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He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/4/2006 5:05:50 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		..........but you're pretty sure he's not yours.

No...this is not about me. I have never been in this situation but I am curious if anyone has been in a situation where someone thinks you're "IT" but you don't feel the same way about them. Or vice versa? If so...how did you handle it?

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 8/4/2006 5:06:59 PM >

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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/4/2006 5:23:46 PM   
beenwhipped


Posts: 191
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline 		i have been on both sides of this

first by someone that was overtly interested in me, i considered her a friend, but nothing more. i wanted to continue the friendship but she took everything i did to stay friends as desire for more, even though i tried to be clear that i was not interested. i ended up having to end the friendship and back away fully to end her advances

then i could not let go of someone that in retrospect i know had no interest in me. absolutly beautiful and to my experience at the time WILD in the sack. once i realized that she did not feel the same about me, i used the same method back away and and cut of ties. sacreficing the friendship for sanity

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/4/2006 5:29:53 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		*Cough cough*

Um yes, I had to wash my hair that night. (I'm bald)

(in reply to beenwhipped)
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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/4/2006 7:56:33 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The way it SHOULD be handled:

Talk over to them, just say you are in different places and don't feel a connection and hope they understand.

Sometimes I've done this, sometimes I've done the "let contact dwindle and die" method- which is the sucky one.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/4/2006 8:52:55 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		t of sucks.  Both sides actually! 

When its them.. i sort of have some compassion, until they piss me off of course!  If i'm interested in the person, i see if it can go anywhere.  Generally i'll date them exclusively.. and "try"  Eventually, they get their heart broken cos well it wont work.  They'd make good friends.. but as mates?  naaaah.  Saying that, i dun really cut things off until generally they've proven to have pissed me off.  If they've lied to me or acted like a retard.  And i dun mean "big" lies.  Stupid little white lies usually have me calling it quits.  Though that generally went for everyone. 

So i suppose i let it play out. 

though i have tons of "friends" who i know openly want me.  That i have absoluetly no interest in.  I always tell them, that its just me.  That i'm not in a time of my life for a relationship.. ect ect ect. 

when its ME, which has only happend like once.  i just took it for what it was worth.  I knew our time would end one day and i soaked up what i had.  Enjoyed the company, companionship.  Enjoyed the laughs.  Soaked it all up and made sure to hold myself back.  Kept things straight.  But then, i always knew it wouldnt last that in a blink of an eye  it'd be gone, because that is the way life works.  nothing is forever. 



< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 8/4/2006 8:56:32 PM >

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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/4/2006 9:38:33 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

..........but you're pretty sure he's not yours.

No...this is not about me. I have never been in this situation but I am curious if anyone has been in a situation where someone thinks you're "IT" but you don't feel the same way about them. Or vice versa? If so...how did you handle it?

Well, Chris and I handled it by compromising and continuing our relationship. At the same time though, it was understood that both of us were still LOOKING for what we really wanted and needed.

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~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/4/2006 9:47:40 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		this is a hard one... it so hard to tell someone that is so into you that you dont have the feelings back I know that me personaly that I hurt for others and so i dont like seeing them hurt at all

and on the other side man it just feels rotten to be regected.. not an easy situation for eather side

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a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to Tikkiee)
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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/5/2006 5:19:40 AM   
beenwhipped


Posts: 191
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Talk over to them, just say you are in different places and don't feel a connection and hope they understand.
i tried that with the one stuck on me, did not work. i had to end the friendship

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/5/2006 6:18:27 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I am curious if anyone has been in a situation where someone thinks you're "IT" but you don't feel the same way about them. Or vice versa? If so...how did you handle it?


I don't do the 'one' thing, but I do the 'damn she could be SWEET to own" thing from time to time. Not had too much problem when it is from My side, sure it ain't a nice feeling when they don't feel there is as much compatability as you think there is but hey, it takes two to tango and if it ain't going to work you shrug and move on. With luck you at least gain a friend out of the exchange but if not, you haven't lost anything.

The other way around is often trickier. I usualy try doing the 'gentle' thing, but some either don't get it or react badly to even gentle rejection. If pushed however I WILL get substancialy less gentle if I have to. As I'm getting older, thankfully such occassions are getting less frequent.


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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/5/2006 6:34:55 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

..........but you're pretty sure he's not yours.

<snip>

If so...how did you handle it?



Honestly.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/5/2006 6:46:32 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I have had the experience of meeting people as potential partners and realizing that while we may make good friends...a partnership would simply not work well. Fortunately we have been able to discuss it before there were any feelings built up on either side. I would think that once that emotional line gets crossed it would be very difficult and the potential for "hurt" would be great. I think if I were in that position, I would handle it as many people here have suggested...with honesty. Knowing myself as well as I do though, I also know that it would be a decision that, although may be the rational one to make, would make me feel badly for causing the pain.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/5/2006 6:50:50 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		On the side of my being interested and them not. Without any sort of big head except for when I was 15, I haven't much experience in this one. Not because I am all that cool, I am not, but because I have just never been one to go looking for relationships. Hell, someone practically has to jump on my leg and start humping to make me aware they have an interest in me.  I just assume they are being friendly and am always shocked when I find out it's something more. I am sure that all says alot about the spacy state I walk around in.

On the side of another being interested and my not. Once I get over the shock of it and decide wether or not I am thrilled or, "oh no!", how I handle the "oh no" depends on the individual. If it is someone I really care about and don't want to hurt I may just explain how I feel and why in a manner least hurtful and be more careful how I behave towards them. I never want to give someone the feeling that I am playing them or leading them on to stroke my own ego. That would be cruel and though I can be a sadistic bitch I am not THAT sadistic.

Also, there is the aspect of sharing a mutual attraction and affection yet feeling that if the relationship were to change it would not be a postive for one or both people. In that case I sometimes, with HUGE regret, feel a responsibility to not pursue beyond friendship. I do have issues currently in my life that some could not handle. If I care about the person and feel that I would inevitably cause them hurt I will not go there.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 8/5/2006 6:51:32 AM >

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/5/2006 6:55:53 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		I have a sad situation relevant to this. I have a great male friend who I met 3 years ago. He knew I was extricating myself from an long term relationship, but I was looking for someone else.We dated a bit but I quickly discovered that I was not attracted to him sexually at all. In 3 years, I tried to make it happen with him, because he is such a great guy, but if it is not there, it never will be. However, I really like him as a person and friend and he seemed to be ok with this until this year.

He finally expressed his true feelings that he was in love with me and since then, even though I honestly have told him I am not in love with him and only want to stay best friends, he has been delusional about our relationship, calling me his girlfriend, telling people we are dating.

I don't want to lose his friendship, especially since I am not seeing anyone romantically right now, but I am getting uncomfortable with his not dealing with reality.



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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/5/2006 6:59:42 AM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		i try to keep things simple, to be kind, honest, and to thank them for their interest, what i've learned, or just their time.  i hate having to say anything at all, but i know how much i hate it when the people in my life just disappear in a cloud of smoke.  i think everyone deserves to know something.  A few times i've been the one who went poof, but i always feel guilty about it..

cheers,
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/5/2006 9:43:22 AM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Personally, I have been on both sides of this fence and I truly cannot say which is worse...So the honesty way, though painful at the time is best..honesty with them and with myself....it just simply sucks......Tempting

(in reply to krikket)
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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/5/2006 11:27:42 AM   
DigitBox


Posts: 154
Joined: 3/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

..........but you're pretty sure he's not yours.

No...this is not about me. I have never been in this situation but I am curious if anyone has been in a situation where someone thinks you're "IT" but you don't feel the same way about them. Or vice versa? If so...how did you handle it?


A couple of times.

I was honest about it.  I told them striaght up that I wasn't interested.

Both times the guys took the rejection really hard. 

One guy kept trying to get me to say I'd be his girlfriend/play partner.  I finally told him he needed to let go.  He did, but he needed to hear me say that.



(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: He thinks you're his "One"... - 8/7/2006 10:22:30 PM   
KnightinBlack


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		Yep... Dont lead them on.....

I know how hard it is to find the "one"...... belive me, I know.... And being misled? Just tell them straight off they arent it.....

And do us all a favor... There are real people behind the screen here... Don't mislead someone...... Thats just worng on so many levels!

(in reply to DigitBox)
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