RE: Newbie's Guide and advice (Full Version)

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CrappyDom -> RE: Newbie's Guide and advice (7/12/2006 6:57:44 AM)

Just don't do your research online...



OsideGirl -> RE: Newbie's Guide and advice (7/12/2006 7:04:56 AM)

Actually, I had done a post over a year ago about that very subject. I can't find it. Lucky Albatross is the queen of the search function....where is she?



Mercnbeth -> RE: Newbie's Guide and advice (7/12/2006 7:56:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JalenJade
...But something more along the lines of what the lifestyle is all about, break the pre-conceived notions and such. (I'm repeating myself I think...)


there have been quite a few threads attempting Myth-Busting.  in the spirit of LA's helpfulness, and proudsub before her, this slave will attempt to direct you to a few lively discussions.

a great thread and rather recent discussion, OP: mistoferin
"The Lifestyle is...and other pervasive Myths"
http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=401184&mpage=1&key=myths񡼤

another great thread with various opinions on the matter, OP: kyraofMysts
"Myths of submission"
http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=249011&mpage=1&key=myths

11 pages of thought provoking responses to this thread, OP: realist
"Reality Check"
http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=104037&mpage=1&key=myths

14 pages of opinions from a variety of perspectives, OP: cillydom
"One dominants controversial thoughts on D/s"
http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=285755&mpage=1&key=myths

MYTH:  there exists a one true way that is the same for everyone
REALITY:  be true to yourself, and your own personal one true way will be obvious, and more than enough for you.



HalloweenWhite -> RE: Newbie's Guide and advice (7/12/2006 8:12:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JalenJade

I know there's several topics where separate issues seem to be addressed, but I'm surprised that I can't find one topic that  helps to dispel the myths, and tell the newbies what's what. (Or if there is I can't find it..) I for one think that tapping into this knowledge could be very beneficial for those who stumble upon here and arn't sure what they're doing but are afraid to ask. (Possibly due to previous experiences, or other forums)

I don't want this to turn into a debate so I won't ask for definitions of terms, since that appears to be a subject of great debate. But something more along the lines of what the lifestyle is all about, break the pre-conceived notions and such. (I'm repeating myself I think...)



I liked  BitaTruble's answers-they are all true and worth remembering. Also, because there are masses of people in the lifestyle and they all have their own ideas about BDSM,as a newbie I would suggest you read as much as you can,interact with lifestylers online and in real life and then make up your own mind how to life your life how you want, remembering what BitaTruble said, and that BDSM should be safe, sane and consentual.



stockingluvr54 -> RE: Newbie's Guide and advice (7/12/2006 8:29:22 AM)

all I can say being one with very little experience is that since I came here a couple of weeks ago and have been reading ALOT....is that I've learned alot. Reading RT experiences from RT folks with RT toughts has helped me understand more about what I need and where I might fit into this whole thing? In fact I'd probably better update my profile somewhat.......



darkinshadows -> RE: Newbie's Guide and advice (7/12/2006 8:41:55 AM)

Castleream and Leathernroses or ok (ish)... but a bit to fantasy based - but has ok reading.  There are too many myths on those sites - or articles that perpetuate the myths.
 
Best sites would be -
 
 
Well - thats my offer to beginners anyway.
Peace and Rapture



Owned1 -> RE: Newbie's Guide and advice (7/12/2006 3:55:39 PM)

Much of what has been said gives you an idea of how varied everyone is.  The kink world is made of those in the nilla world everyone is different, good and bad is found everywhere. 

For those who perhaps cant afford, cant find or are afraid to purchase books the sites stated in the previous posts are great places to start.  Learning never ends, whether it be philisophical or physical.  There is always something you have not heard of or not experienced.

My one over riding suggestion to anyone either starting or continuing in this life,  if it doesnt sit right DONT.  Listen to your gut, if something doesnt feel right or there are signs you are worried about listen to them.   Never be bullied into doing something you are not comfortable doing.  It does not make you a wimp-not a real sub/slave-or a wannabe.  It makes you alive and honest with yourself and the one you are communicating with.

Good luck and have fun this life can be wonderful.



Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Newbie's Guide and advice (7/12/2006 5:59:02 PM)

Another annoying myth:

You're NOT a sub unless you [fill in the blank]

You'll hear this when refusing to strip on cam, or if you decide that you want to sub, but don't want to take pain...or any other variations thereof.

Not all subs are masochists, not all subs want to be told when to pee, or what to wear...(and some do!).



Arpig -> RE: Newbie's Guide and advice (7/12/2006 6:10:34 PM)

quote:

what the lifestyle is all about


To me, the "lifestyle" is about freedom.

The freedom to be who you are
The freedom to want what you want
The freedom to get off on what gets you off
The freedom to do the things you want to do, without worrying about if it is "proper".

There are no rules to the "lifestyle" since it has been around in one form or another as long as people have, there is no founder, no original master....just a bunch of kinky people doing what turns their cranks.

Enjoy yourself, and do not be afraid to explore



kisshou -> RE: Newbie's Guide and advice (7/12/2006 8:37:46 PM)

being Dominant does not make one perfect but there is one out there who is perfect for you



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