Double Standards

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DixieBellle -> Double Standards (7/23/2006 2:33:13 PM)
I have had this issue in my mind for a while now but have really had no one to ask. First off, I will give my background. I am married/collared very happily, to my Master of four yrs. We have been toying with the idea of adding a female sub to our play, which is something that we both want. It also seems to be a common occurance among partners per the many ads here looking for a "sister sub" . My question is why do you never see, or with less frequency, a couple seeking another male? I have to admit that this fantasy is attractive to me but having mentioned to Him, it is not going to happen as He is dead set against it. Is this a double standard to you? Is it fair?

MHOO314 -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 2:41:46 PM)
It is all about Master and His wishes--not about you.

mstrjx -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 2:43:49 PM)
My best guess is that it would usually be based on the sex of the dominant individual in the couple. If we are assuming a couple where the man is dominant, finding a woman has the compatibility issues of both women being bisexual (reasonably common these days) if there is to be sexual interaction between the two. Also, that scenario plays into many men's fantasies on various levels. To have a man as a third would assume, for compatibility purposes, that the men are bisexual (not so common) if sex will be involved. In the case of a pure service-oriented submissive/slave, then physical contact might not be implied and it matters less. For a woman dominant the situation could be different, but I'll leave this be for the time as you implied that you were the collared one. Jeff

zumala -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 2:47:40 PM)
Depends on how you view it, I suppose. If you are submissive, then technically what MHOO314 said makes sense. If you are looking at it from a level playing field where it's just two individual people... then no, it isn't fair. I would assume that he would refuse adding a male for one of two reasons; 1) he isn't sexually attracted to other males and/or 2) he's afraid you as a female will prefer the new male to himself. But that's just my speculation. I could easily be way off target, since I don't know your Master. Individuals vary. YMMV zuma

KnightofMists -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 2:48:11 PM)
you are comparing apples and oranges. First.... both of you are interested in have a female. Second... only one of are interested in having another male. so how is it unfair to be happy with the relationship one has so where is the double standard..... oh wait what if.. First.. both of you are interested in having a female.... but the female is willing to have another female for the sake of the male's pleasure. Second... only one of you are interested in having another male... poor female is upset cause male will not recipocate as she would do to have a female.

Level -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 2:50:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DixieBellle I have had this issue in my mind for a while now but have really had no one to ask. First off, I will give my background. I am married/collared very happily, to my Master of four yrs. We have been toying with the idea of adding a female sub to our play, which is something that we both want. It also seems to be a common occurance among partners per the many ads here looking for a "sister sub" . My question is why do you never see, or with less frequency, a couple seeking another male? I have to admit that this fantasy is attractive to me but having mentioned to Him, it is not going to happen as He is dead set against it. Is this a double standard to you? Is it fair? It isn't double standards, nor unfair (fair is where you ride rides and eat cotton candy, btw), as MH said, it's about what the dominant decides, ultimately. And most men are not going to bring in another male to their dynamic.

DixieBellle -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 2:51:51 PM)
I am not upset at all, He doesnt want it to happen so it wont. Just wanted others opinions on the matter. Yes He is straight only.

juliaoceania -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 2:55:01 PM)
If this was very important to someone then it should have come up during their getting to know you period, if a person is collared and considers it a life long commitment and thought this might become a poly situation they would enjoy to explore it should have come up before they were collared. As far as "fair", life ain't fair for anyone, even a master deals with the unfairness of life. I am not yet collared, and this is the kinda stuff you work out before you become collared in my opinion. I am not poly. I am not sharing my Daddy. I do not want to be shared... these are hard limits and I will not accept a collar without that being understood. It is my opinion that people should really think about these things before they hitch themselves to someone else's wagon. I think that most men do not want another penis around their house all the time, not that this is true for everyone. It maybe a double standard, but there are ways of keeping yourself out of that conflict and not start a relationship with a poly dominant. The power is in the hands of the submissive until she allows herself to be owned... just my opinion

FangsNfeet -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 2:55:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DixieBellle My question is why do you never see, or with less frequency, a couple seeking another male? I have to admit that this fantasy is attractive to me but having mentioned to Him, it is not going to happen as He is dead set against it. Is this a double standard to you? Is it fair? A. More women normally means more SEX! B. The majority of men are straight. He does not want anything to do with other men sexualy and most men do not want to share there women. Biologicaly/chemicaly wise, sharing you with another man would take away his likely hood of passing on his seed. Incase you never studied sperm, let me give you an example of men not liking to share. When a female has had semen entered into her, some of the sperm have no intention of making it to the egg. Instead, they will cling together forming a wall that will work to prevent another mans sperm from passing through to your uterus. However, they will allow your spouse's sperm to pass. So is this fair or a double standard? That depends if you don't want another chicken in the hen house. I'm assuming that you are bi and he's straight. Straight men do not find other men sexualy attarctive. He only wants what he is finding attarctive. Since you like other women as well, go ahead and just take whay you can get. Double standard or not it is FAIR. Why? Because he's the Dom you agreed to serve. What he says goes and you know it.

KnightofMists -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 2:57:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 It is all about Master and His wishes--not about you. This is BS... it's not just about one person in a given relationship... REGARDLESS of the relationship structure. We all have needs/desires that need to be met in our given relationships. It's about Compatiablity and Acceptance. Find a person that is Compatiable to fullfill the Primary needs and desires that you require in the relationship as well as Accept that you or your partner can't fullfill EVERYTHING for each other. relationships that are only one way.... will end up One way... DEAD!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 3:00:44 PM)
quote: The majority of men are straight. I think that's it right there. I think if you take a 100 straight men and 100 gay men and ask which of them are open to having a third party join the relationship, you'd have generally the same percentage. It's simply that there are a lot more straight male doms visible in the scene in which women attend. If the homo and hetero scene mixed more, you'd likely see more of a equal balance there. As far as double standard- if you wanted a male and he didn't, then yes that would be a double standard. But that's pretty much what I define as DS- Double Standard. One person has the authority, the other doesn't.

MHOO314 -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 3:06:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 It is all about Master and His wishes--not about you. This is BS... it's not just about one person in a given relationship... REGARDLESS of the relationship structure. We all have needs/desires that need to be met in our given relationships. It's about Compatiablity and Acceptance. Find a person that is Compatiable to fullfill the Primary needs and desires that you require in the relationship as well as Accept that you or your partner can't fullfill EVERYTHING for each other. relationships that are only one way.... will end up One way... DEAD! A very valid point Knight, but she has said he is straight, end of story, does the Master not have the final say?

DixieBellle -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 3:07:27 PM)
I am very happy not ever having another man, its not something i need. It's not an issue for us as His happiness is what matters. All i wanted to know is how others feel about this subject. Julieoceana- We did talk about this before my getting collared. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other. He is the love of my life i am His, we are together forever.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 3:19:20 PM)
yep nods at f&f more women more sex for the guy more men less sex for the guy, kinda a no brainer.

KnightofMists -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 3:19:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 A very valid point Knight, but she has said he is straight, end of story, does the Master not have the final say? Just because the Master has the final say ...Does not equate it being All about HIM or more specifically NOT about her! Wise Dominants will make decisions with consideration for all of the individuals in the relationship. Of course there is always some that quote Stupid phrases Such as quote: it is all about Master and his wishes--not about you Which equates to your needs/desires are of no importance!

KnightofMists -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 3:21:04 PM)
I am glad for you.

Lashra -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 4:37:44 PM)
Most alpha males cannot stand another male in their harem, I think they may view them as competition. Besides alot of men have that two women together fantasy going on. With alpha females I believe it is more common to have two males in the harem. ~Lashra

Lashra -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 4:40:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 A very valid point Knight, but she has said he is straight, end of story, does the Master not have the final say? Just because the Master has the final say ...Does not equate it being All about HIM or more specifically NOT about her! Wise Dominants will make decisions with consideration for all of the individuals in the relationship. Of course there is always some that quote Stupid phrases Such as quote: it is all about Master and his wishes--not about you Which equates to your needs/desires are of no importance! Excellent post Knight and just because the OP Master isn't gay doesn't mean he couldn't successfully incorporate a male slave into his house. It would just mean that male slave would play with the female one and Master could watch or whatever. I don't believe these relationships are ALL about Master/Mistress if they are then what is the appeal for the sub/slave? They ARE people too with wants, needs and desires. ~Lashra

juliaoceania -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 4:41:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DixieBellle I am very happy not ever having another man, its not something i need. It's not an issue for us as His happiness is what matters. All i wanted to know is how others feel about this subject. Julieoceana- We did talk about this before my getting collared. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other. He is the love of my life i am His, we are together forever. I was not referencing your relationship, just the fairness aspect for other people.. you asked if it was fair and I answered with my opinion.

KnightofMists -> RE: Double Standards (7/23/2006 4:49:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lashra Excellent post Knight and just because the OP Master isn't gay doesn't mean he couldn't successfully incorporate a male slave into his house. It would just mean that male slave would play with the female one and Master could watch or whatever. I don't believe these relationships are ALL about Master/Mistress if they are then what is the appeal for the sub/slave? They ARE people too with wants, needs and desires. ~Lashra I would add that being gay or not gay doesn't equate that a person can't successfully incorporate the male into his play not just his house. The play however (especially if the male is het) would lack any sexual connection between the two males. I have done play that included males. I have done... Male - Male and Male Female Male. I am het... so my play will take my perference in account. However, it's really a questison does having a Male - Female - Male relationship dynamic make the individuals happy as an ongoing relationship. In most cases of poly it is going to be Male-Female-Female, I am not about to guess why that is the case. But, What really matters thou, is the relationships are stable and happy.

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