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MistressMelissa -> RE: Ds: What is it to you? (7/23/2006 12:24:29 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
quote:
ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa
Personally, I believe that there is no such thing as a 50/50 relationship. If you put any two people together one of them will take control in some way.
Taking control in some way doesn't mean that you've taken controlin ALL ways nor that you have ultimate authority.
For example, in our new apartment, everyone gets to do what they want with their bedroom. I took over living room and dining room however, I get input and final decision to a group choice. And my other partner took over the kitchen.
How would you describe that? We're all working together. We use our strengths so that everyone gets the best end result.
I agree with your main point- Ds has nothing to do with the actions, but the authority dynamic which can exist at all times.
However, there certainly are relationships which share control and authority on multiple levels.
You are correct that there are different levels or degrees of control and that different people will take control over different aspects of things. In a hierarchy, some would find it confusing that a junior slave might actually be in service to a more senior slave simply due to their position within the house. This was actually a form of training to bring the junior slave up to speed so they would not inconvenience the owner with their lack of skills. My statement was not defined nor worded to include every example. I simply wished to point out that we are not all as equal in authority as some would lead us to believe. It's simply human nature that some tend to lead and others tend to follow. There is a saying that too many chefs spoil the broth, meaning it's better to have less management and more workers for things to function smoothly. From what you have described you prove my point that certain individuals have assumed control over different aspects of the house and the others have permitted this. What I know is how I wish to live. How anyone else lives is for them to decide. I just wish to gain a better understanding of how people use different terms and how they interpret the lifestyle. That is why we are here, to learn from each other, right? Some have told me that I don't live this "lifestyle" since I don't play but a few times a year. Others tell me that they believe I take this lifestyle to seriously. Other times I post to one of these lists and I'm called a wannabe or some other nasty name since my view does not mesh with their view and since they can't or won't live as I do, I must be a fake. There are many who I think miss the point of what this lifestyle can be. I personally find that the concept of Ds provides me with the structure and the desire to live my own life to a higher level and thus challenge myself to make myself a better person. That appears to be a minority view and I find that depressing. If I told you that the sources I find most helpful in living what I view to be a Ds lifestyle is Mrs Beeton's Guide to Household Management, A book of etiquette (older the better) and the DVD series from PBS entitled Manor House, many would think I was nuts. They all want to recommend Screw the Roses, SM101 or the Loving Dominant. There is nothing wrong with these books. They are actually good sources for BDSM and they are but a few of the titles in my library. I personally find little information in them that I can incorporate into my everyday life to help me to manage a multi-slave service oriented house. It is unfortunate that due to the limitations of the written word that we are not able to discuss the nuance of our situations in clearer details for a fuller understanding, but I thank you for your time in responding to my question.
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