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RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/29/2013 5:47:36 PM   
PeonForHer


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Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		FR

Some platonic friendships just can't change. People can become very, very set in the way they see those with whom they have relationships. You could throw (romantic) grenades at them and their heads and hearts won't alter.

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RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/29/2013 5:50:40 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Unless he's fucking her while typing here, it's all "past tense"; of course it's still doable.

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RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/29/2013 11:59:15 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

Some platonic friendships just can't change. People can become very, very set in the way they see those with whom they have relationships. You could throw (romantic) grenades at them and their heads and hearts won't alter.


So very true. Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that two people may only be meant to be friends. I have a lady friend I've had a soft spot for well over fifteen years and she knows it. Twice we've come close, but she always backed off. She's getting married, and in a way it's a relief to me. Life is never fair nor kind.

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RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/30/2013 12:33:23 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		It's my opinion you missed the sub-context of her message, which is this:

"I wish I could find a single guy like you that I'm attracted to."

She does not find you physically attractive, which often has nothing to do with weight or age, but with simple chemistry.

I have to point out you called her action 'stupid' but if I'm right (aren't I *always* right?) you are the obtuse one.

YMMV


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RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/30/2013 9:07:06 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

And my father is more than 20 years older than my stepmother. Exceptions to the rule happen just often enough for scores of wishful thinking older men out there to keep on kidding themselves.
I think you're being a little ignorant here in generalizing, and insisting that everyone is wrong, or delusional.

I used to think a lot like you, even though I had dated and married a man 15 years older myself. I attracted older when I was younger, and now I attract loads of guys 10-30years younger. I shut them down for years, and years. Now I'm not so closed to dating a much younger man, and let the chips fall where they may. I have dated older, though 17years has been the largest gap, and age has never been the reason we split. M

P.S. I agree that chemistry is not automatic, even if you considered yourself of "right" age and weight. I also think it's unfair to judge her for her preference, given you have lived, experienced, and hopefully enjoyed your 51 years on this earth, and she has not.

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 4/30/2013 9:11:28 AM >

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RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/30/2013 10:08:53 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		That doesn't change the fact that her way of saying it was still a bit insulting. While I certainly find no fault for her not liking the age difference or even not being attracted to him, I am not willing to give her a pass on the insensitive way it was said. Far too often when men and women develop friendships, one or both may stop thinking of the other as the opposite sex and just as their "sexless" friend. That's when insensitive things get said. They aren't meant to hurt the other person, but because the concept of attraction is lost, things like this are said without thinking it might hurt the other person's feelings.

< Message edited by LafayetteLady -- 4/30/2013 10:13:16 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/30/2013 10:17:46 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Unfortunately, this happens alot. I have known many men who were intellectually and emotionally right for me, treated me well, we were good friends, but I could not get past the lack of chemistry; which can be indefinable.

I dated someone a few years ago (trying to meet someone to replace my current ex) who was perfect in every way, except I had no physical chemistry with. Believe me, I tried. He asked me to marry him and he did not understand or refused to understand the chemistry had to be there.

So, it is not really stupid to tell someone you wished you could be with someone LIKE them; what she should have said was that of course, we are just friends and I cannot get past that part. No one wishes to insult anyone, I would hope.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/30/2013 10:36:34 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

How much younger is she than you? The age difference might simply be too big. Sorry, it's not just a number.

It is highly unlikely that she is totally into you personality-wise, but she won't date you on account of your weight. Most women just aren't like that. If she is like that, then you shouldn't be into her.



She just turned 32, I am 51



I'm close to her age and I wouldn't date a man that much older than me either--Regardless of how fit, skinny, rich, etc he happened to be--Age really isn't *just* a number, no matter how many men from my father's generation try to tell me otherwise. I wouldn't take it personally if I were you.



Well, I am 35 and my ex turns 49 this year....so not far off to your example Jeff....

as it has been mentioned before you won't know unless you find out and it could be that she has been flustered...

In the past I felt a lot for a guy who is now somewhere between 55 and 60, so whilst age does matter for some, for others it does not matter much...

Though I always expressed my wish for my own offspring one day and that ticked off many guys pretty soon....

My current partner is just 2 years older and someone being that close to me agewise is a true exception to my dating past...

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(in reply to deliriuminabox)
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RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/30/2013 10:45:33 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Unfortunately, this happens alot. I have known many men who were intellectually and emotionally right for me, treated me well, we were good friends, but I could not get past the lack of chemistry; which can be indefinable.

I dated someone a few years ago (trying to meet someone to replace my current ex) who was perfect in every way, except I had no physical chemistry with. Believe me, I tried. He asked me to marry him and he did not understand or refused to understand the chemistry had to be there.

So, it is not really stupid to tell someone you wished you could be with someone LIKE them; what she should have said was that of course, we are just friends and I cannot get past that part. No one wishes to insult anyone, I would hope.



I had that happen to me on both sides.
A male friend was head-over-heels and had been for 10+ years.
I really wanted to feel that way about him, and it saddened me that I just did not, for whatever reason.

I broke off a relationship with someone I had been with for 9 years because I realised he was not in love with me and we both deserved *more*.
He then fell hard for the next 3 women he dated; finally marrying the 3rd.
After the second one crumbled, we talked and he said he wished it had been me, but that I just did not fit his "template".

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(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/30/2013 11:18:33 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Unfortunately, this happens alot. I have known many men who were intellectually and emotionally right for me, treated me well, we were good friends, but I could not get past the lack of chemistry; which can be indefinable.

I dated someone a few years ago (trying to meet someone to replace my current ex) who was perfect in every way, except I had no physical chemistry with. Believe me, I tried. He asked me to marry him and he did not understand or refused to understand the chemistry had to be there.

So, it is not really stupid to tell someone you wished you could be with someone LIKE them; what she should have said was that of course, we are just friends and I cannot get past that part. No one wishes to insult anyone, I would hope.



I agree totally. I have a friend who is just so sweet and kind and had an enormous crush on me. There was simply no physical attraction for me at all. We dated for a short time (my thinking maybe I would start to feel different, which was silly), and went back to being friends because the chemistry didn't exist.

It's all in how something is said. As you say, saying even that the friendship was too valuable to risk would have been better than what she said, although I don't believe what she said had any malicious intent.

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RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/30/2013 5:02:55 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

How much younger is she than you? The age difference might simply be too big. Sorry, it's not just a number.

It is highly unlikely that she is totally into you personality-wise, but she won't date you on account of your weight. Most women just aren't like that. If she is like that, then you shouldn't be into her.



She just turned 32, I am 51




There's your answer.


Newp....done all the time.


Keep telling yourself that


Did it.



The past tense is key there.


My life is past tense, your life is past tense....EVERY life is past tense, we're ALL living on yesterday....the stop sign I ran through last Thursday is...yesterday.

Life is fantastic....so are the people that have been a major and significant part of my life.

Some have been younger.

Some have been older.

Sue me.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/30/2013 6:18:31 PM   
TheHeretic


Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

I am 51




You're only 51? Jesus, no wonder she's not interested. You look like hell.

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That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.


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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/30/2013 7:12:07 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

I am 51




You're only 51? Jesus, no wonder she's not interested. You look like hell.


You haven't seen me in heels.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/30/2013 7:13:44 PM   
TheHeretic


Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


You haven't seen me in heels.



And let's keep it that way, shall we?

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If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.


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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Today, a female friend of mine said something total... - 4/30/2013 10:59:58 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


You haven't seen me in heels.



And let's keep it that way, shall we?


There is that.

(in reply to TheHeretic)
Profile   Post #: 35
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