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Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 6:43:28 AM   
MstrFury


Posts: 77
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline 		I'm not looking for just the jump in and say yes or no...I'm looking more to a deeper thought....from new to old...especially some of you long time CM poster heavy hitters... I've been on these CM boards for over two years now..(don't let the new date confuse some of you newcomers if you check my profile..I left for awhile and came back) and I don't know if it's just me...or has this way of life we consider to be...non-mainstream....become...Cookie cutter and Generic... when I was actively searching for another...I spent time reading profiles of those who held some interest to me...as with all things in life...crap happens and we move past it....this being my case on this site...(using it as my reference point...though it's not the only one I have an involvement in).... upon my return...with a new attitude and perspective....I really began to read a lot of what's been posted on here....when I say a lot of reading...trust me...it's like an addiction...I've always had that thirst for knowledge.... this thing I've seen...didn't just pop out at me...it was subtle...quiet and almost invisible...but as I read between the lines of most everything I read...looking for a deeper meaning as to the why of it all....it was there.... from the profiles and their comments...to the posts and it's respondents.... we seem to have moved away from the uniqueness of ourselves...individual ideas and thoughts get watered down with a ....yeah that's me....so I'll jump on the bandwagon.... and our proclivities to what we do has become....well so many piled whips and chains lying in a corner collecting dust... we have the perfect Master..perfect slave..perfect life...we're all so happy....we can't help but spill that happiness on everyone else....or if we're not so perfect...there's always others there to remind us...as we wallow in our pain...how it's..well to bad and I feel so much sorrow for you because I don't really feel your pain and sorrow because I have achieved perfection.... there are no two people alike....we may have similarities....but that's where it ends....even twins..although they may have DNA so similar you can't tell from a drop of blood..which one is which...upon closer examination...you'll see quite clearly who is who... so my question for your thoughts.... in your opinion and from your observations...has this life we've been shown...the one we all seem to thrive in...grow in..enjoy...(and for some...there is no other life)....become just another of societies COOKIE CUTTER ways of existence...or is it so GENERIC in it's aspects...we have lost our uniqueness about ourselves within it....  pulling my cloak around me and stepping back into the shadows

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Fury
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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 6:52:22 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		It seems that the pc bludgeon has killed a lot of the spirit of late.
Pity that so many now submit to the collar of master fear-rather than a healthy master.

(in reply to MstrFury)
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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 7:03:20 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		Beware that sometimes if you spend to much time trying to read between the lines you can find your own messages rather that their actual thoughts.

One only losses their uniqueness if they allow it.

K

(in reply to Caretakr)
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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 7:05:28 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Being into bdsm is just like being in the vanilla world- same types of people, same joys, same problems.  Sorry you bought into the illusion that bdsm/Ds would somehow bring you better cultural life than other cultures...but that's just not how it works.  It's not how any sub-culture works.

The shiny part of life can only come from within us- it has nothing to do with what culture we embrace.  The community as a whole has some great stuff and not so great stuff- take what works for you and leave the rest.

I'm not into bdsm/Ms to be special or unique or crazy or weird or dark or cool or shiny- I'm in it to be ME.  And it really doesn't matter who else does what- I'm just gonna do it my way.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 7:07:23 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I dont really understand the question, I must be having a blonde moment..can you spell it out for me please (rephrase what your actually asking)?

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 7:47:40 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrFury

we have the perfect Master..perfect slave..perfect life...we're all so happy....we can't help but spill that happiness on everyone else....or if we're not so perfect...there's always others there to remind us...as we wallow in our pain...how it's..well to bad and I feel so much sorrow for you because I don't really feel your pain and sorrow because I have achieved perfection


I am only going to respond to this one part of your post since it was something that my Lord and I discussed last night.  When the three of us post to the boards, we do not post anything negative about the other or our relationship and we don't post about issues that we are currently working through to get advice from others.  Doing these things does not serve the relationship and in our opinion only harms it.  So while it may appear from our posts that we have a "perfect" life, there is another side that people on the boards will not see.  Despite the issues and struggles that we have, we remain focused on maintaining the relationship.  That is the consistent message that you will hear from us.  I believe that many others post the same way. 

Knight's kyra



_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to MstrFury)
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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 7:58:48 AM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Hmmm not an old timer, so for me it is not cookie cutter and quite frankly hope it never becomes so.  Perhaps that would be because there is something new for all of us (my opinion only) regardless of how long one has been involved.  Many of the old timers i have been fortunate enough to meet have all had a gleam in their eyes as they have taught me about this life.  (Did not necessarily play with me).  They definitely did not seem cookie cutter and at the few munches i have gone to there have been so many with different experience levels and information to share. 

Try looking at a newborn baby sometime and tell me it does not change the world a little.  Then instead of looking at the newbie here as if we have nothing to add watch our new found enjoyment the wonder of subspace or Domspace for the first time.  In short if you found a rut it is time to look for a way out of it. 

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 8:01:57 AM   
ArtimisBlack


Posts: 154
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Being into bdsm is just like being in the vanilla world- same types of people, same joys, same problems.  Sorry you bought into the illusion that bdsm/Ds would somehow bring you better cultural life than other cultures...but that's just not how it works.  It's not how any sub-culture works.

The shiny part of life can only come from within us- it has nothing to do with what culture we embrace.  The community as a whole has some great stuff and not so great stuff- take what works for you and leave the rest.

I'm not into bdsm/Ms to be special or unique or crazy or weird or dark or cool or shiny- I'm in it to be ME.  And it really doesn't matter who else does what- I'm just gonna do it my way.


I agree.
 
Though many different types of people will be attracted to a certain way of doing things (in this case BDSM, M/s, or D/s) there is bound to be certain personality types that show up constantly. It's also bound to happen that you will get a lot of people who are seeking the same things and having the same ideas- because that's why they got together in the first place.
 
Just as it doesn't surprise me that people in a beer drinking club like to drink beer, and maybe some a third of those like to drink alone, a third like to drink with company, and a third don’t care as long as they can drink. By the same token the "cookie cutter" element found in this group doesn't surprise me either. Remember, just because we all fit the same “cookie cutter” mold, doesn’t mean we don’t come in different flavors, and have different sprinkles. It’s the different flavors and sprinkles that keep things interesting.
 

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I wanted to put in my 2 cents but I only have a dollar. Do you have change?

The pain is free. Do not pick the scab.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 8:11:26 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		One thing I find to be a puzzling catch 22, is how stilfing the political climate that demands inclusivity has become.

Strange that a demand to include everyone seems ultimately-to serve no one.

(in reply to Caretakr)
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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 8:25:45 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

 we do not post anything negative about the other or our relationship and we don't post about issues that we are currently working through to get advice from others. .........So while it may appear from our posts that we have a "perfect" life, there is another side that people on the boards will not see.  ......we remain focused on maintaining the relationship. 


I make my posts on here as positive as I can, if Master and I had an issue I would never post it on here. It would be soemthing private that I wouldnt invite other people into. Doesnt mean if I'm in a certain state of mind I mightn't post a frustration or whatever but it would never be about the relationship itself.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Caretakr)
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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 9:13:55 AM   
Brosco


Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline 		Definitely not in the cookie cutter mold.  According to many here I am not even 'real' and not accepted.  I really couldn't give a damn about these people.  I am not here to convince the One-True-Way club that I belong, I am here to share the part that we may have in common - as small as that part may be. 

The only thing cookie cutter on this forum is that you can be assured that regs will jump on newbies and certain topics.  Regs that may usually disagree with each other will join forces to pound another into the ground.  It is strange that people that are supposedly secure within themselves do need to join the pack when attacking a new victim.

There is a tendency for people to want to show that they 'belong' by being 'me too', and then forget to show the part that makes them unique.  Maybe its a deliberate forgetfulness, so that they don't themselves become a target for the 'pack'.

Part of my delight in being here is being unique and using the small part we have in common as a basis to share that.  It is amusing to watch those that protest that there needs to be more in common to qualify for the club, and even more delightful to see others express their uniqueness to the pack.

Those that are secure in their beliefs don't need validation from the pack.  They can stand by their values and tastes and share their unique experiences.  Others, that need the validation of others, will only express cookie cutter ideas that they believe will make them acceptable to the pack.

Brosco

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 10:02:37 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I think that every subculture tries to normalize their members into a sembulance of some sort of conformity. Opinions that some may hold that others do not agree with get held up to ridicule even though there was nothing personal directed at any individual they still get flamed. This may have the effect of creating a group think throughout. Some of the stronger personalities overshadow the more easy going ones. It tends to become a group normalizing dynamic

Example... Someone is practicing BDSM without the spouse's knowledge, they post asking for input from others who have been there and then everyone and their brother posts how wrong they are. The board has just sent a signal... adultery is not acceptable by this group. (BTW, Im not saying it should be accepted, Im just using this as an example).

It happens in more subtle ways every day.. so the board becomes generic until someone posts something else controversial.

The profiles are also normalizing. Most people read profiles and model their own after what someone else has done. It is modified based on what others seem to be doing that might be successful.

Just some thoughts.. but perhaps I did not understand what you meant by generic....smiles

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MstrFury)
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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 10:26:43 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		What was that which Thomas Jefferson said about "the tyranny of the majority?"

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 2:37:29 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
I am only going to respond to this one part of your post since it was something that my Lord and I discussed last night.  When the three of us post to the boards, we do not post anything negative about the other or our relationship and we don't post about issues that we are currently working through to get advice from others.  Doing these things does not serve the relationship and in our opinion only harms it.  So while it may appear from our posts that we have a "perfect" life, there is another side that people on the boards will not see.  Despite the issues and struggles that we have, we remain focused on maintaining the relationship.  That is the consistent message that you will hear from us.  I believe that many others post the same way. 

Knight's kyra


i enjoy reading about how others have worked out problems, their solutions, etc.  It's so easy to focus on what's wrong in a relationship.  It takes willingness and awareness and maturity, i believe, not to ignore our problems, but to work through them at the same time we acknowledge and share with our partner the good that they bring into our lives.

i know i've brought my own problems to the boards, asked for advice, or went seeking a previous thread to learn more about what i'm interested in, and i don't think less of those who do likewise.  Sometimes we all need someone who doesn't have a vested interest in our lives or partnerships and i see the forums as a place that can be done.

There's a danger (i believe) in trying to read between the lines of those we don't know.  It's so easy to make our own agenda's come through, and not what the writer intended at all.   Sometimes people actually write that they mean, and mean what they write. :)

Just my 2 cents...

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 4:14:47 PM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		Krikket, that is a good point about not sharing personal details that I guess I'm guilty of too. Thinking about it, I find posts more powerful when they relate to real issues that the writer is having. The detailed post that gets at the important questions. We can only generate so much interest when we speak in generalities.

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For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/1/2006 4:33:14 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have never read anyone claiming perfection on these boards.  While I believe egos sometimes come into play, those posts which are egocentric generally scream out as such and are taken with that in mind. 

Personally, I enjoy reading the positive things people have to say, because it brings hope and encouragement.  When others bring "issues" to the board, if their post is something I myself have struggled through and found answers to, I might also post something positive and encouraging in reply - not to claim perfection by any means, but to offer a perspective of the ability to overcome such struggles successfully.  I think people are offering hope.  I can't imagine anything wrong with that.

While there is an element of "You won't do THAT??  What kind of (Dominant/submissive) ARE you?" Those posts warrant little significance or credibility, and I would refer back to my thoughts about egocentric posts.

As for me personally, I agree with what Kyra said.  I have no intention or desire to aire the struggles I endure on a public forum.  While I may confide in those close to me and seek their counsel (grin, and you know who you are), I will not put such personal struggles out there for open comment.  Such is my nature.

I contend that many do not reach their states of bliss without work and effort.  When I see the positive stories, I understand what it may have taken to get there, and I applaud the strength and perserverance of anyone able to do that.

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
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RE: Cookie Cutter and Generic - 7/2/2006 9:28:19 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Fury,
"Cookie Cutter"? No, but beth and I were talking yesterday about the "merit badge" mentality that we've lately been observing more often. It's the other sharp side of the double edged sword of BDSM becoming more visible. Not accepted, but visible. "Hot Topics" is a place where suburban parents take their 13 year old replicants. CM has over 100,000 members. Now you can observe.

You don't necessarily see something you want or desire, but you see something different. All you know is that you are not "happy" with your life; BDSM presents another, why not try it? Coming to the table with that mindset what do you do? You buy costumes based upon a marketer's idea of what a fashionable 'lifestyle' person should wear. You watch the 'Secretary' or '9 1/2 Weeks' and see the characters as role models. You call yourself a slave or, master, without any required counterpart and argue how your self identifying label defines you and distinguishes you from a submissive or dominant. 

After you are appropriated labeled as you start your journey. Now you go an collect experiences because, after all,  that's how you can be "real". You brave a single tail, you experience 25 different floggers, your nipples have been clamped with everything from a clothespin to battery cables. Then you can't wait to post about the experience and earn your 'community' name badge. You want to make sure you get validation that you experience 'true' sub-space. You want to make sure your doing it 'right'. You want to be the first on your block to 'come out' and resent people who dare attempt to take the spotlight from you.

The lifestyle shouldn't be about style, but should be about life. Not requiring a 24/7 commitment, but requiring that it be a full commitment that even a minute spent be about fulfillment of a personal desire, not as a 'cure' for unhappiness. The "cookie cutter" image, or the "merit badge" mentality is perceived as the obvious and easiest way to gain access. There is current thread about a "fetish-wear" requirement to go to an event. So, if you don't want to stop off at Hot Topics on your way to the event I guess you can go to the door and say your fetish was wearing pink satin underwear under your three piece business suit. Can they argue it's not?

It's also a matter of confidence. Going in a business suit can make you feel out of place if everyone else is sporting the latest in leather. Nude or in a business suit, it's still YOU! Are you comfortable in the clothes you are wearing when you are wearing no clothes?

We are fortunate to live in a time of access. It's appropriate that there is no gatekeeper. Appreciate the access and keep in mind validity of how people represent themselves. We don't think there is any more or less of anybody, just more. We haven't "lost our uniqueness". But shouting "we are ALL individuals!" in mass isn't proof of the fact. It's not caring about observing, what any of us feel, is 'negative' behavior or 'negative' representation of the 'lifestyle'. This was a long winded way to get to a simple reply of, "so what?". People trying earn merit badges or fit into cookie cutters are the cause we have so much access. There is now a larger market creating lower prices for goods and a growing 'slightly used' flea market segment.

(in reply to MstrFury)
Profile   Post #: 17
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