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Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/28/2006 2:51:37 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I hope I word this ok and get the meaning across...here goes...

Background to question:

I used to live a very hedonistic lifestyle, full of *things* and personal pleasures. At some point in my life, I realised there was a hole, that couldnt be filled and I set about finding what it was that could fill it. I realised through the process of it all, that happiness was an internal fixture and nothing outside was really that substantial. I came to this through an extreme action, a thing I do, I'm extreme (probably my scorp)..i gave up me hedonistic lifestyle to an extreme level, I gave up everything. So I lived a very simple life for quite some time...Master met me....and has slowly been introducing *things* in life again....my lifestyle has changed again dramatically...through Masters influence. This change has not come without personal dilemma's, not really great big dilemma's but I am very aware of a process going on. I ask myself "How do I feel about that big huge plasma tv sitting in the living room?" "How do I feel about that car that I really love?" Am I allowed to like those things? Am I being trapped in pleasures again? When we go on vacation, its just to enjoy ourselves and not because I'm attending something functional...I hadnt actually listened to anything but classical music for years before Master introduced me to modern music again.....it felt strange and like I was entering a new world ...but a world that reminded me of my past....and the association with my past wasn't a good thing....

Yet, I loved Master and I trusted him, the one thing you can trust is love, real love, so everytime I felt a twinge of connecting the products of my new relationship with my past I dismissed it and relaxed a little more. I submitted to him. Iv'e come to a new realisation now, a really grounded one, its not about whether you have things or not, its whether you put them in their correct place and dont become reliant on having or not having....

Anyways..thats the background and I really want Master to read this before he heads off to work..so Ive gotta press post...but... the question is..

Has your partner, dominant or submissive, really brought lifestyle changes to you(it doesnt have to be in the same way as mine ..just any lifestyle changes)...and how have you processed that...what have been your realisations..how did you handle it from your perspective of being dominant or submissive?

Ugh...

< Message edited by slavejali -- 6/28/2006 3:04:06 PM >

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RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/28/2006 3:01:46 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I could (and would) live in a cave with no running water - with the right person. I think I haven't been particularly deprived as far as material stuff- ever. Maybe that's it. I just plain don't care anymore - it does absolutely nothing for me to have an extra dress, etc. Maybe having been poor has something do with it, maybe not. I did "run away from home" one time as a teen-ager (it was stupid, over nothing, really) - and spent 3 weeks in a homeless shelter - and I still don't care about that stuff, so maybe not.

*But - I do really like some things (singing, for instance). If someone forbade me singing, I would balk. Some things I really really enjoy and would have to ask who is benefitting from it- are we not required to enrich the world with our "gifts" (I am not bragging, well maybe a little, but I have been told, over and over, I have a very good voice - and I love to use it). So what? I should stop?

I also enjoy a good movie (and that does cost money). Not much, but why would anyone want me to give it up? Maybe I wouldn't have to know. If required I guess I could do that. 

My parents were amazed that I managed to get my own apartment and set myself up, etc, in that time frame (well, the homelesss shelter gave you that amount of time to "get your act together"(unless you were pregnant or something, which I wasn't). So I did. But that was a long time ago.  

But - I had a grandmother who was raised dirt poor who went to her grave impressed with designer duds, etc. - and I understand that. if you're on destitution's door consistently, it can become pretty obvious pretty fast, I am guessing, that having enough to live on matters. I have no idea why people like the stuff they do, but -

***If deprived of something long enough, it probably becomes extra dear?

Plus I do think people who have something really might have an obligation to give something to people who have less (and if you are middle class living in the U.S., that includes most of the rest of the entire world). But that's just me (and I am not trying to be "preachy." People do what they want (and they can do that, it's their life).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/28/2006 3:18:55 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/28/2006 3:18:18 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		I have lived in a little shack with no electricity and running water and i have lived in a grand house....i also had issues about owning things....but i really had to get honest with myself and ask why?
 
Why if God or (insert your Deity here) made this earth and made me...why would he like any good father not want me to be happy and abundant?
 
And i realized too i was locked into a scarcity consciousness, the idea that there is not enough to go around, and that some folks are more deserving ect...
 
I thought how does this serve me?  Like Marianne Williamson  says ...my shrinking does not serve the world.
 
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
 
So yes i know i went off on a tangent and did not answer the question ....but your post triggered my heavy money and possessions trip....and i guess i just had to say something...
 
we now return you to your regularly scheduled post....

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 6/28/2006 3:19:33 PM >

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"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/28/2006 3:23:54 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Very well said CT.

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RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/28/2006 3:26:29 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		ok so the answer to your question,
 
i always choose partners that are going to make me grow, if i am not going to be a better and more loving person because of the union i will choose not to invest in it...
 
every partner Dom or sub has changed me a little, but never because they insisted on me changing, it was more because they accepted me as i am ....and then left my the freedom to watch and learn new skills, new beliefs, new truths emerge, and i naturally would absorb the ideas and habits that worked well for me...
 
When i was a slave though and certain changes i did not agree were being forced on me i was very resistant, went through the motions but would refuse to change myself on any permanent level...
 
I dont think you can force change, but then again stock holm syndrome would seem to contradict that so i dont know...

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/28/2006 3:30:22 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		hehe..this question has come up as this morning I'm going to pick up a new car Master chose yesterday..as we were sitting in it yesterday I found myself feeling all kindsa "feel good" feelings...I'm saying a mantra now "Im not superficial, I'm not superficial, I'm not superficial...its ok to like this its ok to like this.."

Oh the dilemma's we put ourselves through *grin*



_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/28/2006 3:44:06 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I dont think Ive ever had a lack consciousness..but going through the whole cycle of having and not having..really grounded some stuff in me. I guess it would be the difference between a conceptualisation and an actualisation..or something. (damnit Im off topic and I wrote the topic).



_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/28/2006 4:02:41 PM   
LokisBrat


Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline 		The ultimate goal in our relationship is to learn and grow from our experiences.  It is human nature to adopt your partners habits.  We always take something from a relationship whether it be a new favorite food, or a new style of music.  I can see a big change in my Brats every day life compared to when we first began this journey.  Her organizational skills, home making abilities, and trust are superior to when we first started.  On the other side of the coin, I have learned to be a bit more patient, tolerant, and accepting.  Not to mention, my spelling skills have improved over the last few years due to her constant editing. 

LOKI


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"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

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RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/28/2006 4:13:53 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I just thought of another one... When Master came into my life I was absolutely vegetarian..now I'm not. These probably all seem like dumb things..but these changes were massive for me...and didnt happen without me being aware of a conscious process I was going through involving the lifestyle change that was happening.

Loki: I guess if we dont adopt and adapt, we cant have a relationship...thats what relationships are about, relating

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to LokisBrat)
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RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/28/2006 4:16:43 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear slavejali, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eye when I come across someone that has these questions would be; are you a slave to things or are the things slave to you.  Things are, things you have in life that make it more pleasant, e.g. TV, stereo, new cars, etc., but; does not maintain life, e.g. food, etc.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/28/2006 4:17:10 PM   
LokisBrat


Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline

Loki: I guess if we dont adopt and adapt, we cant have a relationship...thats what relationships are about, relating
[/quote]


How correct you are.

LOKI


_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/28/2006 4:40:10 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I hope I word this ok and get the meaning across...here goes...

Background to question:

I used to live a very hedonistic lifestyle, full of *things* and personal pleasures. At some point in my life, I realised there was a hole, that couldnt be filled and I set about finding what it was that could fill it. I realised through the process of it all, that happiness was an internal fixture and nothing outside was really that substantial. I came to this through an extreme action, a thing I do, I'm extreme (probably my scorp)..i gave up me hedonistic lifestyle to an extreme level, I gave up everything. So I lived a very simple life for quite some time...Master met me....and has slowly been introducing *things* in life again....my lifestyle has changed again dramatically...through Masters influence. This change has not come without personal dilemma's, not really great big dilemma's but I am very aware of a process going on. I ask myself "How do I feel about that big huge plasma tv sitting in the living room?" "How do I feel about that car that I really love?" Am I allowed to like those things? Am I being trapped in pleasures again? When we go on vacation, its just to enjoy ourselves and not because I'm attending something functional...I hadnt actually listened to anything but classical music for years before Master introduced me to modern music again.....it felt strange and like I was entering a new world ...but a world that reminded me of my past....and the association with my past wasn't a good thing....

Yet, I loved Master and I trusted him, the one thing you can trust is love, real love, so everytime I felt a twinge of connecting the products of my new relationship with my past I dismissed it and relaxed a little more. I submitted to him. Iv'e come to a new realisation now, a really grounded one, its not about whether you have things or not, its whether you put them in their correct place and dont become reliant on having or not having....

Anyways..thats the background and I really want Master to read this before he heads off to work..so Ive gotta press post...but... the question is..

Has your partner, dominant or submissive, really brought lifestyle changes to you(it doesnt have to be in the same way as mine ..just any lifestyle changes)...and how have you processed that...what have been your realisations..how did you handle it from your perspective of being dominant or submissive?

Ugh...

What a wonderful post. Thank you, slavejali. Neither Master nor i have what one might call - luxurious lives, but W/we're far from starving - *grin*. At times i do feel a bit sad about not having more money because W/we both like to travel. But, as you stated so well, it truly isn't the "stuff" and the money that makes U/us.
 
Yes, i am learning so much through this relationship - who i am, who He is are the most important things, and how W/we contribute to the growth and development of the O/other. i say if making and having money goes along with doing what one finds fulfilling then enjoy the stuff and the money. But don't go after the stuff and the money for their sake as that will never fill the "hole".
 
i don't find life an easy journey. It's filled with confusion, disappointment, pain, fear (and not always the enjoyable kinds); and these emotions exist in the wealthy and the poor. BUT - they can be used to grow and learn or to feel sorry for oneself. Look at the wealthy superstars who have killed themselves, and then look at the poor "schleps" who have done incredible good for mankind.
 
my life  is also filled with joy, gratitude, and a deep and profound recognition that i have received way more than i believe i've earned - and i don't necessarily mean materially. The true values in life are people - friends, family. It's unlikely that with my last breaths i will think - gee, i never did get that speedboat. But i believe i will think - i hope my life has served others and made them better for having known me.
 
And so how has my relationship influenced me? i cannot learn all i am learning without Him or alone. i cannot heal the wounds that need healing without Him because, alone they don't surface. Whether my relationship is with money, stuff, people, they are all my teachers - AIN'T LIFE A KICK IN THE ASS!
 

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

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RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/28/2006 5:05:50 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		This is a good topic but I can't answer it specifically because I haven't had the kind of relationship with a Dominant that would be conducive to change.  Hopefully soon this will happen but nothing's on the horizon as yet.
 
What attracts me to this topic is the background description the OP gave.  There are a lot of similarities to things I've experienced in life.  I grew up with barely any possessions.  For instance, I wore the same clothes to school everyday until I was old enough to work and buy my own.  I remember having this ever present desire to have nice things that I would like and everyone else would envy.
 
Eventually I reached the point where I had money and fell into that hole of buying things thinking it would complete my life and make me feel better.  But something was missing in spite of continued efforts and purchases.  Eventually the whole thing collapsed in on itself and I spent several years with nothing again.
 
I think what happens if you're lucky enough (yes lucky) to experience this sort of shift in fortune is this...you get weaned off the idea that possessions are necessary, you learn that happiness is a state of being that comes from within, you grow in intelligence in spite of yourself.
 
All my relationships have not been very fulfilling because the people I've lived with never learned this lesson.  Some of them had no idea really of who they are, one was a golddigger (still is), and yet another was dependent on alcohol.  One of the things I hope to find in a Dominant partner is a person who has their wits about them.  It's not hard to detect and if it turns out they're lacking, the union will not happen.  I'd really like to meet someone who's capable and interested in making changes in my life.  I don't know what they might be but I think it would be a healthy and meaningful experience in addition to the bond it would form between us.
 
Currently I have a pretty good income again but am now much wiser in putting it to use.  Basically I try to put the money to work for me instead of spending it on things that don't really last.  The only real luxury I have is my car (350Z).  After all, you deserve to have some fun in life...especially if you work hard for it.  But it's important not to get seduced by the feeling that having things make you somehow a better person.
 
A friend once told me, "If you take care of what you need, you will always have what you really want."  I think that's true.
 
anthrosub

_____________________________

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"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

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RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/29/2006 2:41:51 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I think I misunderstood what you said originally jali (sometimes I whiz through a thread and didn't read close enough). Of course I think you can like your car (I like my car. I like my house too. I think I could live in a cave w/no running water, but it would have to be a special person to get me to do it. I was maybe patting myself on the back because when I was in my 20's my credit card debt almost choked me and I am truly over that now (and it took five years). I hope you enjoy your new car - it's your perfect right (and I hope you do enjoy it). Congrats! Have fun with it.

- Susan   

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/29/2006 2:50:56 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/29/2006 3:36:22 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I just thought of another one... When Master came into my life I was absolutely vegetarian..now I'm not. These probably all seem like dumb things..but these changes were massive for me...and didnt happen without me being aware of a conscious process I was going through involving the lifestyle change that was happening.

Loki: I guess if we dont adopt and adapt, we cant have a relationship...thats what relationships are about, relating


I'm curious, did he require you to give up the vegetarianism, or was it a desire to "fit" more with his eating habits? And no, jali, the things you're discussing do not "seem dumb", at all. Good thread.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/29/2006 4:32:51 AM   
SirCumsSlut


Posts: 433
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I hope I word this ok and get the meaning across...here goes...

Background to question:

I used to live a very hedonistic lifestyle, full of *things* and personal pleasures. At some point in my life, I realised there was a hole, that couldnt be filled and I set about finding what it was that could fill it. I realised through the process of it all, that happiness was an internal fixture and nothing outside was really that substantial. I came to this through an extreme action, a thing I do, I'm extreme (probably my scorp)..i gave up me hedonistic lifestyle to an extreme level, I gave up everything. So I lived a very simple life for quite some time...Master met me....and has slowly been introducing *things* in life again....my lifestyle has changed again dramatically...through Masters influence. This change has not come without personal dilemma's, not really great big dilemma's but I am very aware of a process going on. I ask myself "How do I feel about that big huge plasma tv sitting in the living room?" "How do I feel about that car that I really love?" Am I allowed to like those things? Am I being trapped in pleasures again? When we go on vacation, its just to enjoy ourselves and not because I'm attending something functional...I hadnt actually listened to anything but classical music for years before Master introduced me to modern music again.....it felt strange and like I was entering a new world ...but a world that reminded me of my past....and the association with my past wasn't a good thing....

Yet, I loved Master and I trusted him, the one thing you can trust is love, real love, so everytime I felt a twinge of connecting the products of my new relationship with my past I dismissed it and relaxed a little more. I submitted to him. Iv'e come to a new realisation now, a really grounded one, its not about whether you have things or not, its whether you put them in their correct place and dont become reliant on having or not having....

Anyways..thats the background and I really want Master to read this before he heads off to work..so Ive gotta press post...but... the question is..

Has your partner, dominant or submissive, really brought lifestyle changes to you(it doesnt have to be in the same way as mine ..just any lifestyle changes)...and how have you processed that...what have been your realisations..how did you handle it from your perspective of being dominant or submissive?

Ugh...


Yes Sir introduced me to a major lifestyle change when we got together(although I fought the change for 4 years). 
 
A bit of background too....Back in '94 my first husband passed away, leaving me with two kids, a house, a new car and a used car, and three life insurance checks.  One check paid off the house, one check paid off the new car.  I sold the used car and the other insurance check went into the bank.  Well let's just say that if not invested properly, $100,000+ doesn't go very far. My girls and I shopped 4 times a week, I became a QVC junkie (spending almost 10 grand on jewelry and junk).  When Sir came into my life in '97, the money was almost gone.  I only had about 10,000 left.  And I spent continuously until the money was gone.  Sir then sat me down to put me and the household on a budget....ME ON A BUDGET, no way.......For 4 years I balked at being "budgeted", and then Sir and I separated for a while, and the wild spending returned (I was working a good job and had survivor bennies coming in for my two older girls).  Then Sir and I reconciled and I lost my job....back to budgeting YUCK....Things got tougher after that, but Sir was strict that I stay on our budget, and to this day I have not deviated from our budget.  I have forgone things I want for things that WE NEED. All I need to be happy is right in front of me...Him, our two girls, and my two older girls...Now don't get me wrong, we still play the lottery each week, and dream of all we will do and buy if we win  (but doesn't everybody).  We could live in a tent, a cabin with no electricity (running water a must), anywhere as long as we have each other, we are happy....Money is just that money, and yes is needed sadly in today's society to survive.  If only we could go back to the days of trading services (i.e. carpentry, babysitting, ect) or bartering for the things we need. 
 
 

_____________________________

Peace
His slut


"Your firm hand and compassionate heart are what guide me in my journey....I am Yours, Sir" His slut

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/29/2006 9:53:19 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Sorry, I havent checked this thread for awhile.

quote:


Original: SusanofO
I think I misunderstood what you said originally jali (sometimes I whiz through a thread and didn't read close enough).


No worries. I really liked what you shared

quote:


Original: CrouchingTigress (god I love that screen-name)
So yes i know i went off on a tangent and did not answer the question


I go off on tangents too sometimes, sometimes topics are about one aspect but trigger me into something else. I really enjoyed the marriane williamson quote.


quote:
Original: LadyHugs
you a slave to things or are the things slave to you. 

 
I really like that saying
 
quote:
Original: Submotive
Whether my relationship is with money, stuff, people, they are all my teachers - AIN'T LIFE A KICK IN THE ASS!

 
So true
 
quote:
Original: Anthrosub
All my relationships have not been very fulfilling because the people I've lived with never learned this lesson. 

 
You made a good point there. When people talk about compatability I think the one of the hugest things that matters is you are pretty much at the same level of self realisation as the other.....maybe the dominant could be a bit further ahead in that..but if it was the submissive who was it would break down the ability for the dominant to actually dominate them.... it would all get too whacky.
 
quote:
Original: Level
I'm curious, did he require you to give up the vegetarianism, or was it a desire to "fit" more with his eating habits? And no, jali, the things you're discussing do not "seem dumb", at all. Good thread.

 
Well...
 
Master told me I had to start eating meat. When he came I was anemic for various reasons but one of them was that I hadnt eaten meat for a very long time and was not getting enough protien. He has never made me eat red meat but he said I had to start eating chicken and fish.
As time has gone on, my desire to fit more into his eating habits has increased, so thats a factor too.
 
quote:
Original: SirCumsSlut
then sat me down to put me and the household on a budget....ME ON A BUDGET, no way

 
I can relate to that in that Master is a planner and I mostly operate from the spur of the moment. It has been very interesting getting used to that again. Don;t get me wrong, its a very good thing. Masters planning and solidity makes me feel very safe and secure, I really enjoy it..but it has been a change.

< Message edited by slavejali -- 6/29/2006 9:55:37 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to SirCumsSlut)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Changing lifestyles through your Dominant... - 6/30/2006 1:12:46 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Good because I really think you deserve a car (hope it's a lot of fun)!

-Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 18
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