, or my 'interests'. I choose wrong. For 13 months. Age 30 - Divorced. Finally decided to shed any inhibitions and put the vanilla world behind me. For good. I learn and embrace all elements of BDSM, and jump in. I would say, for myself, that my journey of self-discovery and self-actualization ended there. The reason why I say that is that I believe what I do with submissive partners is to take them on THEIR journey. Age 31-present - Many serial monogamous D/s, M/s relationships. Some longer than others. A few months downtime between. Which is where I am now, by design. No real juicy stories here, except those that push the timeline along. Jeff

MissAbby -> RE: Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/10/2006 9:34:45 PM)
I'm still evolving... verrrry slowly. [:)] First off, I was in a long term relationship with My high school boyfriend where I was in control of the relationship. he definitely deferred to My wishes and he was naturally submissive. Then years later, he started calling Me Mistress. I was horrified because I thought BDSM was "mean". I couldn't really wrap My head around the sadist and masochist dynamic. Then W/we broke up and I researched BDSM through books to learn more about it. I found it interesting and I could see how it would be rewarding to both parties. Then I just had some vanilla boyfriends. Then I had a boyfriend who wasn't really a submissive, but he was a heavy masochist bottom. W/we didn't play very much at all, but I did tie him up and it was hot! he was very masculine and muscular and seeing all those muscles tied up to be used "against his will" was pretty sexy. he was really into pain and he had some deep knife scars from fights, so W/we would talk about that, too. I'm not a sadist, but I can understand now how people can enjoy pain. So after W/we broke up, I thought, wow, I really need to explore more BDSM. But I decided to return back to college to finish My degree. I like the more traditionally masculine role, so not being established in a career means I don't feel prepared enough to take on the responsibilities of ownership. So it's just a learning phase for Me right now.

genuineguy33 -> RE: Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/11/2006 7:05:33 AM)
Thankyou ever so much for your insights and experiences! It is kind of refreshing to understand that being a 'Domme' is a journey thwarped with difficulty as well! (in a way, funnily enough this only reasures me!) I mean this in the sense that we seem to spend half a lifetime disovering who we are, or what we like... then the rest of that life accepting it and finally enjoying it! From lots of reading, i see that some people are able to just switch these feelings on and off! - For myself, i am not that lucky/unlucky? From your responses... it assures me that many of you are not in this for 'play' or profit... you are in it because it is who you truly are and that there is a deep passion for the craft which you so very skillfully exercise! Sometimes, i think to myself... what a sad society we live in, being filled with so much fear and ignorance and everything... but then sometimes I think that despite all it's faults and failings, we are slowly gaining knowledge, wisdom and liberation... Now with the advent off the world wide web... We are communicating and opening up in ways never before imagined.. this can only be Good! If only i had had the internet as a young teenager... i am sure I would have found my Goddess by now!

thetammyjo -> RE: Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/11/2006 8:07:21 AM)
For me, the evolution is becoming more comfortable with myself and letting the natural dominant woman in me be in the fore more often.

MisPandora -> RE: Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/11/2006 8:42:15 AM)
I'm pretty sure that someone just had a thread like this about 2-3 months ago. Damned if I can think of the name of the thread....but it was totally about becoming a fem dom, climbing a ladder, where it all came from within, etc. Search this board for some of the threads on the past few pages.

MoodDomme -> RE: Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/11/2006 9:07:33 AM)
Very Interesting comments. Yes, it has Changed, both in the Domme side I Know. As, Well as in the submissive side. Seems that the younger ones, have a Totally difference concept. Does anyone, see this? Would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks, Mood Dome

MistrssM -> RE: Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/11/2006 9:41:56 AM)
I think there is an evolution process for most people in their dating life... and bdsm is no exception. I thing as we begin our relationship with the opposite sex ( or same sex for some) we go on a journey of discovering our likes and dislikes.. what turns us on.. and what turns us wayyy off. Often times discovering what doesn't work for us is much easier then defining what does. In my case I have always had a loving nurturing caring side that has no measure.... being a spoiled only child I have also had a selfish controling demanding and sadistic side as well. It has be a journey and a process to consolidate these two sides... and to find one man who can keep up with ....and inspire both......

genuineguy33 -> RE: Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/11/2006 12:35:12 PM)
Once again, thankyou for sharing! Coming back to what MoodDomme was saying, as a society we are definately becoming more sexually liberated. I am a InnerCity YouthWorker, I work across most divisions within our society and the kids often blow me away! Talk about enlightened! OK, there is still lots of ignorance and narrow mindedness, but they seem to be more accepting of 'difference' nowadays. As a bridge between this generation, mine and also my parents... there has been a definite surge forwards... I am sure that this will help young budding Dommes to start thier journey ealier and also hopefully, the submissive males journey too!

ninella -> RE: Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/11/2006 3:29:56 PM)
hmm.. my evolution.. 15-16 - first sexual experiences, strictly vanilla - but fantasies about bondage were included 16-19 - still thinking about harder bdsm, but in sex.activities i practised only bondage and blindfolding 18 - married for a 110% vanilla 12 years older man - now, at my 24 years I'm thinking about divorce 19,5 - my first slave and many experiences... and few in between...but still married for that vanilla, who thinks about me like I'm weird and abnormal... ... for now, I have a slave, called the cat, for a few months, I'm extremely statisfied with him and I think that I'm gonna keep him for a long time

MisstressStella -> RE: Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/14/2006 9:16:19 PM)
As a Domme, I have evolved in many ways. I have matured, learned more skills, opened up my mind to new things, traveled many places and taken new ideas from them. Life no matter who or what you are is a journey. I think of evolution for anyone as blooming! Stella

imadom4u -> RE: Dom/Domme Evolution? (8/15/2006 10:19:29 AM)
It's very hard for me to talk about my evolution. But I know I need to. I'll try not to write a book either. At the age of 10 I once convinced a girl to let me tie her hands behind her. I can still remember that ultimate power I had over her helpless body. She started to cry and it was overwhelming! Scared that I would get into trouble I released her immediately. But that moment stayed with me day and night for a long time. After that I was constantly trying to convince my friends to let me tie them up or to see how much pain they could take. I enjoyed playing cowboy's and indian's as I was always ready to play the bad guy who tied them up. I was the Indian burn Master too! Other kids would tell their parents that I played too rough. LOL. This continued through out my child hood until I was a teenager. It was much harder to convince a teenager to "play". [;)] I found it to be extremely frustrating not to be able to conflict pain on someone. Then when I started dating, I asked her if I could tie her up. And that resulted in breaking up and she would greatly exclaim that I was just perverted. And she assured me that perversion had no place in this world. So the world convinced me that it was abnormal and I tuned more into the vanilla lifestyle. Miserable & unhappy my thoughts, fantasies, and the real me bound by the vanilla world. Convinced I was going to live the rest of my days like this, at the age of 19 I started to keep a journal. I had to let my feelings out this way. It was my only escape from this painful misery. My room mate found my journals by the age of 25. And she held back from no one about her discovery. I was living in a small town at the time. Before they could release the linch mob on me I moved out of town. Having to start all over again. From the age 25-30 I would casually ask my vanilla girlfriends if they have ever thought about leaving the same ol' sex scene and trying something new. Suprisingly some were open to smacking their ass and to occasionally being tied up. Still not satisfying my quench, I started to convince myself that I was mentally sick just from my fantasies alone. At the age of 32 I went to go stay with some friends for a short while and they introduced me to the internet chat rooms that everyone was so crazy about. One woman invited me into a private chat room. She wanted to have cyber sex. She told me to release my deepest thoughts on the line. I was reluctant and told her that she would leave the room if I told her those things. She was very persistant and said, Oh do you like being told what to do? My eyebrow raised into a point. And I responded, No however you will obey me or I will give great punishment. My fingers flowed on the keyboard as if they had a mind of their own. Continuosly looking at her name on the side waiting for her to be shocked and leave the room, but she never did. She then sent some pix of herself. One of which had 4 piercings in her labia. She explained it was a good pain. My mind and body exploded over this experience. Thinking that I had deleted the pic, I realized I didn't when my vanilla friends found them. I was then thrown out of the house. This time I didn't leave with my head hung low. Instead I said, I don't want friends like you. I want friends like her. Evolution or realization? Call it what you will. Since then I have realized that I am normal and I have escaped from the vanilla mental chains. My evolution; I am a PROUD part of the bdsm world and my name is Syr BJ.

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