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Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 1:26:32 PM

LeatherBentOne

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There was a married couple on Dr. Phil today and the wife's sex drive was no where near the sex drive of her husband's. She sees sex as just another chore. They composed a restaurant menu with specific sexual acts with corresponding prices, and the husband places cash on his wife's dresser for those specific services rendered. It seemed to be working for them in the beginning but now the wife says she feels like a prostitute in her own marriage.

Would you consider doing this with a spouse . . . that is to pay for sex or play if your sex drives varied? Do you think that doing this is prostitution? What ramifications do you see in this type of arrangement?

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 1:32:03 PM

SusanofO

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Well, I think when someone is in the throes of a marriage with no or boring sex, just about anything that will maybe work to end that sad state of affairs (that is legal and mostly safe) is up for being conisdered "doable".

I recently went out for dinner with a group of old high school gal pals with whom I get together about twice a year. One of them was shocked and disgusted that her husband (whom I do not like, but that is beside the point) wanted her to dress up as a whore and do a roleplay with him. He would pick her up in the middle of a bar, and then whisk her off to somewhere, pay her and ravish her - or something like that. They have 3 kids, both work full-time at stressful jobs, and she said they hadn't had sex in over 4 months. But she wasn't going to even consider this request, it seemed. I asked her what was so awful about it, as it meant (at least) he was at considering ending their long "dry spell'.

She gradually warmed up to the idea throughout the evening, as we all discussed it together. There were six of us at the dinner, and at least four seemed to think it was a fine idea, and didn't seem to bat an eyelash over it, at all. I don't know what happened with she and her husband regarding this scenario - I'll have to call her and check, maybe.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/28/2006 1:42:27 PM >

_____________________________

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 1:37:43 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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For me it would jsut be hot, but I can see how it would be a great compromise for people of different sexual desires. Perhaps instead of cash, the wife can receive specific services- going out to the movies, going out to dinner, going bowling- doing something together that equates to the money spent, but without the stark reality of "sex = money" issue.

I would not consider it prositution, more simply showing appreciation and giving a gift in exchange for services. Prostitution is done for a different purpose and towards different gains.

If the people involved can see beyond their silly ideals about sexuality and look forward to the higher goals of making everyone happy and fulfilled and allowing eachother to MAKE eachother happy, it's a great system.

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 1:45:56 PM

MrDiscipline44

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne

There was a married couple on Dr. Phil today and the wife's sex drive was no where near the sex drive of her husband's. She sees sex as just another chore. They composed a restaurant menu with specific sexual acts with corresponding prices, and the husband places cash on his wife's dresser for those specific services rendered. It seemed to be working for them in the beginning but now the wife says she feels like a prostitute in her own marriage.

Thats because she is a prostitue in her marriage!! Sometimes I just want to smack some people. LOL

quote:

Would you consider doing this with a spouse . . . that is to pay for sex or play if your sex drives varied? Do you think that doing this is prostitution? What ramifications do you see in this type of arrangement?

Hell no. I'll toss the bitch out on her ass if she came up with that kind of shit.

_____________________________

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(in reply to LeatherBentOne)

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 1:49:12 PM

SusanofO

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Well, Mr. DD has a point. I thought the OP was referring to vanilla relationships; in which case, whatever works is something I'd consider "doable" (withn the bounds of the law and reasonable safety).

In a D/s relationship, I am thinking the Dominant person has a right to expect sex whenever they want it anyway, so this scenario would be (most likely) demeaning to and by Him/Her.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/28/2006 1:50:52 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 1:56:06 PM

sophia37

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I'd love it if my husband could pay me for sex.
I'd also love it if he could pay me for anything I did around the house.
I'd be glad to pay him for doing whatever is needed around here that he's able to do.
Now, if we only had some money!

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 6

RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 1:58:12 PM

MrDiscipline44

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But Susan, even in a vanilla relationship it's demeaning to one or both of the partners and can start an irreparable rift between them. I see the scenario of your friend and her husband as different. He isn't talking about actually paying her for "services". He just wants to put alittle spark back between them.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to SusanofO)

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 2:17:36 PM

Lashra

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Nope I'm not paying my significant other for sex, then Im lucky he and I both have high sex drives. But with my ex husband his wasn't even close to mine. I'd want it and he'd say I'm to tired. Finally after 2 months of that I found out the real problem was he couldn't get an erection. I told him see a Doctor, he wouldn't go he said men don't discuss such things with a doctor. I said you talk to a doctor or I'll talk to a lawyer

We had other problems as well and so it was no big loss when I divorced him.
But I can understand what this guy is trying to, but it seems to me that his wife just isn't interested. Maybe he should suggest an open marriage, that way he can get his needs met and maybe she has some he doesn't know about.

~Lashra

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 2:19:06 PM

KarbonCopy

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She better be worth it.

I work hard for my money.

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 3:06:36 PM

MistressEvaBraun

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I have several girlfriends who use sex as a way to "pay" their man. To me this walks along the lines of objectification of Women. This Woman thought sex was another chore; she's obviously unhappy with her marriage. Instead of getting paid for sex, she should probably find a new man! Sex is very intimate and essential to having a quality relationship, without good sex one can never be happy. I don't believe this is prostitution, but I do believe this Woman is clinging on to her marriage for some unknown reason. Financial security? Religion? Women must overcome the pressures men put on them to put out. We need to be financial responsible for ourselves and never use sex as security.

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(in reply to LeatherBentOne)

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 3:08:26 PM

SusanofO

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Mr. DD: No he really did want to pay her. With real money. It was part of what made her so mad about it. Sorry, I should have been more clear. He was also mostly doing it to put the spark back in their relationship.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/28/2006 3:15:11 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 11

RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 3:27:36 PM

MrDiscipline44

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Oh, well fuck, I'd be insulted too. LOL

_____________________________

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Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 12

RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 3:52:53 PM

angielouwhos

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Joined: 7/9/2006
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I think it if it works for them have at it. But in this case it apparently was losing it's appeal atleast one of them. I think many of us have roleplayed the prostitute before and dare I say even enjoyed it. Married people have different sex drives more often than not, they found a way to deal with it.

Having said that I may be a bit old fashioned in all of those values too, but I believe its part of the marriage contract to do your best to supply the intimate needs of the other. " Do not deny your husband/wife is a biblical and age old concept. Intimacy is the glue of relationships young and old. So If my husband was really serious about the only way I was getting any was to pay him, I could see where that would just go against my grain and I'd get pretty cranky fast.

For us since we are both of slave leanings, its often on the terms of whomever we are granting that ownership right, but its still the same concept.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 4:09:48 PM

MistressSavage

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I would think that the relationship in question must have deeper issues than just mismatched sex drives. I am also lucky in my marriage that we are both high sex drive types so it works out. I don't think that the plan the husband came up with is a bad thing but if both partners can't agree then I don't see how they can make any of it work.

(in reply to angielouwhos)

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 4:17:39 PM

hisforever

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Joined: 7/8/2006
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I think at this point that man was ready to do just about anything LOL There was a time in my relationship with my husband where I would have been happy if I never had sex again...ever. Turns out vanilla sex just didnt do a thing for me, now I cant wait for him to get home!!!

(in reply to MistressSavage)

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/28/2006 7:51:34 PM

mp072004

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People pay for pleasant, not necessarily sexual things one way or another, as LA wrote. It's just part of the compromise that is necessary for happy relationships. I might make his favorite meal, which I don't eat, tonight so he would help me transport heavy books to the library tomorrow. It is simply gauche to make this sort of exchange or negotiation unduly explicit, as the couple in your story did, LeatherBentOne.

Monica

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/29/2006 1:05:52 AM

FelinePersuasion

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Speak for yourself. I am quit fufilled by what little sex I want in my life. I'm happy at 3 times a week or less.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressEvaBraun

is very intimate and essential to having a quality relationship, without good sex one can never be happy.

(in reply to MistressEvaBraun)

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/29/2006 1:36:19 AM

fullofgrace

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

Speak for yourself. I am quit fufilled by what little sex I want in my life. I'm happy at 3 times a week or less.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressEvaBraun

is very intimate and essential to having a quality relationship, without good sex one can never be happy.

the quote didn't say quantity, it said quality. i would rather have fulfilling sex once a month than unfulfilling sex three times a week, but that's just me personally :) and i do believe that a quality sexual relationship is integral to a relationship as a whole, regardless of how often the sex happens.

now, back to what the op was saying...i think if it works for them both, then it's sad that it's come to that, but whatever makes it work. however, it seems like the wife isn't happy with the arrangement. it seems to me that since sex, regardless of how she feels about it, is what it takes for him to feel fulfilled, then they need to figure out something that makes her feel fulfilled - being called every day at work, told she is loved, bought roses, taken out to dinner, whatever - and do that instead of just putting money on the dresser. to be honest, being paid for sex would make me feel even WORSE. it seems like the biggest problem here is since she's happy to have sex with him if she's fulfilled in other ways (it seems) then she needs to figure out what fulfills her otherwise and he needs to do it. for me, when the sex is unfulfilling (and this is probably tied up in the fact that He is most affectionate pretty much only before, during, and after sex, and i need affection) then it affects the relationship as a whole - i tend to feel rejected in some way regardless of whether or not it's actually true. for this couple, especially being in a vanilla relationship, i can see how being paid for sex would make the relationship situation even worse.

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/29/2006 9:36:50 AM

KnightofMists

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awhile back as a means to save money... I use to put a dollar in a jar each time I had sex. I did it for a while.... BUT, I began to realize what it was like for a junkie trying to get money for their next fix..... I just couldn't afford it long term. I thought about making it a quarter.... but then I don't like cheap sluts lol... just easy ones.

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RE: Pay your spouse for sex or play? - 7/29/2006 12:03:10 PM

Arpig

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In my opinion that couple has a completely honest marriage. Marriage is basically the formalised sale of exclusive sexual services to a man by a woman, the price is a lifetime of food and shelter.

Do not leap all over this and throw romantic crap at me, marriage has nothing to do with romance, it is a legal proceeding, and as such one should look at it openly, and very carefully.

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