eXchanger
Posts: 15
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline
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Hello E/everyone,
Wow. I'm excited and a bit awestruck to have found this place. It's been a couple of years since I had regular internet access.
I have been kinky as long as I can remember. My pubescent fantasies involved being the only male left in a world populated by tribes of gorgeous Amazons. Lame, I know, but that's what rocked my boat early on. I got married at 22, and it wasn't until after I was married that I became aware that BDSM existed. That may seem incredible, but I'm an old fart (I'll be 50 next month) and I grew up in a small town. Anyway once I made the discovery I understood the strange feelings I'd had for so many years. I self-identified as a submissive, and, after a couple of years of marriage, got brave enough to broach the subject with my wife. We played for a couple of years, and it was good. I thought she enjoyed it too, but I was still young and pretty selfish then. She eventually told me she didn't want to do it anymore--she was uncomfortable with disciplining me.
For quite a long time thereafter we had a vanilla sex life, and I satisfied myself with fantasies. I went through a period of trying to convince myself that I wasn't kinky. Obviously it didn't work. My wife and I had marital problems, due only in part to my orientation, and separated for almost a year. Then we reconciled, and I started my own business.
The business failed, but before it did we separated again-- this time, I thought, for good. Then I met "Sue." Sue was a young woman in need of help--she suffered from depression (as I do) and some other problems. I met her at my shop and we became friends. She was married, and had been for less than two years. She and I chatted a lot online when I was at the shop, and then began meeting for coffee. She told me she thought I had something she needed, and it turned out she was right.
I was able to help her with her issues, and of course we became very close. After I'd known her for three months and in the context of a discussion we were having about marriage and intimacy, I told her I was sexually submissive. After a long pause, she said, "You're not alone."
For the next week or so we were both pretty giddy. Sharing secrets, subbie to subbie. Turned out her husband dominated her, at her request, and she said she really enjoyed their play. But she wanted to try dominating him, and was afraid of what might happen. About a month after we discovered each other's secrets, we began playing. I was at her house and she came over and tied one of my legs to the coffee table. (Her husband was at work.) For about a month we played almost every day, taking turns being dominant. There was no sexual contact but the energy was definitely there. That made it even more fun in a way. I was helping her become confident as a Domme, and she was bringing out my dominant side as well. I'd been fantasizing about dominating a woman for a while even before I met Sue, so things were pretty intense.
Eventually the relationship became sexual. Ye gods and little fishes, did it ever. Her husband and my wife were both in the dark about it. For a month I had the relationship I'd always dreamed of. Sue and I had fallen in love before we became intimate, and we were the best of friends as well. The relationship was thus amazing. We switched effortlessly, even within the same session, and the sessions were long and utterly delicious. However she felt guilty about cheating on her husband. I didn't feel guilty about cheating on my wife, since we were separated. But I empathized with Sue's dilemma and told her I would respect whatever decision she made. Eventually because of some of the other issues Sue was dealing with her guilt became to much for her, and she abruptly ended the relationship. I respected her decision and made no attempt to contact her. I haven't seen her for over two years.
Once Sue shut me out of her life my old nemesis of depression returned with a vengeance. I lost my business, and went through a long dark period made even darker when my wife discovered she had breast cancer. She moved back in with me during her treatment. She needed the support and I was glad to give it. After a year she moved back out, unable to cope w/my continuing depression.
Finally, earlier this year, I was lucky enough to find a doctor who prescribed some meds that work for me. I'd been on meds previously, but well-- another time for that tale. I've moved back in with my wife now and found a new job. My wife and I are living in a loving Platonic relationship, by mutual consent. She knows all about my relationship with Sue and does not hold a grudge. She also knows that I'm seeking online kinky companionship and doesn't object to that.
OK. Long-winded s.o.b., aren't I? My preferences and interests you can find in my profile. I wanted to introduce myself here so that people will know who they are dealing with, and so that interested parties can read this entry to get to know whether or not they want to explore online friendship and/or play with me.
Thank you all for reading this. May you all be comfortable in your own skins, and I hope to see you around the forums or in chat.
eXchanger
_____________________________
Please. Don't. Stop. Please don't! Stop. Please don't stop!!!
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