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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 8:57:47 AM   
LaTigresse


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Life is a learning experience. Learning and growing also means making mistakes. We all do it because we are all human. It is the acceptance of that and desire of continued growth and the ability to learn from our mistakes that is important.  The courage of a person to admit when they have made a mistake always causes me to respect them so much more. (and wanna hug them cuz sometimes its darn hard)

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/6/2006 8:58:56 AM >


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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 8:59:29 AM   
Caretakr


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Yes,we all make mistakes. The only unforgivable thing is insisting on repeating them, especially when they do harm to others..

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 4:08:31 PM   
slavejali


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If you look at my profile, I think I nominated one thing as a hard limit, "diapers". The whole subject sends me into an intense reaction. I have no clue why.

I was going to write about how expressing a negative feeling was a beneficial thing, how putting myself out there to have to deal with the consequence of people opposing me, thinking badly of me was somehow a positive thing that would allow me to intentionally process a subject I know I have problems with. Truthfully though, my post was not conscious, I was not trying to process my own negative thoughts, I just blurted my post out from a strong reaction I was having. I did it through lack of self-discipline, lack of integrity and a lack of even caring how hurtful my post could potentially be. It took Master to pull me up.

I am not allowed to be hurtful..and quite frankly I have no desire within myself to be hurtful.I am sorry Master for displaying such disgusting behaviour.

I would like to thank all those who opposed me.

I sincerely apologise MzS for disrespecting you, your partner, and for wrecking your thread and making it go off topic.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 4:11:21 PM   
doll


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I have a friend that is like him in some ways.  He isn't a virgin, but he enjoys the diaper play in private and hasn't done anything with another in r/l.  He also wants to be flogged and spanked and made to wear his diaper and so on... I don't get it...but it is his kink.  He acts so unsure of a lot of things and is always asking about things.  I think that there may be a link between the diapers and his attitude...but then I could be wrong.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 4:14:56 PM   
mnottertail


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Goddammit, girl........are there any more like you at home?

Admiringly,
Ron


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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 5:06:21 PM   
Caretakr


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

If you look at my profile, I think I nominated one thing as a hard limit, "diapers". The whole subject sends me into an intense reaction. I have no clue why.

I was going to write about how expressing a negative feeling was a beneficial thing, how putting myself out there to have to deal with the consequence of people opposing me, thinking badly of me was somehow a positive thing that would allow me to intentionally process a subject I know I have problems with. Truthfully though, my post was not conscious, I was not trying to process my own negative thoughts, I just blurted my post out from a strong reaction I was having. I did it through lack of self-discipline, lack of integrity and a lack of even caring how hurtful my post could potentially be. It took Master to pull me up.

I am not allowed to be hurtful..and quite frankly I have no desire within myself to be hurtful.I am sorry Master for displaying such disgusting behaviour.

I would like to thank all those who opposed me.

I sincerely apologise MzS for disrespecting you, your partner, and for wrecking your thread and making it go off topic.


That would explain a bit. Have you ever considered exploring why you have such a revulsion to that one limit? It might open up an interesting insight into yourself.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 5:34:56 PM   
slavejali


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quote:

That would explain a bit. Have you ever considered exploring why you have such a revulsion to that one limit? It might open up an interesting insight into yourself.


I wouldn't even know where to begin, I'm really cut off to any cause or trail of thought I could follow and this thread isnt about me, its about MzS and her partner, I feel really badly about making it all go scewed. If  can work out a way to do it I will start a different thread and maybe process some stuff.

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"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 5:40:26 PM   
Caretakr


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I can't speak for the op, but your reviews of your reaction, and apology of your overeacton will tend to actually help others revise thier views.

I will not speak in any way to your relationship or you,beyond a suggestion. If he is amenable to allowing this thought- how would you feel in the diaper wearer's postion?

Could you see yourself like that?

And why is it so horrible?

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 5:44:40 PM   
MzS


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oh oh..now we know what punishment slavejali Master can use..putting her in diapers for a bit of time..hehehe..

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 5:47:13 PM   
Caretakr


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzS

oh oh..now we know what punishment slavejali Master can use..putting her in diapers for a bit of time..hehehe..



Um, I'd really hoped it would not go there.

Hard limits ARE hard- even with slaves.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 6:09:02 PM   
slavejali


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ok MzS in email said its ok to continue with this (I think)..so to answer your questions Caretakr

When I think about it, I feel angry, disgusted and my insides shake, I cant connect to why I'm feeling that way. If I start to think about me being in that position I actually feel sick...the best way I know of to process that is just to think about something else.

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 6:11:35 PM   
Caretakr


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But you vented it here, rather than avoid it.

Why?

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 6:14:24 PM   
slavejali


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Because the topic snuck up on me and I reacted before I thought about it.

Well to be honest, I pretty much nver think about "what I'm going to write" in posts...I usually just respond with the first thing that comes to me. Sometimes I might pull back and try to work out a way to say something better than the intial way I thought about it...and normally I have a productive positive attitude so I dont have to think about whether something is going to offend someone or not...this topic just triggered me into something before I could catch it.

Ok I still dont feel comfortable with hijacking this thread, so I will start a new one, if I can work out how to do it.

< Message edited by slavejali -- 7/6/2006 6:21:59 PM >


_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 6:29:09 PM   
cloudboy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

No one thinks there is anything psychologically wrong with a 37 year old male virgin who wants to wear diapers? I think he needs therapy not play...sorry but that's my honest opinion.


I know you had to apologize for this, but my brother-in-law just married bridezilla who at age 36 is also a virgin. She's a rather self centered, cold, and unfriendly woman. How much of her awful personhood is due to being sexless, I don't know, but I think sex is humanizing, I think it is self actualizing, and I think it is part of every person's maturation process.

So, even though its judgmental, I think it is "a sign" that someone is a virgin at age 37. It shows that they haven't found intimacy yet at a rather advanced age.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 7/6/2006 6:30:57 PM >

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 6:36:24 PM   
Caretakr


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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

No one thinks there is anything psychologically wrong with a 37 year old male virgin who wants to wear diapers? I think he needs therapy not play...sorry but that's my honest opinion.


I know you had to apologize for this, but my brother-in-law just married bridezilla who at age 36 is also a virgin. She's a rather self centered, cold, and unfriendly woman. How much of her awful personhood is due to being sexless, I don't know, but I think sex is humanizing, I think it is self actualizing, and I think it is part of every person's maturation process.

So, even though its judgmental, I think it is "a sign" that someone is a virgin at age 37. It shows that they haven't found intimacy yet at a rather advanced age.


I think we already figured out why that was, cloudboy.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 7:43:25 PM   
Sinergy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

General Reply to the OP:

I really really dont mean this offensively and I dont know the guy, so I could be wrong of course. But have you considered that you're being manipulated somehow?  I can't quite put my finger on it, but thats the sense I get from what you said.  Like he is trying to effect some type of reaction from you and he's simply not getting it, hence the up and down stuff.  As if he is trying different angles at different times, until he gets a satisfactory response from you. Again...this is just a thought to examine.  I could be way off base.


I personally do not think you are off-base at all.

Although why I think that may be different than you do.  It sounds to me as if you have hooked up with a person with a definite desire to experience certain aspects of WIITWD, yet comes pre-installed with the MsGuiltComplex plug in.

For me, while this person may be attracted to what I do to them.  I have learned from personal experience that their self-flagellation and guilt anxiety is something I walked away from when I decided to not go in to counseling and therapy in college.

If you enjoy what you do, go for it.  I would simply give them the numbers to a few therapists and let them know that I dont work (read: counseling their issues) for free.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

Just me, yadda yadda yadda

Sinergy

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 8:55:52 PM   
cloudboy


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You are on track for 16,850 posts over the next 12 months. That may be a CMMB record.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/7/2006 12:44:58 AM   
srllile7


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From some one who is new at expricne and sharing their kink maybee hes just "breaking" down to make you do it to him.  He really wants it but is still to emberassed or does not want to take the responsiblity of doing it upon his shoulders.  Its so much easier to say that you did this or did that because some one made you do it.  If that makes any kind of sense at all. 

Other then that giving it time is a big thing.  And if you know him well enough and what he really wants or needs then take a dominant role.  Just hearing from Master that it is okay to enjoy this or that helps a lot.   It helps period to hear its okay to do something from someone you respect, furthermore someone you view as a normal functioning part of society. It takes a lot to change your beliefs to fit what feels right to you but not to the greater part of society. 

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/7/2006 9:25:13 AM   
CrappyDom


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Jali and Caretaker,

I think Jali is right, the guy needs therapy, BDSM is NOT therapy and I say that as someone who believes he has a talent for healing mental scars, what we do is just not therapy.

Saying someone needs therapy used to be pejorative but it should not be and I don't think Jali meant it that way.

The guy clearly has some pretty serious issues that have left him rather isolated and full of self loathing, the diaper shit is just a symptom/coping mechanism for the deeper stuff that is driving it.

Saying the above is not the same as saying he needs to be "cured of his sickness"  it is saying that therapy with a competent professional may help him work through the underlying issues and come out the other side as a diaper wearing pervert (in the good sense) who is also much happier with life and himself because of therapy.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/7/2006 5:31:17 PM   
cloudboy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Master just read this thread and he told me I have to apologise. He told me to paste what he typed to me. (So here it is, we communicate through typing a lot of the times as he is deaf).

eric2004office: ok..you will post and apologize for being judgemental
eric2004office: theres no point in saying anything else because your opinion on the subject is obvious
jali2005office: yes Master
eric2004office: you should know better than to judge anyone..
eric2004office: so...do it...now and you best be gracious
jali2005office: yes Master
*
*
*
So I apologise and I dont know how to be graceful right now, and I didnt mean to be judgemental, this subject just hooks me into something and I react to it strongly and I should have a better grip on myself. I hope everything works out between you two MzS. I'm happy you are happy with him.


My Mistress and I have been discussing this apology for some time and taking a rather keen interest in slavejali's plight. Last night, I even went to bed thinking of diapers and how they might actually be incorporated into D/S play in some sort of twisted, fun, adult way. I got mildly hard thinking about various scenarios, none of which involved a crib or age regression (if you must know.)

In my thoughts, I came to one firm conclusion about diapers, which is that they would certainly put a boy in his place. Frankly, wearing them would be quite a submissive act indeed. It would also be an act tough to live down, which is not to say living down a spanking or a collar or some such other submissive act would be easy before a vanilla audience --- but diapers force you to live down before even the BDSM crowd. They put one in the minority of the minority. So, I have concluded there is bravery, depravity, submission, subjugation, humility, and humiliation in diapers. There’s just no way around it. But this is a digression, so I must digress even further and go on and talk about myself.

If everyone must know, which of course no one gives a damn, I have been having a tough time lately. Backward-poly-from-marriage is no easy trick, and neither is the transition from invisible poly to transparent poly. If I was to advise the gallery, I would say these steps are akin to entering hazardous waters or trying to sail around the Cape of Good hope in an old and somewhat rickety sailboat designed for calmer seas.

Do you want to really know what makes poly work? It’s thinking about OTHER PEOPLE. Do you want to know what most people think about most? Themselves. See the rub? (It is my own separate difficulties which make me feel kinship for slavejali here, hence the digression.)

Anyway, back to slavejali, angst, punishment, contrition, apologies, and diapers. I just read something that I thought shed some light on her problem. Here it is:

"One trouble with the genre of insult is that it makes for wasteful digressions in a writer's career and is the antithesis of real worthy writing itself. The aim of real writing is to make lives larger, more alert, and with luck, happier. Attack writing is personal and seeks to do personal injury; it shrivels up everything it touches by going for the nose.

And it creates a false sense of accomplishment. Friends of an attacker will always rush to congratulate him on the meanness of his attack, because they get a two-fer. One writer has been belittled, and another has looked like a jackass doing it."

--Roger Rosenblatt

Maybe this is why slavejali's Master was distressed.

In her defense, though, I do think a bit of edge, honestly, and gut reaction is founded on a MB, for without that we might devolve into PC agreement, faux support, and non comprehensive understanding of each other and what we are up to ---which would be too sickly sweet for my tastes and a travesty (the mods would lose their jobs or fall asleep on their jobs like the Maytag repairman.)

Regardless of the “rights” and “wrongs,” I did like the ideal enunciated above about "real writing."

Also, in slavejali's defense (again), I proffer yet another quote,

"Pursue virtue, but don't sweat it. The pursuit alone is sufficient to establish your qualities, and if you fail once in a while, your guilt will remind you of the right path you didn't take."

--Roger Rosenblatt


< Message edited by cloudboy -- 7/7/2006 5:35:30 PM >

(in reply to slavejali)
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