Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominant in their Public and Professional life?ly

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Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominant in... - 9/30/2013 8:03:53 PM

casidi75

Posts: 42
Joined: 9/25/2013
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Some times it feels like a spit personality however most times I must remain dominant however my most enjoyable state is to be safe to reveal my at ease submisive nature. It is awesome. To let go and release the polar opposite. Best regard casidi75

Post #: 1

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 9/30/2013 8:12:29 PM

DarkSteven

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They don't have to be. However, one of the reasons some people want to be submissive is that they're in charge during the day and want to turn over control at home.

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RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 9/30/2013 8:19:48 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I'm in charge during the day because I have to be. I have a job where it's a requirement. I have responsibilities in life where I have to be, not that I want to be, not that it's because it's who I am. It's not and I absolutely hate it with every passion of my being. For me, it's nice to be able to just let go when Master allows me to. But even with him, I have to be in charge sometimes with my life. It's a requirement for him. Being a slave doesn't always mean you get to be submissive.

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RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/1/2013 2:42:37 AM

casidi75

Posts: 42
Joined: 9/25/2013
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Your right I tire of the demands of being the decision maker.

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Post #: 4

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/1/2013 9:04:59 AM

zerogirl

Posts: 28
Joined: 9/15/2013
Status: offline

Well I would say my personality has always been in "submissive mode". I'm naturally shy and not at all a born leader. However we all have to take charge in some form or another. As a mother to two young children of course I must be dominating in that role, their lives depend on me. And it wouldn't be fair to put all parenting control onto my Master anyway, we co-parent because we're both in it equally. So in that regard I don't mind at all that I have to be in control for my little ones, it came naturally with mother territory I guess.

Career-wise you would be very unlikely to ever find me in a professional position of great power and leadership though.

(in reply to casidi75)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/1/2013 9:29:38 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

They don't have to be. However, one of the reasons some people want to be submissive is that they're in charge during the day and want to turn over control at home.

Exactly! The CEO who fantasizes about submitting to his secretary is such a common occurrence that it's almost a cliché.

I'm a bit like that. I have a VERY dominant personality. I'm in charge all the time, and people naturally follow me. People who meet me at BDSM functions are always shocked to learn that I'm a sub. In fact, I started my BDSM journey as a Dom. Because of my personality, it's what everyone thought I should be. But I get far more enjoyment and fulfillment from submission. I don't know why, but I do. Perhaps it has something to do with putting down the mantle of leadership that I have to carry most of the day.

Because of my dominant personality, I can't submit to just anyone. It takes a very dominant personality to dominate me. In fact, I've often been told that I'm not a "real sub". But that's not true. When faced with one who earns my submission, it is total and complete.

But I do describe myself as a "strong willed sub", and I know that some Dommes prefer a more easily controlled sub.

OP, I would suggest spending some time getting to know yourself. Don't be afraid to try different roles until you find the one that fits you best.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 10/1/2013 9:31:02 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/1/2013 10:06:46 AM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
Status: offline

This wouldn't describe you, Roch, but my ex was a workaholic control-freak CEO-President/CFO-Treasurer for multiple companies who ruled his underlings with an iron fist. He wasn't like that when I first met him,* other than the workaholic control-freak part, while I worked as a jr. accountant for him for about a year-and-a-half, later joining one of his Boards of Directors with the caveat that I would not go along with fixing the votes for him like his old fraternity brothers did. Long story short, he did exhibit some submissive tendencies toward me before we got involved. Unfortunately, I didn't find out until much later after we were wed that his hidden fetishes were not compatible with me. Let's just say he forever ruined any possibility of my ever wanting to become a Mommy Domme. His version of unwinding was to be babied. So not sexy. (Then there was this weird grooming fetish that nobody asks me for clarification about, as if they already know what I'm referring to. . . .) I didn't understand what was going on at the time, but I can see now that I was more of a service Top to him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

Because of my dominant personality, I can't submit to just anyone. It takes a very dominant personality to dominate me. In fact, I've often been told that I'm not a "real sub". But that's not true. When faced with one who earns my submission, it is total and complete.

But I do describe myself as a "strong willed sub", and I know that some Dommes prefer a more easily controlled sub.

Good for you. I won't put up with unruliness, but I do expect a man to act self-assuredly masculine. Not macho. Big turn-off. Some of my male sub friends and I have discussions about this, why can't a man be both masculine AND submissive, and a woman be both feminine AND Dominant. We don't find any incongruency with this. None of us can find any suitable partners, though, I hasten to add.

ETA: * Nor did I discover until it was too late that he'd been divorced twice before, not once, and that he was sterile. (He'd previously blamed infertility on his ex-wife having had a Fallopian tube infection from using tampons.)

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< Message edited by TigressLily -- 10/1/2013 10:17:17 AM >

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Post #: 7

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/1/2013 10:48:55 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
I have a VERY dominant personality. I'm in charge all the time, and people naturally follow me. People who meet me at BDSM functions are always shocked to learn that I'm a sub. In fact, I started my BDSM journey as a Dom. Because of my personality, it's what everyone thought I should be. But I get far more enjoyment and fulfillment from submission. I don't know why, but I do. Perhaps it has something to do with putting down the mantle of leadership that I have to carry most of the day.

Because of my dominant personality, I can't submit to just anyone. It takes a very dominant personality to dominate me. In fact, I've often been told that I'm not a "real sub". But that's not true. When faced with one who earns my submission, it is total and complete.

Your description fits me as well. Right down to the many men who told me that I'm not a "real submissive".

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Post #: 8

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/1/2013 12:58:23 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Because of my dominant personality, I can't submit to just anyone. It takes a very dominant personality to dominate me. In fact, I've often been told that I'm not a "real sub". But that's not true. When faced with one who earns my submission, it is total and complete.

But I do describe myself as a "strong willed sub", and I know that some Dommes prefer a more easily controlled sub.

Those two statements in combination are interesting. I like Carol because she is "easily controlled". I cannot imagine wanting a sub/slave who is not. But exactly as your first part points out the question isn't really "easily controlled by anyone." It's more like "easily controlled by me." Insofar as I'm concerned, any real leader needs to earn their stripes. I'd be happy to earn someone's respect and trust (and in fact I demand that). What I wouldn't put up with is power struggles because such things don't end well with me.

edited to add:
Insofar as I'm concerned, a "real submissive" is someone who "really submits". The internal mechanics of how that occurs is interesting and necessary to understand for the leader in question but not really the point of it all. I'm pretty pragmatic that way. I like results.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 10/1/2013 12:59:38 PM >

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Post #: 9

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/1/2013 2:18:36 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
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I love that Roch Sub - describes me and most of my submissive women friends to a T! We are all cussed individualists, strong willed women, passionate and powerful in our jobs and our lives. Every last one of us. Get us with the right man (or person) for us, and we are all mewling like little kittens.
best,
sunshine

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Post #: 10

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/1/2013 2:24:44 PM

Charles6682

Posts: 1825
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

I like being submissive but in the "real world", it's simply not practical to be "submissive" 24/7, unless someone has a unique situation where they can afford to have that kind of life 24/7. Otherwise, uncollared subs still need to live life, just like everyone else. The world still turns.

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Post #: 11

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/1/2013 5:24:18 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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I am seriously assertive at work and in some family situations.

My man is socially and sexually dominant, so he takes the lead there.

(in reply to casidi75)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/1/2013 10:43:32 PM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
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The confusion again between Personality VS relationship structure VS topping and bottoming...pops up out of the rabbit hole.

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Post #: 13

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/2/2013 12:05:34 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

This:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

I have a VERY dominant personality. I'm in charge all the time, and people naturally follow me. People who meet me at BDSM functions are always shocked to learn that I'm a sub. In fact, I started my BDSM journey as a Dom. Because of my personality, it's what everyone thought I should be. But I get far more enjoyment and fulfillment from submission. I don't know why, but I do. Perhaps it has something to do with putting down the mantle of leadership that I have to carry most of the day.

Because of my dominant personality, I can't submit to just anyone. It takes a very dominant personality to dominate me. In fact, I've often been told that I'm not a "real sub". But that's not true. When faced with one who earns my submission, it is total and complete.

Also, I find being a sub makes me a more well rounded person. It balances out that dominant side and makes me softer, more feminine, more accessible.

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Post #: 14

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/2/2013 1:02:32 AM

subvers1ve

Posts: 11
Joined: 9/26/2013
Status: offline

I think it's a very common. My job and life more broadly requires me to be in constant control ..it can be tiring and stressful. Submission provides much needed release from this.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/2/2013 10:35:15 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

Yes, I'm very dominant and take charge. By choice and by profession.

To be honest, I don't really find it tiring - it's just that submission seems so kinky and taboo to me that it turns me on to not be in charge for once :-)

(in reply to casidi75)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/2/2013 11:38:42 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
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I've noticed with a lot of the subs who come see me on a professional level that they are in charge most of the time. They have positions that demand they take charge all the time. Not all but a lot. I'd say a majority them.
Ya know the saying that goes something like the mind always wants what it's lacking? Or something like that.

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Post #: 17

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/2/2013 11:40:12 AM

Greta75

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Joined: 2/6/2011
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I am actually a control freak. So I enjoy it when a man can inspire me to give up control.

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Post #: 18

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/2/2013 3:56:25 PM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I love that Roch Sub - describes me and most of my submissive women friends to a T! We are all cussed individualists, strong willed women, passionate and powerful in our jobs and our lives. Every last one of us. Get us with the right man (or person) for us, and we are all mewling like little kittens.
best,
sunshine

Meow.

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Post #: 19

RE: Is it common for submisives to be seriously Dominan... - 10/2/2013 4:15:52 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

~fast reply~
Just to round out this discussion for the sake of the OP (whom I kinda like), it's worth pointing out that Carol doesn't fit this model of "individualist, strong-willed submissive". There are also people who are just plain submissive as a default mindset. Those sort of people are, I suspect, much less likely to post in a place like collarme so the ratio seen here is, I suspect, not representative of the larger population. I can attest to the fact that they were quite common in both the Sacramento and Seattle MAsT meetings I attended.

I think the OP's experience if far from unique, but it is not ubiquitous.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to hejira92)

Post #: 20

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