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Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 6:30:44 AM

Kara

Posts: 15
Joined: 7/22/2004
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As a sub i am drawn towards Doms that are older than myself. Any adds i see where the Dom is younger i tend not to post too. The groups i have been too there also seems to be a good proportionate of Doms older than their subs.

Is that a tendency amongst subs to look for older Doms?

Just wondering kara

Post #: 1

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 6:40:54 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Many people very mistakenly equate age with experience and/or wisdom. Lots of submissives, especially new ones, want a Dom/me that's experienced and therefore tend to look for a person older than themselves. While acheiving an age requires that you be alive for that length of time, it does not require that you do anything other than maintain basic life functions to do so. It does not mean that you have experienced anything. A 30 year old that's been learning, practicing, and living BDSM for 10 years has far more experience in BDSM than the 60 year old that's fantasized about it for 45 years but only decided to try it out last month.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to Kara)

Post #: 2

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 6:46:56 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

He enters, dips his lid to Kara ...

Umm, a similar thought that I have had too. It's probably something that young Vanilla girls may also think but not act upon cos of their lack of confidence.

Yes, the concept of a DaddyDom type relationship is very relevant to our thoughts here and well supported. The Daddy's girls will expand on this with giggling jiggling glee?

Many young men do not have the self security, discipline, and life experience to develop a 'healthy D/s relationship' where both recieve duality of growth. Yes I know there are always exceptions to everything.

Plus many submissives have endured past abusive relationships in the nilla world, they find BDSM, realize they can actualize their natural submissiveness and so seek those that engender the characteristics they desire in their submission. Yes, it may be a stereotype about 'age is experience' but it is a difficult truism to ignore.

Warm regards, nice question.

Driver1961, Sir to His loving WildChild.

< Message edited by Driver1961 -- 7/12/2006 6:49:13 AM >

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

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Post #: 3

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 6:55:09 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
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YourMissTRess, ummm,
well said, not a point I'd covered but have often considered. Yes, I'd rather have a submissive that's my age with some experience (life and/or lifestyle) than some young plaything. I am part Daddy but desire mindmelts with my significant other than is extremely difficult with decades difference. The quality of selfawareness is my precursor to accepting a submission.

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

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Post #: 4

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 7:01:46 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
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Years ago a school teacher once told our class (boys) that when you are an adult and you pass some boys playing football and you do not want to join in and show them how good you are, then you are a fully fledged adult and a total bore.

As for experience he used to quote Oscar Wilde “Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes."

My teacher was in his early sixties and was still resisting being a mature adult and I sensed he enjoyed looking at life through the freshness and sparkle of youthful eyes. Experience and maturity, like all things, are relative and one shouldn't put too much confidence in them.

BDSM life is to be embraced and enjoyed. The adventure means that mistakes will be made. Why worry about someone's age as long as they are the person that makes yyou want to spread your wings.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 7/12/2006 7:03:04 AM >

(in reply to Kara)

Post #: 5

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 7:05:28 AM

DoctorDubious

Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kara

As a sub i am drawn towards Doms that are older than myself. Any adds i see where the Dom is younger i tend not to post too. The groups i have been too there also seems to be a good proportionate of Doms older than their subs.

Is that a tendency amongst subs to look for older Doms?

Just wondering kara

Sure, but the really hot looking ones are all kids!

DD

(in reply to Kara)

Post #: 6

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 7:56:39 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I don't think this is BDSM or even Gorean specific. In many cultures younger ladies prefer the maturity of older men.. It seems that Australia is one of the few where society frowns on too greater age gap especially between younger women and older men..This Neets and I know from harsh experience..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 7

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 8:01:06 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Many people very mistakenly equate age with experience and/or wisdom. Lots of submissives, especially new ones, want a Dom/me that's experienced and therefore tend to look for a person older than themselves. While acheiving an age requires that you be alive for that length of time, it does not require that you do anything other than maintain basic life functions to do so. It does not mean that you have experienced anything. A 30 year old that's been learning, practicing, and living BDSM for 10 years has far more experience in BDSM than the 60 year old that's fantasized about it for 45 years but only decided to try it out last month.

Absolutely.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 8

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 8:08:46 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

When I came into this, I think I sort of did always look for older men, or I just attracted mostly that..now I am not so sure which.

In my mind, they would be more protective, more together, help me to grow, guide me, love me, treat me in the way I wanted and needed them to. I am not sure it's the Daddy/daughter thing or not, though I do have a tendency to sort of take on that "role" in a way...as far as the nurturing and attention I seek to get back.

I now I have realized that age does not equal maturity at all. The older men are not any more likely to live up to my standards than the younger ones. I think I wrote about this yesterday someplace. There has been a Dom I have talked to over the last 3 mths or so. As he and I have talked I have noticed and learned that he has great ideas, great plans, and has his shit together more than most 45 yrs olds do. I think sometimes of all of the sub/slaves that have passed by a good one just because of the age on his profile and ended up with an older "more mature" loser in his place.

If I ever look again, I know that I will no longer look at the age, I will look at what he is as a complete package. I will not only require that he knows whatt the "life" is all about, but that he meets every other piece of criteria that I have set for the honor of being with me.

In other words, I would rather have a 25 yr old man....than a 55yr old boy.

Respectfully, Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 9

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 8:13:19 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

No - I wouldn't say it was usual - everyone has their own tastes and likes.

As for older dominants being wiser, I don't find that the case at all.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Kara)

Post #: 10

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 8:18:14 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Respectfully Sleazy but not all us are the same. I don't have to write it down to reverse it!. I'm a Head of the class?

BITEME but as my Precious knows, the inside of my thigh equates to a slap across the forehead.!

Warm regards Driver1961

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 11

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 8:32:02 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Driver1961

Respectfully Sleazy but not all us are the same. I don't have to write it down to reverse it!. I'm a Head of the class?

BITEME but as my Precious knows, the inside of my thigh equates to a slap across the forehead.!

Warm regards Driver1961

I don't remember making a claim anywhere in my post that said that ALL older Doms were the same. What I said, though not quoted is: I will no longer just look at age and assume that maturity and having their shit together goes with it.

Still Respectful, Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Driver1961)

Post #: 12

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 9:59:55 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

fast reply....

Part of the attraction could simply be the "Dirty old man" factor....DOM---Dirty Old Man...coincidence? I think not!!!
wanders off mumbling to himself.....sitting on a park bench.....

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Ha Ha...Charade you are!

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CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 13

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 10:07:51 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Kara, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eye it boils down to personal preferences of the type of men you wish to associate with.

Indeed it is true, there are many men who are older but as virgin as one can be when it comes to the lifestyle and or experience in the BDSM arts. Unfortunately, age causes assumptions because of what our mind and our social teachings have us believe.

Age does give maturity however, one must consider that scene/life style age has it's own markers of maturity. Each have qualities to which a person must decide what preferences are to be made.

Often I do ponder, as I have young lads approaching me 30 years junior to me or older, what they seek in me. I am equally sure it works for any gap in ages and genders.

I am currently talking to a lass from California who is 49. Close in age, a slave and brought up in the Leatherman venue so, we do have many markers to reference, standards we recall and such, as to make it a very pleasant match. Although preference is towards men--a slave is gender neutral so, I can indeed picture myself with a female slave.

Perhaps the summary of this would be, that you will never know if regardless of preferences, the one who matches so close to what you seek, the package of the one you seek may come as a total surprise.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Kara)

Post #: 14

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 10:20:48 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Age does give maturity however, one must consider that scene/life style age has it's own markers of maturity. Each have qualities to which a person must decide what preferences are to be made.

Greetings Lady Hugs,

I find I must disagree with you on this point. Age does not give maturity. It's simply a measurement of how long your body parts have been around. It is no indication of understanding, expertise, ability, motivation or anything other than measurement of the passage of time. Surely, you must have met many young people who are 'mature' beyond their years and many older folks who still fly with Peter Pan? The eldest of my siblings (nearing 50) is less mature than my 10 year old grandson who was, I believe, born old and wise.

With regard,

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 15

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 10:35:36 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

fast reply....

Part of the attraction could simply be the "Dirty old man" factor....DOM---Dirty Old Man...coincidence? I think not!!!
wanders off mumbling to himself.....sitting on a park bench.....

Of course Arpig my friend, you are aware that what is worse and far more dangerous of a DOW (Dirty Old Woman)......

Regarding the Age - Wisdom - Maturity senario, if you are being BDSM specific, then certainly the Age of a BDSMer can not equate to Experience any more can Maturity equate to Experience. Experience is based on practical hands on doing it and hopefully learning the correct was as you go. A 25 year old with five years of practical experience will beat me at 61 with little BDSM experience. However my Nine years experience as a Gorean Master does count as far as maturity and attitude as well as looking at the safety aspects on a General basis and not any particular BDSM area..

A great deal will depend on what a younger sub or slave is seeking with an older Dominant. If she is looking for the general life experience and possibly some maturity as well as stability then any lack of BDSM expoerience will not matter. After all she may be experienced and can teach her Dominant or they can learn together. If on the other hand, she is seeking a BDSM Experienced Dominant, why then she needs to seek a Dominant within her ideal age group who has the flying hours in the BDSM aircraft. Maturity and Wisdome are really additional bonuses if they are present. Life teached both Maturity and Wisdom in its own way....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 16

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 10:35:51 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Even when I dated vanilla men I have always been drawn to older than I am. It is not just experience that draws me, I just find older men attractive. I am squicked by the idea of dating a man more than 5 yrs younger than myself, and I tend to not be attracted to men that are even my age.

My present Dom is 5 yrs older than I am. Since I have only dated men significantly older than myself for over a dozen years I find it refreshing to date someone "my age" , and he is a good match for me, even though I consider him "my age".

My first dom was old enough to be my father. He wasn't as experienced in Ds as my present Dom is, and he wasn't as mature in some ways believe it or not...smiles.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Kara)

Post #: 17

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 10:48:29 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

Age does give maturity however, one must consider that scene/life style age has it's own markers of maturity. Each have qualities to which a person must decide what preferences are to be made.

Greetings Lady Hugs,

I find I must disagree with you on this point. Age does not give maturity. It's simply a measurement of how long your body parts have been around. It is no indication of understanding, expertise, ability, motivation or anything other than measurement of the passage of time. Surely, you must have met many young people who are 'mature' beyond their years and many older folks who still fly with Peter Pan? The eldest of my siblings (nearing 50) is less mature than my 10 year old grandson who was, I believe, born old and wise.

With regard,

Celeste

One can always find examples of young people mature beyond their years, and older people that never experienced much of life. Personally I tend to find Lady Hug's opinion to be true in my travels. I find I have very little to speak with people about that haven't yet reached a certain age. On the other hand going to college with young people that were very "with it" and had much to share makes me know this is not ubiquitous. It is person dependent in some ways...

There is no teacher like failure. Older people have usually had much more time to fail than younger people, and if they are good students then they learn from it. Native Americans value Elders as having knowledge that takes a life time to acquire. When you do not have books or writing to pass on information, age makes you an expert I suppose. We have ways of communicating facts , so age is not as valued maybe? I know for me I would usually rather speak with someone that had really lived a long time to ask for advice than someone that hadn't lived as long.. and by living I mean... LIVING. Not just existing.. but that is just me and I could be wrong.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/12/2006 11:02:16 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 18

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 10:59:30 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

That's an easy one; older males are more of an "Authority Figure" than younger ones.
And most of the time they have more assets than younger men, can "last longer" than younger men and have more (much more in some cases) life experience.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 19

RE: Older experienced Doms - 7/12/2006 11:04:23 AM

Sub03

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

There is a really big age difference between me and my Master. I wont say exactly what it is because I have already been flamed for it before on these boards, but I didnt originally start out looking for someone that much older then me. I've dated people my age and one that was a lil younger then me. But I always felt like they werent mature enough and didnt have their life together as much as someone older. BDSM wise I guess I do follow the belief that older equates with more experience, it may or may not be true but I just feel safer trusting someone older with my submissivness then I do someone my own age. Not saying im right just adding my own two cents and saying how I feel, feel free to agree or disagree.

_____________________________

owned by painarranger

I am His loyal slave

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 20

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