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RE: domination, boundaries, and respect - 7/26/2006 1:59:00 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful
I think that M. needs to get very clear that there will be more equality in this relationship, and 2cute will have to lay down those boundaries.


I wouldn't go that far petal. They DO have much to discuss but they ARE going to have to face the question of what happens if it turns out that they are looking for diffrent things.

With helen, early on it was gone through in quite some detail to make sure we where both singing from the same songsheet as to what sort of relationship was wanted. What level of control was being given up by her and taken responcibility for by me. Looks as if that hasn't happened in this case.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: domination, boundaries, and respect - 7/26/2006 2:10:45 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, they have much to discuss. If M. is set on controlling the relationship in this way, then it may be a complete incompatibility.

Knowing both the men, I think there is a deeper issue going on that is sparking this.

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Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: domination, boundaries, and respect - 7/26/2006 2:29:43 PM   
Yang4yin


Posts: 1677
Joined: 7/26/2006
From: NC (USA)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nefertari

Sounds like your Dom has crossed the line from dominating into abuse.  You stated that you are feeling increasingly distrustful.  As trust is such an integral part of any D/s situation, that should be your guide.  It is not your role as submissive to be, as you put it, an emotional punching bag for your Dom.  A true Dom/Domme is secure enough in him/herself to be able to own their own feelings, mistakes, etc. and doesn't need someone to take it out on.



This bears repeating.

(in reply to nefertari)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: domination, boundaries, and respect - 7/26/2006 8:48:11 PM   
firstsub


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: middletown, CT
Status: offline 		Recently i had the experience where the part- time relationship became full- time . i became Master's owned slave.  The relationship changed drastically and i felt overwhelmed. 
After a few weeks i needed to discuss this with Master and He was most understanding.  We have been able to slow down a bit and talk more so that i could get a better understanding of what Master expects of His slave. 

Master did tell me that things were going to change and it wasn't going to be easy.  But when it came down to reality i had no idea of what that actually was going to be like. 
One of the posts mentioned that perhaps 2cute was not prepared for the expectations of the Master, i know that feeling well. 

_____________________________

A submissive needs to be contolled, owed, used. Pleasing and serving her Master. This will bring balance and meaning to her life. Discipline will keep her in focus. Master has only to look her way.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: domination, boundaries, and respect - 7/28/2006 4:20:12 PM   
just2cute2care


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone, for your thoughts.

Yes, there is a problem bubbling away.  I know that, and unlike previous relationships, I'm addressing this one head-on.  We had already (prior to my initial post) talked about this, and I very EMPHATICALLY made the point with him (we're a gay couple) that I'm not prepared to live in a fiery relationship based on fighting and making up.  To be truthful, it's only happened 3 times, but all three have been in the past month.  The irony in this situation is "M" has been victimized in the very same ways I'm experiencing FROM "M." -- what bothers me is "M" doesn't seem to see that his behavior is the same behavior he wouldn't live with in his previous relationships, and when it's pointed out, the apology is rudimentary, even dismissive at times.  There is an emerging "it's never my fault" quality that just baffles me.  It is very hard to sit down and express my issues when a large part of the work is making the other person see (and even believe) my point of view. 

And your observations are correct, this started out a sexually D/s relationship, I am NOT someone who needs to be fixed, am quite capable of looking after myself, thank you very much, and have always been explicitly clear that I'm looking for a PARTNER in life, not a master.  Whatever anyone else feels about that, that's where I'm at, and that's where I'm staying.  Anything else, for me, would be psychologically damaging.  I suspect my refusal to have my life and will subjugated to his may well make me less attractive to him, a risk I'm going to have to face. 

So saying, I still have power over my own life, and I KNOW that I am certainly capable of doing whatever is necessary for my own well-being (even if that means the end of a relationship).  I would just like to proceed by doing the least possible damage as I can, while ensuring that what unfolds in the future meets my needs.  In other words, at this point, I'd prefer not to "throw the baby out with the bath water," so to speak.  To that end, a good heart-to-heart is in order, whatever happens.  Your posts have helped a great deal, not for their advice so much, as for their perspective as outsiders.  I feel much more secure and solid in my resolve for what I must now do, which is to re-open a dialogue about the nature and direction of this relationship.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say, and especially how I'm going to say it - perhaps writing it down is a good idea.

Life is nothing if not complicated.

2cute

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: domination, boundaries, and respect - 7/28/2006 4:25:03 PM   
just2cute2care


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		p.s. -- How the hell do you get rid of these damn, annoying vanilla ice cream cone icons - one thing I am NOT is vanilla and it's bugging me!  

(in reply to just2cute2care)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: domination, boundaries, and respect - 7/28/2006 5:05:35 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: just2cute2care

p.s. -- How the hell do you get rid of these damn, annoying vanilla ice cream cone icons - one thing I am NOT is vanilla and it's bugging me!  


LOL....you get rid of the ice cream cones by posting more and more posts.  As to the expression of your relationship, it sounds like to want to be a "bottom" during sexual times but and equal all the rest of the times.  Now, there is nothing wrong with that as long as that is what your partner is looking for also.....he would want to only "Top".

A D/s lifestyle is one where there is a Dominant and a submissive at all times.  Usually people who enjoy entering into this kind of life are ones who like the idea of turning over or receiving power to/from the other.  They would both like, and affirm the idea that the Dominant is always the person with the control of (up to) every aspect of the Dominant AND the submissive.  The submissive can be "owned" by the Dominant.

Now, remember, this is only one variety of a BDSM lifestyle.  If it is not for you, but it is where your Dominant is heading, perhaps now is the time to talk and toss all of your feelings on the table.  Not everything is for everyone.

Good luck


_____________________________


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to just2cute2care)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: domination, boundaries, and respect - 7/29/2006 1:25:41 AM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: just2cute2care

one thing I am NOT is vanilla and it's bugging me!  


LOL No you aren't, sugar, especially when you're wearing your chain-mail shirt!!

Glad you two are going to sit down and chat. Love ya both. {{{hug}}}

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to just2cute2care)
Profile   Post #: 28
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