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TheBanshee -> Family Drama (3/3/2013 4:04:49 PM)
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I'm not really sure if I'm asking for advice but I need to vent a little anyway -
My mom recently moved near my daughter - a few hours drive from me. Mom is getting up there in age - and getting a little more difficult as she ages. My daughter and mom have become a lot closer since mom moved - when my daughter was younger mom and she did not really get along. My daughter is now married, and has two kids. Her youngest is a toddler who has reached the terrible twos and my daughter works full time, runs after the toddler, takes care of the older child, keeps after her home and her husband (he works two jobs). They don't have it easy. My daughter thought it would be nice to drive up here and maybe relax for a weekend. She didn't anticipate driving with my mom would become an ordeal. The drive should be 3 hours. It turned into over 5 - mom wanted to stop three times for rest stops, wanted to stop at a store before actually getting to my house. The two year old was at this time cranky and crying and wanted out. Finally they get here. My daughter is stressed - wanting to just get settled.
Mom wants to go out to dinner. Casual place down the street? No she doesn't want to go there. Pizza? No. Let's go to the (insert franchise name here), a 15 minute drive away. We get there. A One hour wait. I didn't want to stay but mom wanted to eat there. My daughter didn't want to stay. We pass the time and the toddler wants to run around the waiting area and lying on the floor. My daughter is about ready to have a panic attack - she was just done. We finally get seated. We order. We get the high chair. The child is okay for a short while. My daughter spends most of the dinner trying to entertain the baby (I'm helping too mind you - but she wants her mother at this time). The meal is nice but it is drawn out - salad, soup, entree, the child is overtired and doesn't want to sit and behave.
Then Mom says "I'm just getting to old to deal with this".
First, the baby was not really being bad - she was tired and needed to get to bed. Expecting her to sit through a meal IMO was asking too much of a two year old. My daughter was doing a good job keeping the baby entertained and not bothering other tables but that became her job during the dinner and wasn't able to enjoy the meal at all herself. I too was helping entertaining the baby (although I enjoyed entertaining her I hadn't seen her in a while but my daughter was worried about the baby disturbing other people).
After that comment from Mom there is a LOT of tension but even that passes a bit when we get home. Mom was staying elsewhere so things eased up a bit. My daughter is in tears though - she works hard, her husband is a good guy but he works all the time too and she's got the two kids and the baby is going through the terrible twos. She is a great mom but she had had a particularly rough week. Mom and I were going to be going another family event and I suggested to my daughter - let me take the baby - you go to a movie with your sister, get your nails done, just do whatever for a couple of hours. My daughter was happy with that idea. I wanted her to have a little time for herself.
Mom comes over so we are going to the family event and I tell her I will be taking the baby and she says "Oh, she's going to want her mother after we're there 10 minutes!!"
My daughter gets upset again - "never mind, leave the baby here" Full martyr mode. My mom goes on with her words of wisdom of how she should be handling the two year old.
I love my mom and my daughter. I feel for my daughter - she goes from morning to night and she doesn't get much help.
Mom always means well - she really does - but she will always say the wrong thing and makes it about her. She insisted on going to the restaurant and then was put off because the baby wasn't easy there - but she doesn't get it that it was never a good idea in the first place.
I think I want to move to that moon station sometimes.
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