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How to keep the PE alive - 7/14/2006 6:09:04 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		For those who live together 27/7, and have busy lives, ie kids work and all the trappings, i am curious how do you keep the power exchange alive?

What things do you do as the sub/slave or Dom/me.

Master and i have rituals, i know in no uncertain terms He owns me body mind and spirit, however W/we are always looking for other ways to keep things alive and more to the surface.
Thank you in advance for your imput


_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~
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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 5:00:14 AM   
mtumwawaBwana


Posts: 541
Status: offline 		along with the collar, Master uses a set of bracelets and anklets welded on to remind me constantly i will be forever chained and shackled to Him.

they are small enough to not be noticed by vanilla. ,  but i know they are there constantly, and i know what significance Master places on them.

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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 5:11:55 AM   
rose442


Posts: 60
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		As far as I am concerned, you can't. There is no PE or M/s life with kids and other vanilla stuff in your home. You can think about it all you want. And without the unmentionables running around your house it might be possible. But it is hard if you have interference from the vanilla world, or even family.
I have 4 kids and a full time job and there is no PE or M/s life in this house. Never will be as far as I am concerned.
 
I am having a bad day, can you tell?

rose442

_____________________________

This slave is Masters, heart, mind, soul, and body. To use as Master wishes, when Master wishes to do so.

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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 5:13:10 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry, rose.  Hope it gets better.

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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 5:16:42 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I guess you should talk to edana or Leonidas about that they seem to manage it well (you'll find them in ther Gorean Lifestyles Forum).. I do know people who manage it well too. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 5:22:37 AM   
mtumwawaBwana


Posts: 541
Status: offline 		i have two unmentionables, i work 16 hour shifts at the hosp, Master works equally hard.............yet He always has His hand on my heart and soul.

enslavement is 99% mental

maybe the 1% is running amok





edited to add: now, this is just mopov..........please correct me if i am wrong.....i will humbly stand corrected

< Message edited by mtumwawaBwana -- 7/15/2006 5:24:27 AM >

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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 5:27:21 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owned1

For those who live together 27/7, and have busy lives, ie kids work and all the trappings, i am curious how do you keep the power exchange alive?

What things do you do as the sub/slave or Dom/me.

Master and i have rituals, i know in no uncertain terms He owns me body mind and spirit, however W/we are always looking for other ways to keep things alive and more to the surface.
Thank you in advance for your imput



For us, it's the simple things. Walking into his office to see if there's anything I can do for him.. get a drink, make some phone calls, ask what he'd like me to serve for dinner. When I'm at the store, picking out those things I know he likes or might enjoy as a treat.

Or, he'll come up behind me while I'm washing dishes and pull my hair, smack my ass.. he may give me things to do outside my normal chores or have me do things in a certain order or a specific way.

Just keeping things fun and friendly but always with that underlying dynamic at work.

It's pretty natural for us.. doesn't take a lot of work, but then, we don't have kids around us either.. way past that stage in life.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 5:27:27 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442

As far as I am concerned, you can't. There is no PE or M/s life with kids and other vanilla stuff in your home. You can think about it all you want. And without the unmentionables running around your house it might be possible. But it is hard if you have interference from the vanilla world, or even family.
I have 4 kids and a full time job and there is no PE or M/s life in this house. Never will be as far as I am concerned. rose442


Actually it is quite possible since many others are doing it.  In our house we keep a poly, M/s structure going despite 4 little ones, his and my full time job, and his parents just dropping by.  The sex and play is only one part of the relationship and like any other typical marriage, it is confined to private moments.  However, him having complete authority is a constant in our lives.  The little ones knows that he is the boss and they know that they love more than one person. 

However, with the opinion that it will "never happen", you have defeated your relationship before it has even had sufficient opportunity to grow. 

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 7:00:15 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		very well said baby

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 7:30:45 AM   
Flame73


Posts: 49
Joined: 7/6/2004
Status: offline 		It is possible to keep a very D/s dynamic alive in day to day situations. Cross and I both have jobs. We also have a 10 year old budding dominant sharing Our life. While We are very careful to keep the sexual aspect in private and the toys carefully locked away, Our son has always seen elements of D/s in his day to day life. I defer to Cross for most household decisions, I have daily tasks like shoulder rubs and preparations that are required of Me at specific intervals. We are poly so Our son is very accepting of the "special" people who share Our daily lives. Since I am a Switch, I have often had "helpers" come and do things for Me around Our house. My son has seen this occurance since He was very small,  and has come to think of it as a normal situation.
We are also very open and loving people, Our son often witnesses kissing or cuddling going on with "special friends" in Our life. He has also witnessed many verbal setdowns occuring when standards are not being met.
Now that He is older He has started picking up on more subtle things in conversations between people. He can easily explain the terms dominant and submissive. He has been taught to believe while his Dad and I are equals in Our marriage there are times when there must be a leader and a follower. He understands it is My choice to follow, and his Father's natural behavior to lead. My son has a great respect for women and often comments on how lucky his Father and I are to have such wonderful friends.
I have quite a few adult friends that were raised in similarly structured households and while they have grown up to be true kinksters, they are also responsible well-adjusted adults.
So with the right kind of considerations and rules, it is very possible to live a D/s dynamic daily, within the presence of your children. In My opinion My son is growing up in a very open and respect based environment. I have already seen indications that He will take cues from both Me and his Father and become a dominant person to respect.I was very pleased when I overheard him informing a friend that it is possible for a woman to be as strong as a man and sometimes his mom commanded more attention and respect from other adults that his dad. He went on to explain that there were times that everyone had to be a leader, and sometimes even leaders had to follow if there was someone who knew the way better.
 
I found Myself smiling because My son had just explained a basic principle of D/s in a very elementary way. I think with a little dignity and very open communication it is very possible to raise a healthy child and preserve an inner peace with a D/s nature.

_____________________________

"It's all a a question of mind over matter, if I don't mind then you don't matter."

"It is far more comfortable to exist in Madness, than to hold teniously to sanity riddled with doubts."

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 1:24:33 PM   
alandraofMists


Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		Thank You Flame73 for expressing so clearly and eloquently that having little one around does not stop the Power Exchange relationship or the D/s relationship from happening.

Having little ones does not stop other parents from dating and enjoying other adult company in vanilla life..... Why should little ones affect being in a D/s relationship... Unless you are basing the relationship solely on the sexual acts, BDSM acts or humiliation of the submissive, there is a lot of things that can be done while around little ones.

some examples are.... serving the Dominant His food or drink, using an honorific instead of His name, taking care of Him "foot rubs, manicures etc"  doing His running around for Him so He has more free time, just to name a few.

It is only if you close your mind to the possibilities of submission and service that you limit your choices and enjoyment.

Knight's alandra

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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 1:35:17 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		Thank you so much to everyone for the wonderful insightful responses.  Master and i do many of the things offered as thoughts and suggestions.  i am always curious as to how those who are truly in this life 24/7 manange to keep the D/s side alive.

As many have said it is the small things-rituals that continually reminds us who we are and where our place is.  There are so many who only look to the kinky activities yet there is so much more.  Not to say the kinky stuff is great fun.

We also keep the toys etc locked away out of prying eyes, as well we are very private about our private life.  It is no different imho to my parents who i still to this day want to believe they did not have sex other than to concieve the 2 kids they have.

i am always His no matter where i am and what i do at all times reflects Him.

Thank you again to A/all who took the time to respond.

owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 2:41:33 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owned1

For those who live together 27/7, and have busy lives, ie kids work and all the trappings, i am curious how do you keep the power exchange alive?

What things do you do as the sub/slave or Dom/me.

Master and i have rituals, i know in no uncertain terms He owns me body mind and spirit, however W/we are always looking for other ways to keep things alive and more to the surface.
Thank you in advance for your imput



We don't "do" anything.  Our relationship *is* the "power exchange" (though I prefer "authority transfer" for reasons I won't go into, as it'd be off topic).  We don't need to "do" anything extra to make it so.

For us, it's not about spicing things up, making either of us feel more dominant or submissive.  It's about living our lives within the dynamic that suits us best.

(in reply to Owned1)
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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 2:44:38 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442

As far as I am concerned, you can't. There is no PE or M/s life with kids and other vanilla stuff in your home. You can think about it all you want. And without the unmentionables running around your house it might be possible. But it is hard if you have interference from the vanilla world, or even family.



You absolutely *can*.  D/s or m/s isn't about collars or kneeling or SM or calling your partner "Master" or any of that...it's about the relationship between the two of you. 

My relationship dynamic could absolutely be the same with kids around.  Instead of calling him "Sir", perhaps I'd use his given name - but the tone wouldn't change.  Instead of saying "May I do X", perhaps I'd say "I'm thinking of doing X?" with the right question in my tone, and judge by his response whether he desires I do so or not.  Or even say "What do you think?" at the end, to allow for a direct answer.

And so on.  There are *so many* ways to maintain the dynamic without the trappings.

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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 2:58:12 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442




You absolutely *can*.  D/s or m/s isn't about collars or kneeling or SM or calling your partner "Master" or any of that...it's about the relationship between the two of you. 

My relationship dynamic could absolutely be the same with kids around.  Instead of calling him "Sir", perhaps I'd use his given name - but the tone wouldn't change.  Instead of saying "May I do X", perhaps I'd say "I'm thinking of doing X?" with the right question in my tone, and judge by his response whether he desires I do so or not.  Or even say "What do you think?" at the end, to allow for a direct answer.

And so on.  There are *so many* ways to maintain the dynamic without the trappings.


Well put impgrrl,  this is the very basis of what i was speaking about,  it is the way one lives daily, it is who we are at all times.

i do understand how someone said it is not the things that keeps PE alive, however it can help. 

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 5:38:36 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Little things are the key.  A certain word, look, touch.  Nothing has to be overt.  It's not that people have a vanilla life and a BDSM life.  They have a life.  It's how they bring the BDSM into their life that makes the difference.  I might mention as well, that Jack Rinella has written a book on this very topic.  It's called Partners in Power and is available on Amazon and on his website, I believe, www.leatherviews.com. 

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 8:30:38 PM   
deltadawn


Posts: 224
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline 		Like anything else in this world, keeping the PE alive takes work. 

It is the simple things here that keep it going.  I am the first one up, breakfast is made, his clothes out and ready for him, the bathroom empty so he has his time there with no interuptions.  I don't sit and eat until I see his nod, I use the term Sir even with the kids around.  I know every one of his moods, his hand or eye motions that alert me that he is either pleased or not pleased at that moment. 

There are many ways.......just work on it.  To me it is something always there......I am his, simple!!

dawn

_____________________________

Beneath his wings, I can fly.

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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/15/2006 8:39:45 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		If you both want it you can have it. Sure you both have to work at it just you do in all relationships. When there are others around who are not privy to your relationship such as elderly relitives or outlaws and/or them that are under 18, you don't work harder, you work smarter. Little things which will gor Phtttttttttttttttttttttttttt over their heads and never known what they missed. A touch a look something as sweet as hugging and stroking the hair can mean so much.... 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to deltadawn)
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RE: How to keep the PE alive - 7/16/2006 11:42:55 AM   
Curiossdragnlily


Posts: 105
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		That is something that i think each individual relationship works on to keep it in syc. W/we are an M/s, 24/7, TPE C/couple. For me it is a mindset, Master is Master and He is the HOH. But He also allows certain things to slid at times since He know that it is diffucult with kids and B/both of U/us working. But i never forget who and what i am or Who or What He is. That doesn't mean that i don't feel guilty or bad when something is not as it should be. i know that i am blessed and lucky to have been found by my Master and He knows me so well inside and out.
with respect,
lily, collared and owned slave of Master Curios
srn 308-692-331

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