RE: Reward/Punishment (Full Version)

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shiftyw -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/17/2014 3:30:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko


quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Um...mine just talks to me if I've made a mistake. Like a normal person.

OUR funishment goes like this.

I intentionally do something I know irritates the shit out of him. Or he finds some flimsy excuse to get mad at me. We both know whats happening.
Next I know...I'm bent over the bed and I'm getting flogged. Neither of us actually commit a transgression.

If I go out and buy the wrong kind of bread, and he wants to beat my ass for it, or ignore me (since that's the best way to make me feel like shit)- that isn't going to be effective to me. In fact, I'm probably going to get nasty and bitchy- and lonely- and hate myself, over some stupid shit we could've talked about like normal people.


Sounds more like kink play than a power exchange dynamic. More roleplaying and such, if that makes sense.



That's why its called FUNishment.

I don't really engage in TPE.
You were asking Sweetly how that works. I was telling you how it works for us.

I just don't see why you need to "train" someone to be a decent person. If I make a mistake- I feel shitty- get over it, don't do it again. I hold my own damn self accountable. What are these mistakes they are going to keep making?

What did he not address you as Goddess? Cause THAT sounds like nit picky bullshit to me. (and role playing).



GoddessManko -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/17/2014 3:31:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Also no one said punishment was necessary to make anyone submit, it's to make them improve and redirect their efforts, or rather should be.


ITA Manko. I have never needed discipline in order to make me submit. I submit on my own because it's what I want to do and have the desire to do so for him, he doesn't have to do anything to make me submit.

For "us", discipline is more of a reminder of what rules he has that I fully agreed to from the start and when those rules are broken, I'm disciplined for it.

He will more often than not give me a chance to correct whatever it was before any disciplinary action is taken by giving me "the look" of disapproval or like in my post above, he gave me two opportunities to knock off the crap I was giving him but I didn't.



I honestly think the dynamic between you two is absolutely beautiful. I just have to say that. I can tell you both care for each other deeply and it's nice he's so very attentive of you and your needs. I'm glad you know each other so well only "a look" is necessary most times for corrective efforts.



smileforme50 -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/17/2014 3:42:20 PM)

CreativeDominant and InHisHeart....when I said "DD" I was talking about Domestic Discipline as I mentioned in an earlier post

InHisHeart....if I was in your place with the episode with the dogs I would have definitely gotten in trouble....not for being sarcastic or snippy, but because I would have just let them out without even listening to him. Or at least I wouldn't have asked him "why not?" I might have said something to the effect of "Then you shut them up! I'm sick of hearing them barking" <shrug>

But damn....being made to cook dinner....that would be a hell of a punishment for me. But then....the way I cook....he would have been just as "punished".



InHisHeart -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/17/2014 3:47:29 PM)

Thank you Manko, I appreciate your words. I do feel what we have is quite amazing and it works very well for us. :)




smileforme50 -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/17/2014 3:47:36 PM)

I'm not going to go through the trouble of editing and copy and pasting....it's been a long day. But I just want to say that I like what shiftyw said in her last 2 posts here. I agree with what she said about training and punishment.



kelsy -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/17/2014 4:02:30 PM)

Excuse me all, I am curious and interested how this arrange works. Is this what is referred to as a blog?



InHisHeart -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/17/2014 4:07:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

CreativeDominant and InHisHeart....when I said "DD" I was talking about Domestic Discipline as I mentioned in an earlier post

InHisHeart....if I was in your place with the episode with the dogs I would have definitely gotten in trouble....not for being sarcastic or snippy, but because I would have just let them out without even listening to him. Or at least I wouldn't have asked him "why not?" I might have said something to the effect of "Then you shut them up! I'm sick of hearing them barking" <shrug>

But damn....being made to cook dinner....that would be a hell of a punishment for me. But then....the way I cook....he would have been just as "punished".


Well if I did that, the end result would have been the same. LOL

That's where I really screw up for myself, I'm actually a very good cook, just don't like doing it. When he decides what I'm to cook, it's not throw a hotdog on the grill. It'll be a meal that takes a couple hours to prepare.




ExiledTyrant -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/17/2014 4:52:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kelsy

Excuse me all, I am curious and interested how this arrange works. Is this what is referred to as a blog?


Nope, it's am interactive message board.



NorthernGent -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/22/2014 12:38:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Most people in the scene couldn't house train a puppy, let alone a human. What they create is simply a dysfunctional co-dependent mess and call it M/s or whatever shiny label.

I am currently enjoying two women who were DEEPLY monogamous, adamant about being straight, who now enjoy serving me together and being together.

I didn't do it with a single punishment, a few corrections and observations but primarily through affection and attention to their needs.

The reward is being with me, punishment isn't needed because the focus is on making things better not finding fault.



Only two, Mick? You sure it's not half a dozen plus a few more sat on the waiting list in anticipation?

"The focus is on making things better not finding fault". Do put some meat on the bones, Mick, because this sounds like a poor man's slight-of-hand ruse.



Bhruic -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/22/2014 2:17:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

On the 'cater to' thread, Manko posited that every power relationship must have a reward and punishment dynamic.

My own response to that is that's bizarre. We have neither. In fact, if we had to do that, it would mean we weren't a good match.
I am not a trained seal, willing to do anything for a piece of fish. Try this on me and my response will be to not want the reward.

As far as punishment goes, if that's how you motivate and change behavior, it tells me that you aren't smart enough or are too damned lazy to identify the underlying problem and solve it.
And I'm not interested in someone like that.

Wondering how many people here subscribe to the puppy training theory of relationships. As opposed to talking things out and fixing them.


While it is obvious, from all the replies, that there can be power exchange relationships which do not employ punishment and reward as a component, I find it surprising how judgy many of the replies seem to be on this topic.

Obviously, punishment and reward can, and often is, a significant component of power exchange relationships and scenes. Some people's kinks are entirely about punishment and reward... How fun would a Disciplinarian scene be without it?

And punishment and reward can mean many things too. For some subs/slaves, pleasing their Dom/Master is - I would certainly hope - a rewarding activity. And while some subs/slaves may enjoy pain for it's own sake, I am sure that there are others that enjoy some accompanying psychodrama for the pain in the form of a prescribed punishment.

Sometimes, reading this forum, I wish that statements like "every power exchange relationship MUST include reward and punishment" would be met with an open exploration and expression of opinions and perspectives, rather than the more customary polarized response :(

That's just my take.



FieryOpal -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/22/2014 2:30:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic

How fun would a Disciplinarian scene be without it?


Your other comments are noted, but what you describe above is more commonly referred to as "funishment" not punishment.

Punishment is a loaded word that means different things to different people (as you've touched upon). I don't like the negative connotations associated with this word, so I don't administer punishment per se.

I either discipline or correct, and by discipline I mean the non-corporal, non-physical kind. (Not that there aren't exceptions, I won't hesitate to have to resort to physical and/or Domestic Discipline.)

It has to do with mindset, and this is an important area of matching compatibility for both Dominant and submissive partners.



Bhruic -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/22/2014 8:49:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic

How fun would a Disciplinarian scene be without it?


Your other comments are noted, but what you describe above is more commonly referred to as "funishment" not punishment.



Really? I was struck with everything from sawed off goalie sticks and broom handles, to cricket bats when I was a kid in school, and I don't ever recall a school master asking me if I knew why I was being "furnished". Never threatened with furnishment either, but they were definitely disciplinarians ;)

Perhaps the fantasy of being punished is called furnishment... but I would bet the fantasy is still "punishment".



Content4Now -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/23/2014 12:04:52 AM)

~FR~

We don't use punishment/reward either. The way I see it, we are both adults. If we can not discuss what the issue is as such, then we have no business being in a serious relationship.

In previous relationships though, I have had submissives who did require discipline. Not in a physical sense, but more in line with refocusing their efforts towards a more satisfying result.



DerangedUnit -> RE: Reward/Punishment (9/23/2014 12:31:12 AM)

thought i posted this before getting busy earlier but wasnt in my list so phone glitch or im double posting:

i've been with a dom that thought hugs were my punishment, another thought shopping was... both wouldnt hit me or fuck me up the ass unless i begged for it. and that was all with telling them repeatedly "i'm not a masochist, i like cuddles" so do i think the dynamics is fun, hell yeah... a lot more fun for me than the 'dom'.

my current, having had known me for more than half a decade before meeting almost two years ago, realized from listened to my giddy story telling for years that that wasnt going to work. and so started my first relationship with no punishment. he simply does what he wants and leaves me to do what i want. pumps me so full of love that i run around playing catch up trying to emulate him.

i dont think it is a desire to submit, because i dont in most cases... i'm stubborn and difficult and he likes that i dont roll over. its about respect, he earned mine and while i can be really mouthy he is up to the challenge and firm enough to role with it. i have faith that he knows what hes doing and he trusts that i understand people and we both know that our actuons always have purpose.



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