How to approach someone. (Full Version)

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SavageEu -> How to approach someone. (7/18/2006 11:41:09 PM)

Well this is the first of two questions that I feel pretty selfconscious about asking and its about etiquette around these parts. When looking for a potential sub should I only look for ones that are looking for Dom/Dom couples? The reason I ask is because I am in a relatioship with another Dom but the sub would only be for me.

So I am looking for a female sub/slave and I would be her Master. However given the fact that I am married I know that enters into the picture. I know some profiles specifically say they dislike polyamoury with is fine but if the sub only put looking for Dominant Men which is what the relationship would be, does that automatically mean no one poly should apply? Its really something that I have been wondering about. I only sent out a few emails so far but the more I thought about it the more I was wondering if I was being rude by doing that.

And by the same token if I approach someone who would like a Dom/Dom couple it wouldn't really be right since my wife likes a completely different type of sub than I do and I would really be the subs Master.



Caretakr -> RE: How to approach someone. (7/19/2006 12:10:49 AM)

Try looking for profiles that state polyamory.

And NEVER approach a monogamous woman as married man. We have tons of cheaters on here-who unfortunately give you all a bad name. Be aware that these dishonest men will make your road difficult-and that you will have to be twice as honest, to make up for that.



SavageEu -> RE: How to approach someone. (7/19/2006 12:52:42 AM)

Luckily honesty will not be a problem, getting somone to beleive you are honest though, that is the stumbling block. Well I did not think I had an easy path to find my Pet but I wanted to step on as few toes as possible trying to get there. 



sleazybutterfly -> RE: How to approach someone. (7/19/2006 1:07:19 AM)

Awww.. I'm hurt.. I didn't get an email *pouts*
 
Just watch for the poly thing.. because mostly likely that is where you will find yours at.  Some that aren't into poly will consider, but more often decide it's not for them.
 
Atleast you aren't hiding the fact you are married..that is a point for your side... but the search will still be long.. so just hang in there.
 
I think it's best to be prepared to assure her where she will fit into the family, how much contact with your wife is required (by that I mean as a Domme), who she will take instruction from...etc... things like that will most likely pop into her head first when approached.
 
Good luck in your search
 
~Flutterbi



Quivver -> RE: How to approach someone. (7/19/2006 3:31:41 AM)

I'd suggest taking a deep breath and making some friends, along the way you might just find what your searching for.

Q



IronBear -> RE: How to approach someone. (7/19/2006 3:55:52 AM)

Ok I'd like to approach this from another view point. I'm a Gorean Master and my wife is also my Free Companion and a Gorean Mistress. In oth our profiles we state this early on. We also state that we are poly. Now what we do is explain that any slave (mle or female) is initially collared to the home (House Iron Bear) and as such they are jointly owned by us both. This allows for the new slave to learn and get used to having to deal with both a Master and a Mistress equally. With our lifestyle their service wilkl incluse the servig or food and refreshments as well as perhaps entertaining. The initial collar is a Probationary Collar for a minimum of 30 days but can be extended longer. A Probationary Collar can replace the Collar of Consideration, during this time it allows all of us to get to know each other and see what additional trainig is required. If it is agree to by both Dominants that sex is going to be prt of the coller, then even during a probationary period this can take place (This is realy up to you and your wife to decide.).. At the end of the probationary the slave can br allowed to beg a personal collar from either Neeta or myself. Should this take place, the slave is a personal slave but still under the structure of th home so will still be answerable to the other Dominant especially regarding the serving of food and refreshments and other tasks which are household tasks..

It is my belief that ifyou bring a sub/slave into your lives following something like I've out lined she will have the chance to form a bond with your wife and she will at times be extremely thnkfull as she will feel that she can have  female only conversation. The lst thing you need is a female slave who feels like an intruder or unwanted by the other Dominant. Your wife should as well feel more comfortble with the sub/slave too and not feeling her marriage is threatened..

This is just an outline and you can take what works for you or use the whole shebang.. I do suggest that you look at my profile on the other side to see what we are doing, it may help..



CrappyDom -> RE: How to approach someone. (7/19/2006 4:40:15 AM)

The married thing is easy to deal with.  Just say that  you are married and not cheating and make it clear that as soon as you find someone whom you have an interest and it procedes past emails they will get to talk on the phone to your wife so they get the all clear from the source.

I would hit up anyone who sounds interesting, if they see something they like, they can respond, if they don't they can ignore and delete your email.



mp072004 -> RE: How to approach someone. (7/19/2006 6:51:40 AM)

No, don't look for people who want dominant couples, unless you and your wife are looking for someone to submit to you both. It sounds like you're looking for a secondary relationship with a submissive in addition to your primary relationship (your marriage) with a dominant.

Why would a woman's statement that she's looking for a dominant man imply that she doesn't want polyamory? Do avoid people who explicitly say they want monogamous partners, but people who don't say that are fair game. Present yourself clearly, like you did on here, noting that your relationship with your wife would be separate from your relationship with your submissive, and that your wife is well aware that you're looking for a secondary partner. I would urge you to offer to give people your wife's contact information so they can verify that your wife has agreed to your secondary relationship. It's not rude to tell people you find them attractive, explain your situation, and ask whether they would entertain a relationship with you. Of course, it's also not rude for a person to read your polite email and refuse you.

Monica




Tamerofwild1s -> RE: How to approach someone. (7/19/2006 7:25:07 AM)

represent yourself in your profile the way you did here .. you are a Dom/Domme couple ... express how the synamic would work if the potential were to become yours ...... a feature some profile have is what they are seeking when you open full profiles . it will have Dom/DOm couples on it I believe .. thats a clue that they will serve you ... it will take  a while I am sure to find those people but like always .. good things come to those with patience



LotusSong -> RE: How to approach someone. (7/19/2006 12:03:50 PM)

I prefer to approach people on their right side .. and go in a north-westerly direction from there...



SavageEu -> RE: How to approach someone. (7/19/2006 4:24:38 PM)

Oh god (or gods or Universe), I received helpful and thoughtful replies from people on a message board on the internet. Is this Nirvana? Seriously though, I have read through a few of the 'horror stories' and I have seen stories of the cheaters and such and I know that will make the search a bit tougher. I keep my mind open and hope that the people I approach will not automatically recoil in the face of past badness or just from being jaded.

sleazybutterfly: I... well actually two reasons. I assumed that everyone posting here was not wanting to get hit on, at least it just seemed a curtious thing to do at the time. And two, until I had an idea of how to handle myself appropriatly I did not want to contanct anyone else which is what the thread was about :)

Thank you IronBear and CrappyDom for those perspectives and I will take a look at your profiles to get a better idea of how to tailor mine to cause as little confusion and to be as clear as possible.

mp072004: As to why I would assume that Dominant Men only might mean monogamous. Because I try to be as conservative as possible when entering new situations and in this case I was not sure what the accepted interpretation was. I could see it both ways in that I am in a Dom/Dom couple and yet I would be the subs Master so Dominant Men fit as well. But I am glad that I got some good information there. And that was a good idea about putting my wifes contact information in as well, though it would be odd if someone actually recognized her from other sites or from when she was a Pro-Domme.

Luckily I viewed the full profiles of the ones I have mailed so far and of course avoided the ones with poly listed as a dislike or hate. Thank you everyone for helping me get a better idea of the conventions of the site so that I step on as few toes as possible.


Unless someone really like that.






SexyRed -> RE: How to approach someone. (7/19/2006 5:05:34 PM)

whatever you do, don't approach a sub with the email I just got:

He said: Do you think you would be a good milker? Sir.
"Rolls eyes"



HarryVanWinkle -> RE: How to approach someone. (7/19/2006 10:24:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I prefer to approach people on their right side .. and go in a north-westerly direction from there...


Oh, darn.  I, of course, am south east of you.



SavageEu -> RE: How to approach someone. (7/20/2006 12:07:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyRed

whatever you do, don't approach a sub with the email I just got:

He said: Do you think you would be a good milker? Sir.
"Rolls eyes"


You know, I would love to see just how bad a lot of these mails are, like this one. If I had my way I would haul the sender out to the town square, virtually speaking, and have them explain on what planet it even makes sense to just be so rude. Perhaps a thread for posting the emails sans sender name just to show how pigish people can be.

Of course if only we could gather and put them all on display and whip the beds of thier fingernails with a short 7/16" diameter steel rod.

Then again, maybe I am missing out on this internet bubble of invincibility that seems to drive them to do that, that protective layer of 'I get to be an ass here yay'.



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