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LordTemporal -> RE: Is there a double standard in the community? (6/26/2006 6:48:42 AM)
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I would like to respond to some statements you made and address some misconceptions under which you seem to be laboring. First, you say that "A dominant with a sub/slave even though not married can ask his sub/slave to find another for them to play with or for he himself to play with solo and that is acceptable in the community as a dominant that is teaching his submissive the art of not being jealous." I tend to personally believe that it is not proper for a dom to send his current sub or slave out to find another sub or slave, after all...how is she able to demonstrate or display his dominant personality...and who in the world would essentially submit to another by proxy? As for it teaching the sub the "art of not being jealous"?...what worth is this art?...isn't it instead a thinly disquised way of saying "I want a threesome"?...while poly arrangements are common in this lifestyle, they are workable, only if the two people that are together already, jointly desire them, and seek them out together...so, ultimately a dom telling a sub to forego her own emotions, and find him another to have sex with, when it is not her desire as well, is only teaching her one thing, that the One she is giving all of her attention, service and adoration to, wants to only give her a portion of his in return.
Next, you say that "a submissive female that is married that wishes to "explore" the lifestyle is also accepted, whether or not she does so with her spouses approval."...I tend to disbelieve this as well, especially the part about doing it without her husbands approval, or knowledge...certainly she will be pursued...but by trolls, players, wannbes and leghumpers...not by someone that is serious about the lifestyle. The reason I believe this is that we all know that within a D/s or M/s relationship, trust is paramount. A person must be worthy of trust, because when a sub is bound hand and foot, helpless and vulnerable, is not the time for her to discover that the person approaching her with an implement that in the wrong hands can kill or maim, is not entirely worthy of her trust. Anyone that is breaking a marriage vow, what could arguably be considered the most sacred of all vows, is innately unworthy of any degree of trust. How could you trust a person that is lying to someone else to be with you? The only way I see this as being acceptable, is if the sub in question, has discussed it openly with her husband, and is going forward with his knowledge and acceptance...and she is able to prove that.
Next, you state that you have trained subs, saying "I have done so, knowing that I was training them for another at sometime in the future"...I don't understand this at all...if you are mentoring them...teaching them lifestyle knowledge, that is fine...but a mentor has no physical involvement with the sub in question, they don't "train" per se...they merely advise. A "trainer" is one that physically demonstrates lifestyle activities and teaches a sub how to please, the basic fallacy being that the only person the "trainer" is teaching the sub to please, is the trainer himself...which of course would be of limited use when the sub is with the one that will be her actual Master...what YOU view as the lifestyle, is most assuredly NOT what I view as the lifestyle, so were I to take on one of the subs you have "trained", I'd have to tell her to forget everything she thinks she knows, because that is not what I want from her...How do I know this?...simple...I am writing this post, telling you that I don't agree with your thoughts and philosophies here...mentoring a sub, giving her true, solid lifestyle information is quite acceptable, as long as it is given with the caveat that not all dominants view things the same way.
As for you, you state that "My wife is aware of what I have done in the past"...and that she understands that you are in the lifestyle...but is she aware and accepts that you are still doing it?...you never stated precisely that she is aware that you continue to pursue the lifestyle today. As for a married dom, who is pursuing a mentoring role with a submissive, with the full knowledge and acceptance of his wife, I see nothing wrong with that, so far as the wife does not, and the sub that is being mentored fully understands as well, that you are married. Again, it has to do with trust, and trustworthiness...if the dom in question is being entirely honest with all parties involved, and has their blessings...then where is the harm? But again, I will state that the whole idea of "training" a sub...physically teaching her lifestyle activities, with the sole idea of "turning her over to another dom for ownership" is ludicrous. It's like wearing another person's new shoes, to "break them in"...ultimately they aren't broken in for the owner, but for the wearer...ie..you let someone else break in your shoes, you've got a pair of shoes that are only comfortable for them....so the entire basis of your argument of simply "training"...is of limited worth.
Last but certainly not least...let's face it...there are a great deal of married men on here and on other lifestyle sites, most of them without their spouse's knowledge...they seem to be attracted to D/s and M/s sites, because they have the missconception that because a woman is submissive, they won't say no...we all know that nothing could be further from the truth. However, these trolling men don't have a grasp of the lifestyle, so they continue to prey here. So, don't squawk that you are the only true and worthy married man here, that you are worth something, that you aren't just cheating on your wife...just because you are the only snake that doesn't bite, doesn't mean that you will be looked upon with appreciation. No, instead you will likely be treated as if you were like all the other vipers...ie..if it looks like a snake, hisses like a snake...and has the wedding ring of a snake, chop it's head off quick before it can strike. Your plea for tolerance, for understanding will largely fall upon deaf ears, because why should a sub accept a married mentor or trainer, when there are so very many other qualified, intelligent, worthy and SINGLE doms out there, that are not only able to teach them, but ultimate collar and own them...and train them for lifetime use that suits THEM...
Oh, and speaking of tolerance...part of tolerance is allowing others their opinions, whether you feel they are justifiable, or not...so, my last suggestion to you is you showed a remarkable lack of tolerance to others opinions, when you wrote your rant about not being acceptable. Where was your tolerance of their opinions about married men, when you wrote that?
My best suggestion for you, since you seem to believe that a female sub that is indulging in this lifestyle without the knowlege, support, and acceptance of her spouse is just fine and dandy, that you limit yourself to "training" this type only...I think you would receive the same satisfaction, without causing any ill will amongst those others that you feel are so intolerant.
LT
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