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DoctorDubious -> RE: Raising the issue (8/7/2006 12:38:04 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MarkWilliam
The BDSM community is extremely small compared with the vanilla world, so the chance of finding a suitable partner is much more limited, obviously.
So when we do meet someone we like, be it in the office, in a bar, at a nightclub, down the gym, etc.,
how do we find out if they have any D/s tendencies
without giving too much away about ourselves and/or scaring them off?
Hey Mark.... and all....
First of all, I noticed most folks answered this
thread as if it were more about kinky sex than D/s
so, I'll take a wing at both of 'em. Submission first.
I say "testing/observing" for natural submissive tendencies
in a friend you are interested is as easy as pie,
as long as you are observant.
Imagine meeting somebody for coffee...mutually arranged..
Be gracious and polite....
speak with both conversational tones,
and also a sprinking of downward inflected command tones
.... and then at some point tell her you want to change chairs...
(and watch her face/nonverbals like a hawk, she will TELL you!)
If you are in a restaurant, together for the first time,
gently take the menu from her hand,
... don't ask.... tell her that you will order for both.
Don't for fuck sake ask what she likes....
When the waiter talks to her.... as he surely will,
gently cut in and say.... "I'll be ordering for the table...
and we'd like to start with a glass of __ for the lady, and __ for me."
Use your head a bit....
be a leader with a little class and style...
And escalate your control over the situation
step by step...... you'll find about half of all the women
will totally love letting you take charge ....
... leave the other half for sensitive new age guys.....
If your "date' is going really well,
and you really connect ....
give her another vanilla-task right away.
.... I dunno... just something sensible that shows power...
hand her the keys to your car,
and tell her ... politely.... naturally....
in low command tones (desending tonality)
you want her to get a report/article/book
out of the back seat, and bring it back to the table
so that you can discuss it and point out a few things with her.
No report on the table.... more good news for the sensitive new age guys.
**********************************
But that only lets you know about her "social" submissiveness,
and how much she wants to please you socially.... oui?
What about the kinky shit?
When I was a horny kid in college thru most of my 20's,
I just carried around a 6' piece of thin nylon cord in my back pocket.
In the bars and cabarets some guys would ask "what's your sign"
some would use pick-up lines....
some learned to be great dancers(the best vanilla pickup move ever, imho).
some tried to buy attenion by buying drinks/drugs/whatever (the worst pickup move ever, inho).
......
There's a brilliant new book out.... The Game by Neil Strauss
that gives some of the state-of-the-art tactics to meet women
and find out if they will submit to your darker sexual desires.
He reccomends learning a magic trick or two,
or handwriting/ graphology/ tarot, blah blah.... or any of dozens of other gambits....
So anyways, long before The Game,
I'd pull out my shiny pretty nylon AFTER
I had the attention and a little connection with a gal
and show her a sheepshank, or bowline, or larkshead ...
sometimes on my thigh.... sometimes on hers, or her wrist....
It's not all that hard to be engaging, funny, interesting, unique....
.... and lead the fricking conversation with a little style... right?
I say, if you are under 30,
that's the single best way to play with new aquaintances
.... and ya know what....
word will get out you're a little kinky, and that will be a good thing.
About 25% of all the women/girls I have ever connected with
have been really damned responsive to various scenarious of
"helpless" or "taken" or "rescued" or "being used" ....
******* but TRIX are for kids *************
If you are over 30, or waaaay over, like I am,
surely you have the conversational skills to just
direct a conversation to where you want it to go... right?
Domination isn't really about whips and leather jockstraps, right?
I would have the conversation
(surely not at a first meeting) ... move to where
I could ask... in context, with connection...
"Has anyone ever tied you up and made love to your helpless body?"
........ or words to that effect......
If you can't read her non-verbal responses
to that one..... I'd say it's time for a new prescription for the contact lenses.
DD, an old goat with bi-focals. Good ones.
PS... I'm not sure about your premise
that your chances of finding a submissive partner
are "much more limited", as you put it.
It is my very serious contention that;
The vast majority of people
are silently begging to be lead.
Silently.
Begging.
To be lead.
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