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Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 9:15:25 AM   
ServosCor


Posts: 267
Joined: 9/3/2012
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Just curious if others have found themselves in a similar situation and how they resolved it.

It's been 6 years since my ex dom and I were together in a 7 year relationship. Lots happened after our breakup.....primarily health issues for myself ( dialysis/ transplant etc). I'd had no interest in seeing anyone as the breakup/ending relationship really left me in a funk over trust issues being broken. Thought of dating vanilla but it's not me. I'm about ready to seek someone like minded for a LTR however......time constraints do not allow that just yet. Have others found themselves contemplating "maintenance" type arrangements with others to quell an attack of sub frenzy? I've met some interesting folks here and have openly discussed scening w/ no strings.........but.........normally thats so not me. I've always been a boringly monogamous peron who HAD to have the relationship. Thoughts????

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 9:20:18 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline
I'd say look for a committed relationship that fits YOUR time restraints.
There are people out there that not only understand time restraints but respect them.
Be honest, about what you can and can't give.
It may reduce your choices but there are still choices out there.


If you are ONLY looking for play at this time.
Why not play with someone you know and trust, perhaps a platonic friend.
Keep in mind to ME fetish play doesn't always mean sex.
So I can be platonic with someone I scene with.

Good luck.


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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 9:22:02 AM   
Winterapple


Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline 		It sounds like you might be thinking of or needing
a play partner? Having a play partner shouldn't impede
you from keeping an eye out for a LTR or a deeper
relationship. A play partner doesn't have to equate
to someone you have sex with unless you both want
it to. It can be a practical solution something to think
about anyway.

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 9:34:47 AM   
ServosCor


Posts: 267
Joined: 9/3/2012
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Of course my first choice would be a solid HONEST relationship.....one on one. Not to beat a dead horse but my ex really screwed my head up with the crap he pulled. I've just found it nearly impossible to trust someone and have stayed away from meeting anyone that I found very interesting as I didnt want to enter a relationship w/ issues in place. I'm doing better resolving them and learning not all guys are jackasses..... lol. There are still a few good ones out there.
Having never had "a play friend" .... I worry about the possibility of getting attached to someone who can't commit to a relationship later on. Also, I guess in my mind I have a hard time separating bdsm play from being sexual just in it's nature ( forget about the sex acts themselves).

Guess I have to take this one baby step at a time........I care for my elderly father and a 90 yr old patient, among other aspects of my life that don't give me any ME time at the moment. (dad lives with me btw.... try and bring home a new fella and have any kind of quality 'us' time.... ain't happening! lol_

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 9:55:52 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		I understand, your situation.
I truly do.

Here is a thought about a play partner, how about if you aren't bi-sexual a female top. That way you have that bond of another woman, a friend, but not anything else.

Just an idea.

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 10:02:35 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I've done it when I was younger. It's no different than having a fuckbuddy. It was good for what I needed at that time because I felt like I wasn't ready yet for a real long term relationship. But after awhile I realized I just wasn't into it anymore. I needed more. So I cut off the fuckbuddy and worked harder on my life so that I could be the type of person I wanted from another person.


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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 10:22:36 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I had a friend with benefits. He was someone that I genuinely liked, trusted, and was sexually attracted to, but we both knew that we'd not fit each other in a relationship.

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 10:32:40 AM   
ServosCor


Posts: 267
Joined: 9/3/2012
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I've spoken to someone who 'generously' offered to take up the slack and provide some play time & more if desired.......I've just never been 'wired ' that way. ( catholic school upbringing, etc) .... Altho... I have to say I've been wondering if it acutally wouldnt be good for me LOL...... has to be good for the mental health thats for sure. More to ponder.........thanks for your input ladies!

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 2:21:47 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Well, if you try it once and don't like it, no one says you need to continue. That's one great thing about someone just being a play partner. There are no strings and no expectations.

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 2:31:17 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Instead of totally no strings, why not a friends with benefits, with the stress on being friends. Might not be true love but it will be true like. And it's important to be with people you sincerely like and consider a friend.

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 2:42:38 PM   
Switcheroo1983


Posts: 238
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline 		I too am a "boring monogamous person". While I have played/done kink with a number of folks, I've only actually ever "been" with one person, my ex-wife. After our marriage of 6 years and two children fell apart, I tried to fill the hole with "maintenance" type relationships, and guess what? They didn't work. I'm willing to play with someone offline or whatnot, but actual sex, I have to honestly love the person. "Mr/Mrs Right Now" can seem like a good idea, and can occasionally turn out OK, but not from what I've experienced. They wanted to take it further. I didn't. I have only very recently found myself ready to even consider another actual relationship. Hope my post helped any if at all.

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 2:50:32 PM   
ServosCor


Posts: 267
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline

Thanks Switcheroo..... that's kind of how I feel. Guess Im just an old fashioned kinda gal. But, after 6 years.....I find myself considering possibilities I would have NEVER agreed to in the past. I think it's just a bit of subfrenzy kicking in as for a long time I had convinced myself I was done w/ this type of life. :( But......vanilla is just not ME.

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 2:57:34 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ServosCor



Just curious if others have found themselves in a similar situation and how they resolved it.

It's been 6 years since my ex dom and I were together in a 7 year relationship. Lots happened after our breakup.....primarily health issues for myself ( dialysis/ transplant etc). I'd had no interest in seeing anyone as the breakup/ending relationship really left me in a funk over trust issues being broken. Thought of dating vanilla but it's not me. I'm about ready to seek someone like minded for a LTR however......time constraints do not allow that just yet. Have others found themselves contemplating "maintenance" type arrangements with others to quell an attack of sub frenzy? I've met some interesting folks here and have openly discussed scening w/ no strings.........but.........normally thats so not me. I've always been a boringly monogamous peron who HAD to have the relationship. Thoughts????


I'm exactly where you are now too. I realized how much I missed getting hit and being dominated. I think if I can satisfy that urge, then I may be able to move past missing him. So I've set up a tentative meet with a local dom. I made it clear that it wouldn't be sexual. He made it clear that while he wouldn't cross that line, he would do everything he could to convince me otherwise. It would be nice to have someone local and steady to hit me on a regular basis without any risk of getting emotionally attached to anyone again.



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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 3:02:06 PM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		Well first of all, may I send best and positive wishes your way that your transplant is successful and you are enjoying a healthier, much freer lifestyle! : )

I (obviously) can't give my opinion from a submissive's heart since I'm a Domme, but I'm hoping that as another human being with feelings I can answer your question.

I haven't found myself considering an interim type arrangement in between having a relationship and still searching. And Dommes get attacks of Dom frenzy too! (lol)
I approach this Lifestyle and my relationship(s) within it very seriously. And although I've had opportunities for NSA sessions, I've always passed them by. As you said, "it's so not me."

I am NOT boring because I don't find life to be boring. And I am not at all trying to sound snobbish when I say this, but I enjoy my own company. I can entertain myself offline just fine. I have a lot of interests, an exciting profession, great friends, etc. I believe once you can get to this point, you find you don't HAVE to have relationships. It becomes not a "need" but a "want." And when you find just the right person, you enter the relationship for the "want" of it.

(Thank you)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ServosCor



Just curious if others have found themselves in a similar situation and how they resolved it.

It's been 6 years since my ex dom and I were together in a 7 year relationship. Lots happened after our breakup.....primarily health issues for myself ( dialysis/ transplant etc). I'd had no interest in seeing anyone as the breakup/ending relationship really left me in a funk over trust issues being broken. Thought of dating vanilla but it's not me. I'm about ready to seek someone like minded for a LTR however......time constraints do not allow that just yet. Have others found themselves contemplating "maintenance" type arrangements with others to quell an attack of sub frenzy? I've met some interesting folks here and have openly discussed scening w/ no strings.........but.........normally thats so not me. I've always been a boringly monogamous peron who HAD to have the relationship. Thoughts????


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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 3:12:41 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
I'm exactly where you are now too. I realized how much I missed getting hit and being dominated. I think if I can satisfy that urge, then I may be able to move past missing him. So I've set up a tentative meet with a local dom. I made it clear that it wouldn't be sexual. He made it clear that while he wouldn't cross that line, he would do everything he could to convince me otherwise. It would be nice to have someone local and steady to hit me on a regular basis without any risk of getting emotionally attached to anyone again.

Damn Aileen, if I lived in the NE I'd be glad to keep all my clothes on while I beat your ass. You're hilarious -- or, at least you used to be, when you found joy in the world. I haven't been following your posts lately, and didn't know. All the best to you.

I think the best bet for anyone in this situation is to find someone who is getting his sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere. Otherwise, there will always be the temptation to turn the meet'n'beat into a meet'n'meat.

ServosCor, you could look for a disciplinarian. Maybe look into the spanking scene more than the BDSM scene. There's more of a line drawn between play and sex.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 3:15:53 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Come!!  Tubgirl for me Aileen!!!

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 3:22:36 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Awwww....since you asked so nicely.




Attachment (1)

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 3:29:07 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I like how the vagina is pixelated so the image isn't pornographic.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 3:30:31 PM   
Switcheroo1983


Posts: 238
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I like how the vagina is pixelated so the image isn't pornographic.

Oh good Gods that is hilarious!

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RE: Opinions please? - 1/31/2013 4:15:16 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'd also like to say how glad I am that you beat all of that, OP. It's a real credit to you.

I have relationships but I'm also a casual player. Please understand that when I say play, that I mean for S/m only and there is no physical sex involved. Some people have feelings about casual play fairly much the same way you feel about casual sex. It isn't for them and often it's because they didn't like the way they felt after engaging in it.

I wish I had a better answer for you than you won't know until you give it a shot. Unfortunately, that and a few good pointers on thoughts of how to make it the best situation for you, is about all we've got.

Casual play doesn't have to be something that means you are dealing with a stranger. It can be a friend you trust or somebody from your local munch group. It can work really well if you find somebody who you communicate easily with. The kind of person who is still there for at least a phone call if you happen to get drop.

Like LilSquaw said, maybe a good option is a female. It's one of the reasons that a lot of women approach Me at play parties because I'm straight and they know I'm not going to be hitting on them or having a desire to make the scene sexual. They get their fix, I have fun, and everybody goes home happy.

Whatever you decide, I hope it works out for you.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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