RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your finest possession?

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RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 6/28/2006 2:45:58 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

You are trying to hard! You delibratly took her comment out of context and over reacted to it to try and 'proove' YOU where the one 'in control'.

You know as well as anyone and from the words of your own missive you clearly understood it was a light hearted comment NOT an attempt to control you. Are you looking for a person? They come with personalitys, sense of humour, insecuritys and if you continued in that vain (And the girl was silly enough to submit to someone who continued to over react in that manner) you would be likely to end up with a doormat, a piece of meat who had lost the confidence to be herself. I don't know about you but I find doormats boring, I want a person in my collar.

If you have control you don't need to proove it.... If you haven't got control, why try and force it, if you are a Master and she is the right girl she will submit willingly. Your reaction does indicate you maybe have some insecuritys, if so you need to address them yourself, Master yourself before they cause you to damage a girl (a girls Self-worth can be a fragile thing) at worst, or at best simply cause girls who would be wonderful to own to walk away and find another to submit to.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 41

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 6/28/2006 2:53:17 AM

doll

Posts: 296
Joined: 7/10/2005
From: Middle Georgia
Status: offline

This is just a fast reply...not directed to any posters to the OP. I can relate to the treatment he gave her a bit. I have an online Mentor who has been my friend and confidante for 3 years and he constantly tells me and reminds me to not assume what he knows or thinks. Had I made that comment to him (being that this is only an online communication), he would have said something to me...but he wouldn't go to the lengths of punishing me for it.

_____________________________

Official Member Of MoGa's IN-crowd!
*sexylicious doll* as proclaimed by DRH
*dollface* as proclaimed by Lady Hib
*parkay* as proclaimed by buttah

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 42

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 6/28/2006 3:11:26 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious

For example, 4 people criticised me
for writing in short sentences.
Maybe it's rude for me to say,
but I think they their panties on
a wee bit too tight on that one....

No, that's not the problem. It's just very disconcerting to read and well, it doesn't facilitate someone reading your entire post. Most will skim. Either you want people to really get what you're saying or you don't. Mechanics is all it amounts to.

Look, I been tying up girls
and playing with 'em since I was a kid.
I as so dumb, 'till college I thought I invented it.

It's not a choice, for me, or a lifestyle.
Bondage is the enduring theme of my life.

Bondage isn't the issue you brought up. The photos might have included self-bondage or something, but the issue is how you treated that poor woman. In short, you screwed up, which you know or you wouldn't have come here and asked the question you did. You are capable of learning, or were at one time, you did spend eight years in college and received a pretty piece of paper to show for it. So put to use your knowledge and your humanity, unless you don't have the capability to admit you've been a jerk and get over it and stop being a jerk.

Right now, in the context of what you posted, you're no more than the online fantasy dominant and a screwed up one at that. That's fine if that's what you want to be, but you drew real life into it when you asked for real life photos. Rein it in and act human, not pseudo dom.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 43

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 6/28/2006 3:31:57 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

good post ravenmuse, reminds me of one of my favorite sayings...

Power whispers, it has no reason to yell

to the Doc: i get the sense from ravenmuse that he has been where you are, we were all new once.

Power is an intoxicating drug like feeling, which is why it is so enticing...but just like a kid at a kegger, it is easy to get way out of control and pass out with vomit on your shoes.

That is all this is, and this too will pass.

In this lifestyle there is a long standing tradition of Mentoring. Same sex Mentoring is such a great idea because it was, and is, a very well known fact that new doms often do exactly as you did, and so it basically it is some one who is more established in the lifestyle, is often there to lend a helping hand to some new just coming in.

Raven would be a very good one to ask to mentor IMHO.

Dominants sometimes get an attitude that no one will tell me what to do, and then never find a mentor, but they miss out on one of the richest and most rewarding part of the leather life, friendship, skill building, support and at times direction.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

You are trying to hard! You delibratly took her comment out of context and over reacted to it to try and 'proove' YOU where the one 'in control'.

You know as well as anyone and from the words of your own missive you clearly understood it was a light hearted comment NOT an attempt to control you. Are you looking for a person? They come with personalitys, sense of humour, insecuritys and if you continued in that vain (And the girl was silly enough to submit to someone who continued to over react in that manner) you would be likely to end up with a doormat, a piece of meat who had lost the confidence to be herself. I don't know about you but I find doormats boring, I want a person in my collar.

If you have control you don't need to proove it.... If you haven't got control, why try and force it, if you are a Master and she is the right girl she will submit willingly. Your reaction does indicate you maybe have some insecuritys, if so you need to address them yourself, Master yourself before they cause you to damage a girl (a girls Self-worth can be a fragile thing) at worst, or at best simply cause girls who would be wonderful to own to walk away and find another to submit to.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 44

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 6/28/2006 4:28:09 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

good post ravenmuse, reminds me of one of my favorite sayings...

Power whispers, it has no reason to yell

to the Doc: i get the sense from ravenmuse that he has been where you are, we were all new once.

Raven would be a very good one to ask to mentor IMHO.

Thanks for the compliment sweetie, but whilst I will happily give advice to anyone who mails me politely, I'd make a bloody terrible Mentor. I'm not patient enough with those on the same side of the dynamic when it comes to mistakes.

That is one mistake I didn't make. I was lucky in that my introduction what an older much more experienced girl who never once made me feel insecure in my control. Gave information and advice without topping from the bottom, I'd think through what she had said and made my own decision, even if she didn't think it was the right decision, she accepted it. I never needed to prove my control, she gave me it willingly. I've never accepted less since.

But yes, if you are having to shout and berate a girl to show you have control, you don't really have any. The more you feel you have to prove, the less you actualy have.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 45

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 6/28/2006 4:40:57 AM

mastersayed

Posts: 119
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

in my opinion, if she didnt know, you shouldnt punish her. however after you tell her a rule and she knowingly breaks it, punish her.

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 46

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 6/28/2006 4:48:41 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

*nods*...that is the problem i have mentoring, the patience, it has never been a strong suit, i work on it very hard with my employees, but i still have a while to go....subs for some reason are different though not sure why...

to the OP: Still i think it is a great venue for education and intergration of the community.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
Thanks for the compliment sweetie, but whilst I will happily give advice to anyone who mails me politely, I'd make a bloody terrible Mentor. I'm not patient enough with those on the same side of the dynamic when it comes to mistakes.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 47

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 6/28/2006 4:53:03 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
*nods*...that is the problem i have mentoring, the patience, it has never been a strong suit, i work on it very hard with my employees, but i still have a while to go....subs for some reason are different though not sure why...

Because we take the responcibility, even if they are not ours... with someone on the same side of the dynamic we are holding them to the same standard as we hold ourselves and quickly get to the point of wanting to beat them around the head with a large blunt impliment and growl "Use some common sense, stand on your own damn feet and take bloody responcibility for your actions!"

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 48

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 6/28/2006 5:23:01 AM

talibahh

Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
Status: offline

RavenMuse and crouchingtigress... i have got alot from Your posts... thanks... something i was telling my Master about... others have tried to *force* me to submit in some ways, or made a lot of noise about it... He never has... and so each day i find myself submitting more and more to Him, willingly... i have really enjoyed Your posts... thanks

tali

< Message edited by talibahh -- 6/28/2006 5:24:25 AM >

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 49

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 6/28/2006 8:53:01 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

what a kind thing to say ...thank you....*laffs*.....sounds like your fellow is very special, it sometimes is so hard to be a dom and stay firm, seeing the bigger picture, knowing the slave will be happier when she finally surrenders.... i myself want to give a boy i love anything he wants...but i have learned that that does not make him happy long term, only confuses him and he starts to float aimlessly, no i have learned to love him i need to be his anchor in the vast sea....

quote:

ORIGINAL: talibahh

RavenMuse and crouchingtigress... i have got alot from Your posts... thanks... something i was telling my Master about... others have tried to *force* me to submit in some ways, or made a lot of noise about it... He never has... and so each day i find myself submitting more and more to Him, willingly... i have really enjoyed Your posts... thanks

tali

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to talibahh)

Post #: 50

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 6/28/2006 5:07:13 PM

txpet

Posts: 200
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

*nods*...that is the problem i have mentoring, the patience, it has never been a strong suit, i work on it very hard with my employees, but i still have a while to go....subs for some reason are different though not sure why...

to the OP: Still i think it is a great venue for education and intergration of the community.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
Thanks for the compliment sweetie, but whilst I will happily give advice to anyone who mails me politely, I'd make a bloody terrible Mentor. I'm not patient enough with those on the same side of the dynamic when it comes to mistakes.

Master has another property ... i have a hard time keeping my patience at tiems though i love her. It is a good thing i am not allowed to yell at her and i stop and tell her i can't speak with her any more regarding certain subjects at times.
Though, i suppose i have little patience for anyone that i am not getting paid to deal with.

_____________________________

Ken's dirty girl,
txpet jennie

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 51

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 7/26/2006 8:20:01 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

Some people have entirely too much fantasy in their lives.

(in reply to txpet)

Post #: 52

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 7/26/2006 8:35:01 PM

SleeplessGypsy

Posts: 49
Joined: 6/26/2006
Status: offline

WOW!

You sure do know a lot words.. And some pretty fancy ones at that...

Did you actually read what you wrote? I mean, after you sobered up that is... Does it sound as ridiculous to you as it does to me?

Just something about it irks the crap outta me.....

ps... sorry diamonddreamlove, wasn't talking to you... i need to learn where the right reply button is, lol...

< Message edited by SleeplessGypsy -- 7/26/2006 8:42:56 PM >

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Post #: 53

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 7/26/2006 9:30:26 PM

DoctorDubious

Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

You are trying to hard! You delibratly took her comment out of context and over reacted to it to try and 'proove' YOU where the one 'in control'.

You know as well as anyone and from the words of your own missive you clearly understood it was a light hearted comment NOT an attempt to control you. Are you looking for a person? They come with personalitys, sense of humour, insecuritys and if you continued in that vain (And the girl was silly enough to submit to someone who continued to over react in that manner) you would be likely to end up with a doormat, a piece of meat who had lost the confidence to be herself. I don't know about you but I find doormats boring, I want a person in my collar.

If you have control you don't need to proove it.... If you haven't got control, why try and force it, if you are a Master and she is the right girl she will submit willingly. Your reaction does indicate you maybe have some insecuritys, if so you need to address them yourself, Master yourself before they cause you to damage a girl (a girls Self-worth can be a fragile thing) at worst, or at best simply cause girls who would be wonderful to own to walk away and find another to submit to.

Hey ravenmuse... and all...

#1. sometimes i am a bozo,
and this post of mine proves it.

#2. if I "irk" some people, that's not all that new
and experience to me. sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

#3. Of all the various comments from almost 50 folks,
I think the most useful was the one by RavenMuse
quoted above. He nailed it when he said i was trying
too hard.... that's been true for most of my 51 years.
Generally over-effort works, but it does, as Raven points out,
sometimes put strain where ease would work better.

#4. Cold words on a screen are so vastly different
than the same ones between two connected, loving,
committed people.....

DD, a chastened old goat, still frisky ...

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 54

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 7/26/2006 10:08:49 PM

txpet

Posts: 200
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

i'm sorry i don't know what youare referring to

_____________________________

Ken's dirty girl,
txpet jennie

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 55

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 7/26/2006 10:21:54 PM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

I am sorry, but you cannot badger or intimidate someone out of feeling insecure. She gave a bit of her vulnerability with that comment about not giggling too hard.

Online only or not, the most powerful and empathetic thing someone can do is to be reassuring and complimentary.

I agree with others, I would have been very annoyed at that email and found it somewhat pretentious and without true feeling.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to txpet)

Post #: 56

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 7/27/2006 2:29:18 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious
DD, a chastened old goat, still frisky ...

Don't feel too chastened. Yep it was a mistake. From what I've seen of your further posts you have far too many functional braincells not to learn from your mistakes.

To me, the most important point was in what you'd be 'training' a girl into if that tone was continued and she didn't run for the hills. If any attempt at humour or showing her personality where reacted to in a hostile manner, if she was set on pleasing you, she would begin to submerge those things.... no humour? No personality?..... DOORMAT... not good for the girl and, well from my point of view, a total waste of time to collar unless you can draw them back out.

Again from your postings, I really doubt that would be the kind of girl you are looking for.

I can see where some of it may come from, frustration? This restrictive medium of the net, unless you are being a total dork and taking the "Kneel bitch brigade" approach then it 'can' feel like there is no way to BE dominant in email...... Trust in the fact that the dynamic is subtler than that, just be yourself, chat normaly and, from experience, if she has the kind of personality that is going to respond to you with submission, she will find herself automaticaly picking up on it and responding to it without you having to do anything consious to 'prove' how Domly you are. Relax, let things flow naturaly, focus on the conversation and learning each other, have fun... the dynamic will kick in of its own accord if there is much compatability on that score

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 57

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 7/27/2006 5:21:35 AM

Kree

Posts: 118
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline

Wasn't this an old movie, "the Two Faces of Dr. Dubious"?

What it sounded like to me was someone trying to show someone else how strong and dominating they could be. It fell flat for me. IF the person you were addressing was into humiliation and being put in their place, this might have been effective if it were delivered in person, but in an email, it reminded me of a failed attempt at phone sex. I would not call it "over the top", since its effectiveness would nto reach that level. If this were in person, I think you would find that a frown, a shake of the head saying "no", a pregnant silence, or a whispered comment would be far more effective. If the person were truly yours, those actions would cause far more consternation than a tongue lashing that seemed totally out of control. We never have to create situations to cause someone to fail and misinterprting a comment to create a failure isn't dominance to me... it is just petty bullshit where someone was trying to prove a point that had no validity.

I guess I have been so far removed from the idea of online relationships and email affairs that it makes little sense to me to even waste time on creative writing assignments when you state that you will likely never meet this person. Life is not a dress rehearsal. Why not spend your time and efforts on probabilities instead of nevergonnahappens?

_____________________________

Author of "Nytewhispers"

Power whispers, it has no reason to yell

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 58

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 7/27/2006 7:47:12 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: txpet

i'm sorry i don't know what youare referring to

txpet:

I am sorry. I should've headed my post as a reply to the OP. Thats what I was refering to. :)

(in reply to txpet)

Post #: 59

RE: HELP! What do you do when the disrespect your fines... - 7/27/2006 9:15:17 AM

txpet

Posts: 200
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

Oh ... smile!
Thank you.

_____________________________

Ken's dirty girl,
txpet jennie

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 60

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